fedup82 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 I need some advice on what I need to do to get over my constant fear and thoughts going through my head that my boyfriend is untrustworthy. He's lied to me about one of his friends that's a girl who he works with. They went on a few dates prior to him and I getting together. he and I dated about 2 yrs. ago for about a year and a half and are now trying again. A lot of little things have happened that he's hid from me that makes me feel uneasy. She use to text him late at night, he wouldn't want to answer his phone while with me when she calls, she tells him she loves him (not out loud...on a sticker and in a valentines day card) and she sent him a text saying "when can buddy see baxter"? He lied and said she must of meant to send that to her boyfriend and he lied about receiving a valentines day card from her. Buddy and baxter are stuffed animals they exchanged before he was back with me, so the text was meant for him. He swears they're just friends and I know she's moving to be with her boyfriend, but I keep getting this gut feeling there's more to it than he's letting on. Then on top of it all, after the weekend of finding out he lied about the valentine and stuffed animals, I went over to his house during my lunch break to see him and he was asleep at 12:30 pm! He reeked of booze, he was laying on his car keys, and then on the other side of the bed was the stuffed animal she gave him. I freaked out on him and it turned into a huge mess! He says he was playing his computer game all night and was drinking by himself and he doesn't know why the stuffed animal was out of the closet where he usually keeps it or why his keys were in his bed because he didn't go anywhere. After looking back on the situation though, he was sleeping with the two stuffed animals I bought him, so why would he if she was over there? There was only one glass of left over alcohol on his night stand and his game was left on his computer screen when I got there. he claims he may have been so angry that we got in a fight over that stupid stuffed animal he probably threw it against the wall by his bed where it landed(which I can see him doing). It just seems like evertime we decide to get over this and move on something else happens to drag it on. For instance, a few weeks ago I was like, okay, lets start fresh. I was feeling good about us. Then the next day I go and buy a tanning package and guess who I see? The girl he's friends with! I never met her before and I only knew it was her because her name was on the sign in sheet and I recognized her truck from a night I found her and my boyfriend in his truck "talking" because she was scared about moving. This night he also neglected to answer any of my phone calls or reply to my text messages because he was with her and others from their work and then with her afterwards. I'm driving myself nuts because he keeps lying but he keeps wanting to lie so we don't fight. How do we resolve this? I feel like because he's lied about cheating before to an ex when he cheated on her with me, that he may be doing the same with me. are there any signs I need to look for? They're friends so they talk all the time. He swears they never hang out, only see eachother at work. Plus, she's moving away. I know I need to drop it, but I just wish he never lied to me about her from the very beginning. He says I'm the one he wants to be with and he doesn't want to lose me, he loves me, but guys who cheat say that kind of stuff all the time. Should I just relax and see how it is after she moves? Or should I just not care anymore? I almost feel like going and getting back in contact with some old guy friends of mine just to get back at him, but I know that's not the answer. It also scares me that he was too drunk to remember what he did at his own house, what about nights he's with his friends? what if he gets sooo drunk then and ends up doing something stupid? I need some help.... Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I think your boyfriend has feelings for the girl and is keeping her around in case you two don't work out. The other alternative is that he's flat out cheating on you right now. Either situation isn't a good one to be in. The biggest issue here is that he's been hiding things from you about her throughout your relationship (this time around). If I had to say yes or no as far as whether to continue this relationship, I'd say no. That girl is definately not just a friend to her. How much more she is only he knows. Sorry this is probably bad news. MD Link to post Share on other sites
Author fedup82 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 No...I don't think he's cheating on me. I'm pretty confident he's not. Yes, it may seem like it from what I have to say, from my point of view, but in reality I know he isn't. He may lie or want to keep these things from me, but who wouldn't? I freak out on everything and over react, of course he'll want to avoid that. If anything was going on between them, I think it'd be a little more obvious. The text messages would give some clue or constant phone calls, but both aren't really going on much. And his schedule would show it more, but he spends his whole weekend with me and during the week he has school and work(work being where he'll see her) and then he plays rugby, so he doesn't really have a lot of time anyways, let alone to spend it with another girl. The only thing I don't see is his email and he told me she'll send him joke emails she gets from others once in a while, but that's it. However, it does worry me a little that those emails could change once she moves away. But I have no way of getting his password. I don't really want to stoop to that level, but I think that'd be the only way I'd know if anything were going on. But I'm the one he's with. That's all that should matter. If he wanted to be with her it would of worked out between them when they were dating prior to when i came into the picture. yes, she's important to him, but that's okay. I'm more important though. He's allowed to have friends even if they are girls. I'm the one who has the insecurity problem. He and I are working on things. I need to stop snooping in his phone and over reacting and he needs to stop hiding things from me. We both talked about trust. He trusts me and I'm going to try and trust him. I'm not going to end it with someone I love over a stupid gut feeling without any proof. A lot of the gut feelings that those experience are really based on an insecurity rather than a truth. Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 It sounds like you got to the root of the problem. Good luck and let us know how it turns out. MD Link to post Share on other sites
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