Cheating Fiance

[zumayita]

I see this is one of the more popular topics of conversation. So any comments I may get, I will be grateful for them.

 

On to the topic of my misery, cheating fiance. He was my best friend (I should say that I considered him my best friend, according to him he only has one best friend and it isn't me..fine). I've always had problems with jealousy and feeling insecure. I also knew that my fiance, prior to even dating him while we were merely friends, had cheated continously on his last gf. I was always atracted to him, and after many years we decided to date. However, problems started to occur and made me doubt his fidelity to me. Here they are:

 

Problem #1: Won't give up contact with ex-girlfriends

 

He feels that he's obligated to remain a friend, and always lend a helping hand, lend an ear, and even continue to do favors. He maintains his interest strictly platonical (so he says) but I always felt uncomfortable, I mean he keeps a folder with millions of files about them (pictures, documents) of them. Why does he need to do that? But I dealt with it, they are his exes and I trusted him.

 

Problem #2: Seeks preferably the friendship of women

 

That doesn't sound so bad, I actually like to men over women, we have more in common. But he seeks women because he likes something nice to look at. Fine, I got over that too...he was still with me and I trusted him.

 

Problem #3: His penis and Bondage

 

I really didn't understand what the problem was for the longest time, I love bondage just as much as he did, but the activity between us decreased over time. At the current moment it is simply non-existent. I know he hasn't lost interest in bondage, he's obsessed with it, and I don't mind him getting bondage porn off the internet, I enjoyed watching it with him. So he's still horny, but not coming to me. I asked him about that and he told me that bondage between us didn't happen because I had gained weight. Not so easy to tie me up and it wasn't aesthetically pleasing to him anymore. I felt bad, but glad that he was honest...so I trusted him.

 

Problem #4 His new Office

 

My fiance is an IT guy who works for himself, so before I moved in he worked at home. But he wasn't getting work done because he had too many comforts and distractions at home, so he looked to rent an office so he could work there. His theory was based on the fact that without home comforts and distractions he would be more productive. I was iffy in the beginning about this, but got over it. I know the neighborhood it is in, but not the address or phone...he wanted to keep it private because he wanted it to be his own little place. I agreed on the condition that if I'm not allowed there, other close friends or women can go there....that way it will truly be his own space. I took his word, and trusted he wouldn't cheat.

 

Problem #5 Loves to flirt with women

 

I know this because he does it in front of me, and he tell me that he can't help it because it's in his nature, he just wants to be friendly. As I said before, he prefers the company of women. I felt bad, but I still trusted him.

 

Problem #6 He Cheated

 

I know he has cheated on me already, and is making plans to continue cheating on me. It's not an affair, just random encounters. How do I know this? well...let's just say I have proof that he simply can't deny. For instance, he propositions women online for one thing: bondage..he wants to tie up other women. This morning I asked him, "am I meeting your needs?" he lied by saying yes then I said "are you going outside the relationship to tie up girls?" he said no and started to get angry at me. I couldn't believe that he lied to my face just like that. Unfortunately, I'm no sweetie pie myself. The only reason I know he propositions women, and periodically ties up one of his female friends is via his email. I hacked into his account, and found all of these files. That's why it's so hard for me to confront him, but I guess it doesn't matter what he thinks of me if we are to break up.

 

After this morning's conversation I actually apologized to him, only so he wouldn't feel so mad at me he had to go see a woman today. I've lost all trust, I fear for my health, yet I am deeply in love with him. Every single relationship I have been in I have been dumped and in most cases cheated on. I guess I'm not looking for advice, I just wanted to let it all out.

 

Thank You.

[yawhatever]

Mmm these forums are for advice. Thank you.

[kitten chick]

You can come here to vent if you need to.

 

I honestly don't understand why you're staying with someone that treats you this way though.

[catgirl1927]

He calls you fat, tells you you are not attractive, and cheats on you.

 

What a jerk. Time to end it.

[yawhatever]

What ? ? ? ?

 

Your still staying with them? Your nutz. Look for someone else ASAP.

[Guest]

You cannot respect yourself and still be with him. He is not worth it....

 

Of course it would be difficult to leave someone you love but you have to respect yourself more. By staying with him you are compromising your dignity.

[sarahmilton]

My (soon to be ex) boyfriend is like this as well!

http://www.angelfire.com/ego/narcissism/

[tikigods]

grow a spine and gather some self respect, cause you are going to need both of these things if you ever want to dump this jerk (you seem to lack them both seeing as you haven't yet)

[MadDog]

Doesn't it seem odd that reason #6 why you doubt his fidelity is because he's a cheater? Shouldn't that be #1?

 

It's kind of like saying, "I doubt the safety of my car because the brakes give out every now and then."

 

MD