littlekitty Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 If you don't trust anyone then you'll never have the opportunity to enter into and be part of a truly loving relationship. You shouldn't attribute one person's bad and unloving behavior to anyone else but them. It's easy to build a wall around your heart to keep out the hurt. However, there's an unintended consequence. If the hurt can't get in, neither can any love that's trying to. Beautifully said Curmudgeon. That's what I always say. If you aren't open to hurt, you aren't open to love. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 That is what happened to me. The breakups were within one year of each other, just not the same calendar year. And I was/am quite sick with RA...and I had pneumonia too. But of course, he said, "We'll get through this together".....that was a week before he dumped me. So, no, I am not lucky. We all have crappy times in our lives Jen. I for one, was actually in hospital, on life support, while my bf of the time decided to move on and find a new gf since I wasn't available... nice eh?!! Some men are just bastards. We all have our crap to bear... but things also always get better! Hope you're feeling better today honey! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted March 13, 2006 Author Share Posted March 13, 2006 I for one, was actually in hospital, on life support, while my bf of the time decided to move on and find a new gf since I wasn't available... Geesh, what a slimey a-hole! You poor thing. And he probably using the L word with you before you were sick, right? I can't stand the way people throw around "I love you" without the actions to back it up. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Geesh, what a slimey a-hole! You poor thing. And he probably using the L word with you before you were sick, right? I can't stand the way people throw around "I love you" without the actions to back it up. Oh yeah, he sure loved me eh?!! I promise you there are people out there who don't say the L word lightly, and who mean it when they say it. Ok, so 90% are women but hey.... I've had some of the weirdest things happen in my relationships... that one above being a prime example. I also dated a guy who's ex gf got murdered. Obviously I understood his grief and supported him. Unfortunately by the time we had a photo of her on the TV in his bedroom watching us, and a tattoo on his leg with her name on it, it was more than I could take! And I could keep going here....!! I made mistake after mistake, to the point I decided it must be something wrong with me. It even seemed every guy I dated, then went on to get married and settle down with their true love! I'm happy now, and I honestly believe I've found something really special. I believe it's out there for you too Jen! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 There is something about men that makes them take us for granted when they feel that we love them 100%. (Perhaps women are like that too, but I will keep men as subjects of discussion here.) And we all keep making that "mistake" of showing them love, respect, and devotion, showering them with affection and attention. I have noticed that many things change the very moment they realize they mean the world to us. I am talking about one single moment when they percept that they've got enough proof that we love them. One "I love you" is enough for some men. Some need more reassurance, but eventually you won't be able (nor are you willing to) hide your love for them. You've probably noticed that men don't open up easily. At the beginning they play the game of not showing how much they care. This is not an accidental gesture; they think of others what they know of themselves. They think that if they open up their hearts too much, we'll get bored of them - because that's the way THEY are built. So we should always remain challenge and keep them on their toes if we want their love. On the other hand, as the relationship matures, this kind of treatment not only wears out, but also makes them feel insecure and doubtful, which is also unhealthy for a relationship. Some relationships die quickly, some slowly. When you break up, you tend to think that something was very wrong. But most relationships die slowly: people become comfortable with each other and start living like room mates. Most marriages are dead in their root - there is no romantic love or any of the things that were there at the beginning. Couples live together because of various reasons while cheating, lying, and fighting. Or they simply co-habituate as a community with mutual tolerance for each other. Passionate love does exist, but it doesn't last. We - women - take this very dramatically. Just like men need constant renewal of their sexual excitement, we constantly need romance in our lives. We need to feel loved and desired. When they sense this, they become overwhelmed. Suffocated. They run away - literally or in a less obvious way (they turn to their hobbies, computers, other people, etc.) You can never show too much love to a woman; and you can never show too little love to a man. Their mental concept consists of the feeling of power and control. Once they have you in their hands, the challenge is gone - the hunter starts looking for another potential booty. They themselves are victims of their own nature, because they are also condemned to a temporary joy, instead of permanent, with one woman. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 superb post RP Link to post Share on other sites
Apathetic Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Im finding it very difficult to act like I dont care & to just ignore him.All day I am thinking about him & what hes doing & if he is going to call or text me.I keep going back & forth w/ the NC thing,I keep breaking it.I know its not a good thing but everytime he hurts me or gets to me I have to let him know he has upset me..Dont know why but I cant just hold it in..I am so sick of my situation & how I am intentionally hurting myself..I mean,Im letting him hurt me & I dont know why:mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Simons Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Hmm...yes, that would be a drag. I've gotten dumped a few times but usually I do the dumping....life is just easier that way Alpha, does it mean you are scared to be dumped???. I didn't know you are that weak!!! Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 They themselves are victims of their own nature, because they are also condemned to a temporary joy, instead of permanent, with one woman. So, what? EVen if you're married you have to play a game? You can't show the men too much love, ??? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 [You can never show too much love to a woman; and you can never show too little love to a man. Their mental concept consists of the feeling of power and control. Once they have you in their hands, the challenge is gone - the hunter starts looking for another potential booty. They themselves are victims of their own nature, because they are also condemned to a temporary joy, instead of permanent, with one woman. i agree with your above post except for this part here. I have no desire to look for another mate. I am fine with the way that things are with my S.O. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 superb post RP If you agree then I've done a pretty good analysis. Thanks, Dr. Alpha. So, what? EVen if you're married you have to play a game? You can't show the men too much love, ??? Of course you CAN! I didn't say it was illegal! i agree with your above post except for this part here. I have no desire to look for another mate. I am fine with the way that things are with my S.O. Riddler, it's not about looking for another mate, but rather about achieving a goal. Just like when you graduate from school, you stop reading the school books - you start working and striving to achieve new goals. When you have the car you wanted, you can be perfectly happy with it, but you're not looking at it all day like you did when you bought your first car (or that very car). Besides, you're too young. Or... perhaps too good to be true? In fact, I'll prove it to you that you're a real male: imagine that you meet a girl who hits on you... then she calls you on the phone all the time... then she takes you out all the time... then she asks you to marry her... etc. How would you like it? I think NOT. Men usually want to HUNT and lead things - it's in their nature. And it reflects to their romantic feelings too. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Once they have you in their hands, the challenge is gone - the hunter starts looking for another potential booty. I am confused by this statement. What do you define potential booty as? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Besides, you're too young. Or... perhaps too good to be true? I'm as real as they come. Age is only a number. I explained myself on another thread. I feel as though finding a nice female is difficult and they are rare in this day-in-age. I will do what I can to make a relationship work when I find a nice female. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 In fact, I'll prove it to you that you're a real male: imagine that you meet a girl who hits on you... then she calls you on the phone all the time... then she takes you out all the time... then she asks you to marry her... etc. How would you like it? I think NOT. Men usually want to HUNT and lead things - it's in their nature. And it reflects to their romantic feelings too. As long as it were me initiating the plans for the most part, then I would be comfortable with it. So I guess that you are correct. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 There is something about men that makes them take us for granted when they feel that we love them 100%. (Perhaps women are like that too, but I will keep men as subjects of discussion here.) And we all keep making that "mistake" of showing them love, respect, and devotion, showering them with affection and attention. I have noticed that many things change the very moment they realize they mean the world to us. I am talking about one single moment when they percept that they've got enough proof that we love them. One "I love you" is enough for some men. Some need more reassurance, but eventually you won't be able (nor are you willing to) hide your love for them. You've probably noticed that men don't open up easily. At the beginning they play the game of not showing how much they care. This is not an accidental gesture; they think of others what they know of themselves. They think that if they open up their hearts too much, we'll get bored of them - because that's the way THEY are built. So we should always remain challenge and keep them on their toes if we want their love. On the other hand, as the relationship matures, this kind of treatment not only wears out, but also makes them feel insecure and doubtful, which is also unhealthy for a relationship. Some relationships die quickly, some slowly. When you break up, you tend to think that something was very wrong. But most relationships die slowly: people become comfortable with each other and start living like room mates. Most marriages are dead in their root - there is no romantic love or any of the things that were there at the beginning. Couples live together because of various reasons while cheating, lying, and fighting. Or they simply co-habituate as a community with mutual tolerance for each other. Passionate love does exist, but it doesn't last. We - women - take this very dramatically. Just like men need constant renewal of their sexual excitement, we constantly need romance in our lives. We need to feel loved and desired. When they sense this, they become overwhelmed. Suffocated. They run away - literally or in a less obvious way (they turn to their hobbies, computers, other people, etc.) You can never show too much love to a woman; and you can never show too little love to a man. Their mental concept consists of the feeling of power and control. Once they have you in their hands, the challenge is gone - the hunter starts looking for another potential booty. They themselves are victims of their own nature, because they are also condemned to a temporary joy, instead of permanent, with one woman. This is one of the best and helpful posts I've read in a very long time! Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Not just the cynic but rather catty as well. Enjoy your misery! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Not just the cynic but rather catty as well. Enjoy your misery! I hope you don't mean me. I'm not miserable at all and definately not catty. Sorry, not too sure who you're referring to. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts