chichi Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 ok well let me start by telling you the way our relationship was. i met this guy about three months and we fell in love quickly. we had the best relationship. previous to our relationship he had just gotten out of a bad relationship and wasnt really looking for love but he met me and fell in love. well his past realtionship ended pretty bad because she cheated on him and never wanted to spend time or do anything with him they broke it off because he couldnt trust her anymore. well last friday he told me that he has been thinking about her and he doesnt know why he said he knows he doesnt want to be with her but he doesnt want to be with me and be thinking about someone else he said that is wasnt fair. so he said he needed sometime to think about thing and figure out what was missing from his life. he told me i was perfect and he loves me but for some reason he was having a difficult time falling in love but i already thought he did. anyways he said you are so perfect and you treat me like no other woman has ever treated me. he said i make him feel so special and important. bottom line i dont understand why he is doing this is he scared because he started falling in love and is getting freaked out or does he just miss her and was trying to replace her with me and figured out it wasnt working i dont know because our realtionship was so good we never fought and we were so compatiable. well it has been 4 days and i miss him so much he says he needs time to think but how much time should i wait. i really do want to be with him but i dont know what to do. i know they arent seeing eachother because she lives far away. please give me advice because i told him in the begining that i didnt want to fall in love because i had been hurt to but he told me not to be scared that he would make me fall in love with him all over again everyday. i love this man but i cant help but wonder what im doing wrong or what is going on with him please help. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 he told me i was perfect and he loves me but for some reason he was having a difficult time falling in love but i already thought he did. anyways he said you are so perfect and you treat me like no other woman has ever treated me. he said i make him feel so special and important. bottom line i dont understand why he is doing this is he scared because he started falling in love and is getting freaked out or does he just miss her and was trying to replace her with me and figured out it wasnt working i dont know because our realtionship was so good we never fought and we were so compatiable. It must be a really frustrating and upsetting situation for you. I can understand the temptation to analyse - trying to figure out what you should do, what you shouldn't do and how to get the balance perfectly right so that this guy forgets all about his ex and realises what a perfect girlfriend he has in you. Then, when you think you've figured it out and you keep trying, things still don't seem quite right...and all this frustration starts to build up inside you because you think "I've tried so hard to be perfect and to make him happy, yet he's still hung up on this very imperfect person from the past who made him miserable." If someone is telling you that they can't love you the way you want or deserve to be loved, then the best thing to do is take that piece of information and act on it...rather than analysing it and trying to figure out all the ways in which you might be able to change yourself or change him in order to win the love you want. He said that you're perfect. There's no room for improvement...so the next logical thought for you would be "what if I were to be less perfect?" And so people people begin the process of spoiling themselves and their future relationships. I think you should keep your integrity and your self respect. He says he "can't" fall in love with you. The only thing I could advise is that you accept it with good grace and free yourself up for someone who can love you enough. Otherwise this situation will just keep chipping away at your heart and your self esteem.....eventually turning from a minor heartbreak into a potentially colossal one. Link to post Share on other sites
freckles3131 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 I was in the EXACT same boat....Here is what I did. He "couldn't love me" etc....so, I did No contact. Let him miss me and miss what we had. (he would call and I would wait hours/a day to return the call, but I never called him and didn't go to the places he goes...) After only ONE month....(and a chance to go..."Whoa! Wait a minute. Wow, this sucks not having her in my life" He called, wanted to "talk" I said, "let me get back to you tomorrow"(not jumping all over it, like I was "waiting" for him) He called me the next day, "Well, when can we talk? I have alot to say" (I put him off one more day..."How about Friday?(it was Weds) When we got together he said somthing like "so?" I said, "You know where i stand and how I feel, it's your turn to talk, I'll be listening" He poured his heart out.....(it was just he wasn't able to open his heart up completely due to being hurt etc...but not having me in his life sucked and he made a decision to let all of the past go and follow his heart and love me with everything he has etc....) It's been 3 1/2 months......him doing ALOT(affectionate/calling me/asking me to do stuff/telling me "love you", respecting me, caring, etc....I think he needed that month of me NOT being "there" to be able to see and "get it" Hard to "get it" when it's right in front of us all the time.....maybe he needs a chance to miss you as well...... I would give him his space, don't call him unless he calls you. Let him miss you. See what happens. Of course there are no guarentees, but for me it was "he needs to come to me for me to fully TRUST in his love or feelings for me" or it will just never work. Link to post Share on other sites
freckles3131 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 What I mean by "couldn't love me' is.....He couldn't love me the way I deserved(like your guy said) he was still f#ed up over the ex Link to post Share on other sites
yawhatever Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 I've been in the same situation, form the guys point of view, he is confused cuz he is starting to fall in love which brings back feelings he had for his ex.. This is very confusing, don't take it the wrong way either cuz I think what hes saying is the truth. It will probably take some time to unassociate those feelings of love with his ex, which really he dosn't want to be with but those past memories really mess one up. Don't call him, don't jump all over his decision like what was said in the above post. Actually just do what the above post says, he will come back and cry his heart out. Link to post Share on other sites
yawhatever Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 In my situation I never even told the girl I was feeling, it kind of slipped out a bit I said I had a dream of my ex and I feel all wierd now but I think its not a good idea to even tell them, he shouldn't of told you to hurt you for no reason, especially getting you involved in his inner struggle, I think its pointless cuz he will set things straight in his head and come around. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 my point of view is to not be with someone who loves someone else, its not fair being in love with someone else but trying a new relationship, its not fair. so it is best to not even go with someone until u stop have feeling for the x Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 love can be so frustrating... it can be the best feeling in the workd and it can be the worst i really wish i could help you but i cant as i have been in a similar situation the only thing i could do was to move on... this is hard because your in love but you have to do it good luck XX Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 ok well let me start by telling you the way our relationship was. i met this guy about three months and we fell in love quickly. we had the best relationship. previous to our relationship he had just gotten out of a bad relationship and wasnt really looking for love but he met me and fell in love. Sorry but that's called a rebound when you've just broken up with someone and you hook up with someone new. You trick yourself into thinking you've got all these feelings for your new rebound relationship but they're an illusion. That's why it's wise to avoid anything resemblilng a close relationship for at least a couple months until you're sure you're over it. That explains why all of a sudden he's pulling away. MD Link to post Share on other sites
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