confused6925 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Right Now I'm Going Through A Really Rough Time W/my Boyfriend. Before We Met (4 Years Ago) He Told Me That He Had A Really Bad Coke Problem, But Was Able To Overcome It. I Was Happy To Hear That Cause, I Have No Tolerance For Drugs. Well, Last Summer (05), He Admitted To Doing It (in August) For The Past Two Months (he Started In June, 05). I Told Him I Would Not Put Up W/that **** And He Better Stop. He Promised He Would And Sat There And Cried W/me And Told Me, Its A Horrible Thing To Do And He Is So Sorry And Would Never Do It Again. Since Then, I've Noticed Myself To Become This Crazy Sneaky Girl Who Is Always Checking His Wallet, Clothes, Car, Bedroom, Garbage Cans, So I Can Find Stuff. A Couple Time I Have Found Stuff. One Time I Found A Straw In My Garbage (he Told Me It Was From Way Before And Was Cleaning His Car Out And Decided To Throw It Away. One Time He Was In The Bathroom (supposively Pooping) And Came Out 5 Min. Later, And I Went In And His Credit Card Was Laying On The Bathroom Floor. He Said It Was There Because He Was Cleaning His Wallet Out W/all The Business Cards He Receives From Work And Must Have Dropped The Credit Card. About One Month Ago, I Found A Broken Pen Piece That Resembled A Straw On His Floor. When I Asked What That Was, He Said Looks Like A Broken Pen. I Said It Looks Like It Was Broken On Purpose And He Started To Flip Out. Last Week, While He Was In The Shower, I Decided To Check His Coat Pockets While He Was In The Shower. He Has An Inside Secret Pocket So I Went In There. I Found A Rolled Up 20 Bill (resembling A Straw Structure). I Then Asked Him If He Had Money, And He Said No, And I Was Like Well Let Me Check Your Coat Pockets, When I Pulled It Out And Said Something To Him, And He Was Like I Know What It Looks Like, But I Haven't Touched That Crap In A Long Time. I Didn't Know It Was There. Somebody Please Help Me. Does This Sound Like He Is Definately Using? What Are The Signs Somebody Is Using? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 The Other Day, I Found A Straw In My Bf's Pocket. I Went Off On Him And Told Him To Stop Lying To Me And Admit What He's Been Doing. He Claims That Someone Gave Him A Very Little To Try The One Day And That Was All He Did. (he Was Doing It Basically All Of June, July, And August Of 05. He Claimed His Last Use Was Labor Day Weekend). And Then Of Course This Past Week. I Don't Believe Him At All. I Decided To Check His Cell Phone A Couple Days After That And Noticed That He Was Reciving Calls On 3/6/06 And Making Calls Around 6:30am To 7:30am. Now, He Worked Sunday (from 12:00pm To 12:00am), So I Would Think At That Time He Would Be Sleeping. I'm Afraid To Ask, Because Then He Knows I've Been Snooping Around W/his Stuff. I Don't Know What To Do:( I Notice Myself Becoming So Sick To My Stomach All The Time. Whenever He's Not Around I'm Searching Everything. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 You can't do anything to get him to stop. And no one does "just a little bit" of cocaine. It's not like that. You do a little and then you want more. I'm not sure what it is you want - to convince him to get sober? Stop lying to you? Those are things HE has to decide to do on his own and you can't convince him to. Especially if he's already used to lying to you and you accepting his lies. If you spend all your time upset and worried in a relationship it's time to re-evaluate exactly why you're IN that relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 You can't do anything to get him to stop. And no one does "just a little bit" of cocaine. Haha. my ex insisted that he had no problem doing just ONE line Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 I want to know the signs/symptoms/hiding places that all relate to coke. Everybody tells me I can't say a word unless I know for sure. If he is using on a weekly, daily or even monthly basis, i will end the relationship. this has been 2 painful. I know all of his friends use, so i never want him going out w/them, and that always ends in an argument. I want to know from all of you if it sounds like he's still using? Whenever I confront him he gets so mad and I don't know how to handle it. I love him so much and i'm totally lost right now! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 It sounds like it to me, but who knows. How do you confront him? I hope in a non agressive manner. Defensiveness is a sign that he's doing it and lying to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Signs........... --rolled up bills (like a straw) [clear sign] --credit cards a bit sticky (but usually users clean up well) --runny or stuffed up nose for just a day (or a long time if used frequently). --tips of plastic bags in the trash can. --nervousness --"big eyes" --not sleeping well --irritability. Okay now honestly most who use (okay from personal experience......I both smoked cracked and more recently am recovering from snorting coke which became a big problem for me from using to selling to being in big federal trouble (long complicated story). Anyway it's hard to find signs because most who use become paranoid and hide/clean-up any evidence. You can't "convince" him to get clean...he has to want to and if you want to help him "comfronting him or accusing him" I doubt will help much........talk to him....ask him if he relasped why in fact he did.....if you can be there for him then let him know that. You "not tolerating" his drug use isn't going to affect his use....honestly it's his addiction not your's nor is it a choice to be sick as an addict...to use yes is pretty much a choice but in the addiction it's hard to "choose not to" if you have easy access. Again not all this applies to all....I'm only speaking from 1st hand knowledge. OH YEAH.................. and hiding places.........I've found that most use until it's gone unless they have a larger supply (ie more than a gram which some do in one line or so depending on the person).......if he buys small the likelyhood he does it till it's gone is probably good. If you find it you should show it to him and ask him to get rid of it......it could get really ugly if you attempt to do so yourself......IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 blind ottor, wouldn't you be defensive either way? if i wasn't doing something and somebody confronted me on the issue i would probably be defensive. when i find an item like a staw, i walk up to him and say what is this, and don't lie to me, i'm not as stupid and naive as you think. i don't think thats harsh. i don't know how else to approach the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 blind ottor, wouldn't you be defensive either way? if i wasn't doing something and somebody confronted me on the issue i would probably be defensive. when i find an item like a staw, i walk up to him and say what is this, and don't lie to me, i'm not as stupid and naive as you think. i don't think thats harsh. i don't know how else to approach the situation. Well I never responded defensively anyways, when I got caught doing coke by my ex I would just say, yea I'm doing coke. Want some? But IME cokeheads get super defensive, in a totally out of proportion way -- way more defensive than a sober person would get. But that's just me. I honestly have no idea why a normal person would have straws on their person. "Oh, I always carry a straw around in case I stumble upon a nice cool beverage!" I don't know why people lie about using, it's so stupid. The thing is he will probably lie even if you have a baggie with his name on it in his face, hon. That's how disconnected from reality addicts get. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladywithafan Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Haha. my ex insisted that he had no problem doing just ONE line do one line, or one hit or one whatever...depends on the person and the quality of the substance....then there's the apes...never enough bananas to feed them! Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Okay... You have found many clues that he still does it... There is nothign you can do at this point. He is going to tell you he stop to keep you happy. You are going through his stuff and you know the truth...You need to just up and tell him you know he still does it your not blind... but you think that he needs to think about going into rehab... How long has he been doing this??? The only way you are going to get him to stop is get him to go to rehab at this point. He has an addiction, and with coke he just can't up and drop it the next day... It doesn't work like that. Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 He's probably not going to stop for anyone. He's gotten caught so many times. If he hasn't stopped yet, He's not going to. Plus he's an idiot for being so sloppy. Some people get quite when their skeed. Others don't shut the f*** up! . That's also a sign. But you don't need signs, You've caught him so many times, how much more confirmation do you need? If it bothers you..leave him. He won't stop. Not a wonderful drug like coke. I was strong enough to. Well...I love my fiance more than it so I chose to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 i wish it was that easy. i know i probably sound stupid, but i just don't know what to do. i love him so much. he put a ring on my finger at the end of december and we talked about getting married 08/07. i hear he said she said s*** all the time, but everyone says i can't say anything to him unless i know for sure. i just got a phone call like that saying somebody said your bf is pretty bad into it. but i always get the you can't say anthing. i don't know who to believe. almost all of the time he is either w/me or at work (he works 60hrs. a week as a restaurant manager). Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 well, i guess he was bad into it before we met and then stopped. we've been together for about 4 years now and last summer (june through august) he did it a lot. he confessed to me last august and cried w/me and told me he would never touch it again. then a couple days ago when i found a straw he admitted that he somebody gave him a little bit (a bartender he goes and sees at a bar) and he did it and that was stupid of him. he swore that that was the only time since late august. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 does it have to be an addiction or can he just be doing it for recreation? Sorry, I'm not to knowledgable on drugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 did u lie to your fiancee a lot? how did she finally get u to stop? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 i wish it was that easy. i know i probably sound stupid, but i just don't know what to do. i love him so much. he put a ring on my finger at the end of december and we talked about getting married 08/07. i hear he said she said s*** all the time, but everyone says i can't say anything to him unless i know for sure. i just got a phone call like that saying somebody said your bf is pretty bad into it. but i always get the you can't say anthing. i don't know who to believe. almost all of the time he is either w/me or at work (he works 60hrs. a week as a restaurant manager.) I did coke at work all the time when I worked in a restaurant. It kinda facilitates the addiction. I am a recovering addict, OK. My parents and family spent years - YEARS - trying to "get" me to quit. NO ONE can get an addict to quit, but themselves. Period. End of story. It's very sad, but it's also very true. Ask as many questions as you want, but there's nothing YOU can do about him using drugs because that's him. Not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 do u think i'm being naive and stupid? i want to believe him that he did it that one night (a few days ago) and that was really it since august. it doesn't help when i just got a phone call a couple of hours ago saying he said she said that they heard from somebody who heard from somebody that he's bad. then i'm told by my best friend that i can't say anything. at times i wish i could find pure evidence so that way i know what to do and other time i like not finding stuff, because i want to believe in him. why do people lie so much when their doing it? i've told him i wouldn't be mad if he could just admit it. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Because they are destroying their own life and lives of those who love them. Who wants to honestly admit to that? It's a disease process, babe. Part of the addiction problem is an inability to be honest, even with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 what is so good about cocaine anyways? is it that hard to stop? he never really shows any physical symptoms, is that possible? when he used to smoke weed, i knew when he was high. Link to post Share on other sites
sexyLMC Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 sorry but u've got to laugh at boys man cant they even think. i found out this lad im seing does coke because 1) he left some in the kitchen 2) he kept sniffing really weirdly so i guessed 3) he had coke on his nose..lol but the weirdest thing is it doesnt bother me to much really if a guy wants to waste money on coke then i say let him waste it.. well baring in mind thatw e have no kids and aint married.. i dont think there are any really signs of someone taking coke. it depends on how they try to cover there tracks.. i do think though if your man says he doesnt do coke then to take it as that because maybe by putting pressure on him it may lead to him doing coke.. good luck xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 sorry but u've got to laugh at boys man cant they even think. i found out this lad im seing does coke because 1) he left some in the kitchen 2) he kept sniffing really weirdly so i guessed 3) he had coke on his nose..lol but the weirdest thing is it doesnt bother me to much really if a guy wants to waste money on coke then i say let him waste it.. well baring in mind thatw e have no kids and aint married.. i dont think there are any really signs of someone taking coke. it depends on how they try to cover there tracks.. i do think though if your man says he doesnt do coke then to take it as that because maybe by putting pressure on him it may lead to him doing coke.. good luck xx I definately don't put pressure on him and refuse to take the blame for his coke problem. i had the choice as a human being to do drugs and choose not to because of the consequences. I do think its a problem, even if someone is doing it once a month. thats my opinion though. Everybody who i know who dabbles into drugs, always ends up having a problem. i haven't mentioned this yet, but my brother is a heroin addict and has been one for 4 years now. I've been through hell and back w/him and i can't understand why my bf would do this to me now. i love my brother to death, but its gotten to the point w/him, where you can't care anymore. the other day he was high and of course as soon as i confronted him he denied it (and i know when hes on heroin, it is very obvious). yesterday he came up to me and tried apologizing and i looked at him and told him don't apologize to me apologize to yourself and i walked away. my bf pretty much has been denying the whole thing w/me. i'm waiting on one of his best friends to confront him on the issue who is supposed to tell him he has 24 hours to admit everything to me otherwise the friend will tell me. the friend told me he should have it done by 3/27, but i don't know if i can wait that long. i was so sad yesterday, that when my bf called he knew something was wrong. i told him i sad, and he wanted to know if it had anything to do w/him. i told him no, because i really want this friend to confront him first. i think the friend will get a lot more out than i will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 23, 2006 Author Share Posted March 23, 2006 It seems his friend who was supposed to confront him, just doesn't have the time or his and my bf's schedules totally conflict. I think I'm going to do the whole confrontation thing on his next day off (probably mon. or tues.) i need help on how to bring up the topic, how to get him to listen, how to not get upset (yell, get nasty), and hell, maybe get him to admit the problem. For anybody who has had to do the whole confrontation thing, how did you do it? And for anybody who has been confronted, how and what do u think i should do that could get him talking? Thanks everybody for your support. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 You might want to call and talk to someone at NA or even the AA and ask about doing an intervention.. Chances are they would have a 12th stepper come and help you. As far as advice goes.. the only advice I could give you is to make sure that you don't attack him and put him on the defense.. Make sure that you explain to him how his addiction makes you feel and how it affects your relationship with him. Keep the talk about how it makes you feel when he does this or that, That way he gets the full effect of how his actions affect other people/you Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 You might want to call and talk to someone at NA or even the AA and ask about doing an intervention.. Chances are they would have a 12th stepper come and help you. As far as advice goes.. the only advice I could give you is to make sure that you don't attack him and put him on the defense.. Make sure that you explain to him how his addiction makes you feel and how it affects your relationship with him. Keep the talk about how it makes you feel when he does this or that, That way he gets the full effect of how his actions affect other people/you Thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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