crzyblndstar Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 A few weeks ago, my son's father put his hands on me. We got into an argument and he threw me across the room a couple of times and then got on top of me and choked me. He finally let me up, after I was convinced that he was going to kill me. I immediately left and I have not been back and I am not going to go back. He has called everyday and apologized and told me he is going to change and everything else abusers say to get their way. I don't believe him and I am already happier with my life, without him. I have put up with emotional and mental abuse for two years and now I can concentrate on me and my son. My life does not have to revolve around him anymore. My question is though, when did abuse become acceptable? Some of our mutual friends have told me that they would like to see us back together. I just dont understand. He almost killed me and they are telling me that they want me to continue to be with him. Why? So he can kill me next time? Obviously these "mutual friends" are better friends to him than me with them telling me this, but I have always grown up knowing that abuse is horrible. If any of my friends or even just acquaintances were being abused I always felt for them because I knew that it was one of the worst things someone could do to the person they are supposed to love. I just am so confused as to why these mutual friends would say this to anyone, let alone a "friend". Is that what they tell their daughters? "Oh honey it is ok. He just beat the s*** out of you, but he wont do it again, he promised". I don't think so. Sorry for the rant, but obviously I am a little irritated. I just want to know when it became acceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 I just want to know when it became acceptable. when it's easier to turn a blind eye to it. Because none of his friends are living the situation, but most likely are just hearing his version of "she left me ... I love her ... I told her I'd change ... she doesn't believe me ... blah blah blah," and they've fallen for it hook, line and sinker. however, what they think isn't important in the greater scheme of things: you understand abuse isn't acceptable behavior, that you and your child shouldn't be subjected to getting/seeing it from your ex. YOU are the one directly in the situation, and are therefore best to judge what you will and will not put up with; not anyone else, even if they are only being well-meaning. Shut them up by telling them, "you know what? When you're ready for me to give directions on how to live your life, start telling me how to live mine. Otherwise, butt out." Then smile nicely and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
inertia_creeps Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Ignore them - who cares what your friends would like to see, the only thing you have to be concerned about is you and your son. You did the right thing there, and personally im quite proud of you for being stong - many others - my mum for one, fell at the first hurdle. You have done the right thing - i had an abusive father, and he has done no end of damage to me through me seeing my mum get bullied, beaten up and seriously attacked. Things like that can stay in childrens heads forever, even if they dont consciously realise it. Abuse is not ok, and its not acceptable Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Yes you did the right thing by leaving and staying gone. If your friends think he is so great let them go live with him. Just wanted to ad something else. I spent years in an abusive marriage. My mother thought I should stay with him because he went to work every day and I had a beautiful home! I tried to leave and never not once did my family ever help me to leave and they could have very easily. Oh I did leave and I never looked back Link to post Share on other sites
Author crzyblndstar Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Thanks for your responses. I know I did the right thing. And to tell you the truth, I dont even miss him. I am the happiest I have been in two years. He keeps telling me that he doesn't understand why I won't give him another chance. I almost want to laugh when he asks me that. It's like "Are you serious?" He really doesn't understand what he has done. Whatever our "friends" say, I am not going to take into consideration. I guess it just hurts a little that they would even imply that I should be with someonelike that. Quankanne - thank you. Your words really made me have a sense of peace about what they said. I spent years in an abusive marriage. My mother thought I should stay with him because he went to work every day and I had a beautiful home! I tried to leave and never not once did my family ever help me to leave and they could have very easily. Oh I did leave and I never looked back Justagirliegirl - I am so sorry to hear that you had no support system I have been very lucky. My family has been very good to me through all of this. In fact I am living with my parents right now, until I can get back on my feet. I truly believe that I would not have been able to do it without them. But good for you for doing it on your own. It shows how strong you are. Again thanks to all for replying. I really appreciate knowing that not everyone has gone crazy believing that abuse is ok. And that we should just live with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Sadly, a lot of people who haven't experienced abuse personally have no clue at all about what it's like - hence the idiotic statements you were subjected to. Forget those folks; they don't know what they're talking about. We can only hope that enough public education efforts will finally get through to people. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted April 2, 2006 Share Posted April 2, 2006 I'd say they're not mutual friends but his friends. Do they have the whole story from your point of view or just his? Seems attempted murder has always been acceptable if it's happening in your own home by the hands of your own spouse as long as it doesn't disturb the neighbors. When you research the history of domestic violence, you'll be thanking God you were able to leave. Many women are told by the church this is their cross to bear (holy BS!) Many are told by Mama the same thing already said earlier. Many didn't have domestic violence shelters to help them when there was no one else. Go, you! Good for you for being able to keep your head about you when it seems all your "friends" have lost theirs. May you be blessed with more real friends who want your safety and security and peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crzyblndstar Posted April 4, 2006 Author Share Posted April 4, 2006 They have not heard the whole story from me. I have just decided that I don't really want to tell them. I don't think at this point that it would really matter. I haven't even talked to any of them since the original post. I have thought a lot about what everyone here has said, and I realized that I don't really need those types of "friends" in my life. I have my truly good friends with me and none of them have ever said anything like what the others said. My real friends have been very supportive of me and have been there for me. I would rather have a few less "friends" than ones that would want me and my son to be in an abusive relationship, just because it is more convenient for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Yeah, you, crzy! :) Link to post Share on other sites
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