scipio Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 How do you get over obsessing over a girl for 1.5 years(after breaking up)???? Especially since you see her about once a month for a split second, its like tearing a healing wound open!!!! Please don't say get another girl,..its simply not that easy(especially in my situation). Cant take this s***. I think about her EVERY DAMN DAY even sometimes dream about her,...I feel like i'm possesed or something. I'd probably do drugs if I did drugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scipio Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 LOL, thanks for the help people!!! I'm hurtin here, I know it doesn't sound like it,..but really, I need a solution to this problem. I guess its my fault for not sounding desperate enough. Believe me, if I could sound lost and hopeless i would, just trust that i am though. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 ohhhhhhh,.....lol,...this is ridiculous. I can't seem to get a break here. You all know if i had people to talk to about this I wouldn't be posting??!!! Ok, i guess good luck with all your problems folks,... Link to post Share on other sites
trone Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Scipio, I hear you man! Believe me you are not alone. I am sorry that I can give an advice since I have the same problem but just wanted to let you know that there are many people out there like you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scipio Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 Well heres to us getting over it trone. May i ask how you cope?? I try to keep myself busy, .....work,school, sports,...but that s*** don't work man lol!! Anyway, I know there must be tons of folks like us,...but it sure feels lonely no matter which way you look at it. God bless,.. trone, and good night. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 How do you get over obsessing over a girl for 1.5 years(after breaking up)???? Especially since you see her about once a month for a split second, its like tearing a healing wound open!!!! Please don't say get another girl,..its simply not that easy(especially in my situation). Cant take this s***. I think about her EVERY DAMN DAY even sometimes dream about her,...I feel like i'm possesed or something. I'd probably do drugs if I did drugs. Go to a Counselor if it's been that long. Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 I think if someone had a solution to that, they'd be richer than Bill Gates...to say "keep busy" or "meet another girl" doesn't work. I think "time heals" is the only answer and there's no speeding up the process...it just takes longer sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Go to a Counselor if it's been that long. Definitely. I think about her EVERY DAMN DAY even sometimes dream about her,...I feel like i'm possesed or something. This ceased being about the girl a long time ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 [ This ceased being about the girl a long time ago. Word!!! Your problem has to do with you and your self esteem. If you can't solve it by yourself you need a professional ( not a hooker ) to help you find out why your obsessing. There is no shame in asking for help. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 CaliGuy: " Go to a Counselor if it's been that long." I strongly 'Ditto' CaliGuy and Yamaha on this one. See a counselor. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Simons Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 You are missing her attention, wonder if you will ever get it. Stop obsessing, start being a man with some backbone Link to post Share on other sites
Author scipio Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 Man you guys are harsh...... Well firstly, I personally don't think I need a counselor but I don't blame you guys for suggesting it since I didn't give you any background on my relationship with this girl, etc etc. Let me clarify that I think about her a lot, yes, but by no means is this the only thing i think about. But she WAS the only girl i've loved. That being said, things ended kinda abruptly,..and what EATS ME UP inside is i have this need to know how she feels and if she stills thinks about me it all. You know, if i knew that she still had feelings for me,..believe it or not I could walk away from all this with a smile. Add to that the fact that I see her every once in a while for a split second, and that just puts salt on a healing wound. But just to give you a little more info,...it ended abruptly and I think thats why i could never let go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scipio Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 Anybody know how to find out what someone thinks?? lol, ...if i could just find out what she felt. By the way,..she asked me to marry her,..and I missed my chance,...if I could go back i'd marry her in a second. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Man you guys are harsh...... Well firstly, I personally don't think I need a counselor but I don't blame you guys for suggesting it since I didn't give you any background on my relationship with this girl, etc etc. Let me clarify that I think about her a lot, yes, but by no means is this the only thing i think about. But she WAS the only girl i've loved. That being said, things ended kinda abruptly,..and what EATS ME UP inside is i have this need to know how she feels and if she stills thinks about me it all. You know, if i knew that she still had feelings for me,..believe it or not I could walk away from all this with a smile. Add to that the fact that I see her every once in a while for a split second, and that just puts salt on a healing wound. But just to give you a little more info,...it ended abruptly and I think thats why i could never let go. No, this is not the reason why. The above is a rationalization. It is psychologically abnormal to hold on to an obsession for that long and you realize this, which is why you are reaching out for help in coping with this. Regardless of the above elaborate rationalization the response here was universal, and you are ignoring it -- we are all shocked that you could continue this obsession this long and feel it is beyond our abilities to advise you, so we take the next step and say -- see a professional who has more experience (and liability insurance, haha). Explain away -- but IMO there's no explanation that could suffice for holding on to something that exists only inside your imagination for that long, barring some issue with delusional thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 You'll discover that bad things happen abruptly & with seemingly no reason throughout your life. Your background with this girl doesn't really matter. I said it earlier - this ceased being about the girl a long time ago. Spending your time thinking about what ifs & what she's thinking is only distracting you from the real issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scipio Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 Well, blind otter,...your point is taken,..but still I don't think you can make such a strong judgement without all the information. ANd as I said before, nobody has the background, and again as I said before, obsessed is too strong a word perhaps to describe my situation. Or maybe you're right, God knows I guess,...but just from my own perspective I don't think i need counseling, but who knows, maybe i do. bluechocalate, exactly was is the "real issue"? I'll tell you right now that if I knew that this girl still had feelings for me,...or if I could just get some perspective of what she felt,..I would happily move on with a smile on my face. I truly believe that. Also, aren't counselors expensive?? I ain't a millionaire you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scipio Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 bluechocolate,...i'm interested to know what you or anyone else thinks the "real issues" are. Cause if their truly is an "underlying" issue that needs to be dealt with,...this is actually good because then there is an easier solution to this. Let me know what you think. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Well, blind otter,...your point is taken,..but still I don't think you can make such a strong judgement without all the information. ANd as I said before, nobody has the background, and again as I said before, obsessed is too strong a word perhaps to describe my situation. Or maybe you're right, God knows I guess,...but just from my own perspective I don't think i need counseling, but who knows, maybe i do. bluechocalate, exactly was is the "real issue"? I'll tell you right now that if I knew that this girl still had feelings for me,...or if I could just get some perspective of what she felt,..I would happily move on with a smile on my face. I truly believe that. Also, aren't counselors expensive?? I ain't a millionaire you know. The background of the relationship isn't important. The relationship ended nearly 2 years ago, hon. It's not about the relationship any more unless youdo have a serious issue that needs attention. Counseling isn't that expensive. Many therapists have a sliding scale - they charge you according to how much you earn. The therapists I have been interviewing recently were offering me hour sessions for 70-100 dollars, twice a month. Closure is what you are seeking, but this does not require the participation of the other party -- because it is something that happens inside of YOU. If she were dead, for example, you couldn't achieve closure according to your thought process because you trick yourself into thinking you need input from her. I had an ex break into my house and try to kill someone in front of me because he had a severe form of delusional disorder, and was obsessed with me. Believe me when I say, if this girl knew you were still obsessing over her, she would be upset, disturbed, and probably (like I did) get a restraining order. The man who is obsessed with me is now in prison for what he did, but he still calls me from prison. Still constantly thinks about me. And it GIVES ME THE CREEPS. I plan on moving across the country to get away from him when he gets out of prison. For your sake, and hers.... get help. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 bluechocalate, exactly was is the "real issue"? I'll tell you right now that if I knew that this girl still had feelings for me,...or if I could just get some perspective of what she felt,..I would happily move on with a smile on my face. I truly believe that. If it's that easy then it should be easy to pretend that you have the information required & move on. As Otter explained, you're externalising & rationalising this & placing your happiness in the hands of some vague knowledge that you hope to glean from a woman you've haven't gone out with in 18 months. Your history together is irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
Strawberrytallcake Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Ahh, the plot thickens. There must have been some reason you said no to the chance to marry her, right? Concentrate on the reasons why it didn't work - the problems, the differences - not on what did work in the relationship. I miss my ex - it has been 2 years plus - I stopped longing for the "good stuff" by concentrating on the negatives - what a future with him would look like realistically (not my daydream version) and his annoying habits. She must have had something negative about her if you said no to marrying her. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Ahh, the plot thickens. There must have been some reason you said no to the chance to marry her, right? Concentrate on the reasons why it didn't work - the problems, the differences - not on what did work in the relationship. I miss my ex - it has been 2 years plus - I stopped longing for the "good stuff" by concentrating on the negatives - what a future with him would look like realistically (not my daydream version) and his annoying habits. She must have had something negative about her if you said no to marrying her. What? Are you actually advising him to obsess further? How long is obsession appropriate? Like 5 years? How much more of his life should be wasted on this? grumble. feh. meeeeeh. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Hi, what EATS ME UP inside is i have this need to know how she feels and if she stills thinks about me it all. You know, if i knew that she still had feelings for me,..believe it or not I could walk away from all this with a smile. I get you. That is exactly what was happening with me lately after I went NC with the guy I liked. In my case it was because he never told me that he didn't love me, he'd just give me every other reason in the book that had nothing to do with me. So I wrote to him and basically asked him, Do you love me? A few times and "finally" he said: It's true that I'm not in love with you. Ok, not the nicest thing to hear, but now the last thing I want is to talk to that guy. I just repeat that sentence in my mind and ack... I don't even think about him anymore either. No dreams no nothing. If anything I'm upset for him being such a fake. So, I guess you could talk to her if she is up to that. Be careful not to be like a stalker though (people get crazy about those things). The guy I liked was ok to talk, so I just apologized for being a pest but that I needed to hear that. Good luck, Ariadne Btw: Everyone in the "world" told me he didn't love me, my family, friends, people here, it was obvious. But not to me, he had to say it. Weird I know... Link to post Share on other sites
Author scipio Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 I see your point blind otter. Believe me when I tell you that i'm not obsessed with her like THAT!!! I think you may really be generalizing things. Did it occur to you that your ex may have had problems prior to your breakup??? Can you honestly say my situation is like his?? i think thats an oversimplification. Lets put it this way,..... a) i look forward to a relationship with another girl,..and it actually makes me happy knowing that I will find someone else. b) i understand that there is a reason it didn't work out between me and her and i do believe it is for the better. Do you think it is abnormal to still have feelings for someone you loved after 1 and a half years?? Plus, after i'm done doing what i'm doing in this town/city(graduating in may),...i plan on moving far far far far away. I don't try to contact her, nor have i ever. So hopefully after moving totally this will be a complete break,..cause right now i still see her every once in a while. But still, i understand the dangers you speak of. But all i'm saying is that perhaps there is another way besides therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Do you think it is abnormal to still have feelings for someone you loved after 1 and a half years?? Plus, after i'm done doing what i'm doing in this town/city(graduating in may),...i plan on moving far far far far away. I don't try to contact her, nor have i ever. So hopefully after moving totally this will be a complete break,..cause right now i still see her every once in a while. But still, i understand the dangers you speak of. But all i'm saying is that perhaps there is another way besides therapy. He had the tendency and let it go, didn't get help for it, and it took over his mind. It's normal to think of the one you loved, but obviously this is causing some level of distress for you. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. If you're saying there's another way besides therapy, then say it fergawd's sake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scipio Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 You have to realize something blind otter. Its not like i spend most of my days trying to solve this problem. To be honest with you the reason i'm posting is because i can't talk to anyone about this stuff in my life. My friends don't talk about his stuff, and I wouldn't find it in me to talk to them about it. Can't talk to my brothers about it. I don't have any female friends,..only male friends,..which is a shame cause they would've come in handy. So i haven't talked to ANYONE about this for the past year and a half. I'm just posting to let it out a little. That being said,..i don't know what an alternative solution may be,..i just think that therapy is may not be the only solution,...unfortunately we live in a society where the establishement tells us we can fix everything by either drugs or therapy. Again, the way people act and react is a complicated matter that has to do with factors that are uncountable. True, your ex lost it,..but i'm not your ex. But i appreciate the heads up, I DEFINATELY DO NOT WANT TO TURN INTO THE CRAZY STALKER,..with the grace of God I won't. Link to post Share on other sites
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