Its Not A Tumaaa Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I've finally met the love of my life six months ago. She was everything I had ever looked for in a girl. She made me love who I am, she made me feel so alive and love life. We were with each other every day, spent all our time together, and just had so much fun being with each other. We are madly in love and we want a future together. Since I am an idiot and I always manage to screw up every great thing I get, I applied for college and I left on February 16th in NYC. Now she's not too far away, only an hour, but she works double shifts on weekends and we don't get to spend much time with each other anymore. Not like we used to. I mean, I know I sound really pathetic and greedy because I DO see her, but the small amount of time isn't enough for me. We are talking about getting an apartment, but it seems so far away... I can't go days, mornings or seconds without thinking of her. I can't breathe when she isn't around. I feel like such an idiot and a screw up. I finally get the girl of my dreams and I have to throw it all away by going to college. Why couldn't I just wait longer? Why did I have to leave? I keep dwelling on my what ifs, and it's killing me. I constantly live in fear that we will lose our closeness, she will move on or we won't last. I miss her so much every second of the day and I regret even coming here, and I'm about two seconds short of dropping out just so I can be with her. I'm pathetic but I really hate life right now, I'm so alone. What do I do to stop the tears? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 You have to stop obsessing about her because that's what you're doing. You are doing the right thing going to college - that's what makes you the kind of guy she liked in the first place. You can't make one person your whole life; it would be seriously unhealthy. If you find that you can't pull back a bit so not to be so hooked, then get some help from your school's counselling service. Whatever you do, don't quit college over a girl! Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I finally get the girl of my dreams and I have to throw it all away by going to college if he is truley the girl of your dreams she will be around during and after college. you are not throwing "it" away by going to college. Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 If you two are meant to be it will last. One hour away is nothing. I would love to only be one hour away from my man. I'm 12,000 miles away from him. I won't get to see him for probably 3 months. Just hang in there and focus on your studies and see each other when you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Israfil Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 If you two are meant to be it will last. One hour away is nothing. I must disagree with the first sentence and agree with the second. Tumaa, if you and your gf want this relationship to work, it will. It has nothing to do with (nonexistent) fate. It has to do with how much work and effort you are willing to invest. If you both want this relationship to work, it will. As for the second sentence, one hour away is nothing - although that again is my perception of distance. It will be almost 6 months until I see my boyfriend again, so an hour away doesn't sound so bad. I would say "best of luck" but I would put more money on determined investment. Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I must disagree with the first sentence and agree with the second. Tumaa, if you and your gf want this relationship to work, it will. It has nothing to do with (nonexistent) fate. It has to do with how much work and effort you are willing to invest. If you both want this relationship to work, it will. As for the second sentence, one hour away is nothing - although that again is my perception of distance. It will be almost 6 months until I see my boyfriend again, so an hour away doesn't sound so bad. I would say "best of luck" but I would put more money on determined investment. I didn't mean it like that. It takes a lot of hard work as I well know but my point is to get to a frame of mind where you aren't so upset and crying and obessing to where you are having a hard time functioning in your daily life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Its Not A Tumaaa Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 I know I sound pathetic, but we are both taking it really hard. I guess it's our fault because for the past five months we pretty much gave up our friends and spent every day with each other, so now that we're apart it's really hard for us to cope because it feels like our life has changed, we're no longe able to be with only each other all day and night. So I mean I just feel this insanely strong connection to her and it's just really hard to be apart. She's like my other half, like when I left her I left my soul behind. Can we make it work? I really feel hopeless. Everywhere I look I wish I was other people, who were free. I feel like I'm trapped, chained and bound from my happiness. I get so depressed and wish I was doing other things and I constantly want to drop out, but she won't let me. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost and empty. Link to post Share on other sites
Israfil Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 Can we make it work? I really feel hopeless. Everywhere I look I wish I was other people, who were free. I feel like I'm trapped, chained and bound from my happiness. I get so depressed and wish I was doing other things and I constantly want to drop out, but she won't let me. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost and empty. *hugs* What exactly do you think its not working? And why is it not working? Maybe your expectations of spending time with her are inflated? Is there perhaps a way to have quality over quantity? If you both want this relationship to work, it will. But I think you need to hone-in your expectations, and maybe re-define them. You were both together in the same vicinity in the past. You are no longer in that condition. As such, you and your gf need to define a set of reasonable expectations and also accept that things cannot be as they were before. Both of you should sit down together and discuss these things, specifically focusing on expectations of time and emotional investment. Once each other's expectations and desires are clear, you will be able to better focus on your studies, and expend your energy wisely. Keep us updated. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 Ok, harsh reality check here. If you drop out of college for a girl, that would be stupid. Yes, stupid. You need to stay in college so that you can have a future. What is your future life with this girl going to look like if you can't make a decent wage? If you get stuck with a crappy job because you don't have a degree you will just start to get bitter and angry at her for it. Reality check #2 - 1 hour away? Are you kidding me? I would kill for that much of an easily accesible relationship. Listen, I know it's not ideal, but it can be MUCH worse. If you can stay together over a distance, you can stay together through pretty much anything. You learn how to communicate better. And you learn how to have a life apart from each other so that you can retain your own identity... ok repeat that - Have a life apart from each other. YES, it IS healthy to be your own person!! I agree with one of the other postings that if your whole identity, happiness, and world are wrapped around this one person, that is unhealthy. Only YOU can decide when you are happy or sad. If you are depending on this one person to be your happiness, then wow, is she going to resent you if you are unhappy. And you will resent her. You can not put all of your life into the hands of another person! I love love love my boyfriend, yes we are LD (usually 10 hour drive away, right now 1/2 around the world), but I love being in college and having my own life. I did the whole, oh please you are the only thing that makes me happy thing, and I was miserable.. hmm.. like you are now! I'm sorry if I sound rude but c'mon, get a life! You had a life before her didn't you? And shame on you for cutting off all of your friends (who have been in your life longer than this girl). You need to be a separate entity and understand that not spending every waking hour with her doesn't make your relationship doomed for failure. Link to post Share on other sites
binhquangdao Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Girl girl How far are you from your man ? I'm in the same situation my GF is in Lousiana and I'm in Japan station here cause of the NAVY Link to post Share on other sites
Cheamps Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 I completely understand. I too went away for school/work. I wish I had a way to make it all okay, but the best advice I can give is to never stop communicating effectively with your gf. That means if something is bothering you, talk to her about it. Especially if it involves your relationship. It's incredibly hard, but I do agree with everyone else in that it truly is what you put into it. I keep thinking about the kinds of things I can do with my degrees to provide for my family some day, and it makes it kind of worthwhile. You going to school is the best thing you can do for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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