He Told Her About Me

[Walking away]

I did it. I e-mailed him and told him we are over. He asked if he could e-mail me from time to time to see how I am doing. What an ass. Last week I was the love of his life, and this week he is running with his tail between his legs, and he is denying me to his wife.... I am sure we were "just friends", and that I meant nothing to him. It was all a fantasy. If I needed one more slap in the face, today I got it.

 

BTW, I didn't respond back.

 

Thanks LIshy for that comment about me making some man a very happy man one day. I needed that.

 

Hugs to you all

[Walking away]

Oh, and in that e-mail, I told him to never contact me again. He got the message. Trust me.

[silktricks]

Very good points. But, you must know, I do have respect for myself. That is why I am here today alone. He will not get the emotional crutch from me. I am far too healthy to be that. And, I have not contacted him. And I won't. I see no reason for it. His wife would be destroyed if she knew he was still contacting me....as if she isn't already. And, it would just set me back in my recovery.

 

Don't you think he is getting the message by not hearing from me?

He's getting the message, and you are doing exactly the right thing. If you e-mail him back to tell him not to e-mail you are being sucked back in to what you have walked away from. Your lack of response is far more effective than an inciteful backlash. (IMHO)

[Walking away]

Never fear ladies....he will never hear from me again.

 

WHEW! The person I was before him is finally back!

 

And, I agree. My lack of response to him is far more effective. Actions speak louder than words... And no response speaks volumes.

 

FYI, for those skeptics out there....I am one of those women that once I REALLY make up my mind and walk away from something or someone, I never look back. And, trust me, my mind is made up.

 

This is what I do when my relationships are over....and this one is OVER.

[scarletletter]

Now that you have made your mind up, stay busy!!! It's Saturday, meet with some friends and go out and do something. Consider it a party for yourself, you deserve it.

[Walking away]

Thanks Scarlet. I did. I had lunch with a good friend. I feel good, but remember, I have five kids. Kinda hard to get out much, you know.....

 

But, as I am writing this, he just text messaged me...WTF?

 

Asking me if I am okay?

 

What does HE think?

 

Of course, I will not respond. I choose to walk away with dignity and grace. No arguments or fights. Classy is what I am choosing to be.

[scarletletter]

Good for you...have you ever thought about changing your email addy and your phone number?

[Walking away]

Not my phone number. EVERYONE knows my number and it would be horrific trying to contact everyone with new numbers. But, I have already decided to close the e-mail account that he and I used exclusively with each other.

 

Believe me, I am really not at all tempted to call him. I never called him when we WERE involved. And it doesn't bother me if he calls me. I won't pick up. He blew it with me. And, I think he knows it now.

 

Not my problem.

[Walking away]

Received two e-mails last night from him. Telling me I am an "angel" and that he loves me. Then next one was telling me how he has only told her good things about me... praising my attributes, even though she has been "drilling" him continuously about me, how he thinks about me constantly, and how he wishes I knew his heart.

 

I am holding strong. It appears, that in spite of all my wonderful attributes, the situation remains the same. No shock here.

 

Still no contact on my end.

[whichwayisup]

He still isn't getting it. Ignoring him is not working, so what you have to do is block him completely. You may be in NC with him, but he isn't with you. Hearing from him, reading his words is still affecting you slightly. How could it not? Yes, you're strong, but you don't have to put up with his emails/IM's. He is pulling out ALL the stops to make you react and feel!

 

If you really want NC to work, create a new email address. He is in your mind more than he should be because he keeps on contacting you!

 

Ask yourself this...Is he in your mind when you don't hear from him? Are you able to forgot completely? If so, then WHY on earth do you want to allow him access into your life by reading his emails/IM's? If you want to get over him and heal properly, you have to not hear from him ever again.

[Walking away]

WWIU,

 

I think about him, of course. He was a very integral part of my life these past six months. I wish I could forget about him completely, but of course, that is impossible. At least at this time.

 

I believe that since we have yo-yoed so many times before, he may feel that once this all blows over, we will continue back where we were. I have been very strong in my approach with him this time, but my credibility is gone due to my past behavior.

 

What he doesn't seem to understand or get is that things changed once she found out about me. She knows my name, where I work, everything. I am "marked" as his OW. There is no way I could ever go back with him. The cat is out of the bag, so to speak. He had a choice to be with her without me in his life, or choose a life with me. The defining moment in his marriage occurred. He cannot go back and undo the past. And now, he has made his choice. Now, he is apparently having a difficult time letting me go. This is apparent to me.

 

I have not heard from him today at all. I do believe my message has finally sunk in. He is on his own without me. And, perhaps, he is grasping on, holding on, for some relief. I have no doubt that he cares about me. And, the realization of losing me is difficult for him to accept. This is a man who has ALWAYS gotten what he has wanted.

 

But, he is not getting me. I agree with you. The e-mail account will be closed today. No sense prolonging the agony any longer.

 

FYI, I am feeling better with him out of my life than I did with him in it. As I said before, the power is mine now. I took his power over me away.

 

And, although I am not naive: I know I will hurt and feel the pain of this lost love, I am still doing what is best for me.

 

Thanks for your advice. It is duly noted.

[Lishy]

You should be very proud of yourself WA .... You are doing great!

[Walking away]

Thanks Lishy....Still holding strong. No contact from him today at all. I still haven't really fallen apart.

 

Am I in denial, or did I grieve this relationship while I was in it?

 

I guess I am waiting for the pain to really hit, and it hasn't, really.

[CeeJayXXX]

My inquiring mind would like to know something. I am an OW...have been for many years. You had said (correct me if I am wrong, or out of place for asking)...that W had contacted you...Was she just asking for you to stay away?...and how did you respond.

[Lishy]

WA .. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your heartache has not even started yet. I will tell you why ...... He is still in contact and YOU are still in control, your heartache will start the day he STOPS contacting you! Then all of your insecurities and pain will smack you in the face like a wet fish!

 

I think you are being fantastic and I also think that you are doing all of the right things (except I think you should delete that Email address promto) But as long as he is still in contact with you through text or mail or calls then you will stay grounded. I worry for you when the calling stops on his behalf! That is when your anger will surface!

 

He has treated you badly honey, he has lied and cheated on his wife BUT also on YOU! He brought himself into your life under false pretences and he virtually stole your heart! You will feel this one day and THEN is when you will need all of the strength in the world!

 

Keep posting and keep strong. You rock!

[Walking away]

Oh, you are right....so right.

 

God help me.

[Lishy]

You do not need god to help you WA - You need to get out NOW with your friends and get meeting new guys, so that when he does stop the contact or when he says or does something that you do not like, you are more mentally over him!

 

He is not worth the steam of your pee and I know deep down that you know this!

 

You may already be aware that I have no time for people who are with someone else's husbands but in your case you where lied to and decieved as much as his wife was - The man is despicable! But we cannot help who we fall for!

 

Use this time when you are still in control to take control of your own destiny and make a new life for yourself with a guy who will love and cherish you, not lie and decieve you!

 

You can do this!

[iamtrying]

My xmm also lied to be about his marital status and i got sucked in ...

 

brace yourself for the your emotions to be in a great big yo-yo ...........

i go from days of feeling great and proud that i am doing the right thing to feeling so depress that i must keep telling myself to not contact him....

 

stay strong and try to believe that things will get better ......

 

hugs

[Walking away]

My inquiring mind would like to know something. I am an OW...have been for many years. You had said (correct me if I am wrong, or out of place for asking)...that W had contacted you...Was she just asking for you to stay away?...and how did you respond.

 

She called me and told me she didn't even know my name. Asked me what my relationship was with her husband. I didn't want to cause problems....so I said we were friends. He assisted with me my business start up (which was true). I was apologetic. Told her I was sorry for the pain that I had caused. She, however, was not nice. Not that I blame her.

 

Afterwards, she apparently drilled him about me. He admitted to the emotional affair, but not the physical affair.

 

I was shaken after I got off the phone with her. I tried to spare her pain as best I could. Remember, I had broken it off with him earlier in that day. I felt no need to reveal anything to her...What would be the point?

[Walking away]

And, oh yeah, she told me to stay the hell away from her husband.

[Walking away]

You do not need god to help you WA - You need to get out NOW with your friends and get meeting new guys, so that when he does stop the contact or when he says or does something that you do not like, you are more mentally over him!

 

He is not worth the steam of your pee and I know deep down that you know this!

 

You may already be aware that I have no time for people who are with someone else's husbands but in your case you where lied to and decieved as much as his wife was - The man is despicable! But we cannot help who we fall for!

 

Use this time when you are still in control to take control of your own destiny and make a new life for yourself with a guy who will love and cherish you, not lie and decieve you!

 

You can do this!

 

Thanks Lishy.

 

He called me today at work. I stopped dead in my tracks. I didn't expect the call, and I was shaken after the phone call. I got off the phone quickly, but was shaken up for a spell after the call.

 

I even started to cry for a few minutes. I am just so hurt and angry. He really does need to leave me alone...He made his choice. Now he wants to be my friend. Keep in touch....e-mail occasionally.

 

How horrific would that be? It makes me physically ill to have that type of involvement with him. I can't even imagine a friendship after the feelings I feel for him (unfortunately, I still care). I know he is grasping for some type of relationship with me, but I do not want to be his friend. I feel that he is trying to slowly suck me back in.....I am fighting like crazy to stay on top. And, I think I am winning the battle.

 

Please pray for me. I need it.

[Walking away]

And the saga continues...

 

For Valentine's Day, he got me front row center tickets to my all time favorite musician. Included in my present was the airline ticket and hotel room....all paid for by him.

 

You have no idea how much I want to go to this concert....I mean, this was one of the things I wanted to do before I die...that's how much I want to go to this concert.

 

But, he will know where I am, and when the concert is because he bought the tickets. So, I take a chance at seeing him there, even though he has been told over and over that WE are over.

 

I really, really, want to go. And, I fear that the overwhelming advice is going to be to stay away, but, is there ANY way for me to go, enjoy the concert, and come back home unscathed by him?

 

Please, someone, give me a solution to this....

 

BTW, music is incredibly therapeautic to me...and seeing this musician is a dream that I have had for YEARS. If I could manage going to the concert, I know, emotionally, it would be a good thing for my soul and heart.

 

Please advise...

[Lishy]

Go to the concert! I would!

 

You deserve it .... BUT you have to brace yourself for him being there and you have to be prepared to walk on by if you see him .... The question is can you do that? Can you bring a friend with you?

[Walking away]

I have many friends, male and female, that have offered to attend the concert with me. I am a single mom with five kids and I don't think that I have had more than a day ALONE, without ANYONE, ever. I do think that I would relish some time alone those few days I would be in Vegas. (Yes, the concert is in Vegas.)

 

That is the problem, Lishy....I feel that if I see him, and I know that he will be lurking around....I will turn on my heels and run. That is how fragile I know I am. The concert is next week. Perhaps I can strengthen myself for his potential presence by then. Do you think I can do it?

[Lishy]

No honey - I think deep down you want to meet him there! Please do not take that wrong but you love this guy and you may be mad at him but you do still love him - We cannot fall out of love that quick!

 

If you where serious about not seeing him then you would take a friend - But I could be wrong here please tell me if I am, you are honest enough for me to believe what you say.

 

I suggest that you think about this honey as I do not think that you are ready for this kind of contact with him right now - If I where you I would take a male friend who you can talk to about the situation and can lean on!

 

This is a hard one actually - You should go but you have to protect yourself - He is out to get you back under the same circumstances and I do not think that is where you want to be!

 

Let me know what you decide!