sunshineanderson Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 There was a mutual attraction btwn my co-worker and myself. We started talking more at work because of a business he's into that he talked to me about. Sometimes we would talk after work. Then one day at work he asked me if I drink. I told him I do, although not often. Then after work he called to ask if I wanted to hang out, watch movies at my place. He also said he'd bring something to drink. I agreed, and, of course, we ended up having sex, although that wasn't necessarily my intention. The sex was great, although he didn't really kiss me passionately and would return my kiss on the lips with a small peck. The next few days at work were fine. The next time we were supposed to get together he clearly said all he wanted was sex. I was disappointed (we had sex that night and the next morning, though) and we haven't had sex since (although it's only been a few days). I still look forward to seeing him at work every day, and I feel he may have feelings for me because I often feel him looking at me. Also, the other day after he told me he only wanted sex and he thought I was mad at him, I told him I wasn't mad, but I played it kind of cool. I was about to each lunch, stepped out of the lunchroom, and when I returned he was sitting directly across from where my stuff was. He seemed nervous, not that he didn't want to be there, but he was fidgety with his food and his plate. Then he stayed in the lunchroom longer than usual (he usually leaves before me) until we were alone, and he made casual conversation. We haven't spoken much outside of work since then but we are very cordial at work. Also, he usually agrees/backs up/acknowledges what I say when I'm speaking in front of other people. He's much younger (13 years), but I honestly look a lot younger than I am. I don't know his status except that he's single and has a baby almost a year old. The baby and mother live in another state (although the sees the baby often) and the mother attends school out of state. Sorry for the rambling, but I'm wondering if anything can come from this or if I should just consider changing jobs. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 When a man says he just wants sex you should believe this is all he wants from you. If you don't want a FWB relationship then you need to end it and do whatever helps you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshineanderson Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I hear what you're saying, Yamaha. He claims the next time we see each other we can just hang out and not have sex, but I don't believe him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 The mistake you made ( if you wanted something special from him like a relationship ) was to sleep with him right away. If a man really likes you , he will wait until the right time for you both to become sexually intimate. By giving the goods so soon and then he clearly says :" Thats all I want is sex from you " then he got just what he wanted and still *does* if you continue sleeping with him. Next time , figure out what you are looking for and then go accordingly. If you just want sex from him ( FWB ) then keep doing what you are doing. But if you want to start over fresh with someone NEW then remember not to sleep with them so soon if its a committed stable relationship you desire. Men WILL WAIT if they think you are worth waiting for Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Like Mary said, you probably didn't think about what you wanted from this man. Sounds like you basically just wanted to spend time with him. If he sees you every day and you're not giving him any, but he still seems to want to be around you, maybe he realizes that you're not giving it to everyone. People have moments of weakness, and if a man is smart enough he'll realize what a real woman is, whether she slept with him or not. I know plenty of sex buddies who got married, but they continued to sleep with each other and their relationship developed. I'm not saying still sleep with him. If you think it's better not to, then don't, but don't give up hope (and don't cling to false hope either). Just continue to be yourself. People try to make generalizations about if a woman sleeps with a man then blah, blah, blah. It's not that simple for every situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 But once you have slept with him so early its nearly impossible to say " Oh hey ,I think I made a mistake in sleeping with you so soon and so now I just want us to be friends and not have sex right now but maybe later as we progress " ( Because thats your motive if YOU want a relationship which to me now is pretty unlikely ) The next likely thing to happen is this : He only * wanted * sex in the first place, found it was easy to get it from you and now is going to be denied that sex. Guess what happens next ? He dissapears. You have NOW set down rules but its too late. He will move on to find easy sex again. He just learned that he could get it with little effort. He will seek out the effortless again. Honestly its a little too late to tell this man you want to be respected and cherished because in his mind he hit the target and he needs another target goal The odds are not in your favor but anything can happen.....the most * likely * thing to happen is that he heads out for the hills... To be * just your friend now * and maybe later get something physical from you is not his cup of tea. Lesson learned I hope Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 He can't disappear. Did you read what she said? He's in her face every day. Jen Link to post Share on other sites
Creative Thinking Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Don't be stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 sorry to hear this has been a confusing time for you. i don't think you really thought about what you wanted, in the first place. and i regret to say, that once the dynamics are established, it is very difficult to change them. sounds as tho he was clear that he just wanted sex. and that's that. what choice do you have, other than to move on and promise yourself perhaps that next time, you will look before you leap into bed? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 I suppose a work buddy can become more. However, as a general rule, I recommend against fishing in the company pond. It can lead to problems that affect your job and is not very professional. I'm now married to a former coworker and we were friends for five years before I ever asked her out. I only did so after she'd changed agencies and we no longer had the same employer. Had she not moved, she wouldn't have gone out with me either, and we weren't intimate. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 They may work together but he can still disappear in the distant sense... Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 He has told you he just wants sex! All he wants is sex! Link to post Share on other sites
Computer Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 He has told you he just wants sex! All he wants is sex! Yepp. You said it with precision. And I know it's going to hurt to move on because you actually slept with him [multiple times]. This would only cause further attachment. Is attachment what you want from this type of guy? I hope not. Why be attached to someone you can't have? You'll only cause yourself to suffer and probably for all we know - end up depressed. Handle this situation with extreme caution and be wise Link to post Share on other sites
sunshineanderson Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Well, it seems that my co-worker sex buddy does want more -- imagine that. I already knew that sex buddies could turn into more, because I know of people who have made the transition from sex buddies to man/wife, but in my particular situation I wasn't sure. Turns out I wasn't being dumb about it, but rather, I knew the man I was dealing with. He's been hurt (like so many of us) and his way of trying to protect himself was to try to have a solely sexual relationship with me. But I think by him seeing me every day and really getting to know me, and me playing it cool really helped him to see what he wanted. I'm still taking things slow, but I'm not going to stop having sex with him. Right now it's sex, good conversation, laughs -- perhaps one day it will be "making love", but whatever it is right now it's pretty good. So some men (like some women) don't always mean exactly what they say. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 Correct me if I am wrong ? Did you infer that you would stop the sex at any time ? Because if you did ( and I could be wrong ) then he has said NOW he wants more from you, which of course includes more sex and laughs and fun. All great if you want lots of sex and laughs. But if you want *more *the odds are that the sex came first and all your other needs came last ? This is purely okay if you dont have any feelings for him and just want the sexual pleasure. However , if you DO have feelings you might get a whopper of hurt in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts