JadeStar Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 "I was able to tell him not to blame me if we fell apart." To which he said, "what you don't love me anymore?" His answer sounds like a passive-agressive response but I could be wrong. He cleary doesn't seem to want to share any blame for the things that have taken place. And while you can't make a person own up to their part, you can change your course of action. By possibly learning how to deal with people like that, and counteracting what they do/say, or maybe moving on. I think after someone feels they have cleary tried evrything they know to do, and if the other person is not willing to help themselves and try to help fix the situation, then someone has to make a choice as what to do on the matter. Looks like right now you might have to make a choice on what you feel you're willing to either allow/put up with, or to move on. Good luck to you. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author too unreal Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 Jade: passive-agressive response In what way? I keep getting this eerie feeling that he is pushing me to break up with him because he doesnt want to be the first to do it.....I asked him if this was the case, that he just didnt want to be the one in the wrong, and he said "what, you dont love me anymore".. ha ha ha...no, he didnt say that right then, but he did say no, that wasnt the case, i just needed to relax and trust him.....hrrmmm.... The way I am re-telling this story makes me sound crazy, now that I think about it....he sounds like i harangue him and such, its not the case, I know he sounds valid and stressed as if I am the reason for the problems but i swear, if anyone was there they would see for themselves... Link to post Share on other sites
touchtherapy Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Here you are, again. Justifying his position. You've got to question that... Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Agree with touch. Why do you think you sound crazy? I thought you sounded perfectly rational. For passive-aggressive behavior you simply must read How to Live with a Passive-Agressive Man by Scott Wentzler. It explains the crazy he keeps trying to put onto you. It's called blame-shifting. If you have a problem with him, suddenly it's because you don't . . . . Next thing you know, you're defending yourself, still trying to get him to take responsibility for something he keeps trying to put off onto you or make excuses for. Sound familiar? One of the things I learned when that happens to me is to stay completely rational. DO NOT get hooked into your own emotionality, which is what he counts on as a smoke-screen to escape behind. Then when the excuses come, say, "So basically you're telling me you're not responsible for your behavior." Because that's what's going on--he's trying to blame circumstances, other people, you for his own actions he refuses to take responsibility for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author too unreal Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 Becoming...makes perfect sense: It's called blame-shifting. If you have a problem with him, suddenly it's because you don't . . . . Next thing you know, you're defending yourself, still trying to get him to take responsibility for something he keeps trying to put off onto you or make excuses for. Sound familiar? That is what happens......I tell him one thing...he processes it, changes the subject, actually ignores me, it takes me 5 times to get his attention again, and by the 5th time of me "bothering" him to listen to me, he is upset, tells me he is trying to relax and I am messing with him, i need to relax, blah blah... then I present the problem, he brings up something totally different (usually something I didnt do right) then all of a sudden it is all about me and what I am doing wrong... for instance..... I'd ask him what made him think that he could sit there and openly bad mouth me in front of somewhat mutual friends, and his family, and the minute I come in, its all akward silence? His response is: Changes the subject to: You were flirting with my cousin at a party, you need to be careful....to which we start fighting about that.... HRRRMMMMM CREATIVE blame-shifting...... Party was 2 nites ago, wasnt flirting, and his bad mouthing had nothing to do with me flirting with anyone..... What does one have to do with the other???? :confused: Basically I feel unwanted. Whenever he is around, my stomach is in knots because he gives off the impression that he doesnt want to be there, and it is all for show......(we do live together so it is even worse)... HAVE TO KEEP THIS: One of the things I learned when that happens to me is to stay completely rational. DO NOT get hooked into your own emotionality, which is what he counts on as a smoke-screen to escape behind. AND THIS: Then when the excuses come, say, "So basically you're telling me you're not responsible for your behavior." IN MIND...THANKS! Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 That's all from Scott Wentzler's book. I am tellin ya, honey--best self-help book I ever bought! You've got to get a copy. It'll keep ya sane with these crazy-making types, who are usually also quite charming as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts