jack Posted September 10, 2001 Share Posted September 10, 2001 My ex & I have been back together for about 2 months & we still have not had sex. In the beginning I made subtle comments about my desire to do so, then on the advice of this forum I stopped showing any interest in sex. She still has not responded. We get along really well, see each other or talk on the phone every day but she seems to have no inclination for sexual relations. My frustrations are building & I am beginning to build a deep anger towards this woman. She does not seem to realise anything is wrong but I feel our relationship will begin to seriously suffer if she does not put out soon. I don't think she knows how much the sexual part is bothering me at this point & what I am wondering is if there is a sweet way to let her know that I need it & need it now. Is there some way of telling her that the lack of sex in our relationship is beginning to hurt our relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 10, 2001 Share Posted September 10, 2001 There are women who for one reason or another, all of which are personal, legitimate and their absolute right, do not want to have sex with a man until they have known him for quite a while...or even sometimes until they have married him. You should mention to her just how important sex is to you and how the absense of it jeopardizes the continuation of the relationship so she can have the option of either having sex with you or saying "bye bye." My feeling is that you will need to find a girlfriend whose relationship agenda and/or libido is more closely aligned with yours. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
jack Posted September 10, 2001 Share Posted September 10, 2001 Tony, We had plenty of sex in the 2 years before we broke up. Her libido was allways less than mine but I accepted that. Her sex drive now seems non-existant. I love this girl & everything else is perfect between us. Problem is I am becomming more & more frustrated & angry at her lack of sexual interest. I have been given advive to refrain from showing her my desires but am looking for some way to tell he I NEED SEX to maintain a healthy happy relationship. There are women who for one reason or another, all of which are personal, legitimate and their absolute right, do not want to have sex with a man until they have known him for quite a while...or even sometimes until they have married him. You should mention to her just how important sex is to you and how the absense of it jeopardizes the continuation of the relationship so she can have the option of either having sex with you or saying "bye bye." My feeling is that you will need to find a girlfriend whose relationship agenda and/or libido is more closely aligned with yours. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 10, 2001 Share Posted September 10, 2001 Whoever gave you the advice to refrain from communicating your desires is full of crap. You've got to let this girl know exactly how you feel and where you stand so she can make a decision...either to get more interested in sex or to let you move on to find someone more sexually compatible. It is not unusual for sexual interest to drop on the part of one or both parties a year or two into a relationship. Warm, loving communication is extremely important at this point. Just don't be harsh...but let her know that you are hurt. I don't think it is appropriate to be angry at someone because they aren't interested in sex with you. That's pretty irrational. Just very kindly let her know that the level of activity is now unacceptable and if there's no way of improving things you must move on. Plain and simple. Link to post Share on other sites
jack Posted September 10, 2001 Share Posted September 10, 2001 Tony, You gave me that advice. Look back on the threads. "Ex not ready for sex". I still think it was good advice & am surprised it didn't work. I think I may have blew it when she just "checked in on me" to see if I was still interested. Every now & then a soulful kiss & crotch grab making sure I still wanted it. What to do Tony when she "checks in" then pulls back when she finds there is still interest? I know this girl loves me & I love her but I want her to know that sex is crucial to our having a healthy relationship. Whoever gave you the advice to refrain from communicating your desires is full of crap. You've got to let this girl know exactly how you feel and where you stand so she can make a decision...either to get more interested in sex or to let you move on to find someone more sexually compatible. It is not unusual for sexual interest to drop on the part of one or both parties a year or two into a relationship. Warm, loving communication is extremely important at this point. Just don't be harsh...but let her know that you are hurt. I don't think it is appropriate to be angry at someone because they aren't interested in sex with you. That's pretty irrational. Just very kindly let her know that the level of activity is now unacceptable and if there's no way of improving things you must move on. Plain and simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainman Posted September 10, 2001 Share Posted September 10, 2001 If you want to have sex with this girl. Romance her. Take her to a very romantic restuarant have a quite walk on the beach, I assume you live near a beach, and buy her flowers. Hey if that don't work, ask her whats going on ? Link to post Share on other sites
jack Posted September 11, 2001 Share Posted September 11, 2001 I told her last night that lack of sex was hurting our relationship. She told me the reason she doesn't feel comfortable with sex is that she is very body self-conscious. Today she asked me to masturbate while I watched her play with herself. Of course I agreed. My question is how can a girl who claims to be body self-conscious ask me to masturbate while watching her? If you want to have sex with this girl. Romance her. Take her to a very romantic restuarant have a quite walk on the beach, I assume you live near a beach, and buy her flowers. Hey if that don't work, ask her whats going on ? Link to post Share on other sites
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