Ex Girlfriend won't leave me alone

[fierojake]

I dated this girl for 5+ years we made it through 2 stints of long distance then she moved to the college where i am at so we could be together. Things hadn't been going quite as well as they could have been then in October she told me that she kissed this guy then said we weren't going to work out and then broke up. Our lives were really intertwined so it took quite awhile to get our lives separated ie: cell phone plan, her stuff in my apartment etc.

 

I did hear much from her till i started making a strong push to break ties with her and develop limited to no contact. She is currently with this guy...stays at his house on weekends and such but she won't leave me alone. I told her that its best for me if i don't have any communication with her, but she wont' respect that. A couple days after i said that, it was Valetines day and when i got home there was a card and candy from her and she said "Happy Valentines, love (her name). I got on msn and instantly she started talking to me and i said "what are you trying to do" and she said "just trying to be nice" we ended up talking for quite awhile.

 

After thinking about it i decided well maybe she is trying to patch things up so told her to meet me. And i said "I feel like you are reaching out to me but it's either me or him" She said that he was her very good friend and that she wasn't going to choose one friend over the other. So i said that i was going to contine you to not have any communication with her.

 

Its been about two weeks since then and she doesn't get it...every couple days it seems like she invents some reason to contact me....either she needs something that she left at my house or she is just like "hi, just seeing how you are doing on msn". This is getting annoy because i'm trying to not have contact and she keeps reopening the wounds.

[agnf666]

Okay... Obviously she must either feel really bad about breaking up with you are still has feelings for you and knows she made a mistake... Now if you want to stop talking to her completely then you need to stop answering her messages, emails, don't answer the phone, etc... Just try to avoid her as much as possible... She will get the point...

 

If she still pulls the "I left something at your apartment" then tell her to come over and get the rest of your stuff... Let her know you mean all of it... What you can do is go through your house and box up all of her stuff... Make sure you get all of it and tell her to come get it... then she can't have that excuse anymore... then just try to avoid her as much as you can... Since you are writing back to her she will just continue to do this...

[SmoochieFace]

She's a mental case. Tell her - and this should be the LAST time you talk to her - to come and get her *beep*. If she doesn't get it then throw it in the trash. She can fish it out of there.

 

If she continues to harrass you go to court and get a restraining order against her sorry ass. That oughta shut her the hell up... unless she's a REAL psycho. In that case you would have to take more stringent measures.

[CaliGuy]

Dude, just block her MSN! That problem is gone.

 

Secondly, tell her straight up in an email that you want your space and if she cared about you at all, she'd respect that.

[fierojake]

I have boxed everything up and it's in the closet...i guess i'm not angry enough to throw it away....I blocked her from msn last night and i'm going to leave it that way for awhile.

 

I really will always really care about this girl but the thought of going back with her after she has been with the guy she is with makes me sick.

 

I would be willing to give her a chance but i want her to come back to me i'm not going to beg her or ask her. Maybe its sick of me but i want her to grovel. Anyways, i'm not sure how to give her a chance with out loosing dignity.

 

Deep down i want her back but she has to come back to me. I have done many things since we broke up to improve my life ie. working out, making new friends. I really think she feels like she has screwed up. But i told her i would reconcil but its either me or him. Not sure how to proceed.

[agnf666]

Okay... So, has she decided who she wants to be with... What I would do is tell her it's either me or him... I don't want to hear from you until you decide... that is the way you need to put it... Basically it sounds like she is confused and doesn't know what to do...

[CaliGuy]

I have boxed everything up and it's in the closet...i guess i'm not angry enough to throw it away....I blocked her from msn last night and i'm going to leave it that way for awhile.

 

I really will always really care about this girl but the thought of going back with her after she has been with the guy she is with makes me sick.

 

I would be willing to give her a chance but i want her to come back to me i'm not going to beg her or ask her. Maybe its sick of me but i want her to grovel. Anyways, i'm not sure how to give her a chance with out loosing dignity.

 

Deep down i want her back but she has to come back to me. I have done many things since we broke up to improve my life ie. working out, making new friends. I really think she feels like she has screwed up. But i told her i would reconcil but its either me or him. Not sure how to proceed.

 

That is the way it has to be. For it to work, she has to want to come back to you. Nothing you do or say is going to change that. It has to come from her heart, deep down.

 

Continue to focus on yourself and your needs. Leave her blocked. You've told her everything she needs to figure things out on her own.

 

Never grovel whatsoever. That never works to get them back. All it does is drive them away. Be true to yourself. Enjoy life, be happy and have a good time.

 

It's usually about the time you are over them completely that they come back into your life with full gusto. Isn't that just how life works?

 

The best advice I've ever gotten as far as 'getting back' at your ex was to have fun and live life to the fullest. It annoys your ex when they see you are having fun without them. They step back and go 'hey, wth? He's not moping about me anymore." And usually, that generates interest again to some degree.

 

Maybe not enough to bring them back, but being bitter and angry will most certainly keep them away. Not that you have that issue (she's just confused) but hopefully this bit of advice helps others as well.

 

Remember that if your love is strong, it should never be so impatient that you can not live without them. If it's meant to be, it will happen.

[fierojake]

Over the weekend i got my pilot's licence and here is the email that my ex gf sent me to congradulate me on it....i haven't broken no contact i didnt' email her back.

 

Hi Jake- I know that you dont like to hear from me but i heard that you passed your checkride and i just wanted to say congratulations and good job. It has been a long time. I hope that your quarter has gone well. And hopefully you pass all your classes. Im sorry that you had to find the message on the Myspace thing. I wasnt aware that it was there. I wasnt exactly happy either. And I know that this sounds stupid but I just wanted to thank you for some of the things that you helped me with while we were together. I now realize that I am struggling keeping my head up through this quarter. For the first time in my life I think that i actually might fail my math class. But i wanted to thank you for all the help that you gave me with my other classes before. I dont think that i ever really thanked you for all that. I am a selfish brat. And I totally took advantage of your generosity. You definitly deserved someone who will appreciate all the good things that you did for people. But if you ever feel like you know to much math, give me a chunck of your brain because i lack lots of it. I better go, have a nice spring break and behave since we all know that youre a party animal.

bye,

(her name)

 

here are the comments from myspace that were referred to in the email:

 

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]hey Aaron, just saying hello. Remember Ashley from hydraulics class? yeah shes mine now. She opperates the release valve on my Hydraulicly actuataed piston. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]this was posted my the A hole she is with.[/FONT][/COLOR]

 

 

Let me know what you guys think...what is she trying to do?

[SmoochieFace]

Over the weekend i got my pilot's licence and here is the email that my ex gf sent me to congradulate me on it....i haven't broken no contact i didnt' email her back.

 

Hi Jake- I know that you dont like to hear from me but i heard that you passed your checkride and i just wanted to say congratulations and good job. It has been a long time. I hope that your quarter has gone well. And hopefully you pass all your classes. Im sorry that you had to find the message on the Myspace thing. I wasnt aware that it was there. I wasnt exactly happy either. And I know that this sounds stupid but I just wanted to thank you for some of the things that you helped me with while we were together. I now realize that I am struggling keeping my head up through this quarter. For the first time in my life I think that i actually might fail my math class. But i wanted to thank you for all the help that you gave me with my other classes before. I dont think that i ever really thanked you for all that. I am a selfish brat. And I totally took advantage of your generosity. You definitly deserved someone who will appreciate all the good things that you did for people. But if you ever feel like you know to much math, give me a chunck of your brain because i lack lots of it. I better go, have a nice spring break and behave since we all know that youre a party animal.

bye,

(her name)

 

here are the comments from myspace that were referred to in the email:

 

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]hey Aaron, just saying hello. Remember Ashley from hydraulics class? yeah shes mine now. She opperates the release valve on my Hydraulicly actuataed piston. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]this was posted my the A hole she is with.[/FONT][/COLOR]

 

 

Let me know what you guys think...what is she trying to do?

 

Who cares about *what she is trying to do*... if you are truly over her you won't care either. Simply turn around and move on.

[riobikini]

Look, I've read your posts;this girl has obviously slayed you (it's in the posts in how you word certain things).

 

The five years of knowing each other is very significant.

 

It's almost like a marriage -you didn't say you were, I think you only lived together- but there are super-strong ties there which are going to be hell for both of you to 'undo'.

 

That is, if you are really certain you want to 'undo' them.

 

Right now, you are in no shape to be making such huge decisions about who you will -or will not- be sharing your life and your heart with.

 

You are just far too hurt.

 

I agree with all of the posters who suggest 'No Contact' for now.

 

You need time to think and regroup.

 

Once you've had that time, you can deliver your answer to her about whether you want to try and resolve the problems, and the pain you (both) feel, -or whether it's just time to make the break absolutely permanent and begin your recovery from the separation and the heartbreak.

 

Tell her again, this time, face-to-face, that you need (stress it!) to be left absolutely alone, -and tell her why.

 

At the face-to-face meeting, bring her things to her, and that will be one problem solved.

 

As for making her understand your need for No Contact, outline, on paper, your idea (at this time) of what 'No Contact' means, i.e. no emails, no messenger convos, no phone calls, no messages sent thru someone else from her, no 'accidental' meet-ups, no 'just dropping by' to 'catch up' with you, no driving past your place, no cards or letters (even if it's a condolence or b-day card), -no anything.

 

And word it similar to the above.

 

Read it calmly to her, give it to her, fold it up in her hand.

 

Then tell her the consequences, which are: one polite, firm 'ignore', then one fair warning, -then a restraining order, or possible harassment charges.

 

Because she needs to respect your need for 'No Contact' without question, under the circumstances.

 

Let her know that how she follows the rules will help you determine if there could ever be another try at the relationship, or, at the very least, -even a friendship.

 

If she cries, let her. Don't coddle her and try to soothe her, -it'll only make your words cheap and she won't take them seriously.

 

Walk away.

 

Get in your car and drive.

 

Turn on some really loud music from the rock 'n roll bands from the 80's (Guns 'n Roses ?) or find something similar and just drive for awhile.

 

Drive the feeling out for a few miles, then let yourself calm down.

 

Prepare yourself for alot more pain, but keep in mind that, for now, the most important things are: to be totally apart from her, do some heavy thinking, do some crying (if you feel like it), do some ' building-up', and getting yourself back to where you can feel like you are a valuable human, again.

 

Because, as well as your broken heart, it was, in fact, also your value , -your pride, your intelligence, your self-confidence, your ego, your self-image as a male- that she seemed to damage most with all her actions from the beginning, -and that injury has to be mightily dealt with, now.

 

So keep your word, -not just to her, but to yourself, too.

 

Just so you know, -hearts heal, lives can be rebuilt, if you give them the right treatment.

 

(Smile)

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

[fierojake]

From day to day i actually don't feel too bad....its just the uncertainty and indesicion that bugs me. From some of the other conversations we have had it seems like she is unhappy with her life and the choices she made. To me it just seems like she is either too proud to come crawling back or she is afraid that if she tries to reconcile i will turn my back on her fear of rejection maybe i don't know. I feel that if she stops being friends with this guy i would be will to be friends with her....and after time much repentance and trust rebuilding maybe there would be something. I guess i feel like turn my back 100% on her that i will be putting away any of the possibilites.....

[fierojake]

Here is the letter i typed up that i would like to give or send her about my feels.....Comments would be appericated.

 

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Her name,[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I don’t really know what is going on in your head these days but I just thought I need to send you an email to try to explain my thoughts on things. First off I have always enjoyed your company and talking to you. But here is the thing, I CANNOT maintain a friendship with you as long as you are dating, #$#$ing, staying over every weekend or pretty much everything you have been doing with Harvey. You betrayed me worse than I can explain during the end of our relationship and since then till now. Every time I have communication with you in any form or even think good friend thoughts about you and then see you over there or with him it renews all the betrayal all over again. I don’t know what the hell you want from me….in our conversations on msn and in the email you tell me how you are struggling and how you regret stuff you said and did to me. It strikes me like you want me to feel sorry for you for stuff you brought on yourself. I do not want to have a half-way dysfunctional friendship, it’s not fair to me and when it comes down to it it’s not fair to you either.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]So here is what I have to say about this you need to choose. Either it’s him or me. And choose means choose…..if you choose him I want you to leave me alone….no calls, no emails, no msn, no chance passing conversations. It needs to be like we are dead to each other. I CANNOT have a half-friendship…like “its nice to hear that youre still alive everyonce and awhile”. I have been #$##ed over to much by this thing with you and Harvey to sit back and smile and try to pretend that I’m ok with it. I’m not going to do it. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] I had already made the decision to block you from msn and had done it for about a week. I have been trying to bury you are your memories. But your email touched me and I decided that I would give you one last chance because I really do care about you but like I said I have to take care of my heart. So please respect my wishes with either choice you make. I’m sorry if this is harsh but we both need to be true to ourselves. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Your lost friend,[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Jake[/sIZE][/FONT]

[justhavetoletgo]

I dated this girl for 5+ years we made it through 2 stints of long distance then she moved to the college where i am at so we could be together. Things hadn't been going quite as well as they could have been then in October she told me that she kissed this guy then said we weren't going to work out and then broke up. Our lives were really intertwined so it took quite awhile to get our lives separated ie: cell phone plan, her stuff in my apartment etc.

 

I did hear much from her till i started making a strong push to break ties with her and develop limited to no contact. She is currently with this guy...stays at his house on weekends and such but she won't leave me alone. I told her that its best for me if i don't have any communication with her, but she wont' respect that. A couple days after i said that, it was Valetines day and when i got home there was a card and candy from her and she said "Happy Valentines, love (her name). I got on msn and instantly she started talking to me and i said "what are you trying to do" and she said "just trying to be nice" we ended up talking for quite awhile.

 

After thinking about it i decided well maybe she is trying to patch things up so told her to meet me. And i said "I feel like you are reaching out to me but it's either me or him" She said that he was her very good friend and that she wasn't going to choose one friend over the other. So i said that i was going to contine you to not have any communication with her.

 

Its been about two weeks since then and she doesn't get it...every couple days it seems like she invents some reason to contact me....either she needs something that she left at my house or she is just like "hi, just seeing how you are doing on msn". This is getting annoy because i'm trying to not have contact and she keeps reopening the wounds.

 

 

tell her to go suck an egg by........blocking her.....and don't break no contact if she wants u back she run through doors after a couple of months of no contact and that complete as long as u keep in touch she thinks that you are still in her circle of riends and if something doesn't work out for her ie this new guy she has you to fall back on best thing is to give her a swift kick in the teeth by initiating complete no contact..............which means for any reason!!!! ie did you fart? silence