Intense situation gone all wrong !!

[yawhatever]

Intro:

I have been in a 4 yr relationship which came to a bad end, girl cheated on me, and so I'm pretty badly hurt. Anyways I haven't been dating for 4 years now and I never cheated or thought of cheating, nor did I flirt with other women.

 

Unattracted:

I have been seeing some girls, and none of them I feel attracted to, I still give them a chance to get to know them, to figure out if we can "click" in some way.. but no. Its very easy for me to talk to these girls, and make them like me just by talking to them. I later let them know I'm not interested incase they ask.. whatever.

 

Attracted:

When I see an attractive girl, I just put too much importance to her, makes me think and screw up big time. Even if I'm okay at first and talk to them and I dont like their body language, I freak out & abort cuz I dont want to screw up or something (its wierd).

 

Thers actually this cashier that I see at walmart, I first bought some batteries from her and they broke, so I return them the next day, and guess whos doing exchanges? yes her, at that point I noticed that I am attracted to her and my weakness started kicking in, I was going to ask her for a coffee or something at that point but aborted,but I did talk to her somewhat, found out shes in Highschool and that she works evenings and weekeends, after that I felt too uncomfortable to ask her for her phone no, so i just said "Have a great day, bye". A week or so later I go back to walmart and buy some break fluid, this time I look to find her and go to her, and ask her this time for coffee again, I was going to say something along the lines that last time I was here she sold me some batteries, and that I forgot one thing to ask her if she would like to join me for a cup of cofee and have an interesting conversation.. but that back fired again. I was approaching the register, she gave me a nice smile which made me very confident, then finaly when it was my turn I told her "Ummm so how much of that money do you get to keep" as I handed her the cash and she answered "What do you mean?" and at that time I wasn't expecting this respone cuz it was more of a joke but I must have said it wrong and or she didn't get it, she also seemed kind of nervous, so it made my uncomfortable, and in my head again i was like "ABORT ABORT!" and I think I said something along the lines as "Ohhh I thought you get to keep some of the money from the register" but again she was too nervous I guess to respond and acted kind of shy.. uncomforable, as was I after that, so again I just said "have a good day" and left feeling stupid. Cuz I thougt for sure I would be able to say it this time. When she said "What do you mean?" I could have said "Well I'll explain it to you over a coffee.." but no. Can anyone analyze my problem deeper? Help me what to say? and what to think of ? thx.

[MadDog]

You're just afraid of rejection like most guys naturally are. What you have to do is desensitize yourself and literally ask out ask many hot girls as you can to get past the jitters. That way you know that even if #1 says no, you're going to try again tomorrow. If #2 says no, you'll try the next day. Try not to take the "no" answers personally. Most hot girls will probably have a boyfriend and they might have said yes if they were single. The main reason why you have such a hard time is because you get tunnel vision and focus on one girl so if you get rejected, it feels like it sucks a lot more than it should.

 

Make it into a game. See how many girls you have to ask out before one of them says yes. If after a month of this you get 10 "no's" but 3 phone numbers, do you think it matters more that you got rejected 10 times or that you have 3 phone numbers? You'll see that the more practice you get doing this, the more comfortable you'll get until eventually it's not a big deal.

 

MD

[yawhatever]

Yeah I mean its no problem getting a phone number of a girl that might be attractive, but for some reason I feel comfortable to ask her, or she just sends me the right signals.. I don't know. Then theres the ones that just freak me out with their body language, throw me off, and get me thinking, not just rejection, I dont care about that too much since I have made this into a game with my friends, but when I think its more of like me trying to get approval, me trying to read her and when I do read her wrong, I think, should I still ask her for her email or whatever? I dont think I should now cuz of the way she acted to my orignal questions. I guess some chix are shy, not friendly and I dont really know how to handle the type, or if they should be handled at all.

 

Your right.. I do put too much importance on someone that I find attracitve, then I think about it more, find them more attractive and the problem just gets worse. What should I think about to get me over that? Sure practice is good, and I hope your right about that, if I do ask enough girls that I find attractive, I will become a pro. Right now I just need a way to make it more fun in my head to approach these women that are hard for me to appraoch due to the fact that I get tunnel vision and focus too much on them. Any suggestions on how to make myself feel more comfortable, even if the person Im talking to is not ? Plz advise, thanks.

[MadDog]

Again, the reason why you're getting tunnel vision is because you build it up too much, especially with just one girl. You just have to realize that if she says no, there are literally hundreds of girls out there that you'll find attractive, no matter how high your standards are.

 

The bottom line: seriously increase the number of girls you're going to make a move on. Who else is there? This is just practice and it's not like you're obligated to become their boyfriend if they say yes. I want you to try to get digits from at least 1-2 girls a week but the more the better. If you actually do that, I seriously doubt you will have any tunnel vision by the end.

 

MD

[yawhatever]

Thanks mad dog will do, yea the high standards are killing me, and its not just about the looks, but the ways she acts too.

 

Any good places besides the one I mentioned where a single guy can pickup a single gal? I have been trying in stores, bars, when driving, also thinking of the library, joining a gym, other clubs etc? Can you brainstorm a few?

[Guest]

 

The bottom line: seriously increase the number of girls you're going to make a move on. Who else is there? This is just practice and it's not like you're obligated to become their boyfriend if they say yes. I want you to try to get digits from at least 1-2 girls a week but the more the better. If you actually do that, I seriously doubt you will have any tunnel vision by the end.

 

MD

 

This is where I get lost in today's dating world. What is the point of doing this - the practice part? Why spend time cultivating phone numbers or meeting or dating people that you would not consider for a serious relationship? (besides the opportunity for sex)

[MadDog]

Thanks mad dog will do, yea the high standards are killing me, and its not just about the looks, but the ways she acts too.

 

Any good places besides the one I mentioned where a single guy can pickup a single gal? I have been trying in stores, bars, when driving, also thinking of the library, joining a gym, other clubs etc? Can you brainstorm a few?

 

Like you mentioned, the gym's a great place, bars and clubs are classic. You could try taking some recreation classes (hip hop dance is a good one.) Stores are a little tough unless you're really on top of your game. Let me know how it turns out.

 

MD

[MadDog]

This is where I get lost in today's dating world. What is the point of doing this - the practice part? Why spend time cultivating phone numbers or meeting or dating people that you would not consider for a serious relationship? (besides the opportunity for sex)

 

Who knows if any of these girls will end up being this guy's girlfriend? The point is that he doesn't want to sit there, have only 1 girl he's interested in, take tons of time and energy to finally ask her out, and not have it work out. Life's a bit too short to be going that route unless you intend on getting extremely lucky.

 

Also, if he gets this experience, he'll be less likely to choke when he runs into that girl he's really interested in. Practice makes perfect.

 

MD

[yawhatever]

I agree with mad dog, you dont know right away which girl you will have a serious relationship with, so meeting more ppl will give you a feel what your looking for, once your a bit more experience and know what you want, you can go and attract the girls you realize now that you want and also you will now have a bit more info on how to attract them.

 

Store is not a good place? Thats like the only place I have been trying because even if it dosn't go well you never have to go back again.. Unless you want to buy sometihng

 

What do you think I should do with that cashier tho? I still want to ask her, not stress so much importance over it but I would like to at least attempt it, I wont put much importantce on wheather she says yes or no.. just need some words of encouragement, and what you would do.