Boyfriend tells girls on web that he loves them

[shychica]

Hi,

 

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. Things were wonderful when we first started out, but after 4 or 5 months of dating things began to change.

 

I used to stay upstairs from him before we moved together. When I moved down stairs I also brought my cable internet down as well. It basically became the new toy of the house. When he is not busy (which is never lately because he is currently unemployed), he gets on instant messengers and myspace.com, and look at and chats with a bunch of girls. When he was on one of his sites he met a girl named Danielle and started talking to her and never would tell her that had a girlfriend. I would get mad him about it and he said there is nothing to worry about because she is California and we are in South Carolina. I try to make things set easy with me, until I found out he started developing genuine feelings for her. I called him on it and he explain to me that the reason he fell for her was because she reminded him of the "girl I was when he first met me". I've busy for a while with school and/or work so when I get home, I'm tired. It gets very frustrating because I'm doing all this work and he has yet to find a new job within the past 2-3 months. Anyway, he cried about what happened and said it would never happen again.

 

However, now he is chatting it up a new girl from Kentucky. I 've seen him type to this girl that he loves them and I called him on it once he again. He said he was just playing around and it was nothing for me to worry about. I want to honestly believe him, but in my heart I feel uneasy. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with him chatting online with females. My problems is what he saying to them and that fact that he is not open with the fact that he has a girl. Should I worry or should I let him talk on the web anyway? I'm not very jealous person, but I am very cautious. I tried being more fun and cheerful, but once again it is difficult because I'm stressed out about bills. I let him know that we need him to look for a job nad get one as soon as possible, but I'm afraid that I come across as a nag.

 

Please help me figure what needs to be done.

[sexyLMC]

i dont think theres anything wrong with chatting to people on the internet hun..

its an amazing thing..

i always chat to random guys on faceparty or msn, its just away of chatting to people..

i must admit when i was with my ex a few years ago i found out he was on faceparty which is a big chat thing, and on his profile it said single.. i did go abit mad but looking back now..

whats wrong with a guy talking to girls?

i think if someone can be so jelous then maybe it probably wont work for the long term..

if he tells people hes single then its probably because he doesnt want them to stop talkin to him.. i.e needs to feel good by them telling him he looks great, just mostly for the attention..

i serously wouldnt take it to heart..

just think the girls hes talking to.. most of them are probably not even who they say they are hun..

really i wouldnt worry about it, next time hes on his p.c just think well you know shes meant to be the most sexy girl in the world but fact is shes probably an old lady..lol

and as for him falling inlvoe with someone.. its not love it cant be.. how can you fall inlove with words written on a screen.???

take care x lisa x

[JadeStar]

You are his g/f, not them. According to you, he hasn't even told these other girls he has a g/f, what does that tell you? He is telling them he loves them? He sounds immature, and not ready for a committed relationship, time to move on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jade

[yawhatever]

Guys just need that, as do girls, when you hurt him, who will he turn to? This other girl probably. Humans just have this tendancy to create backups for themselves incase the relationship they are in fails, they need someone to fall back on, I know its really messed up but it takes the stress off during a break up.

 

I dont think you have nothing to worry about, just dont' freak out or become wierd or jelous on him or he might feel distant from you. This might become a danger tho when you fight, my gf of 4 years had this friend at work, she worked with him and when we had a fight she cheated on me with him & screwed everything up.. if he does this to you its really his loss.

[MadDog]

This is a serious comment and I'm genuninely curious. Your boyfriend is habitually unemployed and instead of looking for a job, he spends his days chatting with girls online. What exactly do you see in this guy?

 

MD

[always confused]

how do i write a thread? i cant find the place to create one! oh and about this thread, if you think about it, yeah its bad that he is writing i love you to these girls, but at least the girls don't live close to you so you really have nothing to worry about. it could be worse, he could be talking like that to girls that live near you and then thats when you should worry! i wouldnt be too worried about it for now..

[Yamaha]

If my girl was spending time writing to other guys and not telling them she had a b/f I would have a big problem with it. I would evaluate your relationship with this guy. Does he seem happy with your relationship or do you sense any backing away from him?

[SueBee3490]

When he is not busy (which is never lately because he is currently unemployed), he gets on instant messengers and myspace.com, and look at and chats with a bunch of girls.

 

This is how my bf started out - online chatting with women. Believe me not a good sign, will only lead to heartbreak for you.

 

When he was on one of his sites he met a girl named Danielle and started talking to her and never would tell her that had a girlfriend. I would get mad him about it and he said there is nothing to worry about because she is California and we are in South Carolina. I try to make things set easy with me, until I found out he started developing genuine feelings for her. I called him on it and he explain to me that the reason he fell for her was because she reminded him of the "girl I was when he first met me".

 

My bf wouldn't tell his women he had a gf either. Your bf says he developed feelings for her? This is a red flag Shychica.

 

I've busy for a while with school and/or work so when I get home, I'm tired. It gets very frustrating because I'm doing all this work and he has yet to find a new job within the past 2-3 months. Anyway, he cried about what happened and said it would never happen again.

 

Again, the internet loves provide that fantasy world in which everyone if perfect. He seems perfect to her and she seems perfect to him. Of course they aren't dealing with everyday life as you described above - school, work, bills, etc. So he gets drawn more and more into this world of fantasy with her because she's providing all the strokes and warm fuzzies while you are nagging about paying the bills. He really needs to get off the computer and look for a job.

 

However, now he is chatting it up a new girl from Kentucky. I 've seen him type to this girl that he loves them and I called him on it once he again.

 

You are in California and she is in Kentucky? They could eventually decide to meet halfway at some point. Just take my advice from someone who has been there with a bf cheating on me with women he met on the internet, I would either nip it in the bud now or get away from this guy. Good luck

[shychica]

Hi,

Thank you for replying to my thread. Honestly, I don't what to think of this situation. Maybe he feels like I don't give him enough attention or time. I can't help it because I'm working. Its like he has two worlds: one where he loves me and one where he is with these girls. In a wired way I believe he does care about me, but I feel like he wants me to be around like these girls. I wish that someone would hire him, so he could stop all this. It seems like when he was working this was not a problem.

[Barby]

Since no one else has brought this up I will.......

 

Doesn't it seem so WRONG for him to be leading these women on? They may not see it as "harmless chat" they may feel it's very real based on their conversations.........and it may lead to more (as stated above) like talking on the phone, deciding to meet, ect.

 

I found out he started developing genuine feelings for her.

See???

 

Playing with people's emotions even if only online or not (which is what he is doing) is just plain wrong especially since he admitted to begin caring for the first girl. It becomes way MORE than "words on a screen" when the contact is daily, personal, and over a long period of time!

[flavius]

Is this complicated? Why on earth would you consider him your boyfriend? With such a low definition of "boyfriend", why would you expect more?

 

And yes, he is a dishonest person. If that's what you want, you'll be happy.

[PRETTYBOI1982]

Hello everyone, this is my first post relating to the main topic! So, is this about internet dating? To be truly honest, I was once involve in internet dating a very very long time ago. That time I was only like about 15 or 16 years old to be exact. I'd once told this girl. "yeah, I love you" but as the coming years go by you'd realize all of that was all so fake and pretend.

 

Internet dating are becoming very popular now and days but they could also get very dangerous to the point where people end up getting rape, used, killed and kidnapped. I'm pretty sure majority of the members here on this forum have heard about the news where young teens get molested, abducted and rape all due to internet meeting.

 

So, I'm sure that's enough evidence to prove that online is all so full of (you know what)? In my own opinion, if a grown up female take that in as a consideration from a guy who tells her that he loves her over online then I hate to say this, but she's very stup*d for believing that. Now, unless she actually knows who he is from face to face and have met before and that they're communicating through online now then that can be an exception. Everyone have different opinion and whatever that I may have stated here on my first post today. If it offended anyone, please accept my apology!

[Delectable]

Question to all that think this online relationship and romance thing is okay...;

 

Isn't this emotional cheating. She keeps saying that the intimacy in their relationship is lacking but he is creating a world of intimacy with other women. He has already proven that he can/will develop genuine feelings for these other women...why should she go without while he shares the most precious thing in a relationship with other women...near or far?

[Citizen Erased]

So he sits on his a$$ all day whilst you work yours off paying bills and finishing your education? You mention some monetary problems... perhaps due to the fact that he is sitting on the internet all day wasting YOUR money and his time.

 

Under no circumstances should anyone who is in a committed relationship tell anyone else they love them. Nor should they go behind your back and talk to members of the opposite sex and then dare say that YOU are the one who has changed. You support yourself, you work, you entitled to being tired at night! You don't have the time to rest like he does!

 

Honey, you are being taken for a ride and this has to stop. Get rid of the Internet, or put a password on it so he cannot get on it, explain your reasons and if he has a fit about it then he is better off gone. You are living together, and you should not have to do all of the work whilst he sits there and flirts with other women. TAKE A STAND! Don't let him get away with this, stick up for yourself.