footinthemouth Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Well my ex wife, only separated, call me tonight after we play vball and she basically tells me that I am screwing up her life with her friends. We play some dropin ball on Sunday and when I was playing with her I got upset. We had this other guy that we played with as well during league. Near the end of one game I started to get upset at her because she was basically only using him for an attacker, so I got upset cause it's drop in ball and other people want to play too. Later that night I told her that I got upset and directed it at her, and apologized. I realize that I choose that response cause I was like that when we played together. Anyways now she tells me that the guy is uncomfortable and doesn't want to get in the middle of us. I don't even talk to the guy, so I don't understand how he's in the middle. She is upset cause he doesn't know if he wants to play ball with her. I really don't care about this because I'm not the one doing anything. At least that's what I think. I told her that if us trying to have a friendship is to hard, while trying to maintain other friendships, then we don't have to be friends. I told her that I would deal with that decision my own way if she doesn't want a friendship with me. At the end of the conversation she said that she just couldn't keep talking because it was making her upset. So I wrote her an email telling her to get in contact with me, when she decides what she wants to do. Did I go about this the right way? She's starting to sound a little crazy cause she was breaking down when we were talking about the friendship with the other guy. I don't think that they have a more serious relationship and even if they did, I don't care. What you all think about this. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Xillr8ng Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 anything you do that is even slightly aggressive right now is going to push her WAY away....I suggest you put a HALT to it....but it's only my opinion,I'm sure others here will chime in their thoughts on this... Hang in there.. Link to post Share on other sites
greenshift Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I don't think that they have a more serious relationship and even if they did, I don't care. What you all think about this. Thanks I think that if you didn't care, you wouldn't have included this last statement. You need space - tensions are high betwee the two of you. If you want to work on your marriage, do it, but that doesn't sound like what you're after. If you've both really decided to go through with the divorce, then you should get some space. And THAT means, *real* space. You can't play volleyball together (btw, I have no idea how that game works, so a lot of your story is beyond my comprehension), etc. I would suggest that a lot of the tension you're feeling is jealousy. Even if you're mentally okay with her seeing other people, there's still some emotions there that haven't been settled. Give it some time. Maybe you can be friends, but it sounds like it's hard on you both, especially her, at the moment. Who knows - maybe she's trying to make you jealous to win you back. Stranger things have happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author footinthemouth Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 I think that both of us are on the same page in our relationship. She has made it clear that she only wants a friendship, and I have told her that I have accepted the decision and I want to only have a friendship as well. I went out with her today to go shopping and things went very well. We were just hanging out, talking and joking around. I am giving her plenty of space, we don't contact each other that much, maybe a few time during the week, on the phone or IM. It gets a little rough sometimes when we talk, but I usually feel fine after the conversation, no analyzing or wondering what she thinks. As for underlying emotions about her, I don't know what I feel subconsiously, I haven't broken down or anything really. The first 2 weeks were hard, but I got to realize alot of things in myself and our relationship. Right now I'm going to fix myself, get my life on track and change for myself. It's only been a month since we separated, so it hasn't been long. I think the friendship should work cuz we were really good friends when we first met, just need to build on it. You never know what the future holds. Thanks for the replies Link to post Share on other sites
Author footinthemouth Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 I read another thread and started thinking why is it that when your relationship ends people start thinking that the person they were with was the best thing they ever had? I can understand at the beginning of the break up you would think that, I mean I do. Right now I do wonder if she is the best person I could have had, but I've never been in a long term relationship, so how do I know? Do people still think that way when they get into another relationship down the road? Is it always a wonder after a break up that the person they were with was the best for them? Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 playing volley ball with a newly seperated spouse sounds dangerous to me. what if the ball hits you in the face accidently on purpose?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author footinthemouth Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 She doesn't play in a position that would allow her to hit me. When I did play against her alot of my hits were towards her, but not intentionally. She could set someone else up to do it though. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 foot, read the book uncoupling. It'll answer some of the questions you've asked. Link to post Share on other sites
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