betsyd Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I tried to post this earlier as a guest because it would not let me sign on for some reason or another. I've been dating this guy for about 4 months. He's been separated for almost a year, and is about to file divorce papers. His wife has started to act ugly and call him and/or show up at his house. She's telling him she can sue him (for what, I don't know) because he lived with her a little while before they got married. They were only married for six months and have no kids together. Any advice is appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
greenshift Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 She's doing this to get his attention, because she's jealous that he's moving on, and because, even though they were married for so short a time, she's in pain. Now, none of that is your problem, and you can't fix it for this guy. Unfortunately, by getting involved with someone that's still married (please take that in the most non-judgemental way possible), you've accepted this drama while also accepting that it's not your place, or your right, to do anything about it. This is his problem, and he has to deal with it. If I were you, I'd back off, give him some space to work this out, if for no other reason than the fact that he's involved with you could make the divorce very costly and very ugly, far more so than these attempts on her part to create conflict. One of the things I've learned from my own experiences and reading others' here is that sometimes, when the reality of divorce sets in, we want so badly to hang on to what once was that we'll do just about anything to get our ex's (or soon-to-be ex's) attention, even if that means making things worse. It's not rational, logical, or kind, but it's human nature, and the perpetrator usually isn't conscious of their motives. They just know that they hurt, and the lash out. Back off, suggest your guy go see a counselor. It'll help. And, most of all, do *not* get sucked into the drama between him and his wife (she IS still his wife), because that will just make things a lot worse for all three of you in the long run. I know you care about this guy, but you can't fix this. This is his mess and he has to be the one to clean it up. Be supportive, but at a distance for now. It's also worthwhile, I think, to note that, even though they were married for only six months, they were together, probably for quite awhile, before they got married. A divorce is almost completely unlike a breakup when you're dating; don't assume you know what's going on. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author betsyd Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 You're exactly right. It isn't my mess, but I'm caught in the middle. Every day, I wonder what will happen next. I've even told him to take some time to sort through this mess and I will back off, but he says he's not losing me because of her. Just like you said...be supportive, but at a distance. I will definitely try that. If she knows who I am, she has never ever bothered me. I told him the end is near and like you said, she's going to try anything to hurt him or get him back. Thank you so much for your thoughts and advice. I sure do appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
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