gueniverre Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Hi...Thanks for reading me!! I just have a quick question. My BF keeps telling me that I am too skinny and I need to eat more and gain more weight. I am 5'4"and weigh 118, small frame. I thought I was within the normal range but he keeps picking at me, telling me I am too skinny, I need to start eating more, and basically that is pretty much the first thing he says to me, is "what did you eat today" and "you need to eat more". Especially when he hugs me, he brings it up. I thought I was normal? In fact, I think that I could stand to tone up a bit, I am a bit jiggly here and there, but I have never had issues with weight or eating and I have never been on a diet. I am wondering if maybe his diminished attention towards me has something to do with him thinking I am too skinny. I dont think I am too skinny, and I dont look sickly.....so what is up? Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Hi...Thanks for reading me!! I just have a quick question. My BF keeps telling me that I am too skinny and I need to eat more and gain more weight. I am 5'4"and weigh 118, small frame. I thought I was within the normal range but he keeps picking at me, telling me I am too skinny, I need to start eating more, and basically that is pretty much the first thing he says to me, is "what did you eat today" and "you need to eat more". Especially when he hugs me, he brings it up. I thought I was normal? In fact, I think that I could stand to tone up a bit, I am a bit jiggly here and there, but I have never had issues with weight or eating and I have never been on a diet. I am wondering if maybe his diminished attention towards me has something to do with him thinking I am too skinny. I dont think I am too skinny, and I dont look sickly.....so what is up? Sorry, but your BF sounds like a controlling ass. If he can't accept you the way you are and not have to *change* you then he really isn't right for you. He has no business *checking up* on you in that way... well, in ANY way for that matter. Why oh why do some people insist on *changing* their partners? Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 This is always a tough question to answer. IMHO, being asked to gain weight when you have little control over it is the same as being asked to lose weight. My initial response is always to tell him to take a hike but sometimes there's more to the story. Have you discussed with him why this is an issue for him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gueniverre Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Thanks for your feedback! Yes, I did speak with him about this, why he keeps picking at me about it, and he tells me I am too skinny....i really personally cant see it. I dont think others can either. I am not getting it. I spoke with another woman about it not too long ago and she said "he's crazy, you have a very curvy and hourglass figure and I think you are perfect"...(I am not the flat up and down type slender, I am a curvy slender)... Maybe him thinking that I am too skinny is the reason he is disinterested in me..... Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 I agree, this is the same as some guy telling you that you're too fat. If you like the way you look and are healthy, he can either accept the way you are or find someone else. You are fine. He is being a jerk. I would find someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Well, has he alway sbeen like this with you, or just recently? Different men have different preferences, just like women. Some women like skinny dudes, some like littl ebuddha bellies, some like big muscle men, som elike long, rangy types. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Maybe him thinking that I am too skinny is the reason he is disinterested in me..... If you keep thinking this way it will continue to hurt you. If you tell him that when he criticizes you in this way it hurts you and he continues to do it then you need to leave. If you don't leave his criticism will continue to erode your self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gueniverre Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Yes, every once and a while he will get on this "your too skinny" kick with me...He was commenting that I was heavier when he met me, which was true but not that much heavier. but lately it has been worse. Now, if he calls me in the day the very FIRST thing he asks me is "did you eat"? and "what did you eat" and today was no different. I finally asked him if he was unhappy with me and he said no, but you need to eat. Then I asked him if he thought I was too skinny and he said no, but I need to eat..... Maybe he was pretending to care, and thats the only thing he can pretend about... or maybe some other girl has caught his fancy and she is a bit heavier or maybe he is tired with the way i look and wants me to change something, anything.... or maybe he wants me to be fat so no one looks at me or maybe he wants me to get fat so he will have a reason to break up with me. or maybe its all of these things.....i dont know, but it is starting to become worrisome... and he has been disinterested in me lately. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Well, has he alway sbeen like this with you, or just recently? Different men have different preferences, just like women. Some women like skinny dudes, some like littl ebuddha bellies, some like big muscle men, som elike long, rangy types. The point is that if he's not happy with her the way she is he should leave and find someone who is more akin to his taste. He should NEVER try to *change* her though... that is simply wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink_Tulip Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Ya, this isn't about you, its about him. Don't let him hurt your self esteem. How long have you been dating? Maybe he is just one of those guys who prefers bigger girls. If thats the case and you haven't been dating long, I'd suggest ending the relationship unless he can let that go. If you have been together a long time and this is a new thing, talk to him about it. Have you been complaining about your weight at all? I know I did once, and my H took that to mean he needed to constantly tell me how skinny I was, lol. It drove me nuts. Maybe he is trying to compliment you? I know a lot of women would probably enjoy being called 'too thin.' But we can speculate forever and not know why he is saying it, I think you really need to talk to him. And him simply saying, 'b/c you are too skinny,' is not an answer. Is he concerned about your health? Is it a physical preference? Is he saying it b/c he thinks you want to hear it? Thats what you need to get to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gueniverre Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 We have been together for around 2 years or so, and no, I have never commented that I was fat, because I am not. A time or two awhile ago in the past, I said i was a little jiggly but that was 8 months ago and I never mentioned it again. I dont think it is a physical preference with him, it never seemed to be in the past. Unless someone else caught his fancy and she is a bit heavier, i dont know...... but it is disturbing me, he seems way too preoccupied on this. Maybe he is trying to fatten me up... a lot of people have told him from time to time that I have a great body, i wonder if he might be a bit insecure?? Summer is coming and it is swimsuit season again.....I dont know! His 2 cousins are coming back into town and they will be staying with us, and they are a bit questionable.... I dont know, I cant see why he wants to change me when he comments from time to time on my "beautiful body" (his words, not mine) I just think I am normal and average. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Well by his questions it seems more likely he's worried you have some disorder than that he doesn't like your body. Why do you think he's so convinced that you don't eat properly? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gueniverre Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Thanks magda, thats a new perspective that I hadnt thought of..... I have no idea.....He doesnt get to see me eat because we are on different schedules, but he always asks me what i ate, when, how...damn....maybe its because he doesnt ever get to see me eat except for the weekends, he assumes that i never eat....maybe he is worried about me....hmmm thanks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 What does he think you are, anorexic or something? That would drive me NUTS if I were you. Start using humour...Everytime he asks did you eat? What did you eat? Say, "s***. And it was tastey!" Or "Poison on toast. Want some?" He'll get the idea even more that you're not impressed with him... Maybe HE has an obsession with food. I mean, DOES he eat? Alot, a little? Does he weigh himself daily? What's his weight/size? Seems he's either mirroring what's going on inside HIM, or he prefers women with more meat on them, and he's trying to fatten you up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gueniverre Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 Say, "s***. And it was tastey!" Or "Poison on toast. Want some?" :lmao: oh my gawd that was so funny!!! I think I will do just that!!! :lmao: No, he doesnt seem to have a weight issue, he is a big eater, but he is tall, and is not in the least bit fat. or even chunky. He is pretty trim. Last nite when he came home he was trying to stuff food down my throat and I told him I already ate, he says he doesnt believe me.... Link to post Share on other sites
sophia34 Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Last nite when he came home he was trying to stuff food down my throat and I told him I already ate, he says he doesnt believe me.... One answer to this seems to be simple: Don't eat before he comes home. Eat in front of him every chance you have. Save your meals so that you can eat with him, so he can see that you actually do eat. If you're deliberately not eating in front of him for some reason, then he probably has a reason to be worried! I'm not saying that you should change your habits just to please him, BUT if you're interested in whether he's just worried about your eating habits or whether he's using this as an excuse for other things he's unhappy about, this seems a simple enough solution. Eat in front of him every chance you can. After that, if he's still obsessing about it, you'll know there's something else going on that has little to do with your eating habits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gueniverre Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 Okay, sophia34 had really good advice....so that is what I have been doing.....waiting until he comes home to eat, even though eating that late is not really good. But here is my problem.....he tries to *FEED* me...shoveling forkfuls of food in my mouth. We share a plate, and it is heaped with more than enough for the both of us, but I can feed myself, you know? I will be in the middle of chewing one forkful and he is already trying to shove another one in my mouth. When I tell him to stop, that I can feed myself, he gets angry and says that its late, he is tired and doesnt have time and to hurry up and eat it.... Because I feel so pressured, I eat it. Then it is straight on to the sweet stuff. Last night it was double fudge chocolate cake with big gobs of chocolate and caramel frosting and lots of double fudge ice cream....which he kept cramming in my mouth, big globs of frosting with ice cream until I finally told him I was full. He still kept insisting, but I just got up and walked away. I had enough. I asked him again if he thought I was too skinny, truthfully, and he said yes..I said, do I look sickly skinny? and he said yes. I asked him if other people thought I was too skinny and he said yes. I asked a woman if she thought I was TOO skinny and if I looked sickly and she looked at me as if I had 2 heads.....she said "definately not" and "not even close".....and told me if I did, she woudl be the first to tell me....what is going on??? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 You are about the exact same height and weight I am. That is not skinny! Hell in the summer I may lose 5 lbs from just playing outside. At one point I did weigh 105.....that was a little too skinny..... just work and daily activity drops the weight, not a eating disorder. My H actually used to sort of do the same to me "you got to eat" "did you eat?" Well when it is 99 degrees outside and you have work to do you don't feel like eating. I had to tell him to shut the hell up. He was doing it more out of concern for my health not to fatten me up for his own desires. He eats like a horse, so I guess he expected me to do so. You need to really put your foot down on this behavior of his. You need to ask him why he is doing this. You do not have to change your eating habits to make him feel better. If you have had enough, you have had enough. Feeding you globs of sugar is not in the best interest in your health! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Feeding you globs of sugar is not in the best interest in your health! i totally agree. what is THAT about? is he trying to make you throw up? no, don't do THAT, then he'll think you have an eating disorder. i don't know what is with him. maybe his last GF was bulimic or anorexic...who knows? but, like you and a4a, i am about the same height and weight. and i lose in summer from gardening and outdoor stuff and can totally relate to not being hungry when it's hot out. i gain a little in winter from lack of exercise, but i don't have different sized clothes. the only thing is they fit tighter or looser, depending. maybe he is just impressed with your metabolism? i have a friendship with a married couple and they are always trying to feed me. it drives me crazy. you should definitely try to find out what his "deal" is though. you are not the abnormal one here, IMO Link to post Share on other sites
Author gueniverre Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 Okay, worry about my weight,but dont tell me I look sickly, because it simply is not true... I am not skinny...I really am not. I am pretty meaty for my frame, I just appear small because I am too short and small boned and I dont have big boobies...and when I wear a large shirt I get swallowed up in it...which I rarely do because of that reason. another thing is that I look really young for my age, and people always get the impression that I am a little girl.I have always hated that, and that I never get taken seriously on first impression no matter how mature my personality is. I just cant figure out why this is happening with him. any clues? a4a and amaysngrace you said that you were close to my height and weight...what are your h, age and w? His other women were normal, like me.....not getting it....what could it be? OKay, EVERYONE agrees that what he is telling me is DEFINATELY not normal, correct or no? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 I just cant figure out why this is happening with him. any clues? a4a and amaysngrace you said that you were close to my height and weight...what are your h, age and w? His other women were normal, like me.....not getting it....what could it be? OKay, EVERYONE agrees that what he is telling me is DEFINATELY not normal, correct or no? A4A is 5'5, 36, last I weighed myself I was at 118 but that can vary of course. I do have a larger chest and curves too. You need to ask him WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME????? It is not normal to force feed a grown woman by hand. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Okay, worry about my weight,but dont tell me I look sickly, because it simply is not true... I am not skinny...I really am not. I am pretty meaty for my frame, I just appear small because I am too short and small boned and I dont have big boobies...and when I wear a large shirt I get swallowed up in it...which I rarely do because of that reason. another thing is that I look really young for my age, and people always get the impression that I am a little girl.I have always hated that, and that I never get taken seriously on first impression no matter how mature my personality is. I just cant figure out why this is happening with him. any clues? a4a and amaysngrace you said that you were close to my height and weight...what are your h, age and w? His other women were normal, like me.....not getting it....what could it be? OKay, EVERYONE agrees that what he is telling me is DEFINATELY not normal, correct or no? (edit) I dunno, 5'4 isn't tiny to me. Just on the borderline of petite. Otherwise, I'm a midget. This cannot happen. No!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author gueniverre Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 Yes...b_o I am NOT tiny, not in the least!! I dont know why I am percieved as such except that I look young for my age, like a little girl.... argggg it is just driving me crazy...unless he is looking for excuse to break it off with me, and figures if I get to be a porker, he will then have an excuse to cheat on me like all of his other friends do because their wives are really heavy...... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Just a quick question - you weren't a premie, were you? Premature babies tend to look younger as they grow up... Link to post Share on other sites
Author gueniverre Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 I dont think so....I think I heard it said I was 5 pounds and 2 ounces, thats normal, right?? Either way, this looking young thing really makes me feel insecure, and immature, because my face definately doesnt match my age.. But maybe he is looking for an excuse to cheat... I have the same body type as that girl in your pic, but with more meat from behind...thats not skinny, right? Link to post Share on other sites
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