Have I done something wrong??

[Chris]

Okay, I can't guarantee that this will be short, but please hear me out!!!

 

Well, I was with this woman for about seven months. Within those seven months, there was one point where I thought that she was perfect for me. I can honestly say that I was in fact, in love with her. I told her how I was starting to feel and she told me that she felt the same. Soon after that, I started hearing from people that were associated with her that she was engaged to someone else. When we first started seeing each other, she told me about this guy that she was engaged to. She told me that they were just friends and nothing more. But every time I confronted her about what I was hearing, she always denied it. She told me that they were just rumors and nothing more. This last time I heard it, I asked her, and I got the same response. So I went to this guy's house and I asked him if he was engaged to her. It probably wasn't a smart move. But I knew that he would have no reason to lie to me about that. I was expecting him to tell me to stay away from her. But he was nice about it. He told me that he was engaged to her. So I just okay and I had tears in my eyes. I know he saw that from the begining. But then, she told me that she said she would marry him because I just dumped her. And now, I go for walks or go out somewhere, and he passes me in his car, he laughs at me and gives me this wierd look. Did I do something wrong? Why would a woman lie to a man like that. I mean, I was nothing but honest, understanding, and respectful to her!!! Why would a woman cheat on the man she is really in love with, just to crush another guy's confidence and dignity. I mean, it's been a month since all this has happened and I am dating other women right now. But I just want to know if being a respectful gentalman is going to cause me to go through all this pain again. Because this is the first time that it has. And I've been with a lot of woman during the short time I've been on this earth. And they all still tell me that I'm sweet, and that they wish more men were like that. But if it's only going to get my heart broken again, I don't want to even waste my time. So just tell me if being kind is a valuble assett, or should just getting in between a woman's leggs just be my goal. Because that's how most guys I know think and what they are after. But I've always been after more than just that. I want a real relationship. Is that asking too much???

[witchbreed]

I have no clue why this woman lied to you or if that other bloke lied. He has a reason to lie too, if she dumped him for you - he could hope, that she will come back to him, if you dump her and accuse her of being dishonest. The rumours might be true or might be spread by that other bloke. Without personally knowing any of you, I have no chance of deducing what is fiction and what is truth.

 

But even if she has lied to you and abused your trust, dont go and start mistrusting all females now. You just cant judge us all by the behaviour of one. Stay the way you are, loving and caring and in time you will sure find the one who will truly share your feelings. Its OK to be sad, to be angry, to be hurt - but please dont become bitter.

 

By what you say, you know deep down, that a loving relationsship with commitement on both sides, gives you so much more, then any purely sexual contest ever will be able to give you. Just one suggestion, get over your hurt feelings and work them out, before seriously dating again. This chapter has to be truly closed before you are able again to enter into a relationsship, otherwise the danger of projecting some of your anger towards this woman into the woman you start dating.

 

Wish you all the best.

[arthropod]

hey, chris . . . i've been through this before, and you CANNOT change yourself!! you won't be YOU then, and how enjoyable will your life be then??

 

simple fact is, people will do things that make no sense, and you will NEVER understand it . . . or you'll KILL yourself trying! hell, this girl probably can't even explain why she did what she did!

 

you can't LOOK for someone that likes you the way you are -- you've heard it before, but it just happens. i'm telling you, i've gone through your exact same thought process, but you can't let it turn you into a bastard! hell, you don't WANT to be that way, so you're not going to enjoy yourself, and you probably won't like the person you might become!

 

hang in there, and be YOU!!!

Okay, I can't guarantee that this will be short, but please hear me out!!! Well, I was with this woman for about seven months. Within those seven months, there was one point where I thought that she was perfect for me. I can honestly say that I was in fact, in love with her. I told her how I was starting to feel and she told me that she felt the same. Soon after that, I started hearing from people that were associated with her that she was engaged to someone else. When we first started seeing each other, she told me about this guy that she was engaged to. She told me that they were just friends and nothing more. But every time I confronted her about what I was hearing, she always denied it. She told me that they were just rumors and nothing more. This last time I heard it, I asked her, and I got the same response. So I went to this guy's house and I asked him if he was engaged to her. It probably wasn't a smart move. But I knew that he would have no reason to lie to me about that. I was expecting him to tell me to stay away from her. But he was nice about it. He told me that he was engaged to her. So I just okay and I had tears in my eyes. I know he saw that from the begining. But then, she told me that she said she would marry him because I just dumped her. And now, I go for walks or go out somewhere, and he passes me in his car, he laughs at me and gives me this wierd look. Did I do something wrong? Why would a woman lie to a man like that. I mean, I was nothing but honest, understanding, and respectful to her!!! Why would a woman cheat on the man she is really in love with, just to crush another guy's confidence and dignity. I mean, it's been a month since all this has happened and I am dating other women right now. But I just want to know if being a respectful gentalman is going to cause me to go through all this pain again. Because this is the first time that it has. And I've been with a lot of woman during the short time I've been on this earth. And they all still tell me that I'm sweet, and that they wish more men were like that. But if it's only going to get my heart broken again, I don't want to even waste my time. So just tell me if being kind is a valuble assett, or should just getting in between a woman's leggs just be my goal. Because that's how most guys I know think and what they are after. But I've always been after more than just that. I want a real relationship. Is that asking too much???

[BeenThere]

Being a respectful gentleman isn't what brought about your pain. It's because you were deliberately decieved and lied to by someone who lacked your integrity (whether by him or by her). Yeap, welcome to reality. It bites! And the more you get to understand people, and the more aware you become of the human psyche, the more you'll realize that morality and basic human ethics are quickly becoming a virtue of the past. And given the fact that the majority of people these days are coming from dysfunctional backgrounds; from families where there were no good examples of what a healthy relationship should be--or how people should interact and behave respectfully towards one another--can we expect things to be any different? You only need to look at our teen-age population to see where its all going.

 

"Dysfunction"...The gift that keeps giving!

 

But should you conform to spare yourself the pain and shock of suddenly realizing that decent human-beings, like yourself, are now the minority?...Hell No! Thank God there are still people left who are like you. There is not one person on this forum, not one person in the entire world who hasn't been lied to or betrayed by someone they trusted or loved.

 

Like you, I have always been "too nice," or "too trusting." I was taken advantage of, many times...still am. But I don't blame myself. I blame those people. Although its made me a little wiser and cautious, I haven't let it shut me down. Eventually, I met someone who was just like me...a guy who was considered "too nice" by most peoples standards. Of course, the advice he got was the opposit of yours. But I'm thankful that he didn't take it...that he continued to be the terrific person he was. Otherwise, I would have never given him the time of day.

 

Nice people have a way of finding each other. You'll have to sort through a lot of a**holes, but hang in there. Eventually you'll find that lady who is just like you. And the jerks....well, they usually end up with each other. And that's why the councilors and lawyers are doing so well these days!

Okay, I can't guarantee that this will be short, but please hear me out!!! Well, I was with this woman for about seven months. Within those seven months, there was one point where I thought that she was perfect for me. I can honestly say that I was in fact, in love with her. I told her how I was starting to feel and she told me that she felt the same. Soon after that, I started hearing from people that were associated with her that she was engaged to someone else. When we first started seeing each other, she told me about this guy that she was engaged to. She told me that they were just friends and nothing more. But every time I confronted her about what I was hearing, she always denied it. She told me that they were just rumors and nothing more. This last time I heard it, I asked her, and I got the same response. So I went to this guy's house and I asked him if he was engaged to her. It probably wasn't a smart move. But I knew that he would have no reason to lie to me about that. I was expecting him to tell me to stay away from her. But he was nice about it. He told me that he was engaged to her. So I just okay and I had tears in my eyes. I know he saw that from the begining. But then, she told me that she said she would marry him because I just dumped her. And now, I go for walks or go out somewhere, and he passes me in his car, he laughs at me and gives me this wierd look. Did I do something wrong? Why would a woman lie to a man like that. I mean, I was nothing but honest, understanding, and respectful to her!!! Why would a woman cheat on the man she is really in love with, just to crush another guy's confidence and dignity. I mean, it's been a month since all this has happened and I am dating other women right now. But I just want to know if being a respectful gentalman is going to cause me to go through all this pain again. Because this is the first time that it has. And I've been with a lot of woman during the short time I've been on this earth. And they all still tell me that I'm sweet, and that they wish more men were like that. But if it's only going to get my heart broken again, I don't want to even waste my time. So just tell me if being kind is a valuble assett, or should just getting in between a woman's leggs just be my goal. Because that's how most guys I know think and what they are after. But I've always been after more than just that. I want a real relationship. Is that asking too much???