Ejs82 Posted September 12, 2001 Share Posted September 12, 2001 WHY WHYYYY the hell are women always right. I mean, I'll get to feeling one way about an argument and that I am right and she is wrong but when we argue it out, almost ALWAYS shes able to convince me I'm the one at fault and basically all of our arguments are because of me and stupid choices, and I also act 'idiotic' in times of arguments. I agree that I've done a few dumb things, but I learn from my mistakes. We constantly fight and I feel I am SUCH a bad person and that she deserves better but then think maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself. Basically, I'm frozen in this thought of I can only do wrong, only I do the wrong, and that I've made her life a living hell. I want to be able to talk about our problems like the 2 people in love with each other that we are, but it seems like a lost battle, and that we only turn enemies...I mean, we plan on getting married and this arguing cant last forever, I know for a fact that we have true love for each other... Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated, I NEED to hear something from other peoples views...Thank you very much Link to post Share on other sites
Lauren Posted September 12, 2001 Share Posted September 12, 2001 Arguments are inevitable - especially when you care about someone or something. It is important to remember that no one is "wrong" or "right" in an argument. You and your lady need to respect each others feelings, opinions, and attitudes. Not to mention other pressures like how the day went and what is going on with work or family. When you are discussing something with someone that is important to you - focus on yourself. Start your position with "I" - "I feel", "I want", "I need", "I understand". I'm not sure exactly what you are arguing about or what the outside circumstances/pressures are. If you argue about money - figure out the real issue. If you argue about things she says to you - they seem like accusations, or like she is pressuring you, or like you are being grilled - think for a moment why her words and/or actions make you feel that way. I'm sure it is not her - she does not control your emotions or actions. Say -"I feel pressured when you ask me to spend time with you. I need you to understand that I love you and I am busy". This will break down her immediate need of throwing up a defense if you were to say "you're pressuring me". Also, recognize that her response to you is not entirely you - it is how she processes your actions and/or words. You can say something like "I see that you are very stressed because of work, I'm an idiot for not understanding your need to be with me/spend time together." She will more than likely respond "I don't think you are an idiot, I need a foot rub after all day on my feet". No on is right or wrong - and everyone's ego and pride are left intact and not sent out to fight. These arguments are little tests in a relationship and they go on all the time - with every relationship. I'm sure that you have encountered them with friends, relatives and at work. The arguments with your lady are impacting you because you care so deeply. Try to let go and open up, as I mentioned above, understand why you are reacting a certain way to her words and/or actions. By focusing upon yourself you will be more open and be able to let go of your pride. Pride is not a bad thing - it pushes us and makes us set expectations for ourself. I'm not talking about that kind of pride. I'm talking about the type of pride that flares up and says "I'm going to win this argument". If she hauls off and says you're a jerk - agree. "I agree, I'm a jerk" "I don't know how I didn't realize it sooner". She will be so shocked she will have a reponse like I mentioned above - she will say something like "I don't believe you are a jerk, I got out of hand. I would appreciate some help with the house". In general - it is better to lose yor pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride. Also, would you rather be "right" or happy. And if you think about it, by letting go of your reactions to her words/actions (which in essence are truly fears from similar past situations) you are truly winning. Along with growing a more open, happy relationship. I apologize for the long response, I hope it helps. WHY WHYYYY the hell are women always right. I mean, I'll get to feeling one way about an argument and that I am right and she is wrong but when we argue it out, almost ALWAYS shes able to convince me I'm the one at fault and basically all of our arguments are because of me and stupid choices, and I also act 'idiotic' in times of arguments. I agree that I've done a few dumb things, but I learn from my mistakes. We constantly fight and I feel I am SUCH a bad person and that she deserves better but then think maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself. Basically, I'm frozen in this thought of I can only do wrong, only I do the wrong, and that I've made her life a living hell. I want to be able to talk about our problems like the 2 people in love with each other that we are, but it seems like a lost battle, and that we only turn enemies...I mean, we plan on getting married and this arguing cant last forever, I know for a fact that we have true love for each other... Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated, I NEED to hear something from other peoples views...Thank you very much Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy Posted September 12, 2001 Share Posted September 12, 2001 For a minute there, I thought my boyfriend posted this message. And I know exactly what you're talking about. Often times, at the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend would say to me as we argued, "You hate me, don't you?" Of course, I would always reply that of course I didn't hate him ... that I was just frustrated. It wasn't until my boyfriend told me that I was the type of person that always had to be right ... and I replied with "No I don't" ... that I realized he was right. Once he opened my eyes to the problem, I was able to work on it. Since that day, on many occasions, he has heard me utter the words "You're right, I'm sorry". My suggestion would be to tell her what you told us - "I can only do wrong, only I do the wrong, and that I've made her life a living hell. I want to be able to talk about our problems like the 2 people in love with each other that we are". If she's even remotely a girlfriend worth keeping, she'll realize what she's been doing and work on changing it. And the next time you guys have an argument, and you know you didn't do anything wrong, stand your ground. There's no need to shut up and not argue your points just to get her to be quiet. That would just fuel the fire. Link to post Share on other sites
witchbreed Posted September 12, 2001 Share Posted September 12, 2001 Both above messages give you excellent advice. I would like to point out a good book, which might give you some more insight. MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN FROM VENUS. It shows some tipical misunderstandigs between men and women, we do have "another" language and this often leads to misunderstandings. It might help you understand yourself and your girlfriend better. Maybe read it together? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted September 13, 2001 Share Posted September 13, 2001 hi ejs, i think it is important for people to "agree to disagree". when people are trying to express an opinion or argue a point, it can get way out of hand when they start to defend a simple opinion. now, it's one thing to dispute a fact, (heck, even that can get out of hand when the facts are not correct), but i think it's important to learn that not everything has to end up in an argument, and things can be argued constructively. some people can get quite narky when another person tries to tell them that their OPINION is wrong. i've been frustrated by this before and it generally turns into a game of "me, me, me!". don't be afraid to say, "you're right". swallowing your pride can avoid a potentially frustrating, messy situation. there is not always a right or a wrong in every argument. women are not always right, and neither are men. but if you find yourself getting stuck in your ways, or you have your mind set on a certain point, stand back and listen to the other persons point, work out valid you think it is, and don't attack that point (i'm not saying that you do, it could be her doing this for all i know). most arguments can easily reach a happy medium when people set aside their petty differences, their pig-headedness and learn to REASON throught LISTENING and having an OPEN MIND to things.....hopefully the two of you can be constructive in the future and not get upset if the other is right. and if the other is not right, agree to disagree. best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Ejs82 Posted September 13, 2001 Share Posted September 13, 2001 WHY WHYYYY the hell are women always right. I mean, I'll get to feeling one way about an argument and that I am right and she is wrong but when we argue it out, almost ALWAYS shes able to convince me I'm the one at fault and basically all of our arguments are because of me and stupid choices, and I also act 'idiotic' in times of arguments. I agree that I've done a few dumb things, but I learn from my mistakes. We constantly fight and I feel I am SUCH a bad person and that she deserves better but then think maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself. Basically, I'm frozen in this thought of I can only do wrong, only I do the wrong, and that I've made her life a living hell. I want to be able to talk about our problems like the 2 people in love with each other that we are, but it seems like a lost battle, and that we only turn enemies...I mean, we plan on getting married and this arguing cant last forever, I know for a fact that we have true love for each other... Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated, I NEED to hear something from other peoples views...Thank you very much Link to post Share on other sites
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