Woggle Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 "I agree with most of that - I just don't get why you'd define someone like that as a 'bastard'." The term "sensitive bastard" is a play on words. Perhaps "sensitive rogue" would be a nicer way of putting it. Anyway, what I mean is a guy who is always there for her when she needs him but doesn't put up with games. "Most likely you are still dealing with girls and not women." In my experience, as I get older (in my young 30s) females are getting better and better about hiding whether they are "girls" or "women." My last one did a great job of hiding it, and I didn't realize it before I was emotionally invested. Do you have suggestions as to how to figure out whether they are truly mature enough to handle a relationship? A checklist of some sort, things to watch out for way early or ask them directly about, would be nice. Considering everyone is on their best behavior early in a relationship, that you're essentially dating each other's representatives, I'd love something that helped to figure this one our early on, before you fall for this person. Trust your instincts. I have developed somewhat of a sixth sense when it comes to people so I can tell what a woman is about within the first few dates. Also look her relationships with the people in her life. Does she get along well with her family and friends. Also see whether she admits she is wrong when she is. Everybody is wrong once in a while but what seperates us is our willingness to own up to it. Link to post Share on other sites
qnmc Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Good point - I think we have to listen to our "gut" more so than our hearts. Just wish I could hand out a quiz and a dose of truth serum ahead of a first date (not that I'm perfect either) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Simons Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 I got this advice somewhere : "Never listen to what a woman says -- always pay attention to what she actually does instead. The two are quite frequently worlds apart, because women are masters at self-deceit and equally adept at lying to themselves about their own behavior." very true i think. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Simons, I agree with the part about judging people by their actions, but that's all people - not just women. You're sounding like a woman-hater just because you are having some bad experiences. No offense here, but look inward. We all lose at the game of love sometimes, and it sucks, but there are lots of good ladies out there. I agree that women are different from men, they have a different perspective than we do, but they're not your enemy; in the end, we are usually our own worst enemies. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 If a woman's words do not match her actions you need to find a new woman. I meant what I said about observing her other relationships. Just look at what type of life she leads all around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Simons Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 If a woman's words do not match her actions you need to find a new woman. I meant what I said about observing her other relationships. Just look at what type of life she leads all around. Now help me understand, I met this lady online, been talking to her for a while. I think she is a nice lady. Well, the last time i talked to her, she asked me if i have big feet and big hands!!!. What does that mean...are big hands and big feet some of the things women are attracted to??? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Well, the last time i talked to her, she asked me if i have big feet and big hands!!!. What does that mean...are big hands and big feet some of the things women are attracted to??? She is trying to avoid a troll? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Ohhhhhhhhh people!!! This is not about 'men' and 'women' and their negative or positive characteristics. It's not what 'women' find 'attractive' that matters at all. It's that she and you did not mesh well in her mind. On paper, you can have four hundred and umpty-three great characteristics but maybe you don't have quite the same values or she doesn't feel that your energy matches or any many of a zillion possible differences. Look, once I prayed for a guy with x,y,z qualities. I got him. Problem was along with those qualities were a whole bunch of qualities I didn't like at all. When someone leaves you, there's no need to take stock and look into what 'women' want. All you need is to find a single woman who wants what you've got. That list of positives means squat if you have some qualities that someone doesn't like - and they don't even have to be bad qualities; just they didn't appeal to that particular person. No need to get mad at all womankind. TASTE IS INDIVIDUAL, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!! SOME women want fixer-uppers. Some of us far prefer 'good' guys. Good post Outcast. You are so right, different strokes for different folks! (Sorry I had to use that line! It popped into my head!) Another thing is, don't try to figure out WHY someone is attracted to a certain person. Yuppers, taste is individual. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 can someone help me download a picture to put with my posts?? thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 RE: Simons: "..the last time i talked to her, she asked me if i have big feet and big hands!!!. What does that mean...are big hands and big feet some of the things women are attracted to??? " (Are you serious?) It's an old wives saying, -big feet are supposed to indicate that a man is sizably endowed. I don't know what the big hands are all about, -and I don't want to even think about what any of this means when applied to a female. My feet are very, very small, btw. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 It's an old wives saying, -big feet are supposed to indicate that a man is sizably endowed. like I stated abouve if a man has big feet and hands he has big everything most of the time. a larger man will have a larger head, larger heart, larger arms, larger legs, larger feet and large cock (usually but not always) Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 RE: AplphaMale: " ... a larger man will have a larger head, larger heart, larger arms, larger legs, larger feet and large cock (usually but not always).." Alpha...on the last few words...correct...I laid than theory to rest a long time ago. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I think that MEN and WOMEN always say we want this and that in our partners, but in our subconscious we actually have a checklist of what we don't want...and then low and behold what happens? We find once again we are with the exact type who we said we didn't want..why because our subconscious draws the upon stuff we've planted in our minds and it manifests in our next relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
qnmc Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 From my experience and what I've read, there's what women say they want and what they actually need from us guys. Women seem to want a project, they want to change certain things (ok several things) about us. For instance, maybe it's the way we dress, how much football we watch, and the list goes on. If you are a slob or there are certain legitimate things about you that need changing (like you pick your nose in public), hey, listen to your girl. But once you change completely to the way they say they want you, the project is done... you've lost your edge, you've become a wuss, and now you're not nearly as interesting. I mean seriously, male or female, who really wants someone they can control? It's those rough edges that endeared us to them in the first place. So the lesson I've learned is to always strive to be true to myself, to make sure that I have a happy, solid life without them and that I maintain as much of that life as I can even when I have a SO. If they have a legitimate gripe about my behavior, sure I'll try to rectify it. However, I am not giving up football, nights out with the guys, poker night, friendships with girls I had before her (even the one's she's jealous of - there's something to be said for a certain healthy level of jealousy on both sides that keeps that healthy level of friction between you two going - in other words you dont become like brother and sister), spur-of-the-moment trips to Vegas to meet up with buddies, etc. Above all, I will tactfully and respectfully tell my future SO "no" a lot more often. Men need to do a better job of maintaining our independence. A great line that I saw is "it's up to women to try to change us and up to men to never really let it happen." Link to post Share on other sites
qnmc Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 While I'm thinking about it, one more thing... Miscommunication seems to be the #1 killer of a relationship, so here's an idea for a remedy: Men - try to be more perceptive. When a woman is being silent, odds are she's not happily alone with her thoughts like we like to do. Women love to talk, so when they clam up, it's not a good sign. This does not mean every time they're silent it means they're unhappy. Rather, take notice if she is not talking to you nearly as much. And especially take notice if she's not laughing at your jokes. And even more so, once sex becomes a hostage warning bells should go off. Women - be more direct with us with what you need. What you think is overt communication of unhappiness (like silence) is completely subtle to us men. Subtlties are lost on us. Men are very direct with one another and respond well to it from our SOs (so long as it's delivered in a tactful, respectful manner, rather than a rant). Honestly, a lot of the time "I want a divorce" or "I want to break up" or "I need space" is the first time we really know something is wrong. Seriously. Sure, in retrospect, long after the fact we see what led up to it. But when in the middle of it, we are much slower to realize what's going on. We're simply not wired to pick up on subtlties at the level females are (go to PsychologyToday.com if you want more on this). Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 While I'm thinking about it, one more thing... Miscommunication seems to be the #1 killer of a relationship, so here's an idea for a remedy: Look GNMC....women cause 90% of the communication problems, not men. I don't want to use a roadmap every time I have to decipher a woman's speech. Thats rediculous. mens communication = more direct = good womens communication = less direct = bad Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Look GNMC....women cause 90% of the communication problems, not men. I don't want to use a roadmap every time I have to decipher a woman's speech. Thats rediculous. mens communication = more direct = good womens communication = less direct = bad That's the biggest load of crap I've heard in ages alpha! Women don't cause 90% of the problems. I understand what you're getting at, but when there IS a problem it's the woman who actually is better at communicating than a man! Just comes down to each sex is different in HOW they communicate. And not all women, just like not all men, need manuals to figure eachother out! Link to post Share on other sites
qnmc Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Facts are facts. The sooner we all accept the way things are, rather than hoping for the way things should be, the better off we'll be and the more successful our relationships will be. We can either let relationships die based on principals like "women cause 90% of the communication problems, not men" or we can recognize male/female differences and do something about it. I agree, the fact that women are considered the "communicators" is a misnomer. They're definitely more often the "talkers" in a relationship but to call them the "communicators" in a relationship is a stretch at best. My point below was balanced, i.e. there are things men need to do better and there are things women need to do better. There's a reason why the divorce rate in this country is 55% (and this is a figure from 1970, for those married around 1990 and forward the rate is actually closer to 70%). Both sides need to accept each other for the way we are wired (reality) and approach relationships based on this knowledge rather than hoping for the best or trying to change one another. Link to post Share on other sites
qnmc Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Whichway - "when there IS a problem it's the woman who actually is better at communicating than a man!" While women will approach a problem earlier than guys, I think it's because women recognize it much earlier and oftentimes are the one's who are hurt by it. What women need to do better is communicate it EARLIER to us BEFORE it reaches critical mass on their side. Women think we pick up on their subtle cues - WE DON'T. In our worlds, if there is an issue between guys, we usually talk about it directly and early, before it comes to blows. Instead, women get madder and madder at us because they think we're being insensitive. We're not, we just don't know yet that there's a problem. Before long what was once a small problem has blown up in to some sort of negative theme about us and the relationship in a woman's head. For instance, and this one might sound familiar to some guys, I've had situations where I was accused of not caring one bit about my SO's feelings. It didn't matter that I brought her flowers regularly, took her out on fabulous dates, practiced active listening with her, etc. When I pealed back the layers, after tons and tons of conversation, it came down to the fact that I wasn't taking out the garbage enough in her mind. Men see something like this as a routine chore, no big deal, some times it can wait until the morning to be taken care of. Women can some times associate things like this with how much their partner cares about them. I don't get it, but I accept it. Facts are facts. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 gnmc, you have a good grasp of that particular set of facts. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 What you said makes complete sense. Though I have to believe each couple together learns how to communicate. It's each person's responsibility to speak up. My husband and I are pretty good now at figuring eachother out. I know his moods, I know if something is bugging him and when to ask him if he wants to talk about it or not say a word, let him come to me when he's ready. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 While women will approach a problem earlier than guys, I think it's because women recognize it much earlier and oftentimes are the one's who are hurt by it. What women need to do better is communicate it EARLIER to us BEFORE it reaches critical mass on their side. I've never had a relationship with a woman who I thought was a good communicator. Women may be good communicators with other women and kids but they are not good comunicators with men in general. Men will tell women what they want, when they want it and how they want it. Women, on the other hand, won't say krap. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Women, on the other hand, won't say krap. Not me. Must be something in the drinking water in my house. I'm a blurter. If something is bugging me or whatever, I just say it. That is why we have NO issues. I'm very lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Alphamale: "Men will tell women what they want, when they want it and how they want it. Women, on the other hand, won't say krap." (Laughing) That's because their mouth is so full. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Women think we pick up on their subtle cues - WE DON'T. AMEN!!! Wish I could read their minds... No... Maybe that would not be such a good idea after all. Link to post Share on other sites
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