Lin Posted September 11, 2001 Share Posted September 11, 2001 I would like to have some advice from gals who have the same experience. I secretly admire a man for sometime, he is my ex-collegaue and he is married. I haven't seen him for more than 18 months. I seldom contact him but will occassionally send him e-mails. I'm gonna have an appointment with him. If you were me, will you let him know (more obviously) that you (I) like him very much?? Link to post Share on other sites
BeenThere Posted September 11, 2001 Share Posted September 11, 2001 Fortuneatly for me, I'm *not* you. I've been blessed with a few more scruples. If the man was married, I wouldn't even consider it. I have enough dignity and intelligence not to confuse admiration with infactuation. Get it together, woman. What the hell's wrong with you?! I would like to have some advice from gals who have the same experience. I secretly admire a man for sometime, he is my ex-collegaue and he is married. I haven't seen him for more than 18 months. I seldom contact him but will occassionally send him e-mails. I'm gonna have an appointment with him. If you were me, will you let him know (more obviously) that you (I) like him very much?? Link to post Share on other sites
kimmi Posted September 11, 2001 Share Posted September 11, 2001 I would never consider it, this guy that you are feeling for is in a relationship already. You do not need to be so selfish to try and cut into that. If you do tell him how you feel you would do that with expectation of him feeling the same way for you or at least for something to happen.my god leave people that are in relationships alone.I think that it is a very sick idea for you to even consider this.and if i were you i would call off the meetings with him just so that you do not consume more feeling for him.it's women like you that hurt other woman do not do it.... LEAVE HIM ALONE FOREVER...... I would like to have some advice from gals who have the same experience. I secretly admire a man for sometime, he is my ex-collegaue and he is married. I haven't seen him for more than 18 months. I seldom contact him but will occassionally send him e-mails. I'm gonna have an appointment with him. If you were me, will you let him know (more obviously) that you (I) like him very much?? Link to post Share on other sites
Lin Posted September 11, 2001 Share Posted September 11, 2001 I think he knows that I like him very much since he often gives me help when I work for him. But I try to do so and say something in front of him or other colleagues that I only respect him since it is unethical. Now we are no longer colleagues, so I don't mind to let me know that I really in love with him spiritually. Actually i don't know how to express myself in an appropriate manner and not want to be looked down by him as he is much more superior to me in all aspects 2) Well, i think what i want is something in between of stage 1 and stage 2. mayb is to develop a quasi lover/close friend relationship, with no sex involved and doesn't create any harm to his marriage. Maybe just let him know there is someone who care for him, who don't want his money, don't want to have sexual relationship with him, just someone who always stand by , someone who may later marry with another man but will care for him when he needs me. Fortuneatly for me, I'm *not* you. I've been blessed with a few more scruples. If the man was married, I wouldn't even consider it. I have enough dignity and intelligence not to confuse admiration with infactuation. Get it together, woman. What the hell's wrong with you?! Link to post Share on other sites
Lin Posted September 11, 2001 Share Posted September 11, 2001 I do not intend to pretend anything. My bottom line is " not to do anything active by myself". If eventually there is anything wrong with his marriage and he comes to me , why I should reject. If the couple live happily together, what's wrong if the husband has a close female friend. I confess that I do love him, in fact, an extremely out-dated and old fashioned statement, even if he does not love me, he does not have the rights to bar me to love him. Is that so evil to wait for a chance to be a second choice? I would never consider it, this guy that you are feeling for is in a relationship already. You do not need to be so selfish to try and cut into that. If you do tell him how you feel you would do that with expectation of him feeling the same way for you or at least for something to happen.my god leave people that are in relationships alone.I think that it is a very sick idea for you to even consider this.and if i were you i would call off the meetings with him just so that you do not consume more feeling for him.it's women like you that hurt other woman do not do it.... LEAVE HIM ALONE FOREVER...... Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted September 11, 2001 Share Posted September 11, 2001 why do u want to be waiting for a chance to be a 2nd choice?? are u nuts? get out, and find yourself a normal guy! why put yourself in a weird, humiliating situation, if u can have a normal healthy relationship?? thats my opinion... I do not intend to pretend anything. My bottom line is " not to do anything active by myself". If eventually there is anything wrong with his marriage and he comes to me , why I should reject. If the couple live happily together, what's wrong if the husband has a close female friend. I confess that I do love him, in fact, an extremely out-dated and old fashioned statement, even if he does not love me, he does not have the rights to bar me to love him. Is that so evil to wait for a chance to be a second choice? Link to post Share on other sites
marzipan75 Posted September 12, 2001 Share Posted September 12, 2001 It really depends. Number one, do you really want to start a relationship with a man who is married? Think about that long and hard because it sounds very very messy and complicated. Number two, has he given you any indication in his body language or his attitude towards you that he is attracted to you? If so then proceed if you really want to do that, but if not then you may be misreading his friendliness towards you as attraction. If he's married, just think about what you are doing and if he is attracted to you and you know it for sure then you really need to think about reasons why he is attracted to you. Starting a relationship on that level could be really bad, think about what you want to do and the possible consequences before you do it. Hope that helps! marz I would like to have some advice from gals who have the same experience. I secretly admire a man for sometime, he is my ex-collegaue and he is married. I haven't seen him for more than 18 months. I seldom contact him but will occassionally send him e-mails. I'm gonna have an appointment with him. If you were me, will you let him know (more obviously) that you (I) like him very much?? Link to post Share on other sites
witchbreed Posted September 12, 2001 Share Posted September 12, 2001 You will have to find that answer in your own heart. If his marriage is really good, he will not be tempted anyway. I believe that one can only interfere in a relationsship that already is missing somewhat. Ask yourself what you really want and why. Could it be that you choose someone married because you do not really want to commit? Would you be willing to be his mistress? Would you feel guilty if you where his mistress? Would you want him to choose between the two of you? And what about the long run? There is one more thing to consider, if he starts going out with you while still being with his wife, what about your jealousy, will you be able to trust him, if he decides for you. When I met my boy-friend, I was still married (my husband being away on temporary duty) and I decided for my boyfriend, but even though I took my consequences right away and told my ex-husband that I wanted a divorce and why the very next time I saw him - my boyfriend has his troubles about trusting me, has his doubts about me doing the same to him one day. I know that this will not be the case - he is the first man I truly love and I am 39 now - but still, its harder for him to believe that, having been party to the one time in my life I cheated. Think hard about all the consequences, if there is children involved think about them too. Would you be willing to have a relationsship with them, would you be able too? Whatever you decide, make sure you yourself are convinced it is the right decision, that you can be a 100% behind it. You have a right to find happiness, but it might be bought with some unhappiness for someone else and you yourself have to know, if you can live with that. If you or that man feels guilty about the wife, that will be a burden for your relationsship together, are your feelings strong enough to take on this burden? Be strong and wise. All the best whatever your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
femaleperspective Posted September 15, 2001 Share Posted September 15, 2001 Fortuneatly for me, I'm *not* you. I've been blessed with a few more scruples. If the man was married, I wouldn't even consider it. I have enough dignity and intelligence not to confuse admiration with infactuation. Get it together, woman. What the hell's wrong with you?! No! Why set your self up for nothing but problems. If one can't have honesty, and has to sneek around, deal with the aftermath of others being hurt..wife/children? No! And the other side, lets just for instance say ya did get together..down the road, for me, I would wonder, if he did it "cheat"with his wife, despite vows, then what are the chances that he would cheat with me. You're worth more, don't step down, seek your own future looking forward, not over your shoulder. Link to post Share on other sites
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