My dad left our family and has started a new one

[April M E]

about a year ago, my dad had an affaire with his recetpionist and left my mum, my 15 year old sister, my 7 year old sister and myself (i am 17) to go and live with her.

 

My mum was in such a state which i dont blaim her at all. she even tried killing herself and my dad at one point. i had to help my mum to try and keep sain. My dad juts used to say to me in a snotty hearless way 'perhaps she should see a doctor shes crazy'. This hurt me greatly.

 

The yera passed on and we all got on with our lifes. my sisters and i would see my dad every saturday and my mum got a new boyfriend. none of us like him very much but he makes my mum happy.

 

recently i have just found out that my dad is having a baby with his secretary. I hate the idea that we are no longer going to be dads little girls. I hate it and i cant accept it. How could he do this to all of us??

 

My youngest sister is going to be so hurt. At least me and my other sister grew up with a dad she hasn't and when the new baby is born she will not be daddys little girl any more.

 

Your not supposed to hurt your family your supposed to love them.

[Curmudgeon]

You're right, April. You're supposed to love your family. Unfortunately, sometimes parents outgrow one another or grow apart. However, the one constant is supposed to be your children because they are blameless when mature relationships don't work out.

 

Take special care of your littlest sister and I hope your father steps up to the plate for her. She's still, and will always be, the baby of your family.

 

I don't know what else I can say.

[RecordProducer]

Although you think your dad left you - the daughters - too, he actually wanted to leave your mom only. You don't have to take sides. They both love you. Your dad feels uncomfortable around you because you're judging him and accusing him of leaving you.

 

If you just gave him a chance to love you freely, I am sure he would want to have you all as little girls. You will always be his girls and this new baby will be his little girl/boy too.

 

I know you're jealous right now, but things happen between adults and you should NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Just forgive him because I am sure he loves you. He split with your mom. She is a big girl and they are both responsible for the failure of their marriage. It has nothing to do with the three of you. Look at it from that viewpoint - stay on aside and love your father.

 

Don't be biased toward your mom only because she is in a bad emotional state. See, if she had taken it in another way, if she said "Thank god, he left me cuz I needed some space!" you wouldn't have accused him probably.

 

No matter what happened between them, you have a father that you love. Don't lose him. We're not supposed to pick sides between our parents.

[Groovy]

Your not alone in this, same thing happened to my cousins. My only advice is to get counseling. This is a big part of your life that has changed and you need to talk abou it. Just wondering, has your father included you in his life still since he left?

[JayKay]

That's really rough.

 

 

My dad left my mom too....after 31 years of marriage. He didn't give her any warning, just came home one day and basically told her it was over. He'd been having an affair with someone and he moved out that day to be with his GF.

 

My mom fell apart for quite some time; it was a horrible time for her, my sisters and brother. We were left to pick up the pieces. We had to sell the family home so that she could have some money to get herself a new place and start over. Thank goodness she had an education and worked and could support herself. But with my father gone, she certainly couldn't maintain the big house they'd once had.

 

He treated her pretty shabbily towards the end. Showed very little respect for her feelings. I ended up not speaking to him for 7 years.

 

Time went by and eventually we re-established a relationship. He broke up with the first GF and has a new one now and I like her very much.

 

Looking back over time, I can see how young my parents were when they married and had children. My dad also felt pressured into a career he didn't want. He supported everyone for many years (my mom stayed home with us for about 10 years) and gave us many nice things. I think he finally snapped one day...hit a certain age and decided he wanted his own life....freedom to do his own thing.

It was obvious that my parents were not very compatible later in life. They had grown apart and neither seemed very happy with the other.

 

 

It's hard to know what someone is going through when someone makes decisions that outwardly, look uncaring and unfeeling. I'm sure your dad had many mixed emotions about leaving the family.

 

Try to get to know him as a person, not just as your father. Over time, perhaps you can move past this and have him in your life again.