Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Yep, my sister used to do this on purpose. It was passive aggressive on her part (she is the Queen of Passive Aggressivania). Why do you consider it PA? I don't see it that way at all based on the *standard* definition of PA... To me, it's simply not allowing someone who is *pissed* to get a rise out of me when they unload on me. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Why do you consider it PA? I don't see it that way at all based on the *standard* definition of PA... To me, it's simply not allowing someone who is *pissed* to get a rise out of me when they unload on me. But if you're laughing at her, she's getting a rise out of you. Any emotional response whatsoever is a rise. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 I mean, when I did my undergrad internship at a forensic mental hospital, we were taught that when people get heated, you make the tone of your voice calm, and soothing, and just acknowledge that you hear what they are saying without actually responding to the content. We were taught this because being inflammatory was potentially life-threatening in THAT environment (what with the severelly mentally ill all over the place). IMO, though, it's better to choose this tactic with everyone. You never know whose crazy nowadays. Exactly. Being able to manage a potentially violent situation calmly and effectively is a skill that can't be underestimated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 But if you're laughing at her, she's getting a rise out of you. Any emotional response whatsoever is a rise. But not the kind of *rise* she would want. My mother always hated it when I laughed at her or mocked her outbursts. She wanted me to be afraid or cower. By doing that I would have given her some sort of *power* over me. Instead, I chose to not give her that power. The easiest way to *disarm* someone emotionally, IME, is to either laugh at them or just ignore them. Now you're probably gonna ask... why laugh at them? Why not just ignore them? Well... sometimes the antics of those who are *crazy* are hilarious to me personally so my natural reaction is to laugh. It isn't exactly healthy to keep that bottled in, no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Exactly. Being able to manage a potentially violent situation calmly and effectively is a skill that can't be underestimated. ... I'm not talking about some nutcase who's armed with bazookas or anything. I'm talking about *ordinary* folk who act stupidly and shoot their mouths off... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 ... I'm not talking about some nutcase who's armed with bazookas or anything. I'm talking about *ordinary* folk who act stupidly and shoot their mouths off... It's not wise to assume that they are all ordinary folk, SF. At the mental hospital I worked at, the state and federal government almost forced us to release patients before we felt they were ready. I literally run into guys who are SEVERELLY mentally ill on the street, because they are moved from mental hospitals to halfway houses and independent living facilities. You never know how people react when they are aggressive. I've been spit on, beaten, and kicked by people no one would ever think would be violent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 It's not wise to assume that they are all ordinary folk, SF. At the mental hospital I worked at, the state and federal government almost forced us to release patients before we felt they were ready. I literally run into guys who are SEVERELLY mentally ill on the street, because they are moved from mental hospitals to halfway houses and independent living facilities. You never know how people react when they are aggressive. I've been spit on, beaten, and kicked by people no one would ever think would be violent. Well, I don't *run into* people on the street. I don't seek out anyone for anything. I'm talking about family, co-workers, etc. - people that I see on a more-or-less regular basis. When I was younger I got into a fight with another kid. Oh, he wanted to kick my ass so bad so I told him to go for it. He started swinging and I kept ducking and he started getting frustrated and I started laughing at him and he got madder and madder. Too fun. While he was *fruiting* I slowly led him up to a brick wall behind me. I got right up against the wall and I told him to take his best shot. And he did... just like a dumbass. I ducked and BAM! his fist went straight into the brick. Broke all of his knuckles. While he was sobbing I invited him to take another shot at me since he still had the other fist. Hey, I was being generous! He should have been thanking me for that. Well, dummy declined my invite. Too bad... he spoiled part of my fun. Things were just starting to get interesting. A fine example of how acting like an irrational dumbass can lead to serious injury. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 While he was *fruiting* I slowly led him up to a brick wall behind me. I got right up against the wall and I told him to take his best shot. And he did... just like a dumbass. I ducked and BAM! his fist went straight into the brick. Broke all of his knuckles. While he was sobbing I invited him to take another shot at me since he still had the other fist. Hey, I was being generous! He should have been thanking me for that. This story is sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 This story is sad. Yeah, sad for the dummy who wasted all that energy in something that got him a busted fist. The point is that overt physical aggression really is pointless... and it CAN backfire. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Yeah, sad for the dummy who wasted all that energy in something that got him a busted fist. The point is that overt physical aggression really is pointless... and it CAN backfire. I'd speculate that you're prone to aggression yourself, Smoochie - and that that's the reason you get a kick out of watching others behave aggressively. In a sense they're acting out your aggression for you. Maybe I'm wrong, but there's got to be some reason you get the warm fuzzies from watching other people losing their cool and behaving in ways you condemn as being foolish and irrational. That's what this thread's about, right? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 I feel like in some ways you are verbally aggressive - definatley emotionally aggressive. Not as bad a physical aggressive, but just as damaging. When I was growing up I liked it better when my mother actually hit me. It hurt less than when she egged me on like a little child to get a rise out of me. To this day she does that, it's infuriating, but I don't respond with anything but calm acceptance. Now THAT infuriates her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 I'd speculate that you're prone to aggression yourself, Smoochie - and that that's the reason you get a kick out of watching others behave aggressively. In a sense they're acting out your aggression for you. We ALL are, lindya. The difference lies in those who CHOOSE to *act out* and those who choose a wiser path. Sure, I could have responded to his swinging. I could have chosen to tear his *beep* head off but I decided to just let him be the dumbass. Better him than me I say. Maybe I'm wrong, but there's got to be some reason you get the warm fuzzies from watching other people losing their cool and behaving in ways you condemn as being foolish and irrational. That's what this thread's about, right? Because it's FUN. Isn't that the same rationale used by people when it comes to eating, drinking, driving fast, and engaging in *ooh la la*? Well, the thread has changed topic a bit but that's cool cuz I find this *new* topic to be of interest as well. And the more I think about it, the more that the two topics really seem to be interrelated. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 I found this whole thread to be really sad. I think for the first time I really understand what it must be like to be an Aspie. To not have any comprehension of feelings and emotions and to have difficulty functioning in society. I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time with this SF. Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 3 pages devoted to her.................................she obviously got to you. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 I found this whole thread to be really sad. I think for the first time I really understand what it must be like to be an Aspie. To not have any comprehension of feelings and emotions and to have difficulty functioning in society. I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time with this SF. Yes ma'am. I guess it's hard to realize what you're eliciting in other people from how you act towards them when you have asperg. synd. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 3 pages devoted to her.................................she obviously got to you. *chuckling* Questioning an aspect of human behaviour that is seemingly alien to my own does not mean that someone has *gotten* to me... come on, now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 I found this whole thread to be really sad. I think for the first time I really understand what it must be like to be an Aspie. To not have any comprehension of feelings and emotions and to have difficulty functioning in society. I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time with this SF. Well, let's look at it this way. What sort of *feelings* or *emotions* should I have for someone who is acting like a nut? Should I have sympathy for him? Should I feel sorry for him? Should I pat him on the head and tell him to cheer up, the urge for you to *kick my ass* will subside in time? What ever happened to communicating with your mouth? Why is it that people choose to take the *easy* way out and resort to violence? Why do we have dumbasses invading other countries and attempting to impose some bulls*** *social code of conduct* on them if the one already existing in the invaded country is *inappropriate*? How the hell do you define what *inappropriate* is anyway? I dunno... sometimes I sit back and look at all the *problems* in this world and I laugh when so-called *leaders* organise *summits*, *peace talks*, *conferences*, etc. all in the name of *finding solutions* to those problems. I think "Your narrow-mindedness, your greed, your thirst for power and control, your self-serving righteousness, your misbegotten *superiority complexes*, and your utter ignorance and stupidity got you into those traps. And even with that, you so damn blind and clueless that you even resort to blaming some *outside force* such as God or Satan for your woes. You can't even accept responsibility for your own actions and consequences. The solutions you so desperately desire will be eternally elusive as long as you maintain your current way of thinking." So weak and so pathetic and THAT is what drives my contempt. Link to post Share on other sites
grateful Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 I found this whole thread to be really sad. I think for the first time I really understand what it must be like to be an Aspie. To not have any comprehension of feelings and emotions and to have difficulty functioning in society. I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time with this SF. I agree this thread is sad. It seems weird to me that the OP acknowledges that Person A's actions were strange, "fruity," and aggressive without realizing how aggressive and strange his own response was. And the playground story - - SF: laughing at someone hurting themself IS violent and aggressive. Just because you didn't throw a punch doesn't mean you didn't engage in behavior that you claim to abhor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 I agree this thread is sad. It seems weird to me that the OP acknowledges that Person A's actions were strange, "fruity," and aggressive without realizing how aggressive and strange his own response was. And the playground story - - SF: laughing at someone hurting themself IS violent and aggressive. Just because you didn't throw a punch doesn't mean you didn't engage in behavior that you claim to abhor. Well, it was Person B who was the *attacker* but anyway... Sorry, but I don't agree that laughing at someone is violent or aggressive. Wow, is this what we've come to? No one has ever died from being *laughed at* but PLENTY of people have died as a result of physical violence. Think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 What if the *rejectee* has walked away and the *rejector* continues to *rub it in* with more attacks? Why does that happen? They do it in a childish attempt to have the upper hand and/or to feel superior. They are trying to make you look bad, because they think that lowering you will raise them up. I've picked up in a few of your posts, SF, that you tend to react with amusement when other people lose their cool or get angry . . . I suppose in situations like this, you need to ask yourself what outcome you want...then react in the manner most likely to bring about that outcome. I’ve done the same thing SF has done - simply agree with the person who is harassing me. It takes some of the fuel off the flame. It seems that walking away didn’t work and the other person kept harassing, so it wouldn’t matter what SF said or did. A previous friend of mine did this to me. Some people live for drama. Their life is miserable and they are Hell-bent on making everyone else’s life miserable. Because she wanted a different reaction from you than you gave her. She wants you to feel what she's feeling and just walking away won't cut it. Or she thinks you’re hot and she WANTS you. Or she needs a couple Midol. I became a bit lost after page 2. I'm not seeing how agreeing with a name-caller to get her off your back is aggressive. Now, the laughing part? Don't know if it's aggressive, maybe rude, but aggressive? If someone were rude to me, I tried to ignore him/her, and they continued to harass me, I'd laugh. Not necessarily because it's funny ha-ha, but because it's funny that he/she is making as ass out of themselves. But . . . SF, I think I answered your original question in ¶ 1. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 If someone were rude to me, I tried to ignore him/her, and they continued to harass me, I'd laugh. Not necessarily because it's funny ha-ha, but because it's funny that he/she is making as ass out of themselves. But I think that even laughing at them because they are making a fool out of themselves is kind of mean. I get embarassed for those people, more than anything else, but to laugh at them? That's like adding insult to injury. Also, I've made an ass out of myself on more than one occassion. I doubt anyone HASN'T managed to do that. I know how I would feel during and after and it seems cruel. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 But I think that even laughing at them because they are making a fool out of themselves is kind of mean. I get embarassed for those people, more than anything else, but to laugh at them? That's like adding insult to injury. *propping up feet* Well, they brought it upon themselves. Call it a *self-inflicted injury*. If they didn't make a fool out of themselves in the first place then they wouldn't have had anything to *worry* about, right? See... another way for those who are *laughed at* to wriggle their way out of any semblance of responsibility for their actions. THEIR actions! Yeah, that's it. Just call those who laugh at them *mean*. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 They do it in a childish attempt to have the upper hand and/or to feel superior. They are trying to make you look bad, because they think that lowering you will raise them up. I think that may have been what Dr. Burns was saying in his book. OOOOO... now I can't wait to get my hands on it! So it's based in insecurity, perhaps? Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Well, Otter, I don't know how SF handled it, but when I "laugh at someone," it isn't necessarily out loud. It's more of a inner chuckle and IMHO, people who resort to name-calling can't think of a single fact to rely on. (To use my situation as an example), I tried to walk away from a heated situation with my friend and she wouldn't back off. She is an adult woman. I wasn't mean to walk away, because I could have said some hurtful things (but I also know the damage words can do). SHE was being ridiculous to hound me. At that point, her opinion of me being mean (IF I had laughed at her) was irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 IMHO, people who resort to name-calling can't think of a single fact to rely on. Exactamente! This is so correct... I think this should be programmed into everyone's brain. Link to post Share on other sites
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