lilly36 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 I had suspicians my partner had cheated, and I read his email, which confirmed his fears. We are trying to work it out, but I obviously have trust issues, and know this will take some time to restore. But I can't stop reading the email! I know it's wrong! Help! What can I do to forgive, forget, and TRUST again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilly36 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 oh, and to clarify- my partner doesn't know that I snooped. Should I come clean? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I've been in your exact situation a few times regarding the cheating and snooping in email. Save yourself some time and pain: cut your losses and find someone else. Coming clean about the snooping is up to you. It gives more evidence but also gives the person an opportunity to turn things around on you when, in the end, it really doesn't matter anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
sandra Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Sadly I'm going through the same thing. But how did your partner know that you read the e-mail? If he already had his computer screen on and you happened to read the e-mail, it's alright but if you got his password and broke in I don't think you should come clean with that. Did your partner admit to cheating? It takes time to get over a partner cheating. I don't know you're exact situation but your partner needs to prove him/herself to you. So ask all the questions you have about the e-mail and get it out of your system. You deserve honest answers, and if you don't feel he's being honest with you then move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilly36 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 Sandra- I am sorry to hear that you are going thru the same thing-- He doesn't know that I read his email. I flat out asked him if he cheated, and he admitted. He could have easily lied. As with most things in life, our situation has a lot of extinuating (sp?)circumstances and some gray areas. Do I have the right to continue to snoop for a while until I am satisfied? I think deep down I know that if I am going to forgive, then I need to close my eyes and take that leap of faith to trust again, which means no more snooping. How do you do that- how do you trust again? Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Cheater = next. End of story. MD Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 You don't have "trust issues", he has "trouser issues". The only possible way you can truly trust again is if he takes substantial action to rebuild your trust. Don't give it away for free. Link to post Share on other sites
sandra Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Lilly !! I guess I'm the wrong person to ask since I'm struggling with this trust issue. It's so hard to trust a person once they've lost your trust. However, your partner was honest with you and wants to patch things up and move on. So that's a good sign. I don't think you can trust him completely at once. I beileve it's a gradual process, or so I've been told. Talk to him about the extent of the cheating and why he did it. To move on in the relationship you need to know everything, atleast I know I do. And yes go around snooping until you're satisfied because if you don't, everytime y'all have an argument or he stays out late or whatever you're gonna wonder what the hell he's doing. Once you got your answers, then decide on whether you wanna give him a second chance. If you decide to give it another shot then concentrate on making the relationship work. I hope things work out for you. Good Luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
sandra Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 MadDog, this is so true but some of us can't get it through our head like me!! LOL!! Cheater = next. End of story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilly36 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 thanks everyone- esp solemate for the "trouser issues" joke- made me lol... I know it will take time. you know, in this whole process, I did a lot of googling, and was amazed at the amount of web sites that make cheating so easy-- so many married men had tag lines like "bored husband in need of some afternoon play- must be discreet". This is a huge issue in our society- and when you see it everywhere, sometimes you wonder if you can ever trust ANYONE?!! It also brings up the issue of sex addiction. It isn't like my partner and I had a mundane sex life. I can understand (although I think it is STILL WRONG) when partners seek out sex because they aren't getting it at home, but when that isn't the case, it does make you wonder if sex addiction is an issue. Ok, now I am rambling, but these are just my thoughts in trying to work thru the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilly36 Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 Thanks everyone for your input. I guess the old saying is true, once a cheater, always a cheater. I saw another email, and confronted him, again. It's over, and my trust is shattered, and it will take awhile to trust men again. Good luck, Sandra. I know what you mean about being ready to let go- I hope you are able to get to that place. Link to post Share on other sites
Computer Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Thanks everyone for your input. I guess the old saying is true, once a cheater, always a cheater. I saw another email, and confronted him, again. It's over, and my trust is shattered, and it will take awhile to trust men again. Good luck, Sandra. I know what you mean about being ready to let go- I hope you are able to get to that place. Hi Lilly, WoW.... I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. How long had you two been together? I know the longer, the worse. It's obvious that you should move on, unfortunately, being that he can't be trusted. And I can really tell that you really cared about him and wanted it to work. I mean, you found out about all of this the first time and still wanted to make things work out. But the odd thing is that he easily came clean about it the first time. Seems to me that he regreted his wrong-doings and wanted to do the right thing. I'm guessing it MAY BE a sex addiction issue. Even as a guy, I can feel your pain because I've been in a similar situation before. But through all of this, I DO encourage you to trust again. Fortunately, there ARE many good men out their and I know that I'm one of them. Love requires emotional vulnerability, which means you have to risk being hurt to find it. I'm sure you'll think differently once you're over your ex BF; but it just takes time. If not, you'll only come to realize that you've wasted about 3 years of CHANCE in finding true love - someone you CAN trust. But I wish you the best through all of this. Just keep us posted __________________ "Never give up and don't let it wear out your love." --Backstreet Boys - Weird World Link to post Share on other sites
yawhatever Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Seriously.. after cheating things wont be thesame for anyone, they will feel bad for doing it.. you will feel insecure that they will do it again.. it just won't be thesame. Do yourself a favour n look for someone else that won't cheat. Going back to that person will just look like you have a low self-esteem, sure there is love involved, but I realized, if you love yourself then you should do whats best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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