over a month of no contact...ex just e-mailed me...WHAT DO I DO?!?!

[Mary3]

a) what happened to you sounds more typical of male psychology. my ex wasn't flaunting her relationship at the office to brutalize me she is just selfish and was acting out of instinct. that last time i saw her she talked about all the bad points in her relationship to bond with me about the parts she missed about ours (i think to smooth things over).

 

b) she isn't stringing sh*t. 2 wonderbread e-mails from california, when you live in new york means nothing.

 

c) i think she will care a little about what he thinks if he is selective with his words. not enough to make a difference, but a real e-mail that isn't fluff, but cuts to the heart will resonate if you lived with somebody for a year. plus there are a lot of questions he has. the only danger is hoping it will lead to anything other than partial closure ( full closure is when you are satisfied with your next relationship).

 

d) who said anything about being friends? no way, not ever, that would be totally disturbing.

 

Well I say stringing along more in my own context but in some form its the same if she is continuing contact with someone that she broke their heart.

 

I know the need for closure. All of us have that need. Seriously if you were her ( put yourself in her selfish situation ) and you got a closure letter but you are too busy playing house with some in California...how much is that letter going to affect her ? She runs from man to man sucking the life out of them and then gets bored and gets another one ? So her sucking instinct will still be on and she will not care what she is done . I can imagine a " casual letter sent back with no real empathy " is on the menu.

 

The friend context once again was more mine in my prior relationship. That was what he did. He wanted to break up but still be * my friend * and a little more. Needless to say , never been in a situation like that before, I got screwed twice , so to speak. Broke up , strung along like FWB, then ceremoniously told " Hey I found someone new " ! Then I knew I could never AGAIN be an ex's friend. Unless of course we both mutually had no feelings for eachother and just wanted to go to a movie or something...but then that too can create a new problem in a NEW relationship if you are still hanging out with the ex ? Thats why now I ask . " Do you have any strong feelings for an ex at this present time ? " lol. Have to ask now. Don't want to get stung again with the rebounders....

[CaliGuy]

It's my CHOICE? Do you think I CHOOSE to feel the way I've been feeling? I may be a glutton for punishment, but I have my limits. When a friend or family member dies, do you CHOOSE to go through the grieving process? No, it just naturally happens. It's a part of human nature and we all go through it differently.

 

I just posted a thread in coping that I believe will help address the issue of feelings and how to let go.

 

I think I've already hit rock bottom. But that was months ago. If you recall from my first post that started this thread, I was starting to get better until she e-mailed me. But she managed to set me back. Whether it was intentional on her part or not is irrelevant. It happened. I AM tired of feeling badly, but I'm more scared about facing the dating world more than anything. Maybe I just need to lay low until I'm good and ready.

 

How about not contacting her at all? Shut the door and stay in complete NC mode

 

I'm not going to lie to you. She DID make me extremely happy.

 

Did she really or was that an illusion on your part?

 

But I can't say that I depended on her for my happiness. I had a life before she came into it, and I continued doing all the things that made me happy. Yes, I sacrificed some things to be with her, but now I'm back doing those things again. However, towards the end of our relationship, she told me that she felt like she always had to be there for me because she thought I depended on her to always be there. You know, I HATE finding out stuff like this when it's too late to rectify. I wish she would've communicated her feelings to me as she was feeling them. But I guess that's not how most women work.

 

It was the same for me and my ex. The aspects of my life that changed during the course of our relationship she thought I changed for her. It wasn't true but she still felt that way.

 

Absolutely not. Of course I know I'm in no position now to take her back if she wanted me back. However, it's only because of HER that is making me feel this way. And don't you think that if she were to want me back, my entire mood would do a 180 and I'd be back to my old happy self again? If I were to remain down in the dumps AFTER I get back together with her, THEN there would definitely be something wrong with me.

 

Nor could I take my ex back unless she had a total and complete transformation (not likely). I have forgiven her and let go because I want to be ready for the next step in my life. I'm looking forward, not back.

 

I guess it all comes down to Maslow's hierarchy of needs. It seems like you, Mary, and a number of posters in here are near the top of the pyramid.

 

I wouldn't say I am there 100% yet but I am getting close. I have identified what my needs are and am focusing on getting them met. And none of them include my ex in the equation

 

I believe I'm already taking an active approach in my healing. First of all, I've been doing a lot of reading about relationships. Secondly, I come here to share my feelings and get great advice from you guys. Granted, I know my healing starts with me, but you guys are sure helping to move along the process.

 

Awesome! That's what were here for. Most of us have been through this process and the fact you've recognized you need to vent and bounce ideas off others is a very important step in healing and growing.

 

She doesn't have strong confidence and high self-esteem. She's very insecure, yet with all her e-mails, it appears she's trying to get me to revolve around her. So, if anything, a person who is confident and has self-esteem will be content and won't concern themselves with trying to make the other person revolve around them. The more insecure you are, the harder you'll try for this to happen. That's the way I see it.

 

It is with most insecure people. However, what I mean by getting them to revolve around you isn't in correllation to them being dependent on you but in the sense that you've got a sense of direction and are happy with your life to the point they want to be a part of it, not be defined by it.

 

PREGNANT??? NOOOOOOOOOO! I don't know where you got that from, but let me clear the air right now. She's NOT pregnant. Well, she may be now for all I know, since I haven't spoken to her in months. Also, she's a very strong, independent woman, so she's not looking for someone to take care of her. You're probably thinking of another member's ex. You are correct in that she dropped me for her best friend of 12 years and moved to CA to live with him. I have other threads in the breaking up section that clearly describe her. So you may want to check those out.

 

Ok, my fault. You and someone else here have a similar story.

 

I'm not really holding back info. Up to this point, I've said a lot, but there are definitely other things that I'm aware of that I fear sharing on here, only because of the off chance that she were to stumble across this website and view my threads. And I know she'd know it is me because of how specific I am in my detail. Not to mention, I posted her actual e-mails on here, and I think she knows what she wrote me. Haha. As it is, she would be VERY surprised to read everything I have written about her. I know the chances of her stumbling across my threads are extremely slim, but there's still a chance nonetheless. And that's the one thing I'm constantly fearing.

 

I had that fear at one time but since I have let go I don't worry about it anymore. I'm not holding on to the off chance we'll reconcile and even then if it bothered her that I needed to get healed via this forum then screw her

 

Oh, I know. If I felt you were chastising or judging me, I wouldn't be as nice as I've been. Even though I'm a nice guy to begin with.

 

Don't be nice, be good and balanced.

 

You might be right, but you're probably basing your statement on the simple fact that she broke up with me. Meaning, is someone who actually breaks my heart really the right woman for me? Well, that's something I'll know for sure once I come to terms with everything and am fully healed.

 

Accepting them completely as they are, warts and all, is a sign of truly loving them. However, you must be able to accept yourself as you truly are, warts and all, before you are capable of doing the same for someone else. And even then you'll have to have healthy boundaries.

 

Healthy boudaries prevent resentment, they do not create them.

 

In order for me to take back control of my emotions for her, I feel it's mandatory to tell her all the things that I've found out that she had lied to me about.

 

That's a kind of revenge. You don't need to vent to her because it doesn't matter. Read the thread I posted in coping about "letting go." This is one of the reasons why you can't. You still want something from her and that is is the need to tell her off. You can do that best by ignoring[b/] her.

 

 

I've been living my life with this unfortunate knowledge of the truth, and I haven't divulged any of it to her. So she's now currently thinking she got off scot-free. BUT SHE DIDN'T! A lot of my anger doesn't just stem from the fact that she simply broke up with me. It's because of how she HANDLED the breakup, as I later found out she made a total mockery of our relationship. I know I also covered all this in my other threads as well.

 

But you know it so she did NOT get off scott-free. If it makes you feel better, send her an email detailing what you know but only if it allows you to forgive her and move on. If you do it expecting something in return you still have not let go.

 

She IS dysfunctional. She is also an emotional infant who appears to be severely unhealthily unsuccessful in relationships. Why would I want to put myself through all this grief again, you ask? Call me crazy, but I did love her. I managed to look past all her flaws, imperfections, and baggage, because my love for her was truly unconditional. Words could not express my undying love for her, which is probably why I'm still majorly affected by the breakup. I hope to one day be in your shoes and realize that it would never work out between me and my ex. Until then, I'm taking it one trying day at a time.

 

I was in the same shoes as you my friend. It was only when I decided to forgive her debts to me (perceived or not)that I was able to truly let go and move on.

 

I know what you're saying, but it's difficult because all my ego and self-esteem wants right now is to be fed with positivity. And it starts with my ex. I have this burning desire or need to be wanted by someone. Naturally, I would like for it to be my ex, but I have a feeling I'm going to have to be SETTLING for someone else. A complete unknown. And that's what frightens me the most, since how will I know when Ms. Right DOES come along?

 

You will be wanted by someone and loved by them truly when you let go of her, put 100% focus on yourself and getting your needs met and making your life so happy that you are content with being single. When you do that, a woman will be drawn to you, your confidence and your happy outlook on life. And once you get to that point, never, ever let it go.

[burning 4 revenge]

The C*nt called me today. Originally it was to make fun of George Bush who was stumbling over his words at a press conference. We used to make fun of him a lot together in the good old days. I've actually grown kind of fond of GW, his botched sentences bring back happy memories.

 

Then we talked about Abraham Lincoln who she said she didn't like because he looked like a grotesque monkey and I said it was typical of her to be so superficial as to hate the man who freed the slaves, because of his appearance. She said his beard freaked her out, that she couldn't help hating him. She said she approved of Kennedy as far as shot presidents go, because he was such a doll before they blew his brains out. Then she asked if I wanted to go the movies this week and her cell died. I haven't called her back. She is such a bitc*.

 

Should I call?

[CaliGuy]

Should I call?

 

No. And if she is such a c***, why are you still talking to her?

 

You can't be friends with someone you are in love with. It just doesn't work.

[Mary3]

I agree with the other posters who say that this thread is a fascinating saga. It has an ongoing element of suspense that is irresistable. To the one poster who asked about why all the drama- break ups are the heart and soul of all great drama in history. Or I should say conflict is, but what is more heartwrenching conflict than two people loving each other and then one loses interest while the other one agonizes at the rack. I am an aspiring novelist and I think SH's posting has given me a concept for a book- to write a novel entirely in the format of an electronic forum thread.

 

As far as reponding SH, I say there is no harm in it if you want to be amiable but I would also warn against expecting anything more than being internet penpals. I broke no contact recently with false hopes and got severely burned.

 

BACKGROUND; I had been peripheral friends with my sister's best friend for a couple of years. My ex GF was married when we first met and I would sometimes hang out with her and my sister. There was a slight attraction between us, but she was married to some pretty boy from Argentina and so I knew there was no chance and I never tried anything. Then last spring her marriage came crashing down, because of some office affair that she had with a co-worker she nicknamed GIB (good in bed) and also taking a page from Sex in the City she sometimes called Mr. Big- for obvious reasons. Her husband found out and being the conservative Latin guy he was he immediately left. No skin off his back, he had affairs while they were married and he has unlimited opportunities with women. Then the guy she was having an affair with broke it off, because he was feeling guilty about cheating on his wife. She was left alone. She was devastated. She was vunerable. She turned to me. Obviously I should of known better, but she was so passionate in her language and actions. I was the rebound from two physically formidable men, but I wanted to really believe she loved me for all the right reasons. She said it was wonderful being in a relationship with someone who understood her and that not only was she in love with me, but that I was her best friend. And I let myself believe it.

 

Fast forward eight or nine months. My sister gets me a temp job at the office where they both work. It comes to my attention that it was getting around that she was stalking Mr. Big at the office and that she would go into his car almost every day and well, I'll just say "do things".

I confront her and she doesn't deny it. I break up. She cries and begs me to give it another chance. I do, because I am a classic cuckold. Right after the holidays, and I mean Jan 2 2006 Mr. Big packs his bags and moves in to her house. He said he needed to stay with his family through the holidays, but that she was what he really wanted. All this happens at the place where I worked. And once he gave in she made no secret of it, but would lavish him with affection right there at the office, right in front of my eyes! Get this- she had the nerve to tell me that she was still in love with me, but she just couldn't help herself. I swear when I would see her look at him it was like she would start to soak.

 

Well, I quite my job there and started waiting tables again. Six weeks of NC. And a hole in my chest.

 

Then all of a sudden like twenty text messages and voice messages in less than two weeks. I held out for a while thinking I was somehow gaining hand. I knew she would miss me I thought, how long can explosive sex with some gorilla satisy her compared to the "special connection" we had, I knew she would eventually see -start feeling the need for something real.

 

So I finally respond. We agree to meet at an Indian restaurant the next day and I blow her off for good measure. She leaves a nasty voice mail berating me, I don't respond , but then when she was on the phone with my sister (were roomates) she asks to talk to me. She says she misses me terribly and says she is unhappy and I am her best friend, oh how can I ignore her like I do. I remind her of why, she gets all weepy voice and I agree to meet her at a local grill pub for some pints.

 

We meet. We drink. Perhaps too much. She goes on and on about how unhappy she is, that she can't stand him as a person ,that he doesn't understand her like I did, that he has no sense of humour and that he only knows computers and it's like he's never opened a book in his life, and that he was starting to look ugly to her, blah, blah, blah but that she still is addicted to the sex. I make a joke about it being like the episode of Seinfeld where Jerry's two different types of heads play chess with one another and she starts to laugh and kisses me on the cheek and then I just lose it. I don't raise my voice, but I am vicious and to the point. I tell her that she is a whore like her mother was (she left her marriage for a 17 year old and commited suicide when he got tired of her), that she is selfish and superficial and that she has no idea how trivial she treats other people's emotions, that it will catch up to her and she will never be satisfied and will end up a suicide. She starts to respond, but I tell her to shut up, to shut her god-d****d mouth, and to go get f****d since satiating her slut's desires are the only thing she cares about anyway. She sits there stunned and starts to cry. I tell her her tears disgust me, and as I start to indifferently light a cigarette she takes it out of my hand and starts to make out with me. Right there at the bar, which is something she never ever does, she says pda is so provincial. We make out for like 30 minutes and then leave.

 

She called me on my way home and told me she loved me. That night she called again before she went to bed and told me she was still in love with me. Then I suspect she proceeded to get gored into ecstacy by her stud while I watched Law and Order alone in the dark.

 

In the last two weeks we agreed to meet twice and she's blown me off both times. Surprise, surprise.

 

The last phone call we had (I called her) she said she loves me like a brother. WTF? She said she drank too much at the bar and seeing my "adorable" smirk made her nostalgic. And the thing that really hurt is she said our relationship was never going anywhere anyway and what a relief it was to be friends again. She then made an excuse to get off the phone, promising to call back later. Do you think she did?

 

I hope mine is a cautionary tale about getting your hopes up breaking no contact. Life is what it is. People are selfish. I am selfish if I am honest with myself. If I was dating a homely woman who treated me like gold and then the wh*r* made an honest and agressive effort to regain my affections, I think I would give in. Try and think about what it is that her new bf gives her that gratifies her senses. If it isn't sex then you know it has to be something else. People are slefish. It is the human condition.

 

I had to pull up your Original Post to answer this one : She just wants to be your friend. If you can handle that 100% then go to a movie with her. If you have any residual feelings for her at all then I would not be her buddy.

 

Your Quote : The C*nt called me today. Originally it was to make fun of George Bush who was stumbling over his words at a press conference. We used to make fun of him a lot together in the good old days. I've actually grown kind of fond of GW, his botched sentences bring back happy memories.

 

Then we talked about Abraham Lincoln who she said she didn't like because he looked like a grotesque monkey and I said it was typical of her to be so superficial as to hate the man who freed the slaves, because of his appearance. She said his beard freaked her out, that she couldn't help hating him. She said she approved of Kennedy as far as shot presidents go, because he was such a doll before they blew his brains out. Then she asked if I wanted to go the movies this week and her cell died. I haven't called her back. She is such a bitc*.

 

Should I call?

[burning 4 revenge]

No. And if she is such a c***, why are you still talking to her?

 

You can't be friends with someone you are in love with. It just doesn't work.

 

She's a c*nt, but she's an adorable c*nt. I mean who else could hate Lincoln because he was ugly?

[burning 4 revenge]

I had to pull up your Original Post to answer this one : She just wants to be your friend. If you can handle that 100% then go to a movie with her. If you have any residual feelings for her at all then I would not be her buddy.

 

 

 

Your Quote : The C*nt called me today. Originally it was to make fun of George Bush who was stumbling over his words at a press conference. We used to make fun of him a lot together in the good old days. I've actually grown kind of fond of GW, his botched sentences bring back happy memories.

 

Then we talked about Abraham Lincoln who she said she didn't like because he looked like a grotesque monkey and I said it was typical of her to be so superficial as to hate the man who freed the slaves, because of his appearance. She said his beard freaked her out, that she couldn't help hating him. She said she approved of Kennedy as far as shot presidents go, because he was such a doll before they blew his brains out. Then she asked if I wanted to go the movies this week and her cell died. I haven't called her back. She is such a bitc*.

 

Should I call?

This is what I am thinking. I want to get her liquored up and then convince her that to rectify the gross disrespect she showed she needs to let me f*ck her up the ass. Just once. See, I know she doesn't want me as a partner anymore, but I think she really does want me as a friend. We grew pretty close as friends. And I also know she hates getting f*cked up the ass. If she liked it, it wouldn't be any fun. So if I do convince her and it's not inconceivable, but certainly not probable, if I do convince her, then I would have to decide afterward whether I really want to be her friend, or not. But I may just be thinking this way, because I just watched The Sopranos.

[Mary3]

So you want to have anal sex with her for revenge ?

 

Isn't that similar to getting in the rape zone : you know , having ( any ) kind of sex with someone against their will ?

 

Or do you plan to get her so zonked out she will submit to anal ? Sounds awfully pathetic to me.

 

Couldn't you just send her a dozen black roses and a Nasty Gram ?

[CaliGuy]

This is what I am thinking. I want to get her liquored up and then convince her that to rectify the gross disrespect she showed she needs to let me f*ck her up the ass. Just once. See, I know she doesn't want me as a partner anymore, but I think she really does want me as a friend. We grew pretty close as friends. And I also know she hates getting f*cked up the ass. If she liked it, it wouldn't be any fun. So if I do convince her and it's not inconceivable, but certainly not probable, if I do convince her, then I would have to decide afterward whether I really want to be her friend, or not. But I may just be thinking this way, because I just watched The Sopranos.

 

There's something disturbing about this post.

 

Have you seen a Counselor yet? This is not healthy thinking. Even if you're trying to make a joke, I just don't find the humor in it.

[zarathustra]

There's something disturbing about this post.

 

Have you seen a Counselor yet? This is not healthy thinking. Even if you're trying to make a joke, I just don't find the humor in it.

Cali, read Burning's other other post as guest. While he said in his own thread that he says stuff for shock value, i get the vibe that he means what he says. He doesn't seem to have anything constructive to offer either.

 

Burning, get help before you get yourself in prison.

[Shattered Heart]

I'd like to know how my thread suddenly turned into a discussion about anal sex! I mean, yes, my ex is a bunghole, but that's as far as that goes.

[zarathustra]

I'd like to know how my thread suddenly turned into a discussion about anal sex! I mean, yes, my ex is a bunghole, but that's as far as that goes.

You are a good man SH. I don't know how it happened but it did. I don't know why this person keeps saying some of the things he says... very disruptive and disturbing.

 

I can understand hurt, being in pain right now myself, but I would never utter the horrific things that I'm reading on this forum from him.

[burning 4 revenge]

o.k. you're all right that sounds pathetic. can't believe i was writing that stuff myself. as far as rape goes, i'm in grad school for library science, i'm 5'8 and skinny and a total dork. reading my posts i can understand how you would think i'm like some convict. that is so un me. i could never, ever, ever actually perpetrate violence against a woman. i haven't been in a fight since 1989. and even then i got my ass kicked. i've never laid a hand on a woman before. and i never will.

 

sorry if i got totally inappropriate. also, sorry i hijacked this link SH - my original intentions were good.

 

i'll stop writing on this thread but wanted to clear my name first

[Mary3]

We give this post back to you

 

I still wonder what you look like lol.......

[Shattered Heart]

I agree with the other posters who say that this thread is a fascinating saga. It has an ongoing element of suspense that is irresistable...I am an aspiring novelist and I think SH's posting has given me a concept for a book- to write a novel entirely in the format of an electronic forum thread.

 

In all fairness, this was the only post of yours that I've read so far, so I have no idea what you've posted thus far. However, it was this initial comment of yours that made me feel really good about myself. That said, I'm willing to forgive whatever you have written that has supposedly defaced my thread. So I'm hereby giving you a second chance (is this in CaliGuy's Guide to Second Chances?) Haha. And I can forgive you, but can't forgive my ex. Go figure.

 

o.k. you're all right that sounds pathetic. can't believe i was writing that stuff myself. as far as rape goes, i'm in grad school for library science, i'm 5'8 and skinny and a total dork. reading my posts i can understand how you would think i'm like some convict. that is so un me. i could never, ever, ever actually perpetrate violence against a woman. i haven't been in a fight since 1989. and even then i got my ass kicked. i've never laid a hand on a woman before. and i never will.

 

sorry if i got totally inappropriate. also, sorry i hijacked this link SH - my original intentions were good.

 

i'll stop writing on this thread but wanted to clear my name first

 

Apology accepted. I know your original intentions were good. That's why I'm not upset. Everybody gets carried away from time to time, and let their emotions do the talking. Being that I haven't read your posts yet, I gather you're very angry towards your ex. Trust me, I know how it feels, as I'm right there with you. You don't have to stop writing on this thread, as long as your posts are constructive in nature and add something positive to the ongoing dicussion. And I don't mind if topics change either, as long as there is no "thread devaluation". That said, your name is officially cleared with me, and I grant you full access to all the privileges so enjoyed by the other posters of this thread. (PFFFFF...YEAH RIGHT! I MAKE MYSELF SOUND SO POWERFUL AND "ALL THAT". EVEN I COULDN'T SAY THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE! ) You're okay, b4r.

[Shattered Heart]

We give this post back to you

 

Thanks Mary. I will try to maintain whatever I've been doing that's causing all of you to want to stay and participate in this thread.

 

I still wonder what you look like lol.......

 

Well, if you play your cards right............ LOL.

[Mary3]

I think I stay because I want to see you cross the threshold into feeling better about something that someone did to you that you did not deserve.

 

I can entirely relate to that feeling.

 

* Wonders what savvy female magic will work to get a pic from Shattered Heart * Flips and does cartwheels....

[Shattered Heart]

Well, I appreciate you "hanging in there" for my sake. And I have a feeling that, under your supervision, I'm going places.

 

*Wonders what methods to use in falling victim under Mary's (love?) spell ...aside from the typical gymnastics*

[Mary3]

Being quite the seductress I don't think it would take much to get you to turn over those pictures , lol !

 

All kidding aside , I would like to see the great man behind all the pain and hurt that has grown by leaps and bounds into someone strong and with a wonderful future ahead

 

* Sits in a chair with legs crossed knowing confidantly that I will see your pics before sunrise * Now thats confidance ! Something I have in abundance

[Lishy]

Wow Mary - Where has the tough cookie gone? Where has all the tough love gone?

 

SH you have turned our Fearsome Mary into Barbara Cartland!!!!!!!!!!

 

You must have the magic touch! Forget your silly ex and her pathetic 'Don't forget about poor lil me' Mails and move on to our Mary! (She frightens the shyte outta me but you have the stuff to soften her up) hahahhahaha

 

Seriously SH you seem to be coping good! Keep it up!!!!!!

 

Ps (Do you do nakie pics too?) hahahhahaha

[Mary3]

Wow Mary - Where has the tough cookie gone? Where has all the tough love gone?

 

SH you have turned our Fearsome Mary into Barbara Cartland!!!!!!!!!!

 

You must have the magic touch! Forget your silly ex and her pathetic 'Don't forget about poor lil me' Mails and move on to our Mary! (She frightens the shyte outta me but you have the stuff to soften her up) hahahhahaha

 

Seriously SH you seem to be coping good! Keep it up!!!!!!

 

Ps (Do you do nakie pics too?) hahahhahaha

 

LOL Lishy ! Its 3:01 am and I had to read this last post !

 

Don't worry I still have tough love for Shattered Heart and if he gets any more emails and or calls , he knows he can post here and get * Marys 411 on Tough Love * advice .

 

I think he needs a Mary in his life someday. Somone who will appreciate him for being a GOOD guy which is perfect balance

 

Hope I didn't scare ya Lishy ! I know I shook up SHeart but I had to when I saw he was suffering so much from a girl who was long gone and sending taunting tid bits of emails to get his mind hurting again.

 

I got more tough love ! Bring on the letters , LOL !

 

Shattered Heart knows what I want next er I mean pictures ! LOL !

[Shattered Heart]

Okay Mary, here's something that you can potentially redeem (your bad self) with. This was an e-mail I just received from my good friend who was once a mutual friend of both me and my ex. Anyway, here's his e-mail, and my response follows:

 

His e-mail

 

As for the (name of my ex) situation I really feel that (she) is a sadistic person. I know that you still have feelings for her and that's fine but I really feel that (she) is the type of person that would be like, "here (my name), I know you don't care but I wanted to let you know that I'm getting married." It's not right but I know she would do it. It makes her happy I think to see people hurting believe it or not. If (she) is happy that's all that matters to her. Plain simple language she is selfish.

 

My response

 

As for (name of my ex), I wholeheartedly agree with you. I hate to admit that, since I once dated someone of her caliber. I mean, by me falling for someone like her, what does that say about the kind of person I am? However, I can't think that, because I honestly hadn't a clue she was the type of person she "really" is. I've been told the reason I can't let go is because I haven't yet forgived her. That I have to learn to forgive her, so I can let her go and move on with my life. It sounds easy, but I can't just easily dismiss all the horrible things she did and said about me (supposedly without me knowing). She made a total mockery of our relationship, and I have a really hard time forgiving her for that. Like you once said, had she come clean about everything from the beginning, I would've had more respect for her. Yes, I would've been more hurt, but at least I wouldn't have held as much against her. And that's what I'm battling with now. And it stinks because I'm such a stubborn person, and nothing anyone is telling me is sinking in. I DESPISE what she's done to me, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. GET THIS B*TCH OUT OF MY HEAD ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Okay Mary, go to town. Reclaim your name.

[Mary3]

Shattered Heart I have to tell you a story. On a short plane ride I came across this lovely lady I knew I had to talk to. Instead of putting my Walkman on , I put it down because she had something important to say.

 

Lets just say I have a gift for reading people and I knew she had a warm aura about herself . She told me one of the most valuable things I ever heard. ( I can read you if you would like )

 

She said when someone hurts you , you must say outloud : "Tina ( insert your ex girlfriends name )" I forgive you , I do so because I am moving on with my life " . Now I want you to say it tonite when you get home from work and have some alone time. **Say it out loud** . Its extremely moving and lifting and takes the weight of burdon off your chest. Why do you need to forgive the selfish ex ? Because it empowers you !

 

You see as long as you have Anger , you are giving * energy * to her. I know you want to say " There's no way in He** I am forgiving her " ( But ) you must do so to completely heal. I did this with my dad , my ex and an old friend , all who hurt me in some way. Once you say it outloud its like WOW I feel better.

 

You can choose to hang on to what she did but then you are hanging on the baggage she left behind.

 

Fear not that you will forgive her and become weak.

 

Its not a door you are opening but one you are NOW closing.

 

Forever.

 

And it just feels so nice afterwards. I am not saying you still don't hurt. But don't you have the rest of your life ahead of you ?

 

I know it won't be easy but it must be said *outloud*

 

. She is gone now.

 

She may try to come back but NOW you have 10,000 inspirations for not being sucked back into a hole you will be spit out of again.

[Shattered Heart]

Mary, go right ahead and read me. I'm an open book anyway, so this should be interesting.

 

Oh, and your tone is still pleasant, so I guess you no longer have it in you to dish out the toughness (at least to me anyway). I suppose, because of me, you are a changed woman. You were once a dumpee. Now you're just a softee.

 

And since my curiosity is now getting the best of me, I'd have to guess that you are a middle-aged brunette who is average-looking. I have nothing to base that off of, as it is strictly a guess. But that's the mental image I have of you. And I say middle-aged because of all the wisdom you possess. If you turn out to be 18, I would be totally floored.

[Lishy]

SH ....... Mary has helped me many times when I had an obsession over a guy who was basically a fk buddy, but who I had grown feelings for! She told me in no un-certain terms that I was barking up the wrong tree and that all he wanted was the fanjita!

 

She was right!!!!!!! It hurts and it's not what you want to hear but she was RIGHT!

 

And Mary thank you for that (you do not scare me but I wanted to keep your rep going hon )

 

Oh Mary (Sorry to hi-jack this thread for 1 sec) He IMd me today after 3 months and started a bit of sex talk - I ignored his inuendo's and just blocked him from my IM! He is out of my head and out of my bed for good babe! What did I see in him? Blahhhhhhhhhhh