2Sweet4U Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 This weekend my man of 6 years was caught in a huge lie. I'm 29 and he is 33... I am a very sexual person but he isn't... so he says... I try to get close but he just turns away and never ever talks.... I started to accept that having sex 1/mth was normal or ok... On Saturday I went out with 2 friends who invited him but he refused... "I want to watch the hockey game"... Truth be told he went alone to the Strip club... I used to be ok about the boys going together but now... ??? When I came home he was on the couch sleeping.... Sunday morning I expected him to get up early like normal but he satyed in bed until noon then got up and went back... Call it what ever something told me check him out... I looked for clothing to indicate his night and tucked away in his closet under clean pants was a pair of dirty jeans which smelt of scanky perfum... I satyed calm, woke him him and asked if he went out: He told me he went to the store for beer... I repeated the question, Same response... Then I gave him the jeans and he tried to tell me they didn't smell... I could have smashed him.... He finally admitted it... He has always lied... Should I give up? Should I move on.... Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Any sort of sexual interaction with another person when both partners are not consenting to it is cheating. He has lied and made your relationship suffer so that he can get a lap dance? When he could be having real SEX? Umm... this guy is weird and has issues. He has lied and cheated... how are you normally? Do you hug and kiss and express any emotions? Do you laugh and have fun? From the sounds of it no, so I would take a REALLY hard look at your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Delectable Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Any sort of sexual interaction with another person when both partners are not consenting to it is cheating. Can I get an AMEN! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2Sweet4U Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Hey thanks! Confirmation... I guess i needed that you're right... I'm an awesome person and together I lose out on honestly, trust and love... He does have issues.... Link to post Share on other sites
yawhatever Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Make sure he is aware of how you feel about that. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 wow if he's so good at lying, i dunno. you should probably think hard about the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Yes, lap dancing is cheating. His lying is also harmful to you relationship. I would put this event in the context of your 6 years together. Have those years been overall fantastic, acceptable, or rather disappointing? Are you sticking with him just for security, out of inertia, or for help with the rent? "He has always lied..." sounds like a dealbreaker to me... Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Yes, that is definitely cheating. I am SO GLAD so many other people think so too. Link to post Share on other sites
banister61 Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Me too! It's cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
yawhatever Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Lapdancing is not, but if he is doing it by himself w/o his buddies maybe he is interested in one of the strippers.. as in more than a lap dance and not for $$. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 The problem with cheaters is that they lie. It is a matter of character. You can't change character. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2Sweet4U Posted March 19, 2006 Author Share Posted March 19, 2006 Thank you all, I am leaving time is up and yes he knows my thoughts as I tell it like it is.... No shame in being honest it stings like a bee but never kills you... 2Sweet4U Link to post Share on other sites
Dinnj1 Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 No it's not. Unless it's a habit... or if it get's more attention then you do. I would never call it cheating... I would call it ...a 'problem' I know plenty of guys who can't stand the clubs... happily married guys with wives that trust them... A few in particular who never stepped foot in a club. Until another friends bachelor party... let's say that one of these guys gets a lap dance bought for them... they accept naturally, a 2 minute song (no touching)... that's cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Angel Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 YES! For many people, it ABSOLUTELY is. If your morals are different (he says it's not cheating), you will encounter big problems later on. You have to be on the same page---- Link to post Share on other sites
Dinnj1 Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 he says it's not cheating I have bad morals??? So If my fiance' goes to her bachelorette party... with all her friends... get's pulled up on stage by the dancer and he givers her lap dance... then I shouldn't marry this girl??? cause she's cheating on me??? ack! I said it's NOT cheating, unless it's a habit...then it's more of a problem. Nor am I saying she shouldn't leave him... cause it sounds like there's more to the story with him... I wouldn't agree with what he's doing either. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 I have bad morals??? So If my fiance' goes to her bachelorette party... with all her friends... get's pulled up on stage by the dancer and he givers her lap dance... then I shouldn't marry this girl??? cause she's cheating on me??? Of course you dont have bad morals! I would have to point out, however, that what goes on at a bachelorette party and a strip club is incredibly different! Bachelorette parties are a bunch of women laughing at a man who is dancing and prancing around entertaining. Most women are not turned on by this, it is all just a game and stupid, which we all know. When men go to strip clubs they are not doing it just for a laugh. It is to get turned on and this is cheating. If this guy is going out getting off on other women instead of his girlfriend (she has said that he has said no to her, but then gone out and done these things) then it is cheating. Strip clubs are designed to have what men want: Something which they cannot have flaunted in their face. Getting a lap dance is alot more serious then having a guy come in the door pretending to be Mr. Fireman who has to hose all the women down because it is just too hot in here... (and female strippers show ALOT more then the male ones!) Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Coco is right. In a lap dance the whole point is to get sexually aroused by a woman that is not your SO. If your fiancee took off all her clothes and rubbed her naked body all over some guy in a bar, would you get upset? I can't imagine a woman getting really turned on by a male stripper in the same way. It's NOT the same, guys who say it is are making excuses for themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2Sweet4U Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 Hey the guy I trusted has done it before and well I always accepted it... It doesn't say much for me, I will be 30 in a year and I want the package...He doesn't and so why waste anymore time, if he lies about such things as lap dancing then what else... He lies to his mother all the time for rediculous issues....What ever time to give up this sob story and move on... Just with life, take time for me and not worry about the truth... 2Sweet4U Link to post Share on other sites
lovelylady69 Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Any sort of sexual interaction with another person when both partners are not consenting to it is cheating. He has lied and made your relationship suffer so that he can get a lap dance? When he could be having real SEX? Umm... this guy is weird and has issues. He has lied and cheated... how are you normally? Do you hug and kiss and express any emotions? Do you laugh and have fun? From the sounds of it no, so I would take a REALLY hard look at your relationship. i agree 100%!!! Link to post Share on other sites
enoughisenough Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 He must not enjoy having sex with you enough (for whatever reason). And if it is the dingy type of strip club, he might be getting something something there for some extra cash. Probably about time to look elsewhere. If he hasn't cheated already (meaning having sex or a blowjob), then he probably will eventually. Especially since he 1. does NOT have sex with you, 2. frequents strip clubs ALONE. Yeah, something is up. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Ok, as a lapdancer - it isn't cheating. It's sexualized entertainment. And Coco - i have to say that male strippers go a lot further than female strippers in terms of what they show! In a strip club dances are usually more sedate and you see no more than you would on a nude beach - male strippers generallly have their aroused genetalia in the womans face and nope, it's not in ther least bit sexy. Strippers at bachelor parties do tend to go further and put on shows using sex toys etc but clubs are different - if male strippers stripped by standards ata club they'd be a lot classier and sexier. Anyway - to the poster, i'd be more concerned about your partners lying ways than the fact he got a lapdance. You can't trust this guy to be honest with you atall by the sound of it. I hope you have the strength to get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Ok, as a lapdancer - it isn't cheating. It's sexualized entertainment. And Coco - i have to say that male strippers go a lot further than female strippers in terms of what they show! In a strip club dances are usually more sedate and you see no more than you would on a nude beach - male strippers generallly have their aroused genetalia in the womans face and nope, it's not in ther least bit sexy. Strippers at bachelor parties do tend to go further and put on shows using sex toys etc but clubs are different - if male strippers stripped by standards ata club they'd be a lot classier and sexier. I agree that male strippers aren't sexy, but I'm sorry, it IS cheating. Just because you don't feel anything for these guys and it's all business for you doesn't mean that it's not cheating for them to get a lapdance. If I did the exact same thing to another guy, I guarantee my BF would think it was cheating. Attitudes like this are why guys think it's not cheating. Everyone tells them it's ok and they deserve to have as many women as they want. I'm not trying to insult you, I just disagree. Link to post Share on other sites
LakeGirl Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Yes, lap dancing is cheating. I don't agree, only because I take my husband to strip cllubs and buy him lap dances. What is the harm with looking at a beautiful body, wether it is in the pages of a magazine, on the web or in real life? I am completely comfortable with him going by himself or with the guys. I really don't see the harm. Now if you have a man that is dishonest and you don't have total faith, that might make it hard. But I still wouldn't consider it cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Really, a couple has to decide if they think it's cheating. Open marraiges are fine if both people agree on it. I personally have a problem with it because I hear all the time that men are supposed to go get turned on by a woman they actually find attractive and I'm supposed to be so grateful that they come home, close their eyes and use my body to finish what they started. If they can't get turned on by me, then they need to go be with someone who does it for them. If they aren't attracted to me, why are they staying? But I do realize that some people are fine with it. I guess what I should have said is that it's cheating to ME. That doesn't mean it's cheating to everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Coco is right. In a lap dance the whole point is to get sexually aroused by a woman that is not your SO. So? Just because you have a SO doesn't mean that your sexual attraction to people shrivels up and dies. Other people will still be attractive and you will still be sexually attracted to them. It's all a matter of the comfort in the relationship. If the partner is ok with it then it is not cheating whether your reasons are rational or not. It's always situation specific. I can't imagine a woman getting really turned on by a male stripper in the same way. It's NOT the same, guys who say it is are making excuses for themselves. Well, I find it a huge turn on as well as with female strippers. So imagine it because it does happen. I don't consider myself an entirely abnormal woman either. The guys that compare the two situations are not making excuses they just ave a hard time understanding a womans point of vie Link to post Share on other sites
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