fairy_dust Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 I been married for 2 years now and thoughts of serparation and possibly divorce has been on my mind. My situation may sound not all serious for reasons that I want to leave my marriage. So here goes..... I'm in my early 20s and I am a recent college grad. I am also a military dependant. No kids and life for me seems peachy having no other obligation besides my s/o and school, work etc. Here's the thing, I want to pursue a certain calling in my life, I have my talent and I know with all the work I need to do and commitment, it will take time for me to "get there". I love my s/o and life for us is grand, we do not have any major problems but I sense that he still has feelings for his ex gf, as well as they get in touch with one another threw emails and possibly he calls her when he is deployed threw a phone card. Anyway to make a long story short I feel that I maybe just a convenience to him for how long he has left to serve. I don't want him to make me look like a fool. As well as I have ambitions to achieve what I long to do and find that it would be easier for me to achieve them by exiting the marriage. I have that "been there done that t-shirt being married" so I know with this experience I can not think about getting married for a long time as I pursue my goal in life. Give me advice as to following my heart to love and be with him and pursue the conventional career not giving a hoot or act dumb he may have an old flame to light with his ex? Or exit the marriage while it's the beginning stages and work on my personal goal to having no worries of anyone? Reason's along with the answer will be appreciated...... Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 I think that you got married super young and that you never truly had a real marriage. You have pretty much as my husband likes to put it "dating with contract". If he is still not over his ex, then it was a mistake in marring you in the first place, and if he is still in contact with her, then I wouldn't be surprised if he goes back to her (I haven't ever found any good when someone isn't over thier ex and yet still chats with them as well). How long did you know this guy before you got married? I think you need to find what is right for you, maybe divorce is the right step, prehaps you can start with a seperation, but just based on what I see here, I don't see you guys lasting, not with you wanting to do one thing, and him still hung up on his ex. You both have a lot to work out before you think about getting married again Link to post Share on other sites
Author fairy_dust Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 known each other for about 4 years couple months, not sure if he is still HUNG UP on his ex, he doesn't give me straight answers when I am ask him questions. I don't know, my mother thinks I should take advatage of the situation and stick with him. But I am not that kind of a person to "use" someone or depend on a person souly. As well as being so young I feel not to be defined by a man anymore just wanna work hard without the extended help. But yea I guess your right for saying I haven't had a real marriage, mom said that too. But dang can't be indesicive for too long het I'm not getting any younger:-P Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Fairydust. Do what you need to do for your own life and personal achievement. I am married and about to divorce. I left my full time job and all of my goal oriented dreams of being a police officer to have a baby first with the idea that I would then go back to persuing my dream. My husband then became controlling and pretty much gave me no support even in babysitting for 2 hours while I went food shopping and other little errands. Now I'm 39 and the best I could hope for in that field is a security officer making beans for money. You follow the goals that it sounds like you've had set for a long time. Put them into motion so you have self satisfaction because without that, you have nothing. Men can come and go but your career and your self worth may never come back to give you a second chance. Sounds like you already have doubts about this guy anyway and that's not a good sign. Don't put your dreams aside for any person. I wish I had known that years ago but hind sight.... Good luck and I hope I got through to you. Link to post Share on other sites
footinthemouth Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I agree with what people have said. I'm 26 and getting a divorce. You have plenty of time to pursue your dreams and become the person you wanted. You never know your paths might cross again later, and it might be better. He's gone most of the time right? Just let him know where you stand. You love him, but you have something you want to pursue. If he's going to contact his ex, that's his choice. You have your own choice to do what you want with your life. I'm realizing that I need to pursue my own dreams and I look forward to where I will end up. I'm still friends with my ex, and I never what's going to happen in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
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