Naive Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 So, my sister is pregnant and her due date is the week of the wedding!!! She, herself, had said that was the last thing she wanted to happen, but at the same time she would tell me that it would be funny if she were to get pregnant. Now, she wants me to postpone the wedding even though before she knew she was pregnant I wanted to postpone the wedding and she went ballistic saying NOT TO DO THAT!!!! I don't think I should have to postpone the wedding when she knew exactly the consequences. I would feel real bad if she has the baby around the wedding date and she will not be able to be there, but it's too hard to move the date. What worries her is that she will look fat. WHat can I do about her bridesmaid dress? If she has the baby she cannot wear a pregnancy dress but if she is still pregnant she cannot wear the dress all the bridesmaids are going to wear. You know what pisses me off the most? The fact that when I was telling her I might have to postpone the wedding because of church, she would get so mad and tell me not to do that. I noticed a difference afterwards and I feel that by then she already knew she might be pregnant because I had already told her the wedding was not going to be postponed and she would tell me, "why look for bridesmaid dresses if you are not going to have it until April." Even though I had alread told her that it was still on for November. She was a BIG hypocrite. She tried to manipulate me to her convinience and that is not cool. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 same thing happened to my sister, except it was one of her friends. she decided to ask our cousin instead of the pregnant girl and had her do a reading at the ceremony instead. but if you insist on having her, the bridal shop can do alterations. i've seen pregnant bridesmaids before. don't postpone though...there are ways around this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeFree Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 Do you think that maybe she did suspect she was pregnant and she told you not to postpone her wedding so you would not think that is why if she had agreed with you? I'm not sure how you and your sister get along, but I can remember me and my little sister getting in a huge fight over a brides maid dress before her wedding. I ended up not being in her wedding. Looking back we both wish it had not gone that way, and I ened up still taking care of her details on the day of. Make sure you still include your sister, no matter what you think her motives may have been. She is you sister and you really well miss her on that day if you take her out of your wedding. Expecially if she is the kind of sister that is going to be involved in the planning. If you take her out of the wedding you will regret it when it's all over. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 How important is it to you that all the bridesmaids wear exactly the same dress? I'm not belittling you if it is vital to you -- for many people it is extremely important, for others less so. If its something you can compromise on, then maybe you can find a dress in the appropriate color that can do double-duty. If she has the baby maybe the dress style can be belted. If not, then wear it as a maternity dress. Or perhaps her dress can stand apart because she is your sister - a way of acknowledging her from non-relative bridesmaids? Or have her like a grown-up version of a flower girl and lead the procession of matching bridesmaids? Then the dress can be different. If she is ready to pop - or just had the baby, it may be too much for her to be in the wedding party and she can be at the alter waiting for you - just as the groom waits. Its too late to get angry over who knew what and when - the fact is she is pregnant and her due date is the week of your wedding. Work from that point. Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 two of my bridesmaids will be wearing some maternity dresses from motherhood. they will both be right at six months along, and they both seem fine with everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 I am so devestated!!! My sister called me today and said that if I do not change the date she will not be able to attend due to her pregnancy. WHat do I do? If I change it I lose my $4000 dollars that I already gave plus the money I payed the DJ already. I have never felt so bad before!!! I feel so bad. I did not tell her to get pregnant, why should I lose all that I paid already because she is giving me an ultimatum? What can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I am so devestated!!! My sister called me today and said that if I do not change the date she will not be able to attend due to her pregnancy. WHat do I do? If I change it I lose my $4000 dollars that I already gave plus the money I payed the DJ already. I have never felt so bad before!!! I feel so bad. I did not tell her to get pregnant, why should I lose all that I paid already because she is giving me an ultimatum? What can I do? then be honest and tell her that you love her and want her to be a part of the wedding, however you can not afford to loose 4 grand on the dj and more on other wedding expenses and if she feels that strongly about not being in the wedding in her condition, tell her that you need to know now to make other arrangments on your bridal party (replace her if need be or lower the number of people standing up on the grooms side to make the numbers match.) Link to post Share on other sites
maggiemay Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I was due one week before my sisters wedding, I ending up not delivering until tuesday, got out of the hospital on thursday, tried on bridesmaid's dress for the first time friday, the wedding was saturday and I was in it. I brought a sitter to watch the baby during the service and during photo's. Yes I was exhausted and I was nursing but I made it work. I was only one day and I'm so glad I didn't miss it. I hope your sister comes around. Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 to be honest, four days after i had my first child i went to a friends wedding. i wasnt in it or anything, but i still went. i left my son with my mom during the event. my milk came in during the wedding, it was a little uncomfortable, and i couldnt wait to get home to my newborn, but i went and didnt complain. i think its all a matter of will, and who is willing to do what. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Quite frankly I think your sister is being out of order!! Sister she may well be, but if I've planned a wedding for a certain date, and I'll loose money by moving it, then I wouldn't do it. The death or illness of a loved one would certainly be a reason for cancelling, but not because she managed to get herself pregnant and is now due the week of your wedding. Tough titties in my opinion!! It not fair of her to give you an ultimatum!! It's your bloody wedding day!! You planned this! I know my sister would do her utmost to be with me on the day, and if she scouldn't, she wouldn't expect me to cancel my BIG DAY for her. She loves me and would be more concerned that I was happy and got married when I had planned to! I know she would support me in that. I think your sister is being selfish. Try your best to accomodate her, but don't cancel for her, unless she's willing to pay you the 4K it will cost you. Ask her that?! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 is this her first baby? that may be why she's all jumpy or touchy or whatever. My older sister had already had her twins, they were like 6 months old when I got married to my exH and she still didn't come. It sucks when people put you in this position. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 don't postpone that is total bs. You already paid 4g just tell you sister that you sorry she feels that way but you have non refundable deposit down and can't afford to switch dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Skeered Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Your sister doesn't have the right to tell you to postpone YOUR day..she is pregnant and that's wonderful too however you have had this day planned prior to her getting pregnant. I agree with the others that have posted, you need to let her know you would love her to be in the wedding however you won't postpone it and she needs to make the choice to step down or figure out if she wants to try to make the day. bridesmaid materinity dresses aren't hard to find and she'll be comfy. Also as far as having the same number of people per side isn't a huge deal either, walking order can be arranged to make it look just fine. All things can be worked through. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Also I'd like to find a woman who delivered exactly on her due date. I think I know one. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I have a related story for you naive. When my mom was 8 months pregnant her brother got married at that time they allowed women to fly. The flight put her into labor and she ended up having me right before the wedding. She was bummed that she missed the wedding but after the cermony and on the way to the reception everyone visited her and me in their wedding clothes. It worked out my mom stayed a little longer to visit everyone was happy and now it is a funny story that gets told at family gatherings. one of the nurses said to my uncle (he thought my mom was the bride) you made it just in time buddy, (wink wink) Link to post Share on other sites
BeFree Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Don't postpone your wedding. your sister is probably just really emotional right now. Just explain to her that you really want her there but you can not afford to move the date. In the end it will probably work out and she won't deliver that week. Good luck and enjoy planning your wedding. DO NOt let this bring you down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Thank you so much!!! I am happy to hear your reassuring words and see that people understand what I am going through. That's why I love LS!!!!!! I spoke with my sis yesterday and she said, again, that it was definite that she could not make it. She said that because it's her 3rd child and last one that she is very nervous. I said ok, that I was really going to miss her there but that her family comes first. I asked my cousin to be my new Maid of Honor and she was more than excited. Now my sister is mad because I chose that particular cousin. What did she expect? She said that she will definitely make it to the wedding UNLESS something real bad happens. She knows for a fact that she is having the baby 1 week before my wedding because they will induce the labor if she does not have it on her own by the due date. SHe knew this since the day they gave her the due date, but NOW that I asked my cousin to be the Maid of honor she wants me to tell her no so that she can be it. I don't know what to do...I cannot tell my cousin no, just because my sis says so. Plus, what if she has the baby by cezarean (sp) she is really going to be out of it. SHe told me no first and now she wants to take it back and have me hurt our cousin's feelings in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Your sis should not be deciding quite yet, if she can go or not go. It is actually up to that little baby inside her. I understand her worry about it being her 3rd and last child, but I think she's using this as an excuse. ANYBODY else who I know of, would be positive and hope for the best. Like, I hope I can make it, but if I can't, you know it's kinda out of my hands...And I know you'd understand too! Problem is, she isn't being compromising or understanding. IT IS SELFISH of her to ask you to change the wedding date. Sorry to say this Naive, but your sister is being very uptight. And it isn't her business who you chose to be your maid of honour. She gave up that role due to her pregnancy. She can't change her mind now, it's too late. Stand up to her, nicely and firmly and just say, "end of discussion. I love you, I really wanted you to be part of my wedding, but you having a baby due at the same time of my wedding isn't going to work. Let's not fight about it and just be happy that we are about to have TWO celebrations, not just one!" And then, as much as it kills you, let it go. If she continues to whine about it, just tell her there is no point in arguing. what is done is done. Naive, I'm happy for you, this is going to go well, so please, try not to stress out too much...Yeah I Know, easier said than done. I do believe she'll realize afew things in the upcoming weeks and come around abit softer towards the whole situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Thanks WWIU!!!! I missed being on here and all of my familiar people!!!! I went to a wedding web site and it's not the greatest atmosphere. Here I feel like I am back at home. It's so weird!!! Like I belong here. Sorry, needed to vent that while here!!! Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Is it possible that your sister may feel that you are taking away attention from her impending birth because of your wedding? She is using the due date to attempt to thwart it or even just to cause problems to get more attention? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Is it possible that your sister may feel that you are taking away attention from her impending birth because of your wedding? She is using the due date to attempt to thwart it or even just to cause problems to get more attention? I do not know if that may be the case, but I have been planning the wedding since December and she knew that it would be a dilemma if she got pregnant around that time. Only she knows what is going on!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 I'm sorry this is happening. Just think, you'll have an easy way to remember when your niece/nephew's birthday is coming up. Don't postpone the wedding. If you sister really thinks about it, she will know that you choosing someone else as your maid of honor makes sense. Maybe you could come up with a special role for her that is different. Maybe a reading or something. But something that will not have to be recast if she can't make it. Honor her at your showers and other events. She probably is just really sad that she's going to miss being part of such an important day in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 ... something akin to an F5 hormonal hurricane? just keep your plans, don't worry about stealing her thunder. All will work out in the end. Her baby's coming will be joyous, your wedding will be wonderful. Just concentrate on how happy your entire family can be in celebrating all of this so close together. Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I have a related story for you naive. When my mom was 8 months pregnant her brother got married at that time they allowed women to fly. The flight put her into labor and she ended up having me right before the wedding. She was bummed that she missed the wedding but after the cermony and on the way to the reception everyone visited her and me in their wedding clothes. It worked out my mom stayed a little longer to visit everyone was happy and now it is a funny story that gets told at family gatherings. one of the nurses said to my uncle (he thought my mom was the bride) you made it just in time buddy, (wink wink) that was such a sweet story Link to post Share on other sites
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