A few day ago

[Adunaphel]

I told MM that our "affair" is over.

 

...and I'm feeling like sh*t.

 

I might need to vent a little on the forum, in the next few days.

Please bear with me.

 

I ended it because:

 

- For all I know he might be a okay guy who is in a mid-life crisis and has no idea about what he is doing.

I think his family (wife and son) are right now the best thing he has in his life.

What if his W finds out?!? It would change his life, his wife's life and his son's life.

Even if she does not (or does not want) to find out he is messing things up with his family.

If he is basically a "nice guy", who is just in a weird moment of his life and who might come back to reality sooner or later (opposed to being a complete a**hole) , I do not wish to help him do stupid things and risking ruining his life.

 

- it is extremely likely, if not sure, that if I continue with this 'affair' I'll get a lot more hurt than I got so far.

Right now I'm crying while I'm writing this post, but what if I had slept with him?

What if i had slept with him and treated me in a way I did not like like he did 2 months ago when we had oral sex?

I mean absolutely *nothing* to this MM, I would have been just 'a piece of ass on the side', like it or not.

He acted as a jerk towards me on more than an occasion.

He loves his wife, loves his family.

He genuinely means it when he says he loves his wife.

He cheats on her out of 'boredom', just for physical entertainment.

I mean absolutely *nothing* to him.

 

- I tried to put myself in his wife's shoes.

If I imagine being in her place, married to a man who is 10 years older and cheating on her...well, that would be a nightmare.

It's not that ending my little 'affair' has basically changed anything for her.

If he had not already been cheating on her, I really don't think I'd have even touched him. (one of those stupid OWish delusions?!?)

But...well...sounds hypocrytal, but I'm sorry for her.

 

So...

If he is a nice guy, I do not wish to help him do something stupid.

If he is a jerk... he is a jerk.

In either case, I would have probably got really hurt.

 

I wish he was the kind of guy who does not cheat.

It would be so much easier, I might even have not started the affair, or ended it almost after it begun.

 

What makes it so hard is that I'll certainly see him sooner or later with some other woman (probably sooner than later).

Or I'll get to know that he is cheating on his wife with someone else.

It will hurt to see him with any woman other than his wife. :(

[scarletletter]

If he acted like a jerk toward you, that should be enough to let go. If you see him with anyone else other than his wife you should be thankful that now he is being a jerk to someone ELSE other than you. Easier said than done, I know, but just pointing out an obvious fact.

[Walking away]

Dear friend,

 

I know you are hurting right now. You will be okay. It is going to take some time. We are here to help you through....

 

You did the right thing even though it hurts. You are doing what is best for you and one day soon you will realize it.

 

Hang in there...

 

Hugs

[Adunaphel]

Scarletletter and Walking away, thank your for your support and your nice words.

 

If he acted like a jerk toward you, that should be enough to let go.

 

 

You are so very right.

On a few occasions he said things that hurt me.

I am afraid that most of these times he did not even realize that I could have found some things offensive.

 

Perhaps I should ask myself, would I accept such behaviour from a *single* guy *my age* I was not really interested in?

 

I think that I have a major relationship problem: if I'm in love with someone, or if I really like someone, I am unable to stand up for myself properly.

If I am told something that I find hurtful, I might even not manage to gather up the courage to say something as simple as "you said something that hurt me".

Once MM joked in a way I found *horrible*, all I managed to do was to tell him (the following day) that he had hurt me, while most people would have got mad and/or asked for an apology.

 

Is it true that nice guys will never walk away from a woman just because she might tell them that they have been acting like a**holes when they actually *did* act like a**holes? (pardon my french)

Is it *really* okay to expect an apology, even from guys you are in love with, when someone has said something offensive?

 

What about when someone says something hurtful or offensive without meaning to? Is it really the best thing to let him/her know?

 

If you see him with anyone else other than his wife you should be thankful that now he is being a jerk to someone ELSE other than you. Easier said than done, I know, but just pointing out an obvious fact.

 

Very important point.

What if he has been occasionally a jerk to me, but he will act in a nice way with them? (perhaps, and that would be almost funny, he will be nice and charming to other OW all the time because they will be able to stand up for themselves more than I managed to)

It would be awful to know that while with me he changed attitude very quickly, with other OW he might always act in the charming way he behaved with me at first. :(

[newbby]

Very important point.

What if he has been occasionally a jerk to me, but he will act in a nice way with them? (perhaps, and that would be almost funny, he will be nice and charming to other OW all the time because they will be able to stand up for themselves more than I managed to)

It would be awful to know that while with me he changed attitude very quickly, with other OW he might always act in the charming way he behaved with me at first. :(

i felt this for a long time. i feel he was very into me in the beginning, but i let him get away with treating me like s***, so he eventually lost respect. it is very easy to do in these relationships where you have no control. i couldnt behave in a way i would usually behave in a relationship, my hands were tied.

if you would feel too much guilt for being cause of family break-up, how do you demand what you want? usually too there is something of a commitment phobe personality in the ow, really she may actually not want him to leave for her. the weight of that is enormous. there are so many factors which make it impossible to behave as we usually would do in relationships.

the thing that most killed me, is that usually, i act pretty good in relationships, and usually the men are bending over backwards to please me. i am not being big headed, just stating fact. perhaps though, this is also what kept me attracted.

i am quite sure that ex mm is now with another ow, and sometimes i find myself obsessing about how she has probably acted with more self respect than i. that she will be the one he really falls for, etc. then i think again. how much did he really fall for me at first? it was probably just an act i hadnt seen through at that point. what he wanted/wants is an affair, and that is what he will aim to seek.

[Adunaphel]

thank you, newbby.

 

Reading your post helped me understand a few things.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Two days MM let me know that he has met a girl he likes at an event where quite a lot of common acquaintances were present.

(The event happened less than 24 hours after I told him it's over.)

 

I did not ask whether he had met anyone interesting... it was him who introduced the subject, asking me whom I was interested in at the moment, and proceeding telling me about this girl.

 

He sort of taunted me telling me to try to guess who she was.

 

I had a reaction I am not proud about, after a while I was like "glad for you, what the f**k am I supposed to say?", and as soon as he replied "you did not want to sleep with me, and now you act jealous? try to be reasonable",

I lost control and wrote him something like:

"are you feeling better, now? do you find this amusing?proud with yourself? If this is your idea of fun, I'm crying on the keyboard right now, if you find this so *amusing* feel free to go jerk off at this thought

(er, not exactly ladylike).

 

He asked me "are you dumb?" and reminded me that it was *me*who decided to end the affair, not him.

He added "what should a person in my situation do?" and he said that he had thought he'd tell me to reassure me about the fact that he was okay, and he had recovered/was recovering from having been rejected

( 70% he was mocking me, 30% ...what a filthy hypocryte).

 

I hate having lost control like that.

 

I wonder if there are any reasons for telling me about this girl other than wanting to hurt me on purpose, or giving a blow to my self esteem (again, on purpose).

 

I am worried I might fall again back for this guy. I might need some help in the next days

[grateful]

I wonder if there are any reasons for telling me about this girl other than wanting to hurt me on purpose, or giving a blow to my self esteem (again, on purpose).

 

 

No, there is no other reason to tell you but to hurt you. He brought it up - you didn't ask. Focus on the fact that he tried to hurt you on purpose in order to not fall back with him again. Don't fall back with someone who would hurt you like that!

 

You can do this! Just focus on what is good for you and take care of yourself.

[whichwayisup]

The guy is an a**h***! DO not fall back into his trap. He is trying to make you feel bad, so HE can feel better. It's all about ego now, so please, try your best NOT let him know how you feel about what he's doing.

 

Block him, change your IM if you have to. Out of sight out of mind, k. It's the only revenge that will work. No contact.

 

He is also baiting you and making sure that you know he isn't interested in you. Remember that...He isn't respecting you at all, if he did, he would NOT have told you about some other girl, he wouldn't have asked "are you dumb" or even handled this whole situation like he has. He is only thinking of himself, so why would you want him in your life? To enjoy afew moments where he actually makes you feel good? He's not worth it!!

[Adunaphel]

Grateful, WWIU,

 

thank you for your replies,

I am sorry I did not thank you before.

They were more useful than you could think.

 

I am proud to say that I've been relatively strong so far, it's a little more than two weeks since I ended things with MM, and I'm doing *heaps* better.

 

I have started to use my head again,

last time I felt bad about him it was *not* because I was in one of those awful "I'd do just about anything to spend a few hours in his company" moments, but because I was feeling guilty about his wife.

I believe it's a really good sign.

 

I am still in touch with him (I considered the idea of stopping all contact, but I realized that it would have made things more difficult for a number of reasons).

Funnily enough, I don't think we ever chatted as much as in these last two weeks.

 

Since the day he acted like a jerk (it was when the conversation in the post above took place) he has been relatively nice. We had almost 'average' online conversations, with a few double entendres here and there, but it were more playful than anything (except a couple of times).

 

I am aware that I'm still sending him mixed messages, but it's because I realized that if I keep in touch with him it will be _much_ easier for me to heal and move on.

So I'm still chatting with him from time to time, but meanwhile I'm trying *not* to think about him. And it has been working, so far.

 

I'll have to be very careful, but, unlike last time I posted, I feel that it is very unlikely that anything physical will happen again.

 

 

Also, I've met a guy whom I'm starting to really like.

He's probably not interested in me, but I'm absolutely happy anyway,

because it's always great to get to know people who are so nice, intelligent and interesting, no matter whether they are men or women.

I'm trying NOT to think about him in a "romantic"way, not only because it's unlikely he might found me interesting enough, but *expecially* because he's certainly a person I would love to be a friend of.

 

I mean, he's a _great_ *person*, I do not want to think about his only "as a guy I like". It's hard to explain.

 

Actually it's partly thanks to him that I gathered up the strenght to end things with MM (and spare myself a *lot* of trouble). And it was when the thought that I might actually start to like him (as a member of the opposite sex, not as a person) hadn't ever crossed my mind yet.

[mopar crazy]

The guy is an a**h***! DO not fall back into his trap. He is trying to make you feel bad, so HE can feel better. It's all about ego now, so please, try your best NOT let him know how you feel about what he's doing.

 

Block him, change your IM if you have to. Out of sight out of mind, k. It's the only revenge that will work. No contact.

 

He is also baiting you and making sure that you know he isn't interested in you. Remember that...He isn't respecting you at all, if he did, he would NOT have told you about some other girl, he wouldn't have asked "are you dumb" or even handled this whole situation like he has. He is only thinking of himself, so why would you want him in your life? To enjoy afew moments where he actually makes you feel good? He's not worth it!!

 

 

I agree w/ WWIU. My H's exOW pulled the same BS after he broke it off w/ her. She told him in an IM that she had a date that following weekend shortly after H broke it off w/ her. She pulled the same crap your xMM is. Try not to let him get to you, he's a jerk for treating you like this. He is just pissed you dumped him, good for you! You should be really proud of yourself, it had to been hard. Sorry your hurting though.

[grateful]

I am proud to say that I've been relatively strong so far, it's a little more than two weeks since I ended things with MM, and I'm doing *heaps* better.

 

Glad to hear that. Take care of yourself. You know what's best for you but remember that at any time you can go NC if talking to him hurts more than it helps.

[Adunaphel]

Mopar Crazy,

Grateful

 

I realize it's late to thank you for your replies, but I really appreciated reading your posts, thank you for your support.

 

I didn't post sooner because ... well, it does not make a lot of sense, but at one point I got scared that I might write *too much* about MM, and sort of become obsessed with him.

I decided that I'd post about him only if I really *needed* to.

And that I'd stay away from the OW forum for a while.

 

I might still need help, though ...it's likely that sooner or later I'll post something along the lines of "I'll soon see MM again, I might do something stupid, I need to hear again that it would be a *really* bad idea".

And I might ask someone to help me going through the evidence that I have that this guy is a [insert 7 letter bad word here].

 

Right now I am doing okay, though.

 

Thanks again to you all, your advice and/or support was precious.

[MazzyStar]

- I tried to put myself in his wife's shoes.

If I imagine being in her place, married to a man who is 10 years older and cheating on her...well, that would be a nightmare.

It's not that ending my little 'affair' has basically changed anything for her.

If he had not already been cheating on her, I really don't think I'd have even touched him. (one of those stupid OWish delusions?!?)

But...well...sounds hypocrytal, but I'm sorry for her.

 

I am a betrayed wife, and I always read the OW forums, but have never posted, until now.

 

First I want to say I am sorry for your pain. M man or not, it hurts to end a relationship.

 

I also want to sat THANK YOU! Most OW, i dont think the OW thinks much about the W or at least feel apathy for her. I mean, if she was satisfying him, he wouldnt be with me, right?

 

I know I am the last person you want to hear from being a wife and all, but I do feel your pain. It may not be exactly the same, but pain is pain, right?

 

AND yes, he is a jerk! A "nice guy" would not do that to his wife, and would not allow himself to hurt another woman.

 

You are also right when you ay you see him with OW soon. It will happen. Not to say anything is wrong with you (he chose you didnt he?) but, if you are no longer there to meet the needs he may or may not receive at home, it wont be long before he finds it elsewhere and you are replaced. (Sorry, I dont mean to be mean or harsh)

 

Unfortunalty, I dont think, in most cases, the MM puts as much emotional baggage into an affair as the OW. I think he says what the OW (and the W) want to hear, and means maybe half of it.

 

Bottom line, they are scum, really. And for any of us, the W or the OW, to get wrapped up into their web is exactly what they want.

 

Now, ask yourself this...Do you want to be wrapped into his web of lies? Or do you want to have a relationship in which you can actually have your own man who can concentrate ONLY on you? You answered that question when you broke it off. Stay stong! If you do, you will feel so much better because in the end, you have the power and will to say good bye.

 

Just a tidbit from a wife....sorry if my opinions are not wanted here.

[Adunaphel]

MazzyStar, thank you a lot for your post. You are very kind and sweet.

 

I also want to sat THANK YOU! Most OW, i dont think the OW thinks much about the W or at least feel apathy for her. I mean, if she was satisfying him, he wouldnt be with me, right?

 

I actually believe that quite a lot of OW feel bad about their MM's wives.

 

It's just that - as bad as it can sound - the more attacted you get to someone, the less you will think about other people, expecially if you have never met them in person.

You know he has a wife. But, in a way, she is a "faded" image. Not really real. I don't know if this makes sense.

 

Also, as soon as you start feeling hurt about MM's behaviour, or to have deep feelings for him, you concentrate on yourself and what you feel, and forget about everyone else's feelings.

 

Well, I don't want to generalize, but I think it's a quite common pattern.

 

I know I am the last person you want to hear from being a wife and all, but I do feel your pain. It may not be exactly the same, but pain is pain, right?

 

To be honest, in my situation a W is exactly the person I'd rather hear from.

It was really, really nice of you to reply to my posts.

 

What you wrote will probably help me remember that this guy has a wife, who is surely a great person.

 

AND yes, he is a jerk! A "nice guy" would not do that to his wife, and would not allow himself to hurt another woman.

 

Perhaps he is in a mid life crisis or something, is acting like a jerk because of this and will stop.

(why do i try to justify him? oh...obvious... I don't like to think that people can choose to be selfish jerks **and enjoy it**)

 

 

You are also right when you ay you see him with OW soon. It will happen. Not to say anything is wrong with you (he chose you didnt he?) but, if you are no longer there to meet the needs he may or may not receive at home, it wont be long before he finds it elsewhere and you are replaced. (Sorry, I dont mean to be mean or harsh)

 

For all I know, actually, had I continued the affair, chances are that he'd have soon found another OW anyway.

For all I know if we had had actual sex, he could have dropped me like garbage right away.

 

He treated me in a way I did not like at all while and after I gave oral sex to him (3 months ago). If you feel like a whore after giving oral sex, it's usually a bad sign, meaning that the person has not respect for you.

 

I'd have felt that way even if he had been a single guy.

 

..and I'm never, ever again in my life allowing a guy (single or not single, 20 years older, same age as me, or 20 years younger)to treat me like that again.

 

(...that is...if I don't fall back for this guy. :( )

 

Unfortunalty, I dont think, in most cases, the MM puts as much emotional baggage into an affair as the OW. I think he says what the OW (and the W) want to hear, and means maybe half of it.

 

At least I'm lucky.

MM did not feed me any BS, it' very obvious that all he is interested in is screwing me. (or anyone else that he might find interesting enough).

 

Also, only good thing about him is that he did not pull any of that "my wife does not understand me" stuff.

 

He said he loves his wife.

(it was in a context in which I was trying to make him talk about his wife, telling him that I was worried he was "just an okay guy who does not know really what he is doing").

Makes you wonder what his idea of love is, but at least he is not blaming on her the fact that he feels like cheating on her.

 

Actually, he does not like talking about his wife. Not even mentioning her. Not to me, anyway.

 

Bottom line, they are scum, really. And for any of us, the W or the OW, to get wrapped up into their web is exactly what they want.

 

This one at least does nothing to hide that he is scum.

you can say he has a "quality scum label".

 

Just a tidbit from a wife....sorry if my opinions are not wanted here.

 

I think many OW would very welcome your opinions.

 

Thank you again!

[ReluctantRomeo]

Well done A. You did the right thing. For you, for him and for his family. In the long term you'll be better off for breaking this off.

 

I understand how much it must hurt right now though. My thoughts are with you. Have a big hug ((((Adunaphel))))

 

I've always thought you are really sweet and any man would be lucky to have you. There will be other, better opportunities out there

[Adunaphel]

ReluctantRomeo,

thank you, you are such a sweetie. :love:

 

I am thinking about MM again.

Well, I had not completely forgotten him, but I haven't been doing anything really stupid ever since. I'm just still talking to him on the internet from time to time. Keeping my emotions under control, so to speak.

 

Until the other day.

 

He rubbed in my face again the fact that a girl is actually pursuing him.

She has started talking to him on a website we both visit very often.

Looks like she is trying to hook up with him, he told me she has sent him a sexy picture of herself via e-mail.

 

I'm crushed. I mean *crushed*. I hate it. I hate him. Why on earth I am such an idiot????

 

I am still awfully jealous of him.

(mind, *not* of his wife! he does love his wife or he says to anyway, and I'm sure he means it. I am nothing to him. Nothing. Zero. Someone he thinks he can treat like sh*t. It's other OW I am jealous of. )

 

I might risk ending up to have sex with him just out of hope that I don't see him cheating on his wife with someone else.

Or at least that I don't see him with someone else *so* soon.

 

I don't think I'm much at risk of actually doing it, but I'm not sure.

This utterly ridicolous jealousy thing hit a nerve.

 

I swear that if I knew that he is not the kind of guy who would normally cheat on his wife, I would be 100% sure that I'd never touch him again.

Hell, most of this would not have even happened.

 

I don't understand why I take these things so badly.

 

I hate him. A*****e. Rude, disgusting, filthy spineless bastard.

 

I'm in pain. About a guy who could be my father and behaves like an arrogant kid, treated me like crap, is *still* treating me like crap (I often am allowing him to speak to me in a way that I would not tolerate from anyone else, and i don't even realize it until later).

[Walking away]

You are going to be okay. These men DO have a way of wreaking havoc in our lives and with our emotions.

 

It seems that you are in pain because the contact with him has produced knowledge of things better not known.

 

Hard as it is, I believe NC....COMPLETE NC, is the way to go. For he can't hurt you if you don't know what he is doing, right?

 

You deserve some peace, and you will not get it with him in your life, in any way, shape, or form.

 

Get rid of him.

 

Hugs

WA

[Walking away]

Another book I'd like to recommend:

 

Get Rid of Him by Joyce Vedral.

 

AMAZING.

[lovernotafighter]

ReluctantRomeo,

thank you, you are such a sweetie. :love:

 

I am thinking about MM again.

Well, I had not completely forgotten him, but I haven't been doing anything really stupid ever since. I'm just still talking to him on the internet from time to time. Keeping my emotions under control, so to speak.

 

Until the other day.

 

He rubbed in my face again the fact that a girl is actually pursuing him.

She has started talking to him on a website we both visit very often.

Looks like she is trying to hook up with him, he told me she has sent him a sexy picture of herself via e-mail.

 

I'm crushed. I mean *crushed*. I hate it. I hate him. Why on earth I am such an idiot????

 

I am still awfully jealous of him.

(mind, *not* of his wife! he does love his wife or he says to anyway, and I'm sure he means it. I am nothing to him. Nothing. Zero. Someone he thinks he can treat like sh*t. It's other OW I am jealous of. )

 

I might risk ending up to have sex with him just out of hope that I don't see him cheating on his wife with someone else.

Or at least that I don't see him with someone else *so* soon.

 

I don't think I'm much at risk of actually doing it, but I'm not sure.

This utterly ridicolous jealousy thing hit a nerve.

 

I swear that if I knew that he is not the kind of guy who would normally cheat on his wife, I would be 100% sure that I'd never touch him again.

Hell, most of this would not have even happened.

 

I don't understand why I take these things so badly.

 

I hate him. A*****e. Rude, disgusting, filthy spineless bastard.

 

I'm in pain. About a guy who could be my father and behaves like an arrogant kid, treated me like crap, is *still* treating me like crap (I often am allowing him to speak to me in a way that I would not tolerate from anyone else, and i don't even realize it until later).

 

Adunaphel, don't have sex with him...you'll just be starting with him all over again. and any battle youve won so far will be lost.

 

I know that going cold turkey on him is the most difficult..hell I haven't able to pull it off yet. but think (both of us) need to do total NC to ever have peace of mind.

 

but even if can't do NC,don't do the sex,you'll end up kicking your own ass

[Jessie61]

He rubbed in my face again the fact that a girl is actually pursuing him.

She has started talking to him on a website we both visit very often.

Looks like she is trying to hook up with him, he told me she has sent him a sexy picture of herself via e-mail.

 

I'm crushed. I mean *crushed*. I hate it. I hate him. Why on earth I am such an idiot????

 

I am still awfully jealous of him.

(mind, *not* of his wife! he does love his wife or he says to anyway, and I'm sure he means it. I am nothing to him. Nothing. Zero. Someone he thinks he can treat like sh*t. It's other OW I am jealous of. )

 

I might risk ending up to have sex with him just out of hope that I don't see him cheating on his wife with someone else.

quote]

 

 

Adunaphel,

 

I feel terrible for you, nobody should have to go through what you are going through! Your exMM is such a pig and so insensitive!

 

But PLEASE stop and think for a second! He's playing games with you and DON'T let him succeed! His game is cruel and extremely unkind. DON'T let him do it to you. Any contact you have with him seems so incredibly painful, so are you not better off having NO contact? How are you going to get over this and your jealousy if you are constantly reminded of it???

 

Of course you are jealous and crushed! I can totally understand that, but don't let him know that (or else he will be keep playing these games with you!), just walk away so that you can start feeling good and happy again..?

[crazy_grl]

ReluctantRomeo,

I'm crushed. I mean *crushed*. I hate it. I hate him. Why on earth I am such an idiot????

 

I am still awfully jealous of him.

(mind, *not* of his wife! he does love his wife or he says to anyway, and I'm sure he means it. I am nothing to him. Nothing. Zero. Someone he thinks he can treat like sh*t. It's other OW I am jealous of. )

 

I might risk ending up to have sex with him just out of hope that I don't see him cheating on his wife with someone else.

Or at least that I don't see him with someone else *so* soon.

 

I don't think I'm much at risk of actually doing it, but I'm not sure.

This utterly ridicolous jealousy thing hit a nerve.

 

I swear that if I knew that he is not the kind of guy who would normally cheat on his wife, I would be 100% sure that I'd never touch him again.

Hell, most of this would not have even happened.

 

There's not really any logic in this. I know that there's not always a logical explanation for our emotions, but I think that when we realize how illogical our emotions are, it's easier to move past them.

 

Think about what you're saying. Why does it matter that he's with another woman? He's always been with another woman. Why would it be better if he wasn't the type of guy who screwed around on his wife? What would that change?

 

I hate him. A*****e. Rude, disgusting, filthy spineless bastard.

 

I'm in pain. About a guy who could be my father and behaves like an arrogant kid, treated me like crap, is *still* treating me like crap (I often am allowing him to speak to me in a way that I would not tolerate from anyone else, and i don't even realize it until later).

 

I really think you should go NC on this guy. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't respect his wife. I doubt he could ever respect any woman. Don't put up with him anymore. By continuing to talk to him, you're just letting him know that you'll take this kind of treatment.

[stillafool]

Adunaphel, this man like my MM hates women. He definitely keeps throwing this other OW in your face to make you jealous, insecure, and wanting him. He probably doesn't even like this other girl but wants to show you he can replace you at the drop of a hat. Think about it, if he were having such a great time why does he have time to stop admiring and making love to her to call you, email you and probably text every single detail of his glorious relationship. If it were you and you were out with this sex god would you bother to even think about the MM much less discuss your new love with him. No, you'd be so busy planning your next date you wouldn't even think about your ex. He's uphappy and wants to make you that way too. When he tells you about it laugh if you can and always be the first one to hang up the phone and to stop emailing him.

It's hard to do that because you find yourself lingering on line or phone not wanting to let them go and they know you want them.

 

His behavior is that of a bad boy and that's what all of us here have fallen for in one way or another. I think sometimes we are all more attractive to the emotionally unavailable and unreliable. These are the people it seems who we feel most passionate about. If you will notice they (men)are the same way. Whoever plays hardiest to get, gets the man. That's why you are probably not jealous of his wife. You know his W is already in her place (home) so she isn't bringing something new and exciting to him as the new OW would be. No Adunaphel, the OW may stand up for herself at first until she sleeps with him and she will be treated badly also in no time at all. At least you didn't have intercourse with this guy and you held back something. It's his frustration at this that makes him talk to you the way he does. He wants to try anything to get in bed with you at this point. Don't let him do it!!!

[stillafool]

Trust me if you're young enough to be his daughter he is trying to work mind games with you. He is trying to make you jealous first so your mind will be on him and you won't want to go out with anyone else. If you were dating someone new and closer to your age he couldn't stand it. You deserve so much better than him.

[Adunaphel]

Falling back again for MM.

 

But I think the situation is under control, expecially since I am rather sure that he is not (sexually) interested in me anymore (actually, not that he's ever been interested in me in any other way) since he has realized that I'd be more trouble than anything.

 

It is probably a good thing that in the last few months I (unconsciously) did a few things to make him back even more away than he already was doing, from (finally!) starting to stand up for myself more when he said something that I disliked to hinting to the fact that I knew his wife's name and the place where she works. (i'd never, ever tell his wife about him. I was just basically trying to drive him away. A "I can't stay away from him, let's try to make him stay aay from me" sort of thing, which I might now in a way regret, but is helpful. )

 

We are still hearing from each other (we often are on the same website, a internet community that was founded by a common friend of ours), we are sometimes *sort of* flirting, he often acts like he is trying to make me jealous of some other girl or like he is testing whether I'm still onto him or how much I would put up with.

 

This evening I re-read the whole thread. Your replies had really helped, and are still helping. You guys are just great.

 

I just wanted to give you a little update (and rant a little), dont' worry about replying, I'm not doing so bad, and in this moment there are a lot of people here on loveshack who need support much more than I do.