Guest Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years. We had sex once 6 Months into the relationship. It wasn't particularly memorable, apart from being the last time it ever happened!! I tried everything to encourage him but found our sex life consisted of me giving hand and oral whilst he gave nothing back. Understandably I got depressed. He asked me to marry him and I thought it meant he wanted things to be okay. I suspect he uses sex like a carrot, I moved in two years ago because he said the problem was me not being there all the time. Well, two and a half years on, what's happening? We now have no intimacy at all and recently, (last two weeks), I moved into the spare room. I've had terrible trouble sleeping for Months, I've always loved him so much but now that I'm not in his bed I feel less rejected ... but I also know it's terminal to the relationship. There's also a porn problem, done in secret but I know more about computers than him, he's not even aware of the history folder let alone cookies and the temp internet folder. Then there's DVDs and mags, all kept hidden. I became aware of all this soon after I moved in but kept quiet, eventually I confronted him but he wouldn't talk about it, denied it was his, that it was even porn in the first place, well I call double penetration type stuff reasoanably hard core!! Anyway, now I don't look for it and clear the history, cookies and internet folder before I go on the computer so I can't nag him. He has three children by three different women, some time in the past but there have been recent lovers before me. Sometimes I wonder if there isn't someone now and that he just wants me for company, kudos and money. I guess it will never change now, don't know why I'm even writng this? Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Run for the hills! You are dating a guy that doesn't give you anything in return, in fact he sounds like he is very controlling and does use you. I say get out of there as soon as you can, get some self respect and kick him to the curb and find someone that will treat you right cause this guy isn't going to do it ...ever Link to post Share on other sites
sophia34 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Run, run, run! Your boyfriend has intimacy and sex-related issues that you will NOT be able to reverse. You already know all you need to know: 1. He distanced himself from you early on in the relationship. 2. He takes pleasure from you, but refuses to give it. 3. He takes excessive pleasure in PICTURES of naked women, rather than the woman who loves him, that's right beside him. 4. He's done so for more than two years. Marriage will NOT change this situation. There are some situations that have gray areas and this is not one of them. Leave him for the sake of your own happiness. Even if you love him, such one-sided love, of someone so cold and distant, will cause you only misery. And please, also look into therapy for yourself. There may be issues you also need to work through, since you seem so willing to settle for so little. You need to find out why you don't think you deserve better than this. Link to post Share on other sites
NotProblemGuest Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Because no sex is a huge red flag in terms of sexual orientation. It could also be a sign he was a victim of sexual abuse. But it sounds closer to the possibilty that he's homosexual or undecided about his sexual identity. As Dan Savage would say, DTMFA. I'm sure you can figure out what the letters stand for. Link to post Share on other sites
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