peegee Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Ok so me and gf of 2 1/2 years split about 7 weeks ago after she relised she didnt love me anymore so i moved out, since then we have emained close and i have stayed over a few times and the time we have spent together has been great, Last night i went round to talk to her about giving a no contact a try as us being friends was killing me, she eventualy broke down and told me she was in love with me and could still see us spending the rest of our lives together. But at the moment she was enjoying being single she hasnt met anyone or done anything she just likes living on her own and going out with her friends she is 23 im 30 so i kinda know what she is going through she is at that stage where she needs to see what else life has to offer somthing i have been expecting her to do for a while. she wants to go on seeing me as we have been for the last few weeks ie: spending the odd weekend there. What should i do i still love her and i know she loves me she has now admited this but she would rather do what she is doing so we can get back together months down the line. am i just being used or could this be genuine? i hope and think she is being genuine!!! peegee Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Give her the space she wants. Don't pressure her. She may not like no contact, but if that's what you have to do to move on while she's checking out greener pastures then do what you have to do. She's the one who said she didn't love you and wanted to break it off. Fine. Respect yourself, do whatever is necessary for you to heal. Some NC might do you some good. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 CaliG is right in that you need to focus on what YOU want to do. And here's the problem, right? You don't quite know what you want because it sounds to me like you may want two different things. You want to be with her, but you want to honor her need for space. Is that right? Clarify what you want and then you can figure out how to best get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peegee Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 Yeah you are right, do want to contine to see her and give her what she wants in terms of being single, she has said she has no intention of meeting anyone whilst single as the only person she see's herself with is me. She admited during our convo to doing evrything in her power to stop me from going completely as she didnt know how to tell me she still loved me after all the crap that has happend over the last few weeks. She was confused at the start and put it down to not being in love with me due to the way we had stagnated but since spending time away she realised how happy we are together. Now I have since moving out sorted a lot of my life out and i to am enjoying living on my own and being single as such! i have improved ME so much. But i do see myself with her for the rest of my life and she feels the same, so for this period should i just stay away completely i get the feeling she will realise she doesnt want to be single pretty quick it was me telling her i wanted to go NC that made her finaly admit to herself she was still in love and what she had been feeling was ok. Does anyone see this as another attempt to keep me hanging on or is it genuine. Im thinking NC will show me that! Thanks for your replys really appreciate all this. peegee Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Yeah you are right, do want to contine to see her and give her what she wants in terms of being single, she has said she has no intention of meeting anyone whilst single as the only person she see's herself with is me. She admited during our convo to doing evrything in her power to stop me from going completely as she didnt know how to tell me she still loved me after all the crap that has happend over the last few weeks. She was confused at the start and put it down to not being in love with me due to the way we had stagnated but since spending time away she realised how happy we are together. Now I have since moving out sorted a lot of my life out and i to am enjoying living on my own and being single as such! i have improved ME so much. But i do see myself with her for the rest of my life and she feels the same, so for this period should i just stay away completely i get the feeling she will realise she doesnt want to be single pretty quick it was me telling her i wanted to go NC that made her finaly admit to herself she was still in love and what she had been feeling was ok. Does anyone see this as another attempt to keep me hanging on or is it genuine. Im thinking NC will show me that! Thanks for your replys really appreciate all this. peegee Look at it this way. This is simply psychology. When someone pulls away from you the absolute best thing you can do is to pull back as well. They are testing you, in some respects. If you hang on to them, if you cling for dear life, you will lose them as they will feel trapped in the relationship. They want to know they are free to go if they wish. Once they have that sense that they are not 'trapped' in a relationship, they are free to love. I'm not saying NC is always the best in this situation, but I don't think you can be close friends with someone you are in love with. Pull back a bit. Enjoy your time being single. Date if you want to, because she has set you free. It's her that has to come the realization that she wants to be with you and what she will lose if she lets you go. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 We have a tendency to think in either-or terms when life really isn't so black and white, is it? See her when you want and enjoy your time alone. Just because you're not as intense doesn't mean you have to go complete NC. Is there a middle ground you could both be comfortable with? Talk all this out with her and come to some agreement about what works for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 But i do see myself with her for the rest of my life and she feels the same. I doubt she does, with all due respect. Does anyone see this as another attempt to keep me hanging on Yes. Link to post Share on other sites
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