boyfriend hates cats - big problem?

[Katja]

My boyfriend says he loves me and is pressuring me to move in with him. The problem is - he hates my cat. Well, all cats. I've always had cats, and I'm especially attached to the one I have now.

 

I do love him, and he loves me, but this issue really bothers me. Am I being ridiculous? He thinks so. It would break my heart to give up my cat. I've had her for 7 years.

 

This sure seems like a stupid reason to end a relationship, but I'm actually considering it.

 

Any advice please! Thanks :-)

 

Katja

[Ryan]

Don't move in with him.

 

Perhaps you two aren't quite ready to live together. I don't think a pet is something worth ending a long-term and possibly permanent committed relationship. However, lack of compromise will limit the degree of involvement you can achieve.

 

Slow things down a bit and look at the bigger picture, maybe there is something more to see.

[Lena]

I personally don't think he should make you give up your cat. I know what it's like to be severely attached to a pet, and I think it's wrong of him to make you give that up. If he were allergic to your cat, maybe I'd understand, but I don't think he should make you give up your companion of 7 years just because he hates cats. I strongly believe that pets can give us something that people just can't. Maybe your boyfriend has never had that special bond to a pet, but I think he needs to respect the bond that you have with your cat. I'm not saying that you should just dump him straight away, but you need to make him understand that giving up your cat is not that easy.

Don't move in with him. Perhaps you two aren't quite ready to live together. I don't think a pet is something worth ending a long-term and possibly permanent committed relationship. However, lack of compromise will limit the degree of involvement you can achieve.

 

Slow things down a bit and look at the bigger picture, maybe there is something more to see.

[Katja]

Dear Ryan,

 

Thanks for your insight. The relationship developed very quickly from a friendship of a few years to a very serious one after I recently became divorced.

 

He didn't really explain how much he hates cats until we had started talking of living together. Now he tells me having a cat will kill him (?) or make him wish he was dead or something.

 

He has the attitude it is "the cat or me". I don't like to think of it that way, but it does confuse me, since obviously a human is more important than an animal.

 

I think, like you said, that lack of compromise is the problem.

 

Thanks again,

 

Katja

Don't move in with him. Perhaps you two aren't quite ready to live together. I don't think a pet is something worth ending a long-term and possibly permanent committed relationship. However, lack of compromise will limit the degree of involvement you can achieve.

 

Slow things down a bit and look at the bigger picture, maybe there is something more to see.

[Katja]

Thanks, Lena. When I think of giving up the cat, I feel ill. That sounds really stupid to someone who doesn't like pets.

 

He's not allergic either, and he's a smoker. I'm not asking him to quit smoking, although I wish he would! But he insists I can't have the cat.

 

I wonder if not liking pets indicates a certain personality type also, or is it just upbringing? His mother hated pets in the house too.

 

Many thanks for your answer,

 

Katja

I personally don't think he should make you give up your cat. I know what it's like to be severely attached to a pet, and I think it's wrong of him to make you give that up. If he were allergic to your cat, maybe I'd understand, but I don't think he should make you give up your companion of 7 years just because he hates cats. I strongly believe that pets can give us something that people just can't. Maybe your boyfriend has never had that special bond to a pet, but I think he needs to respect the bond that you have with your cat. I'm not saying that you should just dump him straight away, but you need to make him understand that giving up your cat is not that easy.