Lap dancing is it cheating

[barfool]

Do I know you?

 

Well, I was about to propose marriage but I guess that's screwed now.

 

 

Anyway, catgirl, it's great that you're very clear about what you consider cheating and such but to be in a loving relationship IMO when there are differing opinions and desires you must compromise. It's unfair to have one person get exactly what they want etc. Or if it is something that you can not compromise about then most likely you shouldn't be with that person.

[Toni_no12002]

its unfair that someone is hurting so much because of it though.Maybe it is insecurtiy but the partner shouldnt make it worse if they really care.

[catgirl1927]

Well, I was about to propose marriage but I guess that's screwed now.

 

 

Anyway, catgirl, it's great that you're very clear about what you consider cheating and such but to be in a loving relationship IMO when there are differing opinions and desires you must compromise. It's unfair to have one person get exactly what they want etc. Or if it is something that you can not compromise about then most likely you shouldn't be with that person.

 

You do have to compromise. And if this particular compromise were too great for my BF, then we wouldn't be together.

 

It needs to go both ways, this compromise. Sometimes you have to give up something for someone else. And if sex with a stripper is something a guy couldn't give up for me, then we do not belong together. Largely because he is a moron to give up on someone who really loves him for someone to whom he is just an ATM.

 

I broke up with the guy who told me that the only reason his cheating bothered me was because I was insecure. If you ask him TODAY why I broke up, he'll tell you I was unreasonable and insecure. I wasn't insecure. I just wasn't willing to compromise on physical fidelity. I don't deserve to have someone else show up at my work pregnant with my boyfriend's baby demanding money from me. And I also don't deserve to have my body rotted out by an STD because a man can't control his "attractions."

[Toni_no12002]

men always have an excuse for why they do what they do.They look at other women because they are highly sexed!rubbish!

 

They can control themselves if they are men!

[Guest]

Attitudes like this are why guys think it's not cheating. Everyone tells them it's ok and they deserve to have as many women as they want.

And how many men do you want??

 

I find it hard to understand that men want so many women and need to have so much will power to stay faithful.

 

When I’m in love, I don’t want anyone else. Is that so ‘abnormal’?

[Toni_no12002]

No its not abnormal but nowadays men seem to think its ok to spread there seed as they say.Which is a load of rubbish!

[catgirl1927]

And how many men do you want??

 

I find it hard to understand that men want so many women and need to have so much will power to stay faithful.

 

When I’m in love, I don’t want anyone else. Is that so ‘abnormal’?

 

I only want one, the one I have. I'm the same way, I don't want anyone but the person I love.

 

Loveless sex is ok, I've done it before. But sex with love is so much better, I don't get why anyone would risk that for meaningless sex. Makes no sense to me.

[Toni_no12002]

unless someone wasnt in love in the first place.But if you are in love i dont reckon theyd cheat

[Guest]

I found this thread because twice recently, I have gone to strip clubs and had encounters with strippers. Let me describe those encounters as a way of showing what can happen and a preview the reason I did this. At the first club, I turned down several requests to “play.” Finally a women sat and talked me a while and I went to the back with her. She hinted several times at getting that zipper down, but I sat for several songs and just hugged her almost naked body and nuzzled her hair, like teenage necking. She then wanted to ‘get the job done” and started grinding me, and I got up before the inevitable climax.

The second started similarly. Turned down a lot of silicone types and an older woman came over and stood in front of me, and ran her hand gently over my eyes and temples, saying she would provide the type of touch we all crave. That was it and I went in back with her. We talked and snuggled quite a bit before she danced. When she started dancing she invited me to touch her anywhere. And I touched her intimately. Before long her breasts were in my mouth and then she wrapped her mouth around, my organ, while I was still in my jeans. Again, that was the line, I did not want to cross and I left. So do not assume every strip club is just a place to watch pretty girls.

 

I write because I have mixed feelings about these experiences. I also know I could go back to either place for much more sexual activity. I am writing to the question of why? I make no issue with the original poster as she says she would have sex with her husband every night.

But as to those who unconditionally condemn going to strip clubs or using pornography and all men who do, let me try to provide (at risk of being ridiculed) to provide another viewpoint.

I have been married for 34 years. Aside from a few other strip club incidents there has been no affair or intercourse outside our marriage. I have gone to strip clubs perhaps 20 times in 34 years. I have come to realize there is a very definite pattern to my doing so.

My wife has essentially stopped having any interest in sexual or touching activity. Before the usual responses about how I am somehow to blame and in relation to the “marriage contract” that has been cited as reason for finding betrayal in marriage let me add that my wife has been the center of my life for this entire time. Other than my work, I have no other life than to be with her and support her. I support and help her with her career. I have totally built one house and remodeled two others to her specifications. Help out with housework, make good money, dress well, keep fit and hygienic. When we dated, she seemed to have no hesitancy to have sex. I of course was 35 years younger, but I now realize that while she had no hesitancy, she had no particular interest either despite being multi orgasmic.

After marriage she completely controlled the sexual agenda. I was turned down multiple times and stopped asking because it hurt so much. We went from 1 a week, 1 every 2 weeks, and now I go as long as 4 months without any sexual contact or even any meaningful hugging or snuggling. In addition for years she criticized me and tried to make me someone I was not. I eventually was so depressed I had suicidal thoughts and spent 5 years in constant therapy before I could resume a somewhat ok outlook in my life.

I still treat her like a princess, which she refers to herself but the physical life is dead. I have brought it up 3-4 times in 30 years. At one time I said I wanted to leave unless she stopped the carping and brought had interest in me sexually. We went to counseling and the carping stopped but the sexual droughts are even longer. She has no physical problems, she just does not care about physical touching.

When we do have sex, I have no interest in porn, strip clubs or even look at other women until the drought wears on. Eventually, I become obsessed with getting some stimulation. At my age, a my own hand just does not do it anymore. As this stripper touched me on my face and neck, I said over and over again, I wish I could get this at home.

I do not want a divorce, because,we are best friends and share a lot of history, joy and sorrow, but I cannot continue in this state either. I literally walk around at times with semen dripping involuntarily because of the unreleased tension.

So for now as awful as you may find this conduct, it keeps me from making a bigger mistake perhaps (like a prostitute or romantic affair) while I try to figure out how to deal with this. As for those who say all men are worthless, I suggest asking yourself how many people were sexual dynamos during dating and then turned to ice after some perceived slight from their devoted spouse. Is that any different than saying you do not do porn and then doing it? Is it not informing this person you have a healthy sexual appetite when you do not? How do you still make claim on a person’s physical fidelity when you have no physical relationship with that person? I do not get it. But the older I get the more sorrowful and angry at what I have missed and look forward to missing until the day I die. And my 15 minutes with that stripper was a gift to myself to and validation someone cannot have this kind of control over my happiness

[catgirl1927]

There are those of us who don't deny our SO's sex at all, and yet we're still expected to accept that they need to visit a stripper and have an encounter like the one you describe. How can you say that should be ok with us and we should just understand?

[Guest]

I apologize if I was not clear. In no way do I think you should accept it, if you have a healthy sexual relationship. While I was obviously confused on many levels about my own actions, I was trying to make the point, that men are frequently blamed for their so's lack of sexual interest, without recognition that many of us knock ourselves out for our wives and still for their own reasons we are not able to enjoy a healthy physical relationship with them. Also I was not clear enough, that where the stripper got me, was with touching my face. My wifes total refusal to have any physical tenderness sends messages to me that I am not important to her. We frequently are told all the things that are important to women without recognition of what is important to us. Some how in our current gender wars it is miserable of a husband to refuse to listen to his wifes emotional needs and engage her in conversation, but for a husband to want a physical relationship is somehow less worthy. If I only wanted someone to converse with and share home duties with, I did not need a marriage. I wanted a fully dimensioned husband wife relationship and I indeed wanted monogamy for life. I never imagined I would be so lonely and hurting from rejection I would seek solace (sp) in this fashion. But I repeat, if you treat your so well, I agree you have every right to fidelity. My thinking is that if someone deprives their so of a dimension of a relationship whether physical, financial, emotional, I think that person is unfair to demand fidelity back in return in those terms. I am really hurting from these years of rejection and it gives me a different perspective. I love my wife and if I did not I would just leave, but she is hurting me and talking about it has not helped. Men are not always to blame or insatiable sexual beasts. Sometimes we are on the short end of an unfair relationship as well.

[MrsHellFire]

I found this thread because twice recently, I have gone to strip clubs and had encounters with strippers. Let me describe those encounters as a way of showing what can happen and a preview the reason I did this. At the first club, I turned down several requests to “play.” Finally a women sat and talked me a while and I went to the back with her. She hinted several times at getting that zipper down, but I sat for several songs and just hugged her almost naked body and nuzzled her hair, like teenage necking. She then wanted to ‘get the job done” and started grinding me, and I got up before the inevitable climax.

The second started similarly. Turned down a lot of silicone types and an older woman came over and stood in front of me, and ran her hand gently over my eyes and temples, saying she would provide the type of touch we all crave. That was it and I went in back with her. We talked and snuggled quite a bit before she danced. When she started dancing she invited me to touch her anywhere. And I touched her intimately. Before long her breasts were in my mouth and then she wrapped her mouth around, my organ, while I was still in my jeans. Again, that was the line, I did not want to cross and I left. So do not assume every strip club is just a place to watch pretty girls.

 

I write because I have mixed feelings about these experiences. I also know I could go back to either place for much more sexual activity. I am writing to the question of why? I make no issue with the original poster as she says she would have sex with her husband every night.

But as to those who unconditionally condemn going to strip clubs or using pornography and all men who do, let me try to provide (at risk of being ridiculed) to provide another viewpoint.

I have been married for 34 years. Aside from a few other strip club incidents there has been no affair or intercourse outside our marriage. I have gone to strip clubs perhaps 20 times in 34 years. I have come to realize there is a very definite pattern to my doing so.

My wife has essentially stopped having any interest in sexual or touching activity. Before the usual responses about how I am somehow to blame and in relation to the “marriage contract” that has been cited as reason for finding betrayal in marriage let me add that my wife has been the center of my life for this entire time. Other than my work, I have no other life than to be with her and support her. I support and help her with her career. I have totally built one house and remodeled two others to her specifications. Help out with housework, make good money, dress well, keep fit and hygienic. When we dated, she seemed to have no hesitancy to have sex. I of course was 35 years younger, but I now realize that while she had no hesitancy, she had no particular interest either despite being multi orgasmic.

After marriage she completely controlled the sexual agenda. I was turned down multiple times and stopped asking because it hurt so much. We went from 1 a week, 1 every 2 weeks, and now I go as long as 4 months without any sexual contact or even any meaningful hugging or snuggling. In addition for years she criticized me and tried to make me someone I was not. I eventually was so depressed I had suicidal thoughts and spent 5 years in constant therapy before I could resume a somewhat ok outlook in my life.

I still treat her like a princess, which she refers to herself but the physical life is dead. I have brought it up 3-4 times in 30 years. At one time I said I wanted to leave unless she stopped the carping and brought had interest in me sexually. We went to counseling and the carping stopped but the sexual droughts are even longer. She has no physical problems, she just does not care about physical touching.

When we do have sex, I have no interest in porn, strip clubs or even look at other women until the drought wears on. Eventually, I become obsessed with getting some stimulation. At my age, a my own hand just does not do it anymore. As this stripper touched me on my face and neck, I said over and over again, I wish I could get this at home.

I do not want a divorce, because,we are best friends and share a lot of history, joy and sorrow, but I cannot continue in this state either. I literally walk around at times with semen dripping involuntarily because of the unreleased tension.

So for now as awful as you may find this conduct, it keeps me from making a bigger mistake perhaps (like a prostitute or romantic affair) while I try to figure out how to deal with this. As for those who say all men are worthless, I suggest asking yourself how many people were sexual dynamos during dating and then turned to ice after some perceived slight from their devoted spouse. Is that any different than saying you do not do porn and then doing it? Is it not informing this person you have a healthy sexual appetite when you do not? How do you still make claim on a person’s physical fidelity when you have no physical relationship with that person? I do not get it. But the older I get the more sorrowful and angry at what I have missed and look forward to missing until the day I die. And my 15 minutes with that stripper was a gift to myself to and validation someone cannot have this kind of control over my happiness

 

Sounds like you really are quite neglected at home! Maybe you should really find someone who will make you happy! You sound so miserable, and you really shouldn't spend any more time feeling that way! You might regret it more if you wait around and accept rejection and her ignoring your needs and feelings for another decade. I honestly don't blame you at all. just get a divorce first.

[Toni_no12002]

I think maybe by going to strippers you could be causing more problems for yourself.She might not want to do anything even more.Im not blaming you saying its all your fault but in my relationships ive realised that after a certain time in relationships(after the honeymoon period normally)that couples arent as interesting in sex that much anymore.

Normally it is the woman.I found this and i constantly wonder why this happens.The only answer i have is that the lust has gone and that you feel comfortable.So you dont feel like you have to if you dont want to anymore.

 

My boyfriend does want to do it but most the time i just dont feel like it i cant explain it.Sometimes i find myself doing it just to make him happy.He hasnt gone to any strippers or anything like that and if he did i would be really upset but in a way i could understand why.But what are you supposed to do?I havent a clue!

[catgirl1927]

Sounds like you really are quite neglected at home! Maybe you should really find someone who will make you happy! You sound so miserable, and you really shouldn't spend any more time feeling that way! You might regret it more if you wait around and accept rejection and her ignoring your needs and feelings for another decade. I honestly don't blame you at all. just get a divorce first.

 

I agree with this. You have a problem in your marriage, and you should deal with it instead of sneaking around like a dog.