over a month of no contact...ex just e-mailed me...WHAT DO I DO?!?!

[Mary3]

I sent you one honey!

 

I got it pretty girl ! I am off to a International Food Show. Lots of awesome creations with sugar and chocolate

 

Thanks for being sooo sweet !

[burning 4 revenge]

All this picture business made me upload an avatar from My Photos, but the resolution is all messed up.

 

Any advice

[burning 4 revenge]

Thanks for your forgiveness SH. Can impose on your thread just once more for Mary's opinion-or your's or anyone else.

 

The ex called at 10 last night. I never call her, but I take her calls. She said she broke up with her bf, but they are still roomates who ocassionally have sex. She also wanted to get together Friday to go see Thank You for Not Smoking.

 

I don't know what to think of it, but I'm pretty sure if I think too much about it she'll just crush me again. She's so cruel. Why is she so damn cute?

[burning 4 revenge]

does anyone come to this thread anymore? is it me? is there another cyber-secret rendevous spot? SH, you still out there?

 

i got stood up again if anyone cares. 3rd time. i think i must be an imbecile. one of my cousins dropped me on my head when i was 10 months and it's been muddy waters ever since.

 

and some girl contacted me on yahoo personals. she isn't attractive, but neither am i. she's a phd student of world religions specializing in islam. and she's of arab decent and an atheist. wrap your head around that, an arab atheist. i definitely want to meet her for that aspect alone. i'm kinda a broke, though and it's tough dating when your broke.

 

i mentioned that my ex says she broke up with her bf right? but that they are roomates? that sounds even worse to me . i think all that means is they are fighting. and that means their sex has now become angry sex. and everybody knows angry sex is far better than normal sex. so now they are probably not speaking much, looking at each other with tense expressions, cursing each other, yelling, throwing, spitting, grabbing, tongueing, biting, slapping, piercing, scratching, thrusting, cursing, moaning, thrusting, thrusting, wailing, thrusting, thrusting, thrusting, biting, screaming, squirting, cursing their way to hate-filled gushing crescendos.

 

it's good friday and i don't at all feel sorry for jesus. a) he was only on his cross for three hours and iv'e been on mine for four months b) he never had to deal with women.

[AltplanB]

This thread has strayed so far...still interesting though.

 

Revenge, i like how you speak from the heart man, with no pretention.

[burning 4 revenge]

well, i'm just going to respond to myself, sicne no-one comes here anymore. if i keep responding to myself, the entire left side of the screen will fill with elephant-men. it will be like a jack pot.

[Lishy]

Burning ..... You are Grace aint ya? Admit it!

[chocolate_boy]

Burning ..... You are Grace aint ya? Admit it!

 

Lol I was just gonna ask exactly the same question!!

[Shattered Heart]

Grace? Sorry guys, I've been thinking about it, and I don't really know what you're talking about. It's late, so my mind is probably on one track.

[Shattered Heart]

Okay, to further this thread's stray, something just happened tonight that made me more miserable than actually receiving e-mails from the ex. It was around 11:30pm tonight when the phone rang. It was my baby sister who is currently vacationing in Jamaica, calling to tell us how ecstatic she is because she just got engaged.

 

Now, one would expect that any normal person upon hearing that news would be extremely happy for the other person, especially if it just came from a family member. Well, I feel terrible, because she told me the "great" news, and now all I can think about is my own personal sorry situation. When talking to her, I know I wasn't as receptive as she would've liked for me to be. (As an aside, this is coincidentally the same sister who initially got me and my ex into talking). So, as much as I hate to do so, a small part of me still holds her responsible for everything that's happened, since I would have never met my ex had it not been for my sister. I know that's wrong of me, as my sister was only trying to do a good deed by hooking us up, but I can't help how I feel. And now, to further rub salt in the wound, she tells me her boyfriend has just proposed to her. I know I should've been more receptive to her, but this whole thing with my ex has made be totally selfish. Case in point, instead of me being happy for HER, I've been sitting here feeling sorry for MYSELF! And all I keep thinking is, "What is wrong with me? My baby sister has just called with terrific news, and all I can think about is how her news affects ME." I'm not just saying this either. I am so affected by this, tears were literally rolling down my cheeks. That's how upset I am. I know the tears I should be crying are the happy ones, but unfortunately that's just not the case. I don't know what it is. It's as if I can no longer find joy in other's happiness. I've never been like this, and I hate myself for feeling this way.

 

My only saving grace during this whole ordeal is that my other sister is feeling ths same way I'm feeling. She's down on herself too, only because she's in a relationship with a guy whom she has a hard time seeing a future with. She's not happy in her relationship because her boyfriend has three children from a previous marriage, and every one of his kids are spoiled rotten and mean. So, needless to say, she's in the same boat I'm in. So at least I know I'm not alone in the way I feel. After hanging up with my baby sister, my mother individually talked to my sister and myself about the news from my baby sister, and she basically told me, "This is just great. We just heard great news, and now you and your sister are completely miserable." It was okay, because my mother was there to talk to us and comfort us in our misery. I feel really bad for my baby sister though. Here she is, floating on a cloud, while me and my other sister are beating ourselves up. I know this probably sounds pathetic, but is this normal to feel this way? Again, I can't help how I feel. It just IS. And I know it doesn't help that her news has really made me reflect on my relationship with the ex. Upon hearing the news, I've been traveling down memory lane and "what could've been". And when it comes to my tears, this news has really opened up the flood gates.

[burning 4 revenge]

Shadenfreude. It's a German word for taking satisfaction from someone else's misery. It usually is used in connection with taking pleasure in the failures in the lives of friends and family. It doesn't mean someone is a sadist, it means that it makes you more comfortable with your own misery- what's that expression 'misery loves company'.

 

Yeah, I have the same shortcomings. One of my best friends just dumped a girl he was very much in love with, because she couldn't stop "powdering her nose". He is a conservative Cuban guy and there is a lot of that sh*t here in south Florida and he wasn't going to put up with it anymore. Still, he is beside himself, like in a daze and I can't help but feel glad somehow. He got sick of my bellyching and now he is going through the same thing and I'm just delighted. Isn't humanity wonderful?

 

And like you SH my sister introduced me to my ex, and I feel an undercurrent of resentment about it. It isn't rational, but what is rational about love (hate?)

 

German proverb: Shadenfreude is the most beautiful kind of joy, because it comes straight from the heart.

 

P.S. Who is Grace?

[burning 4 revenge]

This thread has strayed so far...still interesting though.

 

Revenge, i like how you speak from the heart man, with no pretention.

 

I missed your compliment earlier. Thank you

[Mary3]

Okay, to further this thread's stray, something just happened tonight that made me more miserable than actually receiving e-mails from the ex. It was around 11:30pm tonight when the phone rang. It was my baby sister who is currently vacationing in Jamaica, calling to tell us how ecstatic she is because she just got engaged.

 

Now, one would expect that any normal person upon hearing that news would be extremely happy for the other person, especially if it just came from a family member. Well, I feel terrible, because she told me the "great" news, and now all I can think about is my own personal sorry situation. When talking to her, I know I wasn't as receptive as she would've liked for me to be. (As an aside, this is coincidentally the same sister who initially got me and my ex into talking). So, as much as I hate to do so, a small part of me still holds her responsible for everything that's happened, since I would have never met my ex had it not been for my sister. I know that's wrong of me, as my sister was only trying to do a good deed by hooking us up, but I can't help how I feel. And now, to further rub salt in the wound, she tells me her boyfriend has just proposed to her. I know I should've been more receptive to her, but this whole thing with my ex has made be totally selfish. Case in point, instead of me being happy for HER, I've been sitting here feeling sorry for MYSELF! And all I keep thinking is, "What is wrong with me? My baby sister has just called with terrific news, and all I can think about is how her news affects ME." I'm not just saying this either. I am so affected by this, tears were literally rolling down my cheeks. That's how upset I am. I know the tears I should be crying are the happy ones, but unfortunately that's just not the case. I don't know what it is. It's as if I can no longer find joy in other's happiness. I've never been like this, and I hate myself for feeling this way.

 

My only saving grace during this whole ordeal is that my other sister is feeling ths same way I'm feeling. She's down on herself too, only because she's in a relationship with a guy whom she has a hard time seeing a future with. She's not happy in her relationship because her boyfriend has three children from a previous marriage, and every one of his kids are spoiled rotten and mean. So, needless to say, she's in the same boat I'm in. So at least I know I'm not alone in the way I feel. After hanging up with my baby sister, my mother individually talked to my sister and myself about the news from my baby sister, and she basically told me, "This is just great. We just heard great news, and now you and your sister are completely miserable." It was okay, because my mother was there to talk to us and comfort us in our misery. I feel really bad for my baby sister though. Here she is, floating on a cloud, while me and my other sister are beating ourselves up. I know this probably sounds pathetic, but is this normal to feel this way? Again, I can't help how I feel. It just IS. And I know it doesn't help that her news has really made me reflect on my relationship with the ex. Upon hearing the news, I've been traveling down memory lane and "what could've been". And when it comes to my tears, this news has really opened up the flood gates.

 

I can relate to that feeling of not feeling happy for someone because we are wrapped up in our own misery.

 

Someone I once knew took a trip and I had always wanted to go there.

I did not get to go and when that person called me from the Island , I was not that joyous in the phone conversation.

Instead of being happy for that person who was on a dream trip of a lifetime , I was feeling sorry for myself because I was not there on that trip. Needless to say that person picked up from me that I wished I were there. Still brought me back some souveniers though..

 

So we aren't always perfect and well behaved and at our best 100% of the time. Your sister knew you were suffering and wanted to share something special with you. Had you not been greiving your relationship you would have simply been overjoyed at hearing the news. But you weren't . We have no control over events but we do have control over how we handle ourselves. To blame her in some way for your girlfriend is just wrong. I know she introduced you but it was you that decided to start a relationship. There is no way your sis could have known that 4 years later it would end. I would be greatful for your sister introducing you to your ex because you had 4 years with her. Thank your sister for that. It was 4 years in your lifetime that you felt joy and love. Now it is over. Its not up to your sister or anyone else to make you happy. I can write 123 more posts to you but its YOU that has to brush himself off and go out there and try again.

 

Your other sis is going through times of trouble and was able to relate to your sadness. She will likely work out her issues and find resolution.

 

Your time frame of healing is your own individual course. No-one can walk you through it but yourself.

 

Your mom tried to console you but at the same time thats her daughter who is very happy about the good news. Your mom loves you all. She is there for you and there for your happy sister as well as your other sis who is going through some things.

 

Look at your life NOW. Look at what you have to be greatful for. What potential is out there and how to go find it.

 

You have to go through the tunnel of pain because there is no way around it but through it. If you side step the pain it will come back in other ways because your mind does not forget. It just displaces the pain for a later time.

 

Kind of like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Something similar to that....

 

Thank your sis for introducing you to your ex and tell her you really do wish her well in her life. You do wish her well don't you ?

[Shattered Heart]

Okay. Well, it's been over three months since I lasted visited this site. It wasn't by choice, but because of life events. Anyway, for those of you who are unfamiliar with this thread, I'll give you the abridged version of my situation. In a nutshell, my ex broke up with me last Halloween. Since breaking up with me, she moved to California this January to be with her new guy. Since moving to California, she's e-mailed me twice. Once in late March, and once in early April. To this day, I still have not responded to either e-mail.

 

Fast forward to today, which is over four months since hearing from the ex, and I just had a milestone birthday yesterday, turning 30. Now, the weeks leading into my birthday, I often wondered if I would be hearing from the ex. If it was any ordinary birthday, I probably wouldn't have thought twice, but since it was a major birthday, it really got me wondering. Well, just as I suspected, I got an e-mail from her yesterday. Granted, the last time I spoke to her was back in January, and she's made two attempts to contact me, but thanks to the good people here on LoveShack, I managed to stay strong and not do anything. And that's where I come in now. This is now her third e-mail since Janaury (the other two e-mails are in this thread). It just seems like each time she e-mails me, she manages to stir up many emotions. I still have not found anyone to replace her, so it's that much more difficult to "forget" about her. I have so many things I want to say to her, but I still fear I'd be losing my dignity. However, I also feel that if I don't speak my mind to her, I'll never get the proper closure I need. It's been one hell of a ride since she broke up with me. I've experienced practically every emotion under the sun. The only problem is that no matter what I do, I can't seem to "accept" what she's done to me, or find the closure I desperately need. Maybe some of you can shed some light on this issue.

 

Anyway, here's her e-mail:

 

I wanted to say Happy Birthday. I'm sure you don't care to hear it from me of all people, but I didn't forget.

 

I guess while I'm at it...I will give you an update. (Name of boyfriend) is being deployed to Baghdad, so I'm moving back home to live with my sister. (Sister's name) is due in November with her son (name of son). She is currently having a troubled pregnancy, but she is almost in the clear.

 

I hope all is well with you and your family. I hope you are happy with your life and your job and everything. I also hope to hear from you eventually.

 

Take care,

M******

[Mary3]

Welcome Back Shattered Heart !

 

The way I see it : She blew out of town, had a romp with a guy and he is being deployed. She is headed back to your home town and gave you a cursery polite letter asking you about your well being.

 

If her intent is to screw you again without any grease I hope you don't step up to the plate and allow her to mentally **** with your head again.

 

I would just say : "Hey , glad your life is in order . I am doing great. I had a wonderful birthday and have alot to look forward to in my future . Good luck to you and yours. "

 

Make it simple. Business like.

 

Don't ride the dizzy train that she wants you to climb back on.

 

You have made alot of progress.

 

Be strong.

 

We are here.

[mishy]

 

I wanted to say Happy Birthday. I'm sure you don't care to hear it from me of all people, but I didn't forget.

 

I also hope to hear from you eventually.

 

Shattered heart , this girl is seriously passive aggressive- you sound like a total gem and you deserve much better. Stick to your guns. Stay away from this crap- she'll take your heart and put it through the mincer and make bolognaise.

 

You've done really well. BLOCK her email address!!!

[johnnytable]

This is a pretty lame email. Telling you about her life when you haven't responded to any other mails? Passive aggressive behavior? Yuck. Don't reply to this.

 

I know that you have a lot that you want to tell your ex and feelings that you want to get out to her. However, you need to heal on your own with the support of friends, family, and us. The ex is out of your life and should not be involved in your healing. You will feel better and stronger with yourself if you heal in this way as well.

 

Have you seen a therapist? They can really help even after a few sessions. Given the amount of time you have been in pain, it might be worth doing.

 

One thing that bothers me is your desire to replace the ex with somebody else. If you can "replace" them with something within yourself, then you won't need somebody else... which makes it all that much better when you do decide to be with another person.

[Shattered Heart]

I would just say : "Hey , glad your life is in order . I am doing great. I had a wonderful birthday and have alot to look forward to in my future . Good luck to you and yours. "

 

That's assuming I should even respond at all, since not responding is the general consensus of my family and friends. One of my new buddies didn't even know my situation. So I briefed him on it today, and just from the little bit I told him, he said he didn't like the way she treated me, and that I'm too nice a guy who deserves better. Now either he was just trying to be nice, or even he could see right through her. Anyway, if I were to say ANYTHING to her, it definitely wouldn't be anything "nice". I have WAY too many repressed feelings that have been bottled up since the breakup. And not once did I ever give her a piece of my mind. And it's THAT which is killing me.

 

Don't ride the dizzy train that she wants you to climb back on.

 

It's weird, but that's exactly what I feel like doing, as I think that's the only way to get the closure I need.

 

Shattered heart , this girl is seriously passive aggressive

 

Ya think? I guess that's just one of her many fine qualities.

 

you sound like a total gem

 

Wow, mishy, you are an EXCELLENT judge of character

 

Stick to your guns.

 

Sticking to my guns is exactly what I've been doing for the past nine months. My hand is always near the holster, just waiting to draw and shoot. And each e-mail she sends me just adds to my total ammunition.

 

Stay away from this crap- she'll take your heart and put it through the mincer and make bolognaise.

 

Unfortunately, there's no more heart for her to take. As if tearing my heart out wasn't enough, she managed to scrape out every last piece from my chest cavity.

 

I know that you have a lot that you want to tell your ex and feelings that you want to get out to her. However, you need to heal on your own with the support of friends, family, and us. The ex is out of your life and should not be involved in your healing. You will feel better and stronger with yourself if you heal in this way as well.

 

Okay, I've tried this. For nine whole months. And where has it gotten me? Hearing from her SHOULD NOT be setting me back like it's doing. Therefore, something obviously has to give. And if it's me releasing my feelings to her, NOT to family, NOT to friends, NOT to a therapist, but to HER and ONLY HER, the one who's responsible for my pain, then I suppose that's the way it's gotta be. I can't think of any other way. She obviously has not gotten the hint, and has absolutely no idea the pain she's caused me. So why branch out to me? Why still keep in touch with me? What is she fishing for? Was my birthday just an excuse for her to contact me? Are her feelings changing? What's the answer? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I suspect that by not contacting her, it's gotta be eating her alive. It seems like she's got a guilty conscience, and I would only be helping HER if I respond to her. It must be killing her to not hear from me. And if that's the case...GOOD!!!

 

Have you seen a therapist? They can really help even after a few sessions. Given the amount of time you have been in pain, it might be worth doing.

 

Yes I have. And I'm not afraid to admit it. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Hey, pretty much everybody here is using this site for some kind of therapeutic value, right? I started seeing my person back in November, and I stopped going to her in May. She's helped me, but now I may need to see her for a couple more sessions.

 

One thing that bothers me is your desire to replace the ex with somebody else. If you can "replace" them with something within yourself, then you won't need somebody else... which makes it all that much better when you do decide to be with another person.

 

I understand what you're saying, but I think you misinterpreted what I was saying. Basically, I was saying that anything is better than being alone. People need people to love. And I love to love. Nothing beats the feeling of holding the woman I love in my arms. There's no better feeling.

[johnnytable]

You are right that I misinterpreted what you said about replacing her.

 

I think that her email was designed to get you to contact her. If you do this, you may very well regret it. Honestly I'm not sure what you can say at this point. Perhaps its best not to say anything at all.

 

I know what you mean about wanting to unload your feelings onto her. I've had the very same temptations with my ex, especially since she has unloaded on me since the breakup likely due to the fact that I wasn't contacting her or responding to her outbursts. However, I'm not sure if it would make me feel any better and perhaps make me feel worse.

 

Now I'm going to say something which I want you to think about, and feel free to tell me that I'm full of it I don't think that your ex is causing you pain. I think that you are causing yourself pain.

 

Reason being... if I had sent you these emails you would not flinch. You would delete them as spam and move on with your day. So its not the emails themselves causing you pain, but rather your interpretation and feelings about the emails. This is coming from inside of you. If you read these emails 30 years from now, you will not feel the pain. Why? Because you have changed, not because the emails have changed.

[mishy]

I have WAY too many repressed feelings that have been bottled up since the breakup. And not once did I ever give her a piece of my mind. And it's THAT which is killing me.

 

What you need to do is write a letter saying exactly what you would say if you were giving her a piece of your mind- write absolutely everything you want to say - get it all out - THEN take that letter -

 

And burn it, chuck it down the toilet, drop it in the ocean (u sound like the type who would do that), bury it, leave it somewhere, destroy it , just release the beast into the world!

 

You don't need to give it to her, you just need a way of expressing it. I know it might sound like a dumb idea but honestly ,try it. it works.

 

theres no point giving her the letter because theres no way u should have anything to do with her mindplaying games.

 

heres another thing- I'm sorry but i don't think she is thinking about you half as much as you are thinking about her.

 

Again, what you said about the feeling of having a woman in your arms? GO OUT AND FIND HER.

 

(erm, p.s i live in australia, is that a bit out of your way????

[Shattered Heart]

Of course. I can almost bet my life on it that she concocted that e-mail in such a way that I would appear like an insensitive jerk if I didn't respond. And the reasons being that she was "nice enough" (in her own mind) to "not forget" about my birthday; she mentioned her sister and her troubled pregnancy (how insensitive could I possibly be to ignore this???); she tries to play the nice, caring girl by concerning herself with my well-being, making mention of me and my family, and hoping that I am "happy with my life" (whatever that means...I guess reminding me that I'm out of her life, and making the distinction between both of our lives, and that there's no possible chance in hell we can ever re-enter one another's lives again). As for telling me what's going on with her boyfriend, what's up with that? DOES SHE REALLY THINK I GIVE A FLYING F*** ABOUT HIM???????

 

So she practically gave you the green light to unload on her and you didn't take it? Well, that tells me that you found an alternative means of healing yourself. I've tried everything short of either unloading on her OR finding some other girl to replace her. I just have a feeling that I would get some sense of relief or closure by exploding on her. All I'm concerned with right now is ME and MY healing. But it's just not happening. Something needs to happen, other than me constantly laying low.

 

Okay. Now let me tell you something. You're only HALF full of it I DO KNOW that my ex is causing me pain. That much is true. Otherwise, why would her e-mails be stirring up old feelings? You're right, it's not the e-mails themselves that's causing me pain. It's THE INDIVIDUAL who's sending them. It's the temptation to respond in such a way that could potentially make me feel better. It's the OPPORTUNITY she's given me to actually reply to a message that SHE sent, and NOT an e-mail that I would be creating from scratch (which would appear like I was thinking about her). So no, the e-mails themselves don't really cause me pain. They are a constant reminder of the pain. If anything, the e-mails themselves and the stuff she writes only pisses me off, but doesn't cause me pain. Then again, had I received this e-mail from you, it wouldn't piss me off. So it's definitely HER. But I already knew that.

[Mary3]

That's assuming I should even respond at all, since not responding is the general consensus of my family and friends. One of my new buddies didn't even know my situation. So I briefed him on it today, and just from the little bit I told him, he said he didn't like the way she treated me, and that I'm too nice a guy who deserves better. Now either he was just trying to be nice, or even he could see right through her. Anyway, if I were to say ANYTHING to her, it definitely wouldn't be anything "nice". I have WAY too many repressed feelings that have been bottled up since the breakup. And not once did I ever give her a piece of my mind. And it's THAT which is killing me.

 

 

 

It's weird, but that's exactly what I feel like doing, as I think that's the only way to get the closure I need.

 

 

 

Ya think? I guess that's just one of her many fine qualities.

 

 

 

Wow, mishy, you are an EXCELLENT judge of character

 

 

 

Sticking to my guns is exactly what I've been doing for the past nine months. My hand is always near the holster, just waiting to draw and shoot. And each e-mail she sends me just adds to my total ammunition.

 

 

 

Unfortunately, there's no more heart for her to take. As if tearing my heart out wasn't enough, she managed to scrape out every last piece from my chest cavity.

 

 

 

Okay, I've tried this. For nine whole months. And where has it gotten me? Hearing from her SHOULD NOT be setting me back like it's doing. Therefore, something obviously has to give. And if it's me releasing my feelings to her, NOT to family, NOT to friends, NOT to a therapist, but to HER and ONLY HER, the one who's responsible for my pain, then I suppose that's the way it's gotta be. I can't think of any other way. She obviously has not gotten the hint, and has absolutely no idea the pain she's caused me. So why branch out to me? Why still keep in touch with me? What is she fishing for? Was my birthday just an excuse for her to contact me? Are her feelings changing? What's the answer? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I suspect that by not contacting her, it's gotta be eating her alive. It seems like she's got a guilty conscience, and I would only be helping HER if I respond to her. It must be killing her to not hear from me. And if that's the case...GOOD!!!

 

 

 

Yes I have. And I'm not afraid to admit it. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Hey, pretty much everybody here is using this site for some kind of therapeutic value, right? I started seeing my person back in November, and I stopped going to her in May. She's helped me, but now I may need to see her for a couple more sessions.

 

 

 

I understand what you're saying, but I think you misinterpreted what I was saying. Basically, I was saying that anything is better than being alone. People need people to love. And I love to love. Nothing beats the feeling of holding the woman I love in my arms. There's no better feeling.

 

 

Of course the choice is up to you to stay in NC.

 

The letter suggested really is *better* than letting out a bitter can of worms on a ex who really does not care that you were totally devastated 9 months ago .

 

You always have the choice of NC or BNC ( breaking no contact ) new word ! lol. Anyway the idea of " I am fine and moving on " is the image you want to convey rather than " Oh My God, you destroyed me ! You took every breath and every molecule and made for a descending HELL for me. YOU wicked evil Snake ! "

 

Now of course that would feel good to ~LET IT ALL OUT~ but seriously there is never a good time to *let it out* to someone who was basking on the California Beaches and with her new Pimp Daddy frolicking while you were totally and utterly destroyed when she got on the big airplane and left you high and dry...

 

You must be ready for the next thing I am about to say : You must FORGIVE her !

 

I know that is shocking but you are still in 9 months ago and you need to LET THIS GO ,Let her go , and you need to go to the mirror and say "M----- I forgive you." Listen to your voice. Listen to the weight slowly coming off your chest .

 

Why in Hell Blazes should you FORGIVE her ? Because its sets you FREE !

 

You are no longer bothered by her , what she does , what she's doing now , what she will try to do tomorrow because : YOU DON'T CARE !

 

That my friend is where you want to be. You want to feel ABSOLUTELY nothing when you think about her . You want to feel like she is a boring school teacher who wasted your time with too many essay questions. She is NOT all that ! You will come to see that. And you will say : Why the Heck have I wasted all this time on this woman ?

 

You don't want your hand near the *Holster*. You need to stop letting her TAKE the POWER from you. Who is she ? Some unworthy broad who came in and raped you emotionally and is now just a sad creature who will roam the earth for her next victim....

 

She is a nobody to you !

 

She must become a nobody....someone that does NOT elicit such responses such as " Oh I will email SHeart and lets see how worked up he gets about me....I mean afterall he loved me for 4 years . I know I still have him by the ba---. Watch this as I email him again and disrupt his life like I so cruely did 9 months ago. Oh, who cares , let me just do a selfish act like this, after I hurt this man "..

 

When you think of her now its not "WOW ! "Why is she emailing me ?? Does she have regrets ?? " ( nope )

 

It should be : 'Oh its M----- again. Well thats not an email I really care to open. Hrmmm... what game is one tonite on TV. Did I order the pizza.?

Let me just delete this. I mean after who cares ? I know I don't " (Thats more the response you want to have internally.)

 

Afterall ,YOU control your thoughts. Don't let her control you and what you think .

 

Previous Poster said it well.

 

Don't let this affect you in the way it does anymore.

Don't let her start the crap again. DO let her know ( if you want ) that you really don't care one way or the other and you can't be bothered by a likely ( now ) disease ridden whore who wants a free sample and her old job back.

 

Who RATES that high ? She certainly does NOT ! She deserves not even a mere mili second of your time, your thoughts and your feelings that you OWN.

[Shattered Heart]

The more I think about it, the more I just want to simply write, "Please leave me and my good heart alone."

[dancehead]

Hi. That wouldn't be good! You must move on. Life is too short to fret all this time over an ex. Go and find something as good or better out there. it can be done you need to close your heart to her and open it up to others. You don't want to end up like me and I should take my own advice. Look for my post 'no contact didn't work' in the friends and lovers section and perhaps you will see how not doing NC properly really messes you up.

[Mary3]

Shattered Heart : This is a post from a previous poster ( dancehead ) and what happens to you when you can't let go , decide to contact the girl and screw up everything you worked for :

 

She asked me if I was getting on with my life and if things have improved for me since shes been gone. I was honest and I said a little but not much. Asked me if the pain was going away, then we ended the call, it was not really going anywhere. Well initally I felt better through no contact, the pain of her rejection of me faded. But 3 more weeks went by after that phone call, and I started to feel worse, much worse. I hated the feeling that I got when I thought of her, a feeling of pain and sadness. The jealousy if thinking of her with this new guy was eating me up. I missed her so much as a lover and a friend. I started to feel that not talking to her was worse than NC. Because having her as a friend is better than not having her at all. So I (perhaps stupidly) called her, we have been talking again and we have sort of patched things up after much arguing over the past events. She wants to meet me. She is still with this new guy much to my dismay - I hoped it would be a temporary thing especially since she is going to leave the country. But it sounds like he is committed to her (more than she is to him) Firstly, what did I do wrong - if anything? What do I do now? Can I be friends with this woman? I have so many mixed feelings right now - hate, jealousy, anger, revenge, love, friendship, passion and a feeling that maybe she was never right for me but I may never know now. I feel a bit more in control than I did during the NC. But I don't know where to go from here, can anyone advise?

 

~~~~~~~

 

This is a great example of living in the Past , becoming weak when the ex texts you, emails you, calls you. This poster got a taste of a selfish attention whore and if she decides to start up the contact with you Shattered Heart , thats a little of what you might be in for..

 

As I look back and have had strict NC for 2 years it has worked great. Yes you still have the what ifs and a few why's but for the most part 99% I have healed and moved on...