meejessica Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Love - Hate Where is the line drawn? How long do two people go on living in the love - hate cycle? Anybody who has experienced living it will understand why I ask? Why do people stay, and some for so long? Why? Why is it so hard to leave? You know it's wrong when two people being together bring out the ugliest most negative hateful sides of their personalities. You never even knew you were capable of hating somebody so much, but at the same time you can love them???? Wouldn't you say its time to part? But then theirs that spark of hope or dream that things will change because today was a good day. Or was it, I mean today it was only the way he talked to our child that caused the argument. No relationship is perfect; right? Everyone has issues... right? "Marriage is hard work It takes two people who really want it to work" so on and so on. How long do you go on believing "you" can make it work? Why is it so hard to leave the other? It can't really be from just that little bit of love you might think you still share is it? No. Maybe it's because people aren't too fond of "change"? Or is it because were scared? But scared of what? Maybe one has to impress their family members and getting a divorce would make it all go to s***. Maybe some people just do not have any family to turn to for help? therefor can't leave if they wanted to. They are stuck. Or some think they can't live with out the security from the other? Even if the other doesn't even bring in the money, he will still be there "sitting" and just "waiting". Or maybe one really loves the other so they think they can change. Or one just can't change because they don't know how to love; all they know how to do is be iritable. This is just one persons experience that makes up just one microscopic piece of the puzzle of what is called a love - hate relationship. Wish I knew why we alloy ourselves to live in un happy places. We have such a short time on earth why not spend our time loving each other? But for some of us its hard to do when accompanied by the "one' who brings out the worst in ourselves and the other. And once that cycle begins it's so hard to get out of it; why? What really keeps two people together who truly love and hate each other? I do not know the answer. Maybe some of us have figured a part of it out. If you have, please share with me? I would love to know as much as possible about this subject. Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 What really keeps two people together who truly love and hate each other? Id also like to see some feedback on this question. In my case it seems we make a complete...when one of does something on our own it doesn't turn out as well. When we work together (love) everything is perfect. When we screamm at each other (hate) we vent and feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Love - Hate What really keeps two people together who truly love and hate each other? I do not know the answer. Maybe some of us have figured a part of it out. If you have, please share with me? I would love to know as much as possible about this subject. I disagree fundamentally with the presumptions of your argument. Two people cannot "truly" love and hate each other simultaneously. Love is based on a consistency of respect, dedication and adoration throughout a human relationship. Hate is their obverse, their total annihilation. I do not buy at all the argument that two people full of years and years of contempt, emotional abuse, and desperate unhappiness for and with each other are somehow really, really a pair of inwardly-caged lovebirds yearning for flight together. A load of turd, that! People tend to hang around in miserable relationships for all the reasons known to us, nothing new and surprising here: 1) Fear of Change, the "Unknown" 2) Habituation, Habit, "Comfort", 3) social or familial ostracization. All poor excuses and all the reason for so much perpetual self-disintegration. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 I have to disagree with you. My parents had a real love - hate relationship that pervaded their marriage for the 44 years before their deaths. They fought like banshees, belittling one another, taking exception to one another and every cheap shot imaginable yet they truly loved one another. I pondered long and hard about this phenomenon before coming to the conclusion that as unpleasant as they made their lives, they needed all the passion, stimulation and excitement of the fight to keep their relationship alive and vibrant. Without the conflict it would have paled and died. Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 "Fighting like banshees" however does not necessarily mean "Hate". In fact, the more genuine the dislike for one another the frostier the relationship--fighting itself, of a certain kind--perhaps your parents'-- can denote passion. I just totally do not believe you can actively despise one another and then say Oh But I love him! at the end of the day. What the foundation of such "love" is, in such a case, is to my mind rather imaginary. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Being myself in a love-hate relationship I can understand, though I cannot explain. I love him. He loves me. We fight sometimes, but most times there is no emotion between us. We often ignore each other. Why do we stay? Part of it IS that one human trait - HOPE. They say that where there is life, there is hope. Each of us has been hoping that our marriage will someday be loving - at the same time we know intellectually that it will never be. But the hope for it remains and that is what keeps us together. Without that hope we have nothing. Will we stay together? I don't know. My husband has some health problems and will shortly be having major surgery that will change his life. He/we have been to counseling to learn about this and some of the things to expect after the surgery. His whole lifestyle will change because it will be forced to change. He will have to follow his doctors orders in order to survive. That will cause a larger breach between us. He has put this off for years and I finally demanded that he do it - kowing that it will likely drive us apart. But I love him enough that I will accept his leaving and accept the pain of being alone just because I know that he will live and be better and be able to find his own way and maybe even some happiness for himself. All the while we still ignore each other and are still cold towards each other sometimes, and that very coldness hurts - but still keeps us together. It's hard to explain, but it does happen and it doesn't have to be all bad. Love - hate relationships can work too. Link to post Share on other sites
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