I can't seem to get over her...

[David Gevert]

It's been over a month now since my girlfriend and I broke up because she wasn't strong enough to resist her parents when they told her to stop seeing me. I thought I had myself convinced that she was a bitch, that she was using me, manipulating me...the day after the breakup, I sent her a mean e-mail that I should never have sent...and I was totally convinced then that every word of it was true. Probably, some of it was...there are some things I didn't notice when I was going out with her that I should have, things that I should've thought about. For example, when we first started going out, before I asked her out I asked her if she was going out with this other guy, because the situation seemed to be kind of confusing, and it wasn't clear whether they were just friends or a couple. She said in an e-mail that she wasn't "really" going out with him, but when I asked her out, she broke up with him the next day. He wasn't a very good boyfriend to her, but still, it is a warning sign to see that a girl is willing to dump her current boyfriend as soon as someone new comes along, isn't it?

 

I also kind of wonder if she was in it purely for the physical acts...we never had sex, but we were pretty much all over each other, constantly making out and stuff. Then again, since we were away from each other, I can see how, when we did get the chance to see each other in person, she would want to spend a lot of time being affectionate. I can rationalize all kinds of things I have against the relationship we had, but it seems as if I can rationalize arguments against them, too. The only thing I can't argue against is my thought that I shouldn't have gone out with her in the first place, since she's emotionally unstable and I've got a saviour complex (I help other people in order to feel needed).

 

But the point is, it's been over a month now, and I still can't get over her. Even worse, there was about three weeks before we broke up where the relationship was pretty much falling apart, starting from the time when her parents told her to stop seeing me, and everything building up until I finally asked her why she was being so totally unfeeling and cold in her e-mails (the only communication she could get to me during that time), and then she broke up with me. So I have had plenty of time to get over her, but I still find myself wishing that things weren't like this. It's been a month since I even talked to her in any way; I e-mailed her about twelve days ago to give her a link to an online comic I thought she would find humorous, but haven't gotten a reply (nor did I expect one.)

 

The situation I'm in right now makes it difficult to go out and have fun, and meet new people, and I'm sure that part of my missing her so much is just loneliness as a result of that. But on the other hand, I was happy with her, and I...I miss her. I was totally infatuated with her, and I guess I still am. I don't know what to do. I'm tossing around an idea in my head to call her or e-mail her to apologize for that e-mail, but I don't know if I should.

[Rainman]

I'm thinking of the saying, its better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. So you met a great girl who you say turned out to be a bitch. That means you had lots of fun, you were all over each other and now it looks like she's over you. It is now time for you to move on, if you phone her I promise you, that will be a huge mistake, take it for what its worth. You had a great time, she wasn't the one and move on. It sounds like you know what you want, and go out there and find her.

[arthropod]

welcome to one of the many varieties of post-relationship HELL!!

 

first off, trying to contact her just CAN'T be an option. what will happen after that?? maybe you go out a few times or something, your feelings begin to grow even stronger, then WHAM . . . back where you were, but this time it's WORSE!!

 

the thing is, you have to take your time to go through the feelings and emotions after a relationship has ended, but you can't let it KILL you! you're going to feel upset, hurt, confused, lonely . . . all that good stuff! but, think about this girl for a minute -- so easily swayed by her parents to stop dating you?? and you even said about her breaking-up with someone else to go out with you -- what's going to happen when someone else comes along while YOU'RE dating her??

 

it's just not worth it, my friend, there are too many others out there! so, keep yourself busy, get comfortable being with yourself, and all this hurt WILL go away . . . i KNOW this!!!

 

GOOD LUCK!!!!

It's been over a month now since my girlfriend and I broke up because she wasn't strong enough to resist her parents when they told her to stop seeing me. I thought I had myself convinced that she was a bitch, that she was using me, manipulating me...the day after the breakup, I sent her a mean e-mail that I should never have sent...and I was totally convinced then that every word of it was true. Probably, some of it was...there are some things I didn't notice when I was going out with her that I should have, things that I should've thought about. For example, when we first started going out, before I asked her out I asked her if she was going out with this other guy, because the situation seemed to be kind of confusing, and it wasn't clear whether they were just friends or a couple. She said in an e-mail that she wasn't "really" going out with him, but when I asked her out, she broke up with him the next day. He wasn't a very good boyfriend to her, but still, it is a warning sign to see that a girl is willing to dump her current boyfriend as soon as someone new comes along, isn't it? I also kind of wonder if she was in it purely for the physical acts...we never had sex, but we were pretty much all over each other, constantly making out and stuff. Then again, since we were away from each other, I can see how, when we did get the chance to see each other in person, she would want to spend a lot of time being affectionate. I can rationalize all kinds of things I have against the relationship we had, but it seems as if I can rationalize arguments against them, too. The only thing I can't argue against is my thought that I shouldn't have gone out with her in the first place, since she's emotionally unstable and I've got a saviour complex (I help other people in order to feel needed). But the point is, it's been over a month now, and I still can't get over her. Even worse, there was about three weeks before we broke up where the relationship was pretty much falling apart, starting from the time when her parents told her to stop seeing me, and everything building up until I finally asked her why she was being so totally unfeeling and cold in her e-mails (the only communication she could get to me during that time), and then she broke up with me. So I have had plenty of time to get over her, but I still find myself wishing that things weren't like this. It's been a month since I even talked to her in any way; I e-mailed her about twelve days ago to give her a link to an online comic I thought she would find humorous, but haven't gotten a reply (nor did I expect one.) The situation I'm in right now makes it difficult to go out and have fun, and meet new people, and I'm sure that part of my missing her so much is just loneliness as a result of that. But on the other hand, I was happy with her, and I...I miss her. I was totally infatuated with her, and I guess I still am. I don't know what to do. I'm tossing around an idea in my head to call her or e-mail her to apologize for that e-mail, but I don't know if I should.

[David Gevert]

If it were that easy, I probably wouldn't be posting this message here...

 

I mean, what harm can come out of apologizing for a nasty e-mail over the phone and maybe saying that I miss her? I've pretty much at least decided to apologize to her.