What are women really attracted to???

[whichwayisup]

Well - there's always a brisk market in inflatable dolls....

Hmm, I hear GP bought stock in that.

[Simons]

I love and adore my husband, but he can't meet ALL my needs. That is unfair of me to ask of him, just as I can't fullfill all his needs. Friends fill in where he can't and life just goes on.

 

You can love someone and make them happy, but they can't be the ONLY thing in your life. Each couple STILL has to have their own friends, own interests and alone time. You can't make that person IT! It's too much pressure and obligation to put on anybody. Spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever...Don't put ALL your needs in one basket. That basket WILL break.

 

does it mean that woman have unlimited needs compared to men??

 

not being in a state of satisfaction means doom to the relationship, this is not what God intended in the first place.

[lindya]

Hmm, I hear GP bought stock in that.

 

Kitten Chick and I are major shareholders in the company. We're planning to branch out into male dolls soon.

 

With you in mind, WWIU, we're equipping them with 8 inch waggling tongues.

[Yamaha]

Your posts never cease to amaze me YAMAHA. Perhaps you should stop hanging around strip clubs.

 

Never went out with the stripper.

 

I'm glad I can amaze you KC.

[kitten chick]

They already make those Lindya. We're behind the times. I saw a hilarious one at a bachelorette party once. Wagging tongue and all.

[kitten chick]

does it mean that woman have unlimited needs compared to men??

 

not being in a state of satisfaction means doom to the relationship, this is not what God intended in the first place.

 

I don't know if you're just in a state of bitterness right now and that's ok if it's temporary but you're not getting any of the advice and insight that people wrote.

[whichwayisup]

does it mean that woman have unlimited needs compared to men??

 

not being in a state of satisfaction means doom to the relationship, this is not what God intended in the first place.

 

Ofcourse not. I'm just saying that outside the box ALL needs cannot be met by your partner.

If i feel like crap and it's coz of PMS or something woman related, chances are I will rely on my sis, or bestfriend for comfort or whatever. Not my husband. It's not that he wouldn't try to make me feel better, I just would PREFER to go to someone else about it. That doesn't mean anything negative either.

 

I was also generalizing too. I can honestly say my hubby meets all the important needs that count in our marriage.

[Simons]

Ofcourse not. I'm just saying that outside the box ALL needs cannot be met by your partner.

If i feel like crap and it's coz of PMS or something woman related, chances are I will rely on my sis, or bestfriend for comfort or whatever. Not my husband. It's not that he wouldn't try to make me feel better, I just would PREFER to go to someone else about it. That doesn't mean anything negative either.

 

I was also generalizing too. I can honestly say my hubby meets all the important needs that count in our marriage.

 

.. however, you all share one common denomination: women are natural born illusionists.

[whichwayisup]

.. however, you all share one common denomination: women are natural born illusionists.

 

You care to expand on that abit more? I think afew others would be very interested in this...

 

You don't know me so don't make assumptions, k. Thanks.

[SmoochieFace]

I believe that the technical term for that is "making do".

 

No, it's called *being contradictory*.

[Yamaha]

No, it's called *being contradictory*.

 

Exactly, SF. It has nothing to do with making do. It has to do with what their biological urges are overpowering their thought processes.

[Simons]

You care to expand on that abit more? I think afew others would be very interested in this...

 

You don't know me so don't make assumptions, k. Thanks.

 

sorry no offence..

 

Anyways, much like a chameleon uses camouflage as its number one defense to ensure its survival, women also use camouflaging techniques to ensure their success rate in finding what whey want.

[SmoochieFace]

Exactly, SF. It has nothing to do with making do. It has to do with what their biological urges are overpowering their thought processes.

 

Then why call it *making do* if it has nothing to do with that?

[whichwayisup]

sorry no offence..

 

Anyways, much like a chameleon uses camouflage as its number one defense to ensure its survival, women also use camouflaging techniques to ensure their success rate in finding what whey want.

 

And men don't???

 

sorry no offence..

 

Thanks. None taken anymore.

[lindya]

Then why call it *making do* if it has nothing to do with that?

 

I described what I find attractive. If I were to pair with a guy who didn't have a sense of humour, was a cold fish, had a totally different set of values from me and - all those things considered - wasn't someone I could be happy with, I'd most certainly call that making do. Other people can have their own version of making do. That's mine.

[amerikajin]

Simons,

 

She left you because her new man has a healthier attitude about women and probably life in general than you do. You are also evidently lacking confidence. And I'm not trying to get personal - I've had guys beat me out for similar reasons.

 

I think you are getting way too bitter here. You need to understand how women work and then go from there.

 

I don't recommend using the pick up gurus as models for finding a forever love, but if you want to know a little insight into the mind of a woman, try reading guys like Doc Love or David Deangelo. Read what they say about attraction. I would not go overboard with games but read what they say about supplicating behavior (which you should avoid) and attraction (being a challenge, being mysterious, being funny and a appearing a little risky or adventurous to a woman in a good way). Read it, live it. It'll at least help you with the attraction part, and it will eventually help you with the relationship part as well.

[riobikini]

RE:

 

Simons: "..women are natural born illusionists."

 

No, -women, (or, at least, this woman is) are realists.

 

They are often called 'nest-makers, but are also, planners, protectors, caregivers, and a host of other roles which come into play whenever the need arises.

 

The 'whenever the need arises' part means that, if there is no other person to fulfil the role, she's gonna give it everything she's got to fill it.

 

Now, -as far as women being illusionists- I'm not sure exactly what you were trying to say, but I'm going to take a stab at something.

 

Some women do play silly, and sometimes, hurtful, and dangerous games with men.

 

I will not stand in their defense for that, -because, to me, it's just plain wrong.

 

This woman does not play those silly games, -because she's learned better.

 

On the other hand, there are certain behaviors that men and women, alike carry out with the mating ritual.

 

Those behaviors are quite acceptable, in my book, and serve to enhance, attract, and even become a sort of 'glue' that helps to bond a relationship, and keeps interest alive and thumping.

 

For instance, I kind of like it when he introduces a surprising new element to the everyday hum.

 

And I'm not above planning nice things he isn't used to, either.

 

On the subject of using jealousy to get someones attention: if it's accidental, and it also happens to spur a knee-jerk, getting his/her attention, -I'd say just smile, go with it, soothe the doubt and plan for a romantic evening.

 

If it's planned, on purpose, just to get a reaction, -I'd say be careful that it doesn't backfire on you and cause a war between you to ensue.

 

Hope these thoughts are useful.

 

Take Care.

 

-Rio

[Becoming]

You've heard some good responses. Listening, as Lindya describes it is hugely important.

 

Integrity is what I want in a person who values life and others.

[Outcast]

Ohhhhhhhhh people!!! This is not about 'men' and 'women' and their negative or positive characteristics. It's not what 'women' find 'attractive' that matters at all. It's that she and you did not mesh well in her mind. On paper, you can have four hundred and umpty-three great characteristics but maybe you don't have quite the same values or she doesn't feel that your energy matches or any many of a zillion possible differences.

 

Look, once I prayed for a guy with x,y,z qualities. I got him. Problem was along with those qualities were a whole bunch of qualities I didn't like at all.

 

When someone leaves you, there's no need to take stock and look into what 'women' want. All you need is to find a single woman who wants what you've got. That list of positives means squat if you have some qualities that someone doesn't like - and they don't even have to be bad qualities; just they didn't appeal to that particular person. No need to get mad at all womankind.

 

TASTE IS INDIVIDUAL, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!

 

Yes we want a good man ... but still "bad" enough to be appeal to us because most gals want to be "the one" to reform their bad boy. Not sure if it's a fixit-gene or because it appeals to our motherly instincts or it just poses a challenge.

 

SOME women want fixer-uppers. Some of us far prefer 'good' guys.

[Poconobob]

I love your posts. I want to add intellectual depth. Lynda, I think we could design the perfect man.

 

 

I'm up for redesign... cute post kitten chick:bunny:

 

bob

[qnmc]

Haven't read all the threads, but I think the best way to sum up what women want in a man is a "sensitive bastard."

 

What does this mean? Someone who is there for them when they need them but lets them know their boundaries. Someone who they know, without telling them directly of course, will walk if not treated with respect.

 

How do we do this? Three C's - Confidence, Control, and Challenge. Yes I got this from a book, but it's easy advice to remember.

 

Confidence - develop rock solid self-confidence and self-esteem. Your approval of yourself comes from within not from another person. Do this by recognizing your accomplishments and being proud of them. Be proud of who you are as a man.

 

Control - this means self-control over you (not her or the relationship). You are the rock in the relationship. They are allowed to be emotional, but we're not. I know, double standard, but it's just the way it is. But physiologically speaking, women are much more tapped into their emotions than we are. It's just a fact we have to accept. We can be emotional from time to time, but for the vast majority of the time we're supposed to be the cool, rational head in a relationship. We listen when they're upset, we don't offer solutions unless they ask a dozen times for one! As hard as it is sometimes, especially when we feel their emotions are aimed at us, it helps to practice empathy, meaning we need to be conscious of the fact they are so much more tied into their emotions and literally can't help themselves sometimes. This does not mean you have to put up with irrational crap. It just means that they'll come down eventually, and when they do, only then is it a good time to talk about it further - when you both have cool heads.

 

Challenge - don't be too available and don't ask for permission. While we need to give each other the gift of missing one another, sometimes it's up to us guys to make sure it happens. When I think back on every GF I've ever had, they call, email, IM all day. If I started responding to every one of them I noticed their interest level drop and I had to pull back. All we need to do here is maintain our own lives, make sure we have a regular night out with the guys at least once a month when we're knee-deep in the relationship and way more often when in the dating phase. Go on those trips with your buddies. Make sure she knows that you need cave time a couple nights a week. We need to make sure we maintain as much of our pre-her life as possible. Bottom line: we need to remain the independent guy they fell for in the first place.

 

The three C's are what we need to practice as men. What we need to give women is respect, affection, and romance. Respect, for example: practice active listening and don't give advice. Affection, for example: from time to time when you get home from work walk in and kiss her passionately, but do not push for or expect sex, leave it at the kiss and then ask them about their day. Romance, for example: once a month or quarter, plan a weekend trip somewhere and don't tell them where they're going... just how to pack.

 

What should we be looking for in women? The physical aspect aside (which is where it should be when you think about it - looks fade on both sides of the gender coin), we should be looking for the following traits: integrity (i.e. honesty, loyalty, trust), someone who is a giver (not a selfless giver, but I mean someone who isn't take, take, take), and someone who is flexible (meaning they know how to compromise).

[riobikini]

What are women really attracted to?

 

It depends on the woman.

 

Or if she is truly a grown-up, -or still a child in the way she thinks.

 

-Rio

[lindya]

Haven't read all the threads, but I think the best way to sum up what women want in a man is a "sensitive bastard."

 

What does this mean? Someone who is there for them when they need them but lets them know their boundaries. Someone who they know, without telling them directly of course, will walk if not treated with respect.

 

I agree with most of that - I just don't get why you'd define someone like that as a "bastard". It makes no more sense than to define some passive aggressive, misogynist with a victim complex as being a "nice guy".

 

A bastard, to my mind, is someone with a strongly sadistic streak who won't hesitate to cheat, lie and trample over others to get what he wants. If female, that would be a bitch. Surely it's a little skewed that people should interpret self respect as being a quality owned exclusively by the world's "bitches and bastards."

[Woggle]

Most likely you are still dealing with girls and not women. That is a big mistake. There are many women out there even in their 40s with little a girl mentality and it is pointless rying to have a healthy relationship with one of these types. Get a woman who is grown mentally as well.

 

Despite the women's movement and all this independent women stuff most women still want a man that makes them feel secure. Why do you think so many women have a thing for a man in uniform? You can be a nice guy and still have self respect. When you respect yourself you attract respect and respect is a big factor when it comes to what attracts women.

[qnmc]

"I agree with most of that - I just don't get why you'd define someone like that as a 'bastard'."

 

The term "sensitive bastard" is a play on words. Perhaps "sensitive rogue" would be a nicer way of putting it. Anyway, what I mean is a guy who is always there for her when she needs him but doesn't put up with games.

 

"Most likely you are still dealing with girls and not women."

 

In my experience, as I get older (in my young 30s) females are getting better and better about hiding whether they are "girls" or "women." My last one did a great job of hiding it, and I didn't realize it before I was emotionally invested. Do you have suggestions as to how to figure out whether they are truly mature enough to handle a relationship? A checklist of some sort, things to watch out for way early or ask them directly about, would be nice. Considering everyone is on their best behavior early in a relationship, that you're essentially dating each other's representatives, I'd love something that helped to figure this one our early on, before you fall for this person.