SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Why is it that if someone clearly dislikes you or *hates* you that person will continue to spew forth namecalling and other invectives? Seems to me that behaviour runs contrary to my belief that if you dislike/hate someone you just walk away and not engage the person. So what's the reasoning behind this obvious contradictory behaviour? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Some individuals believe that they are Gods gift to everyone and they will not tolerate or can't cope with rejection. It makes them feel and look imperfect. All that you can do is laugh it off and try again with another individual. There are plenty of people in this world. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 So what's the reasoning behind this obvious contradictory behaviour? Because sometimes these f***ers won't leave you alone and you're forced with no other option. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Some individuals believe that they are Gods gift to everyone and they will not tolerate or can't cope with rejection. It makes them feel and look imperfect. All that you can do is laugh it off and try again with another individual. There are plenty of people in this world. Nope, not what I'm talking about. What I am talking about is what's known as *angry rejection*... the sort of rejection in which not only the *rejector* rejects a person but continues to *attack* the person with namecalling and other BS. Why do some people do this? If you reject someone then just do that and walk away. Why continue with the attacks? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Because sometimes these f***ers won't leave you alone and you're forced with no other option. What if the *rejectee* has walked away and the *rejector* continues to *rub it in* with more attacks? Why does that happen? Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 What if the *rejectee* has walked away and the *rejector* continues to *rub it in* with more attacks? Why does that happen? I think your question is too vague. Care to clue us in? Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 What if the *rejectee* has walked away and the *rejector* continues to *rub it in* with more attacks? Why does that happen? I've never seen this happen, was this a personal experience? More usually, the rejector is polite at first, but the rejectee takes this as a sign that with more "encouragement" they would agree to whatever the rejectee wants. That's when it turns ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 I think your question is too vague. Care to clue us in? ARGH! All right, let me put it to you this way... Person A (SF) was *rejectd* by Person B. Person B then launched into a tirade of namecalling and other ridiculous garbage (you're hateful, you're an ass-bastard, etc.) and Person A said "yeah, okay, so what, etc." Person A basically *went along with it* and didn't disagree or challenge Person B. Person B then continued to call Person A names, etc. as if she WANTED Person A to *fight* or *challenge* her. Person A just kept on laughing at Person B. Person B seemed to get even more angry. My question is why do those *who do the rejecting* continue to *rub it in*? If you reject someone then why not just walk away from it and refrain from taunting the person you rejected? Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 I understood your question SF, but I think it depends on the type of situation and the context it's in. Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 I've never seen this happen, was this a personal experience? More usually, the rejector is polite at first, but the rejectee takes this as a sign that with more "encouragement" they would agree to whatever the rejectee wants. That's when it turns ugly. Yes, a personal experience. No, no, no... I (the rejectee) basically agreed with the rejector's claim that I am *hateful, ignorant, an ass-bastard, etc.* I didn't challenge her and SHE got even more angry and decided to call me even more names. I didn't *want* anything from her... absolutely nothing. Why do people do that? Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Sounds like Person B has issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Sounds like Person B has issues. Absolutely. I think that it is crazy to reject someone and then turn right around and harangue the person you've rejected even more by launching into namecalling, etc. Dumb. If someone approached me and I didn't want to associate with that person for whatever reason I would just reject that person and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 It's hard to say, without the emotional context of the situation. I find it difficult to make a judgement unless I know the "WHY" of a situation, not just the "WHAT". Does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 It's hard to say, without the emotional context of the situation. I find it difficult to make a judgement unless I know the "WHY" of a situation, not just the "WHAT". Does that make sense? Why was I rejected? Because I was deemed *hateful, ignorant, an ass-bastard, etc.* All *valid* reasons, I suppose. I didn't disagree or challenge those reasons. What happened was AFTER I was rejected the person who rejected me CONTINUED to engage me with more trash-talk. I had *walked away* and she kept on going with her rant. The question is why do some people do that? Why not just let it go - ESPECIALLY if the other person already did? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Yes, a personal experience. No, no, no... I (the rejectee) basically agreed with the rejector's claim that I am *hateful, ignorant, an ass-bastard, etc.* I didn't challenge her and SHE got even more angry and decided to call me even more names. I didn't *want* anything from her... absolutely nothing. Why do people do that? Obviously there was existing conflict between you. From what you describe, she decided to address it in an open and inappropriately aggressive manner...presumably resulting from a build up of aggression. You reacted by avoiding the conflict. Two very different responses to conflict, both of which inhibit conflict resolution. If someone's being overly aggressive and threatening, I think it's a good idea to postpone conflict resolution "eg we're not going to resolve this while you're in this frame of mind. Once you're calmer, we'll talk." Or, if the person's not presenting a physical risk, but is being verbally abusive, switch their focus back to them by asking what it is they want/why they're screaming/what help they need in order to calm down etc. I've picked up in a few of your posts, SF, that you tend to react with amusement when other people lose their cool or get angry. There's no doubt that the sight of a grown adult throwing a toddler style fit can be pretty funny, but demonstrating your amusement is humiliating to the angry person. On the one hand, it could shame them into silence, on the other it could push them over the edge and result in you being at physical risk. I suppose in situations like this, you need to ask yourself what outcome you want...then react in the manner most likely to bring about that outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Why was I rejected? Because I was deemed *hateful, ignorant, an ass-bastard, etc.* All *valid* reasons, I suppose. I didn't disagree or challenge those reasons. What happened was AFTER I was rejected the person who rejected me CONTINUED to engage me with more trash-talk. I had *walked away* and she kept on going with her rant. The question is why do some people do that? Why not just let it go - ESPECIALLY if the other person already did? Because she wanted a different reaction from you than you gave her. She wants you to feel what she's feeling and just walking away won't cut it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 I've picked up in a few of your posts, SF, that you tend to react with amusement when other people lose their cool or get angry. There's no doubt that the sight of a grown adult throwing a toddler style fit can be pretty funny, but demonstrating your amusement is humiliating to the angry person. On the one hand, it could shame them into silence, on the other it could push them over the edge and result in you being at physical risk. ... Well, you're right. I find it amusing to see people deal with situations by utilising irrational means. It makes me wonder about their level of intellectual and emotional maturity. Deflating people's egos is something I mastered long ago and it amazes me to see how fragile some people are. As I have said before, the biggest egos are the easiest to pop... just like balloons. The more air (or helium) that is crammed into the balloon the more fragile it becomes and therefore easier to pop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Because she wanted a different reaction from you than you gave her. She wants you to feel what she's feeling and just walking away won't cut it. Why? To feed her ego? To give her some sort of *validation*? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 ... Well, you're right. I find it amusing to see people deal with situations by utilising irrational means. It makes me wonder about their level of intellectual and emotional maturity. Deflating people's egos is something I mastered long ago and it amazes me to see how fragile some people are. As I have said before, the biggest egos are the easiest to pop... just like balloons. The more air (or helium) that is crammed into the balloon the more fragile it becomes and therefore easier to pop. Well, you mentioned intellectual and emotional maturity...so I guess those are qualities you value above egotistical or irrational behaviour. On that basis, your most authentic response would be an emotionally mature one. That way you'd be reacting in a way that's consistent with your values. What do you think the emotionally mature response to a person who's lost their cool might be? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 What do you think the emotionally mature response to a person who's lost their cool might be? Oh, I get it. You're setting up a *trap* here, right? You're gonna say that my laughing at someone who is *fruity* is not *emotionally mature*, right? This isn't about ME... this is all about the *fruity* one so my response doesn't matter to that person - only to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Why? To feed her ego? To give her some sort of *validation*? Obviously if someone calls you all those names she is wanting to hurt you or why bother saying anything. Why?? How long of a history did you have with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Obviously if someone calls you all those names she is wanting to hurt you or why bother saying anything. Why?? How long of a history did you have with her? ... Oh, just one day... yesterday! ... I'm NOT hurt. THAT'S what's funny... she probably thinks that by calling me names, etc. I'm gonna be *hurt*. All I want to know is why do some people do that... why do they *lash out* with immature crap after they have rejected you? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Oh, I get it. You're setting up a *trap* here, right? You're gonna say that my laughing at someone who is *fruity* is not *emotionally mature*, right? I'm trying to figure out what outcome you'd be looking for in situations where another person is attacking you. Know your desired outcome, then tailor your behaviour in the way that's best likely to achieve that outcome. As to why she behaved in that way....she's the best person to ask. If you really do want to know the answer, and don't ask her in an overly judgemental manner, she might be quite forthcoming. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 I've picked up in a few of your posts, SF, that you tend to react with amusement when other people lose their cool or get angry. Yep, my sister used to do this on purpose. It was passive aggressive on her part (she is the Queen of Passive Aggressivania). Some people just need you to respond to them, in some way. And I guess reacting calmly rather than laughing at them would be designed to reduce the friction while acknowledging the other person's frustration. I mean, when I did my undergrad internship at a forensic mental hospital, we were taught that when people get heated, you make the tone of your voice calm, and soothing, and just acknowledge that you hear what they are saying without actually responding to the content. We were taught this because being inflammatory was potentially life-threatening in THAT environment (what with the severelly mentally ill all over the place). IMO, though, it's better to choose this tactic with everyone. You never know whose crazy nowadays. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 I'm trying to figure out what outcome you'd be looking for in situations where another person is attacking you. Know your desired outcome, then tailor your behaviour in the way that's best likely to achieve that outcome. If someone is *attacking* me then I would either say "hey, you're starring in a one-person show cuz I'm not participating in your *beep*" or "all right, I agree with you about me so go ahead and continue to make an ass out of yourself." Throw in a few s as well for good measure. As to why she behaved in that way....she's the best person to ask. If you really do want to know the answer, and don't ask her in an overly judgemental manner, she might be quite forthcoming. Nah... no need to ask her directly. No need to be a kiss-ass. I've seen this behaviour before in other people. I believe Dr. Burns wrote about it in that "Feeling Good" book so perhaps I will dig through my library and read what he said about it. Something about "rejection is never your fault" and "rejectors basically *care about* you when they *attack* you with *beep*." Something like that anyway. I'll find it and post what he said... Link to post Share on other sites
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