Mydish1 Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 i dont want to be telling this girl something i dont mean. I admit i am interested in her, we get along great, we click easily when we talk, i enjoy her company, I care about her a lot...i want whats best for her and want to see her happy. We dated shortly for a few months...did stuff that couples did. however we drifted back to friend territory, mutual (i think). Im not sure if i see her in the romantic sense anymore. yesterday and this morning i thought 100% i knew for sure i want to be more than friends...i couldnt sleep the whole nite thinking about it. However after coming back from class, i dont even care anymore...or not sure anymore. I cant differentiate between afraid of losing her, or actually wanting her. HOW CAN I KNOW FOR SURE IF I WANT HER MORE AS A FRIEND? my feelings are off right now. Link to post Share on other sites
ddnnee Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 well, you have two choices obviously. Think of the reprecussions/results/outcome of each choice u make. Let's say you told her: "I want to be more than friends" <Rejection> she rejects you and then puts you in her friendzone. you are screwed for life and then she goes f*** a biker who treats her like trash (cuz she likes it). You MAY lose your friendship with her... now whether u cherish that or not is up to you. <Acception> you guys go out and a new relationship blooms... until she cheats on you for some biker and you are back to square one. u end up losing friendship with her. <You remain as friends with her> she dates a biker, however, in this scenario, your friendship with her may last. all choices are morbid and dissappointing, BUT that's life... life is hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Has someone got a hangup about a biker? Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Has someone got a hangup about a biker? Sounds like someone might have a hang-up! Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 HOW CAN I KNOW FOR SURE IF I WANT HER MORE AS A FRIEND? Do you want to have sex with her? Do you want to be with her all the time and move your relationship to another level? Do you care about her more than you care about yourself? If you answer yes to 2 or more of these questions then you want more than to be friends with her. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Has someone got a hangup about a biker? Funny someone mentioned this. Bought up one of my mom's retirement dreams. My mom wants a Harley when she retires. Can you see a petitie chinese woman on a Harley hog? As her son, I told her I will get her a Harley provided that she gives her grandkid(s) rides to school. The mom would get a bike, leather jacket, associated gear, and the kid gets a spiked helmet with the side car. Soccer grandmothers, eat your heart out! Do you want to have sex with her? Do you want to be with her all the time and move your relationship to another level? Do you care about her more than you care about yourself? If you answer yes to 2 or more of these questions then you want more than to be friends with her. Good advice! From my experience, I did reveal my true feelings in the best of time and worst of times for her and me. She knows I care and would do things; and would walk away forever if need be (and backed it up). She lost health coverage, I offered her mine. She gets stuck in a airport, I would drive to her and pick her up. I told her my true feelings beyond just sex everyday (pipe dream after 3 yrs of marriage?) and having kids; as in partners in life. If you can't hold back or let the romantic feelings go away and keep it platonic, I would suggest letting those feeligns go away first before the friendship. If you keep the feelings inside, you still have a friend BUT those feelings will hinder your relationships (with her and others). Hidden feelings will also hurt and eat at way slowly inside you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mydish1 Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 Do you want to have sex with her? Do you want to be with her all the time and move your relationship to another level? Do you care about her more than you care about yourself? If you answer yes to 2 or more of these questions then you want more than to be friends with her. sex? yes and no...but usually no. be with her all the time? Not all the time. i do care about her, but more than me? im not sure...it's kind of like a trick question...if anyone hurt her in anyway i would definitely like to know. i told her if she's happy, im happy. From my experience, I did reveal my true feelings in the best of time and worst of times for her and me. She knows I care and would do things; and would walk away forever if need be (and backed it up). She lost health coverage, I offered her mine. She gets stuck in a airport, I would drive to her and pick her up. I told her my true feelings beyond just sex everyday (pipe dream after 3 yrs of marriage?) and having kids; as in partners in life. If you can't hold back or let the romantic feelings go away and keep it platonic, I would suggest letting those feeligns go away first before the friendship. If you keep the feelings inside, you still have a friend BUT those feelings will hinder your relationships (with her and others). Hidden feelings will also hurt and eat at way slowly inside you. I admit i still do have some feelings left for her. And i know she still does me but we're both putting on an act (or not acting on our instincts). I do have romantic feelings for her, but they arent that strong. Jerbear, i dont think the feelings could ever dissapate, but perhaps lay dormant. Sometimes i imagine her with another guy and i can see it possible, that i would be cool with it. However my gut keeps telling me she wants me (to make a move). From the way she dresses/looks for me, from the way she behaves with me. altho it may not be conscious, it's definitely a subconscious message. She even brought up indirect messages of going to the movies, and mentioned she thinks of me when she goes to X location. What strikes me is the last 2 times i attempted to walk away, she always figures some way of pulling me back..but i know shes afraid of losing me. But our friend agreement has given me a new respect for her and her for me...feels dumb to throw it away. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Have you kissed her or want to kiss her? If not, kiss her and don't back away, chicken out etc.. go from there. If she wanted you to make a move, this is one. You might get more, get a slap but at least you know consciencously and unconiencously. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mydish1 Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 Have you kissed her or want to kiss her? If not, kiss her and don't back away, chicken out etc.. go from there. If she wanted you to make a move, this is one. You might get more, get a slap but at least you know consciencously and unconiencously. She's a tricky one. She's very shy/easily intimidated and a slow dater. i did do some subtle moves that day but i guess she's just being shy as she always is. She never could look me straight in the eye for more than 2 seconds... but i know what im gonna do now, thanks. she's going away for 4 months which does kinda suck Link to post Share on other sites
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