justhavetoletgo Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 she tries calling me 4 times today and just text msg me saying " I just want to make sure ur ok" ??????????? NO I am not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't understand she dumps me and basically says its all my fault when doing so lied to my face for a month saying it wasn't me and that she needed time to deal with other stuff.....I tried to contact her for like 3 days after the break like a moron then found this amazing place and started the no contact ( it helps the pain I promise)..........10 days after no contact shes called me 7 times and txt me once all just to make sure I'm okay???????? any one got any similiar story's? any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Other posters may disagree with me, but I think it's because of something that happens commonly when two people separate for any reason. She is experiencing the relinquishment of you from her daily life the same as you, -and she wonders if you are in as much turmoil with it. She may also be regretting the break, -or at least, wondering if she made a mistake. She might be wondering if you are already moving on, (women believe that men move on faster, men believe the opposite), and she may be feeling ambivalence about that. Whatever her reasons are, they are just going to gnaw at you and keep the wound fresh. If it's truly over -unfixable- then let it go, -and review the thread links in the link below, -the post should also be helpful. They'll help, I promise. Take care. -Rio Here it is: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=730849&postcount=3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justhavetoletgo Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 thanks rio.............. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Always welcome, JHTLG. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 she tries calling me 4 times today and just text msg me saying " I just want to make sure ur ok" ??????????? NO I am not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't understand she dumps me and basically says its all my fault when doing so lied to my face for a month saying it wasn't me and that she needed time to deal with other stuff.....I tried to contact her for like 3 days after the break like a moron then found this amazing place and started the no contact ( it helps the pain I promise)..........10 days after no contact shes called me 7 times and txt me once all just to make sure I'm okay???????? any one got any similiar story's? any advice? This is not unususl that the person who dumped their partner when confronted by the dumpees NC silence that person will be curious to the point of anxiety to inquire about the ones they have called it quits on. Before considering breaking NC, reflect on why?.. Many times went the break up is so fresh we think these calls from the ex as meaning that they've changed their minds...we get confused by the mixed signals and let our guard down, and yes we respond. This contact and misinterpreting any communication ontheir parts will lead you in to further hurt. It's easier said than done when facing the opportunity to talk to the person you've loved and then been let go by...I wasn't able to do it...but I paid the price by responding and hurt like hell because his inquiry was nothing more than soothing his guilt and wanting to appear concerned. It did not signify let's get back together. If you resond a simple "I'm fine." is all that is required but don't get involved with more words than that. On the otherhand if it was a cruel breakup on her part...silence is best. NC is time to get your grounding and sort your head out...when it is right there will be plenty of time in the future for you both to talk, if you were meant to be together. Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 the back and forth that she is playing is abusive. she dumped you and now "needs" you. yet when you needed her, she was nowhere to be found. don't let her get away with this emotional abuse. you know about NC. Well take it full on. give her no feedback of any kind. move on. don't let her toy with you, in essence, allowing her to have her cake and eat it too. be a GOOD ender, not a bad one, like her. regards Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 I wouldn't call but maybe send an email or txt back saying "still alive" or something of the sort. A SMS txt response of "I'M fine" would suffice. Don't break NC just because you are curious, the dumpee should refrain from breaking NC. My "ex" called a day later. I've let my "ex" sweat for one day and broke NC only because it affected her livelyhood. I went back to NC after fixing the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
sassybragg Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 she tries calling me 4 times today and just text msg me saying " I just want to make sure ur ok" ??????????? NO I am not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't understand she dumps me and basically says its all my fault when doing so lied to my face for a month saying it wasn't me and that she needed time to deal with other stuff.....I tried to contact her for like 3 days after the break like a moron then found this amazing place and started the no contact ( it helps the pain I promise)..........10 days after no contact shes called me 7 times and txt me once all just to make sure I'm okay???????? any one got any similiar story's? any advice? I just posted about mine. In a nutshell, things were fine then he cancelled a date saying "something came up and he had to go out of town" but would call. That was 5days ago and he has yet to call or text me. I know when a man is interested. He calls,writes,texts,pages,etc..whatever to make sure you know he is thinking of you. He did this for almost 3weeks and we were getting along,then BOOM! Cant' figure it out and won't keep trying. Link to post Share on other sites
pandnh4 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 If it's truly over -unfixable- then let it go, -and review the thread links in the link below, -the post should also be helpful. the question is, how do you ever *really* know if it's beyond reconciliation? i mean, by adopting a nc policy, you run the risk of sending a mixed signal to the other person, i.e. that you won't have anything to do with them even though you do want things to work out and be together again... that's kind of how i felt about my recent breakup... i stuck to nc for almost 4 weeks, despite a text from her on my bday (4 days after the breakup), and removed all links and contacts with her (online, phone, etc...)... she may have just read too far into it and thought oh well, forget this!!! that thought right there keeps plaguing me, wondering had i not been so strict with nc or drastic with our contacts maybe we would still be speaking or working things out... something tells me no though since it would've been our second reconciliation anyway... it's still hard to let go though... Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 But if they really want to be with you, nothing will stop them from contacting you and telling them. If she feels that you are rejecting her and has no problem with that (ie: Makes no further attempt to contact you) then it's pretty safe to assume she is OK with that. If she wasn't, she'd be desperately trying to reach you. I sometimes struggle with what NC says to the ex, but really it's about you not them. Healing yourself. I wonder if it shows I am bitter by sticking to NC but as you can see, the only result of breaking it is hurting yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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