Still_In_Love Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Hey, I have been reading alot of threads on LS and it appears that quite a few of those who have been dumped find that the dumper eventually wants to come back into their life in some way whether it is as a friend or regrets. Considering that this is a place to discuss second chances, I am curious to how often the dumpers come back or want to come back. It's been 6 months since I was dumped, my heart stomped on and as much as I still love my ex, I am moving on and I know that I wouldn't take her back. But I have this nagging feeling that one day she will regret what she lost and come knocking at my door...just curious how often this happens! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Yes, they can come back. However, women are less likely to come back than men. Women, once they make up their mind that it's over tend to accept the decision and move on. Men are the less rational of the bunch and tend to make quick decisions they regret later. Not sure why your ex left you but about the only chance you have of getting them back is to forget them and move on, enjoy your life and date others. If you sit around pining for them you will never heal, never learn from your past mistakes and never improve. Making yourself a better person will set you up for success with someone else. As a side benefit, it will make you more attractive to the ex. There is o guarantee the ex will come back at all. So planning for it is akin to beating your head against the wall. It accomplishes about the same results. And since you are over your ex and wouldn't take her back, why are you posing the question? If you were really over her, you wouldn't care at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Still_In_Love Posted March 13, 2006 Author Share Posted March 13, 2006 Not sure why your ex left you but about the only chance you have of getting them back is to forget them and move on, enjoy your life and date others. My ex-gf felt that she needed to know what else was out there and wondered if there was someone that she felt as passionate about as I did for her? So in other words, I loved her more than she loved me! And since you are over your ex and wouldn't take her back, why are you posing the question? If you were really over her, you wouldn't care at all. Caliguy, I'm only posing a question and asking what people's experiences are...personally I have no desire to go back and deal with the drama or to someone with the "oops, I made a mistake" attitude. I believe that you have shared your quote in the past..."hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice, shame on me!" Good rule to follow! Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 My ex of 3.5 years just stated that he would love another chance with us again. We have been able to establish a true friendship and call each other to vent or ask for advice. Although I am still attracted to him, I rather not lose a friendship that took so long to get started. Therefore, in some instances, exes do come back. It just seems they do when you are over them and the spark is gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunfisher Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 My ex recently came back - he was the dumper, me the dumpee. He broke up with me didn't call for 8 months and now we've gone on two dates together. I find he's simply too lazy to go out and look for new love or date others and I'm more convenient to return to. I'm trying to figure out why I let him come back so easily. I'm seriously thinking of ending it and getting out of this mess. My feelings have now burned out for him and he's carrying around too much baggage from his past to have a healthy relationship with me. They always come back. Link to post Share on other sites
footinthemouth Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I don't have the experience to an ex getting back together with me, but I do agree with Caliguy and think that there's always the possibility that they might come back one day. You seem to know where you stand so stand strong and you never know what you might bump into. I still love my ex and hope that I might get another chance with her, but I'm not holding my breath. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 RE: SIL: " My ex-gf felt that she needed to know what else was out there and wondered if there was someone that she felt as passionate about as I did for her? So in other words, I loved her more than she loved me!" The person I was involved with, also seemed to have his eyes focused on the 'what if?' possibilities. Although the idea of marriage did not appeal to me, I did want a closer, deeper, relationship with a few reasonable boundaries and goals for the relationship, but seeing that was never going to happen, it was I who made the break, -not him. The picture was, either stay and be heartbroken, -or leave the relationship and be heartbroken. I chose the latter, since it was inevitable to happen, anyway, under the circumstances. But being the so-called 'dumper' still doesn't keep me from feeling like the 'dumpee'. Would I seek him out someday? No. It has to do with three very important things for me: my self-respect, the fact he has not gotten help with his commitment phobia, -but mostly due to the fact he never loved me, -he only felt, in his own words "deep affection". Not the same thing. And I cannot be in a long-term relationship knowing someone doesn't, -or can't- love me. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
the_alchemyst Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I've been in this situation before. I have been with my bf for two years now. In this time, we have broken up (although he insists one calling them "breaks") 3 times. The first time we had a fight and he said he didn't want to be together anymore. This lasted a few days, and then he started calling. After 1 week, he told me missed me and wanted me to come back. I did. The second time we had another fight, and I left. Two weeks passed by and I was really hurt. I just showed up at his house one day and asked him to forgive me and to give me another chance. He did. The third time was the worst: We broke up because he basically wanted to be out with his idiot friends and not have anything serious or respondible to deal with. He left me. We did not speak for almost 3 months, until I finally sent him a X-mas card on X-mas eve. I heard nothing from him. One the 25th, I called him and he was genuinely happy to hear from me. We got back together the 27th. Sometimes I think about it, though, and how he asked me to forgive him and to give him another chance, and I just did. I didn't think about it or anything. I didn't make him work his way back into my life, because this time he had really messed up. No, I easily let him back in. Sometimes I wish I hadn't so that he could really appreciate me. Now we are together and we are okay. Most of the time we are happy, but right now he is angry at me, so . . . I just hope there won't be a next time. It's getting tiresome. =\ Link to post Share on other sites
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