5 yrs of no contact and now this?

[Teag]

OK heres the deal. I haven't seen or spoke to my ex (first love) in over 5 years. We were young when we were together and had a nasty break up. We were together for 1 1/2 yrs. Little history on our relationship:

We were the perfect couple for the first year, then things just changed. I guess he got tired of being tied down with just one person. He started lying and cheating on me. I got pregnant and we decided to have an abortion. It was a really hard decision for us but I've never regretted it b/c I want in a place in my life where I could take car of a baby and I know where I would be now. We kept breaking up & getting back together. The longest we would stay broke up was like a week and he would beg me to come back to him and I always did. Well I met this other guy and I decided to break up w/ my first love.

The day after i broke up w/ him I started dating the new guy. My ex went to jail and when he got out I went to see him and we had a fling. That didn't lst long, he wanted me to break up w/ my new guy and be with him only. (yeah I know that was bad but I was only 18) He started threatening me and kept saying we always get back to gether, we're meant for each other.

 

To make a long story short, He went back to jail & I was free of him. In the mean time me & the new guy got married, have a beautiful daughter and have our second baby on the way. Things haven't been great, my H has turned into an alcoholic and spends ALOT of money on weed. To the point where we are living from paycheck to paycheck. The problem with that is we make enough money where we shouldn't have to. But other than that everything else is fine. We use to fight alot but get along great now, other than the arguments about money.

 

Now the point of this, My mom ran into my ex at a friends house. My ex now lives down the road from my mom. He's been out of jail for a while now and has a new daughter. She's only a few weeks old. They are staying with his mom until they save some money to get their own place. Well when he saw my mom a look of fright came into his eyes and my mom told him I don't hate you and I'm not mad. so he goes over there & starts talking to my mom....about me. About how he's been in jail & lost a really close friend and all that made him start thinking about things and about how sorry he is about how things went w/ us. He blames himself for me quiting school, not getting my GED and for having the abortion. something of which he thinks about everyday especially now that he has a little girl. He told my mom that he wished that was our child.

 

I personally don't blame him for any of that. But he really wants to talk to me to clear the air, to somehow make things right. Basically he NEEDS my forgiveness. But he still loves me and thinks about me all the time. I told my mom I would talk to him over the phone but I refused to see talk to him in person. I just don't want any old feelings to come out.

 

I went over to my moms this past weekend (like I do every weekend) I see him sitting on his front porch and he waves when he sees me. A few hours later I decide to call him and he gets on the phone. Hearing his voice made my heart jump. He sounded exactly the same as he did 5 years ago. I'm not sure what I was expecting, I guess I had forgotten, but he couldn't talk and say what he needed to say b/c his girlfriend was there. But made me promise to call him back.

 

Now I'm not so sure. In a way I do just to get closure which I never got. And to let him know I forgive him. but to also let him know how bad he hurt me and that I'm happy now and I really hope that he's happy. And leave it at that. I think it'll give me a piece of mind. I haven't thought about him hardly at all in the past 5 years but now I'm thinking about everything that happened and really want some closure, but at the same time I'm afraid of what will happen. I'm not sure what to do. As long as we leave it at that I think everything will be fine and I'll be fine, but I don't want to hear him tell me he still loves me. I don't want to hear that. So now I'm not sure.

[Yamaha]

Don't try to fix what isn't broke. You are doing fine without him and I would keep it that way. Do not strike up an aquaintance if you think some old feelings might resurface. If you see him wave or say hello but do not get involved with his life and you don't need closure with him now. Keep the past the past.

[Teag]

Why was it moved to infidelity. I have in no way, shape or form said anything about cheating on my husband. I would never. So I don't understand why it was moved. This post is about getting closure on an ex, not becomming his lover.