derickzoolander Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Hi all, Im brand new to this site and figured what the hell, I need some relationship advice and what better place to get it then from a message board full of complete strangers. So let me start off by saying Im 26 and my girlfriend is 23, we have been together for about 6 years now. we get a long great, however lately there has been much stress on our relationship to get engaged. She along with her family, members of my family and friends want to know when we plan on getting engaged. I have what you call "cold feet" but its more like frigid. Im not so sure I want to get married at this time in my life. I feel kind of young and Im not as far along in my career as I would like to be. There are other matters as well. I'm a guy and when I see an attractive girl I look ( no harm done) However, I met this girl last week at work, She's really cute, we get along great. I've known her less than 3 days, and she is constantly on my mind. Its completly crazy. I've been feeling like i want to end what my girlfriend and I have. I haven't really talked to anybody about this yet. I figured I would just get over it, but recently I found out from a co-worker, that this girl was asking about me, such as if I was married or in a relationship. The co-worker truly didnt know and said he wasnt sure. I got really excited about this. When ever we talk I dance around the fact that I have a girlfriend. I dont know what I should do. A week ago, I was completly fine,( although i still had cold feet) Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 whatever you do, keep one and let go of the other. you need to keep your head about you here or you may likely lose both. my sister's husband was engaged to another woman when he met my sister. he and his fiancee even had a condo together. he got to know my sister a little bit (they worked together) and decided to let his fiancee go. they have been happily married for around 15 years now. but he was open and upfront with my sister on the fact that he was engaged...i suggest you do this too, when the time is right. good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Welcome to LS! I think that people feel pressured to get married too early. You say you are in your mid-twenties? I think marriage should be save for 30-somthings. Just from reading loveshack's Divorce forum, that's the conclusion I've come to. Hang out in that area of the forum for a bit and you'll see the pitfalls of marrying too early in life. Marriage is an excellent institution, don't get me wrong, it's just not something to be pressured in to or entered out of guilt. Quite honestly, I don't think *some* people know what it is they want till a little later in life. Nothing wrong with that at all! Link to post Share on other sites
No Stress Lady Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Zoolander - love that film!!! Orange Mocha FrappuC-I-N-O!!!! Anyway....... Well you certainly shouldn't be getting married that's for sure - how much of your discomfort with things as they stand stems from the marriage/engagement pressure? - if it wasn't being made into such an issue by everyone would you still be happy with and want to stay with your girlfriend? You need to think hard about whether you really DO love your girlfriend - if not then you need to break it off - you're both still very young and at least then she's free to find someone who does love her and you're free to meet other women. If you decide that what you have is worth hanging onto then you need to speak to your girlfriend and tell her that you're not prepared to be pressured into marriage when you're nowhere near ready. It's up to her then but at least you've been honest. What you should not do, in my opinion, is let your dick rush you into something with the girl at work while you're still with your girlfriend - the grass isn't always greener and believe me, work affairs can be a minefield of potentially disastrous scenarios!!!!!!! At least get to know your co-worker better (as a free agent) before you make any serious moves..... Sounds like this new girl might be, in your eyes, the excuse you've been looking for to end things with your girlfriend...... Whatever you decide to do, do it nicely........ Hope you sort things out!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I would tell her that you two need a break to date others. Otherwise you will always regret it. You got together so young. That regret seems to come back and bite you in the ass later. If it's meant to be, you'll get back together. But if you don't go your separate ways for awhile now, you'll probably live to regret it later. And I agree with the posters who have stated that you're too young to get married. I'd wait. You don't want to because you're just not ready. Your "cold feet" will be nowhere to be found when it's really the right time. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyinwaiting Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I would suggest that you don't pop the question, yet. You don't want to get married now and you will end up resenting your girlfriend/fiancee/wife. plus, you're only 26. You and your girlfriend have lots of time. The other girl is another issue. Think carefully before doing anything rash, as pressure to commit to one person can make many others look suddenly attractive. I'm not proud to admit it, but after i got in engaged i suddenly started working through 'what ifs', and got a little infatuated with an older guy at work (it didn't go anywhere, but i did start flirting back...). I'd never been interested in anyone else in all the years we've been going out. I'm not excusing myself, exactly, but i do think pressure in one direction can make us push back too hard in another. Link to post Share on other sites
No Stress Lady Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I would suggest that you don't pop the question, yet. You don't want to get married now and you will end up resenting your girlfriend/fiancee/wife. plus, you're only 26. You and your girlfriend have lots of time. The other girl is another issue. Think carefully before doing anything rash, as pressure to commit to one person can make many others look suddenly attractive. I'm not proud to admit it, but after i got in engaged i suddenly started working through 'what ifs', and got a little infatuated with an older guy at work (it didn't go anywhere, but i did start flirting back...). I'd never been interested in anyone else in all the years we've been going out. I'm not excusing myself, exactly, but i do think pressure in one direction can make us push back too hard in another. Very good point LadyinWaiting Link to post Share on other sites
Author derickzoolander Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Thanks, for the posts I have a lot of thinking to do. I definitly love my girlfriend, but we've been together so long, Im having trouble finding that initial spark the drove us together. Also i think the pressure to get married has me looking in every direction for an excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
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