In person or a letter?

[Sckiie]

OK, do you think that it is better to sit down face-to-face with a person and tell them something that is on your mind or will a letter or email do just as well? I know that in the past when I get in the face-to-face situation I have left out MAJOR points that I wanted to make or we get off task in the conversation.

 

Here is a letter(email) I want to send and would like your input... keep in mind we have only been seriously dating for the last 3 weeks. We met through an ad I placed online.

 

**********************************************************

 

Dear ****-

 

I don't even know how to start this or even what I want to say but I know that writing this out is the best approach for me& I want to make sure that what I want to say comes out right.

 

You have to know something about me and the way I think to even begin to understand where this is all coming from. Over the past 10 years I have developed a characteristic that some think is good and some think is bad. I am very honest with what I feel and how I interact with the people around me. I also have learned that I cannot deal with regret in my life. I have seen too many people ( and experienced myself) missed opportunities because they were afraid to be honest and upfront about what they were thinking. I also don't have the patience to play all of the usual 'games' that many people fall into when they are interested in someone or something.

 

After we talked last night I have been thinking a lot about what you said& " I don't even know why I answered you ad&because I'm so busy and don't have alot of time for the fun stuff, but you are such a great girl" Whatever the answer to that is& I'm very glad that you did.

 

First of all I want to start out by saying that I do understand and appreciate the fact that you are a busy person and have a lot of things going on in your life. Like I told you, I think that is great and you should be. I do not want to be the person that is demanding of your time or that you EVER feel the need to 'squeeze' me in to your schedule. I have to say that I have enjoyed the time that we have had together and would very much like to continue to see you& only if that is what you want. But I need for you to be completely honest with me and let me know if I do ever ask too much of you, or put any stress on you that is undue.

 

You are such a wonderful person and since day one you have impressed me with your kindness and generosity. But, I have no idea what it is you are looking for. I thought at first that you were possibly looking for someone to date and if you were, how you function in that type of relationship.

 

I have to be honest and tell you that when I placed that ad I never really expected to meet anyone that would be interesting to me, but I felt that it was worth a shot& and I'm glad that I did. Because if nothing else ever comes of this, I feel that I have met someone that I could count as a friend.

 

D***, you are such a great guy and I really am enjoying getting to know you. I must say that meeting you has been one of the best things that has happened to me in a very long time. I just don't want you to think that I would ever want to make you feel that you had to spend time with me or that you ever owed me anything. I really just want to see a guy that appreciates me for who I am and genuinely enjoys spending time with me. I am a very simple person and I don't need to be impressed with what a guy has materially or what he can afford to buy me or take me& nor do I EVER want to be that person. I like a guy who is true to himself and isn't afraid of where the road of life may take him. When I see someone that I am interested in, the attraction I feel comes from the person's heart and their goals in life. Something you said in one of your first emails to me has been in the back of my mind since our first date was that you were looking for 'someone to walk through life with'& that struck a very positive cord deep within my soul and I guess opened my eyes to the kind of guy you truly are.

 

I know that this must be coming at you completely out of left field and I apologize, but I knew that if I didn't express what I was feeling I may look back on this as a regret and that scared me. I also don't want you to think that I am looking to be in any sort of 'instant' relationship or that I have the 'let's move in together' gene that you refer to. I am completely open to any possibilities. I am just enjoying spending time with you and would like to continue to do so.

 

I also apologize that this had to come to you in this form. I really wanted to do it face-to-face, but I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get everything in that I wanted to say or worst case& chicken out. Anyway, please know that I only wrote this in an attempt to be completely honest with my thoughts and feelings. Now that you have had a chance to read all of this I would love the opportunity to talk with you or get any feedback that you may have.

 

***********************************************************

 

Let me know what you think...

[yes]

Only 3 weeks huh?

 

I say it's way too early for such long letters .......

OK, do you think that it is better to sit down face-to-face with a person and tell them something that is on your mind or will a letter or email do just as well? I know that in the past when I get in the face-to-face situation I have left out MAJOR points that I wanted to make or we get off task in the conversation. Here is a letter(email) I want to send and would like your input... keep in mind we have only been seriously dating for the last 3 weeks. We met through an ad I placed online. **********************************************************

 

Dear ****- I don't even know how to start this or even what I want to say but I know that writing this out is the best approach for me& I want to make sure that what I want to say comes out right. You have to know something about me and the way I think to even begin to understand where this is all coming from. Over the past 10 years I have developed a characteristic that some think is good and some think is bad. I am very honest with what I feel and how I interact with the people around me. I also have learned that I cannot deal with regret in my life. I have seen too many people ( and experienced myself) missed opportunities because they were afraid to be honest and upfront about what they were thinking. I also don't have the patience to play all of the usual 'games' that many people fall into when they are interested in someone or something. After we talked last night I have been thinking a lot about what you said& " I don't even know why I answered you ad&because I'm so busy and don't have alot of time for the fun stuff, but you are such a great girl" Whatever the answer to that is& I'm very glad that you did. First of all I want to start out by saying that I do understand and appreciate the fact that you are a busy person and have a lot of things going on in your life. Like I told you, I think that is great and you should be. I do not want to be the person that is demanding of your time or that you EVER feel the need to 'squeeze' me in to your schedule. I have to say that I have enjoyed the time that we have had together and would very much like to continue to see you& only if that is what you want. But I need for you to be completely honest with me and let me know if I do ever ask too much of you, or put any stress on you that is undue. You are such a wonderful person and since day one you have impressed me with your kindness and generosity. But, I have no idea what it is you are looking for. I thought at first that you were possibly looking for someone to date and if you were, how you function in that type of relationship. I have to be honest and tell you that when I placed that ad I never really expected to meet anyone that would be interesting to me, but I felt that it was worth a shot& and I'm glad that I did. Because if nothing else ever comes of this, I feel that I have met someone that I could count as a friend. D***, you are such a great guy and I really am enjoying getting to know you. I must say that meeting you has been one of the best things that has happened to me in a very long time. I just don't want you to think that I would ever want to make you feel that you had to spend time with me or that you ever owed me anything. I really just want to see a guy that appreciates me for who I am and genuinely enjoys spending time with me. I am a very simple person and I don't need to be impressed with what a guy has materially or what he can afford to buy me or take me& nor do I EVER want to be that person. I like a guy who is true to himself and isn't afraid of where the road of life may take him. When I see someone that I am interested in, the attraction I feel comes from the person's heart and their goals in life. Something you said in one of your first emails to me has been in the back of my mind since our first date was that you were looking for 'someone to walk through life with'& that struck a very positive cord deep within my soul and I guess opened my eyes to the kind of guy you truly are. I know that this must be coming at you completely out of left field and I apologize, but I knew that if I didn't express what I was feeling I may look back on this as a regret and that scared me. I also don't want you to think that I am looking to be in any sort of 'instant' relationship or that I have the 'let's move in together' gene that you refer to. I am completely open to any possibilities. I am just enjoying spending time with you and would like to continue to do so. I also apologize that this had to come to you in this form. I really wanted to do it face-to-face, but I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get everything in that I wanted to say or worst case& chicken out. Anyway, please know that I only wrote this in an attempt to be completely honest with my thoughts and feelings. Now that you have had a chance to read all of this I would love the opportunity to talk with you or get any feedback that you may have. ***********************************************************

 

Let me know what you think...

[clia]

I don't know how much you've seen of this guy or talked to him, but if I got a letter like that from a guy I'd been dating only 3 weeks, I'd freak out. You are getting way too deep for the early stages of the relationship. There's nothing wrong with honesty, but sometimes it's good to keep some things to yourself in the early stages of a relationship. Why don't you just sit back and let things happen? You don't need to spill your guts so soon. If after a few months you are still together, then think about sending him this information.

OK, do you think that it is better to sit down face-to-face with a person and tell them something that is on your mind or will a letter or email do just as well? I know that in the past when I get in the face-to-face situation I have left out MAJOR points that I wanted to make or we get off task in the conversation. Here is a letter(email) I want to send and would like your input... keep in mind we have only been seriously dating for the last 3 weeks. We met through an ad I placed online. **********************************************************

 

Dear ****- I don't even know how to start this or even what I want to say but I know that writing this out is the best approach for me& I want to make sure that what I want to say comes out right. You have to know something about me and the way I think to even begin to understand where this is all coming from. Over the past 10 years I have developed a characteristic that some think is good and some think is bad. I am very honest with what I feel and how I interact with the people around me. I also have learned that I cannot deal with regret in my life. I have seen too many people ( and experienced myself) missed opportunities because they were afraid to be honest and upfront about what they were thinking. I also don't have the patience to play all of the usual 'games' that many people fall into when they are interested in someone or something. After we talked last night I have been thinking a lot about what you said& " I don't even know why I answered you ad&because I'm so busy and don't have alot of time for the fun stuff, but you are such a great girl" Whatever the answer to that is& I'm very glad that you did. First of all I want to start out by saying that I do understand and appreciate the fact that you are a busy person and have a lot of things going on in your life. Like I told you, I think that is great and you should be. I do not want to be the person that is demanding of your time or that you EVER feel the need to 'squeeze' me in to your schedule. I have to say that I have enjoyed the time that we have had together and would very much like to continue to see you& only if that is what you want. But I need for you to be completely honest with me and let me know if I do ever ask too much of you, or put any stress on you that is undue. You are such a wonderful person and since day one you have impressed me with your kindness and generosity. But, I have no idea what it is you are looking for. I thought at first that you were possibly looking for someone to date and if you were, how you function in that type of relationship. I have to be honest and tell you that when I placed that ad I never really expected to meet anyone that would be interesting to me, but I felt that it was worth a shot& and I'm glad that I did. Because if nothing else ever comes of this, I feel that I have met someone that I could count as a friend. D***, you are such a great guy and I really am enjoying getting to know you. I must say that meeting you has been one of the best things that has happened to me in a very long time. I just don't want you to think that I would ever want to make you feel that you had to spend time with me or that you ever owed me anything. I really just want to see a guy that appreciates me for who I am and genuinely enjoys spending time with me. I am a very simple person and I don't need to be impressed with what a guy has materially or what he can afford to buy me or take me& nor do I EVER want to be that person. I like a guy who is true to himself and isn't afraid of where the road of life may take him. When I see someone that I am interested in, the attraction I feel comes from the person's heart and their goals in life. Something you said in one of your first emails to me has been in the back of my mind since our first date was that you were looking for 'someone to walk through life with'& that struck a very positive cord deep within my soul and I guess opened my eyes to the kind of guy you truly are. I know that this must be coming at you completely out of left field and I apologize, but I knew that if I didn't express what I was feeling I may look back on this as a regret and that scared me. I also don't want you to think that I am looking to be in any sort of 'instant' relationship or that I have the 'let's move in together' gene that you refer to. I am completely open to any possibilities. I am just enjoying spending time with you and would like to continue to do so. I also apologize that this had to come to you in this form. I really wanted to do it face-to-face, but I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get everything in that I wanted to say or worst case& chicken out. Anyway, please know that I only wrote this in an attempt to be completely honest with my thoughts and feelings. Now that you have had a chance to read all of this I would love the opportunity to talk with you or get any feedback that you may have. ***********************************************************

 

Let me know what you think...

[midori]

Forget the letter. Given the amount of time you've been seeing each other that message is way too long and too intense. If you believe what you wrote (that you really don't want to ask for more than he can give) then enjoy your moments together and get on with your life when you're not with him. Work, instead, on getting to a place of trust and openness so that you feel comfortable expressing yourself and your good intentions face to face. If you're too nervous to do it now it's because your relationship hasn't ripened to that stage yet -- in which case your letter would be really jumping the gun.