ddd Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 [sIZE=1]This is a question to those who were the dumpers in the past - how do you feel after breaking off the relationship: do you think of the other person, feel guilty, does it catch up with you after a while or are you glad that there is no longer any contact with you ex? [/sIZE] Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 This is a question to those who were the dumpers in the past - how do you feel after breaking off the relationship: do you think of the other person, feel guilty, does it catch up with you after a while or are you glad that there is no longer any contact with you ex? I don't think much of my ex's. I mean, they cross my mind and there are some things I miss about the relationship but for the most part, I don't look back. Our ex's, especially women, are doing the same. Men tend to regret breaking up more so than women and are more apt to come back. Once a woman lets go the odds are very low she is coming back. Absense does make the heart grow fonder but it doesn't necessarily bring them back. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 This is a question to those who were the dumpers in the past - how do you feel after breaking off the relationship: do you think of the other person, feel guilty, does it catch up with you after a while or are you glad that there is no longer any contact with you ex? It really depends on the person and the relationship. Some ex's will forget about you completely and some won't. For me at least, there is a lot of guilt, there weren't really any hard feelings on my end, we just weren't right for each other at the time. It doesn't lessen the time that we spent together, it was just time for me to move on and my heart was broken too, not just his. There isn't a single ex that I wouldn't want to have contact with if they could act normal (either being on the dumpee or dumper side) but the reality is that I don't have contact with any of them. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Well, I dumped a guy recently; my Mr. Nice Guy. We tried to develop a relationship, but things just didn't blossom. I still see him around, and am still attracted to him, and still feel guilty that things didn't work out. But, I know that I made the right decision by letting him go because we just weren't compatible. But, yes, I still think about him. Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 there is only one ex i think about fondly, and would like to remain in contact with. the others - couldn't get away fast enough and had no desire whatsoever to keep in touch. do men really regret more about breaking up? Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 For the most part, after deciding to end the relationship I'd already emotionally checked out and so left without looking back. Not until months later would I think back fondly or otherwise. Only would feel guilty if the other person involved was having a rough time with the break up. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 I was the so-called 'dumper', -but, as it sometimes happens, I wound up feeling like the 'dumpee'. I believe I broke it off for very good reasons. But I still have tremendous feelings for him, although I cannot bring myself to the place where I would attempt to patch things up. There are two reasons for that: I have too much self-respect, and there were a number of things he would have to change before I would even consider it. And those things he would have to change, have become such a way of life for him, that there's little chance of that. He's a commitment-phobe, -and they rarely break out of that whole "I'm ready! - wait!- No, I'm not." -behavior. Anyway, my twenty-twenty hindsight vision, has made me realize he was seeing others, as well, -while he was with me, and I've never negotiated for anything that put me in the role of second best, -nor will I, ever. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Men tend to regret breaking up more so than women and are more apt to come back. Really???????? I didn't know this. Link to post Share on other sites
Candied-Heart Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 how do you feel after breaking off the relationship: I've only done this once. I was confused, felt regret, cried, missed him, questioned my actions in dumping him, even almost called to see if he was OK. I felt very guilty. I thought about his feelings and it made the breakup much harder for both of us to deal with. Despite what people think, 'Dumpers' don't get away scot free, they have to grieve just as much as the dumpee. does it catch up with you after a while I don't believe that ending a relationship just because it wasn't working out can produce a karmic balance. If anything it allows the two parties to find better individuals suited to their needs. It's immature to think of being dumped as a cruel act that will 'get back to' someone in the future. It's a choice to better both people. Even if the dumpee doesn't realise as soon as the dumper. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I've only done this once. I was confused, felt regret, cried, missed him, questioned my actions in dumping him, even almost called to see if he was OK. I felt very guilty. I thought about his feelings and it made the breakup much harder for both of us to deal with. Despite what people think, 'Dumpers' don't get away scot free, they have to grieve just as much as the dumpee. I whole-heartedly agree with this, CH. Despite everything, I felt much the same way. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
back_to_the_Start Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Men tend to regret breaking up more so than women and are more apt to come back. Once a woman lets go the odds are very low she is coming back. Absense does make the heart grow fonder but it doesn't necessarily bring them back. It really suprised me that men tend to regret more than women does. Is it apply to you only or most of men ? I just wonder whether it is true , because so far that i know men so easily to fall in love again and find a replacement. And men are more rational. i am not a guy. I do think of my exes. And still remember them. But i never contact them. Especially the 1st ex. Because he was so abbusive and acted pretty crappy that really turned me off for good. I broke up with him, hoping that he would learn from the break up, ponder it or do something...change his violent habit , but he didnt. He became more obssesive and more possesive even when i was no longer his gf. and in the end, my feeling to him turned to anti feeling. I dunno what would happen if he changes for the better.maybe things would had been different if he had given me more space . Now i dont even want to see , hear or contact with him. i become anti- him. It has been more than 4 yrs though.. Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 CaliGuy, does it make it easier or harder for a guy to move on after dumping his girlfriend if she sends him periodic messages after the breakup telling him how much pain and depression she is in over losing him? Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 It's supposed to be true that males have a more difficult time with break-ups but the reason for the speculation is because that, traditionally, men tend to internalize feelings and rarely talk about them. As the theory goes, while males will talk to their friends about how much sex their getting and offer intimate details of nearly anything sexually-realted with another male (conversation that is, mostly, in order to feel part of the male 'pack'), he will not normally talk freely and openly about being heartbroken, thus making it more difficult to release feelings regarding the pain of the break and making it more difficult to pass through the natural stages of loss/pain, and recover as quickly as females do, who normally have loads of girlfriends to talk about the details of the broken relationship, and especially, endless hours of talk about their feelings concerning it. Make sense? (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 It's supposed to be true that males have a more difficult time with break-ups but the reason for the speculation is because that, traditionally, men tend to internalize feelings and rarely talk about them. Sometimes I feel like I live in an alternate universe than the rest of LS. I'm sure you're right rio but this just has not been my experience or the experience of everyone I've known. I've only ever seen one guy have a difficult time with a breakup in real life, just one. They all seem elated to be able to start screwing a different chick every week or day and some don't even wait for their relationships to end. Some women I've known throughout my life don't have difficult times with breakups and move on almost as easily as the men but the majority of the women I've known have a tremendously difficult time with breakups. Like I said, I'm sure you're right Rio but this has just not been my experience. Maybe it has something to do with my specific age and socio-economic group or my location and the rest of the world is different but I just have a hard time believing that. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Kittenchick, I have to agree with you, that it simply doesn't appear that men have any problem, in most cases, in moving on to the next one. Experts also try to explain this by saying that males, (not wanting to appear weak) stuff those break-up feelings deep down inside, ignore them and storm the beaches, so to speak. If this is true, it certainly does cause females to persist in the belief that men simply do not feel romantic love emotions as acutely as females. And it does cause us to form a rather disgusting opinion of the behavior. But I believe that generalizations are just that -generalizations- and can be so unfair to the individual, who does count, tremendously. Sure, we may, up to a point, adhere to the general male vs. female belief that all men are deficient in feeling those emotions, -and we may even have to admit that some of those broadly sweeping generalizations of theories may have some merit, but in the end, we have to look at what we learn as we mature in the knowledge of these issues, as they play out in our own experiences, which may or may not flow so smoothly with the generalizations from either school of thought. Hope this helps. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I wish I could believe that Rio, I really do but I have to believe my friends and my exs when they tell me they don't feel anything and that women are easily replaceable. Either that or I have to believe that everyone lies to me. I'm going with the former because I couldn't deal with the latter. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 KC, -that may be the pain of old hurts and bad experiences talking, -but where you are with it, is OK, for now. I've read your post here and there and you have a keen intelligence. Someday, your thinking may change (chances are, it will), -but the mere fact you know where you stand now -and with the strength that you do- on any issue, shows that you will grasp new information with your whole heart as you learn it. And there's nothing wrong with that. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I don't think that it is a male female thing. I think it specifically has to do with how emotionally invested you are in the relationship when it ends. If a breakup happens and the guy was already pulling away and she dumps him he moves on.. no investment but even though she dumped him she dumped hm for reasons other than she wasn't invested so her reovery time is higher.. same goes with guys. I have had relationships that end and it totaly blindsides me and takes me a while to move on.. Well I was emotionaly invested. But the relationships that I was pulling away before it ended i moved on real fast.. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Great insight, ArtCritic. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I have to believe my friends and my exs when they tell me they don't feel anything and that women are easily replaceable. . KC. I think you and I should make a belated new year's resolution. Associating with people while they're talking like that - or even giving them a moment's airtime in your life as long as they're in a "bring you down" mood, brings unnecessary negativity into your day and encourages you to have a skewed perception of things. If someone constantly says things like this to you, you really have to question whether they're bringing anything of value into your life....and if not, what are they doing in it? After all - if you're easily replaceable, then they must be even more so. You don't have to believe other people's crap. You don't have to allow their shallow minded "truths" to become yours, and you don't have to be privy to every piece of bitter, objectifying crap that's knocking around in their heads. I say this as much to myself as I do to you: It's perhaps time to make more liberal use of life's ignore button. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Lynda, Not only are you incredibly witty, bright, and funny in some of your posts, (You've had me laughing so hard, sometimes) -but you also bring to the boards some very intelligent and compassionate insight. The things you point out in your post, above, are just a few of the things I also believe: stick with intelligently positive people, never take on someones way of thinking 'just because', and that we must seek and protect our own value. Thank you for posting that. I especially needed it today. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Lynda, Not only are you incredibly witty, bright, and funny in some of your posts, (You've had me laughing so hard, sometimes) -but you also bring to the boards some very intelligent and compassionate insight. The things you point out in your post, above, are just a few of the things I also believe: stick with intelligently positive people, never take on someones way of thinking 'just because', and that we must seek and protect our own value. Thank you for posting that. I especially needed it today. (Smile) -Rio Aww, thank you Rio I enjoy your posts too. I must admit that a lot of the time it's really myself I'm advising rather than anyone else! Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Secret: me, too. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 How Do I Get Over A Lost Love? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts