Pyro Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Well RIDDLER, life in general is pretty ridiculous....would not you agree? There are parts of life that are just plain ridiculous but a relationship is not. If you believe that, then you will never have any type of serious relationship. I am different than that. I actually respect women and I treat them as an equal. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I am different than that. I actually respect women and I treat them as an equal. when any man says this, to me it is a big red flag. This is typical "nice guy" rhetoric... Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 when any man says this, to me it is a big red flag. This is typical "nice guy" rhetoric... I was a "nice guy" about 5 years ago. I have invested alot of time in relationships. I have analyzed my relationships after they have ended, I have read countless books. I know the difference between nice, balanced, and just plain a**h***. It is possible to have an equal relationship without having to dominate, treat the other like garbage and still have a backbone. It doesn't seem common but it is out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 Actually RIDDLER, the BS games do have a point, and that point is to keep the other party interested in you. All relationships must be managed on a day-to-day basis and sometimes you cannot be nice. That's life, accept it. Relationships are like a dance. When one person stops dancing and moves away, it becomes a chase. Nobody wants to be chased. That said, I think waiting three months would make it moot point. If you can wait three months to reply to an ex, you are well over them and probably no longer interested in a reconcilliation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 I am aware that Caliguy wasn't referring to every breakup and to the relationships where it is feasible. But it seems funny that no one has answer my basic question as to why you want to break NC? I keep reading the same line in different variations that not every relationship breakup is different. Mind you if you read my post I too make a distinction from te breakups where it's amiable from the one where it's not mutual and more emotionally charged. Still WHY would you want to break it? NC is usually done in a relationship that's the latter situation. SO what do you gain by breaking NC (Again even if it's the ex that initiates it?) Because you are not initiating the contact, they are. To me, breaking NC is the initiation of contact with the ex. If you are not initiating the contact (ie: calling or emailing them first) you are not technically breaking it. You are responding. However, as I have clearly stated: If you are OVER the ex and don't want them back, then do not respond, period. Continue to move on with your life. I do think that some people can change though and not every situation calls for complete NC. Here's where I think the original question is a bit of a crock. I am sure that when you meet your next major love of your life maintaining LC goes out the window! I mean is anyone really still interested in contacting their ex, when the person of their dreams appears in their life who inspires awesome love in you...I wanna know are you still interested in maintaining that LC with the ex that dumped and/or hurt you? Hmmmm? Some people CAN be friends with an ex after moving on and dating someone new. I am still friends with a few ex's but I would never go back to them. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Some people CAN be friends with an ex after moving on and dating someone new. I am still friends with a few ex's but I would never go back to them. There is only one valid reason to stay friends with an ex...and that one reason is if you have children together. Period, no exceptions. Think of your ex as a nice, juicy, and sweet canteloupe....once you're done eating the insides you throw away the outside. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Relationships are like a dance. When one person stops dancing and moves away, it becomes a chase. Nobody wants to be chased. That said, I think waiting three months would make it moot point. If you can wait three months to reply to an ex, you are well over them and probably no longer interested in a reconcilliation. You're relationship with your ex is OVER Cali.. No dancing necesary.. She is getting boned by another guy.. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 You're relationship with your ex is OVER Cali.. No dancing necesary.. She is getting boned by another guy.. many men, I have found, have a really hard time accepting the fact that its over. that she's with someone else. that she does not love you anymore. f*** her! she's just another fish in the sea. Grab your pole and hit the fishing pier... Link to post Share on other sites
cal gal Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 There is only one valid reason to stay friends with an ex...and that one reason is if you have children together. Period, no exceptions. Think of your ex as a nice, juicy, and sweet canteloupe....once you're done eating the insides you throw away the outside. I agree with the reason to keep in touch if you have children... however at this point I would not classify my perspective of him as a FRIEND!!! More of a stranger, a man I never knew - who could do this to me and should do this to me, so the less communication - the better! My teenaged boys have a cell phone, and that is the means of communication with their Dad. Unless we have business transactions to accomplish, I really don't care to correspond with this a**h*** that never appreciated how awesome his superior life was... I feel relieve to be out from under his thumb! Posted by Art Critic : You're relationship with your ex is OVER Cali.. No dancing necesary.. She is getting boned by another guy.. He's is still completely taken by her AC! Cali Guy is not even close to being over his ex or he wouldn't have the need to still talk about it 24/7! CG - I am over someone treating me like $hit after 20 years of marriage - and you need to continue to talk about it more than me after only a few years of dating her? Oh yah, by the way, I had the most incredible sex with him too, but that doesn't mean I want to be treated like a piece of meat!!!! Get over it already, honey! Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 You're relationship with your ex is OVER Cali.. No dancing necesary.. She is getting boned by another guy.. you know, maybe its NOT. After all, there's been a LOT going on behind the scenes that we only find out about later. I hope that Cali is not getting dragged back into that mess. regards Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Because you are not initiating the contact, they are. To me, breaking NC is the initiation of contact with the ex. If you are not initiating the contact (ie: calling or emailing them first) you are not technically breaking it. You are responding. However, as I have clearly stated: If you are OVER the ex and don't want them back, then do not respond, period. Continue to move on with your life. I do think that some people can change though and not every situation calls for complete NC. Some people CAN be friends with an ex after moving on and dating someone new. I am still friends with a few ex's but I would never go back to them. I think that for the most part being friends with the ex is not a good idea and does not work, IMHO. I agree. If you are not interested at all, then don't respond, but if there are factors to consider, then take a little time to think about things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 You're relationship with your ex is OVER Cali.. No dancing necesary.. She is getting boned by another guy.. Art, you've said this several times now. I heard you the first time. Did you hear me when I said "This isn't about me and my ex, but was brought up by someone else's situation?" If you heard that, then please stop referring to me and my ex, because that is NOT what brought me to write this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 you know, maybe its NOT. After all, there's been a LOT going on behind the scenes that we only find out about later. I hope that Cali is not getting dragged back into that mess. regards I'm not at all and again, the thread wasn't started in regards to me but another's situation. Riddler, I agree with you some people just can't stay friends with an ex. I have when it ended amicably and I had no feelings for them anymore. But, it's not like we talk often anyway Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Cali, if you don't mind, when was the last time you heard from your ex? And did you respond? regards Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 Cali, if you don't mind, when was the last time you heard from your ex? And did you respond? regards A couple weeks ago when she told me about her bonus and yes I did, but because it was work related I simply congratulated her. I did not leave an opening for a reply from her. Since she cc'd her HR manager and it is a client of mine, I felt it would not be professional of me to ignore it. Besides, it leaves me a reason to contact the client for more business Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Some people CAN be friends with an ex after moving on and dating someone new. I am still friends with a few ex's but I would never go back to them. ..Alright, are you friends with your more recent ex. What are you doing to work on rebuilding the relationship as friends. I mean why wait months from now. Why practice NC with her now, afterall she doesn't seem to mind hearing from you. She seems like a person in maintaining your friendship via her having no qualms at communicating with you. Why do you need a time limit about when to break NC? If you two are on good terms and are civil skip the NC and behave as a friend and put the past behind you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 ..Alright, are you friends with your more recent ex. What are you doing to work on rebuilding the relationship as friends. I mean why wait months from now. Why practice NC with her now, afterall she doesn't seem to mind hearing from you. She seems like a person in maintaining your friendship via her having no qualms at communicating with you. Why do you need a time limit about when to break NC? If you two are on good terms and are civil skip the NC and behave as a friend and put the past behind you. I do not believe I can be friends with my current ex because I am still in love with her. To that degree, I personally have kept the communication to LC and so has she. It's been all on the professional level. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I do not believe I can be friends with my current ex because I am still in love with her. . and exactly why would you want to still be "friends" even if you weren't in love with her? Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Seriously, I don't understand what's so hard about this. No contact is NO contact. What are all of these rules about? If there is any form of communication between two parties then NC is not in play. I don't understand why people have such a hard time with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Seriously, I don't understand what's so hard about this. No contact is NO contact. What are all of these rules about? If there is any form of communication between two parties then NC is not in play. I don't understand why people have such a hard time with this. I agree, but put this scenario into play. You and your S.O. break up for mutual reasons. 4 months go by and you are completely over the ex. they call you out of the blue and they have the intentions of just wanting to be friends. If you were to feel the same way, then there shouldn't be a problem with communicating with the person. I know that this isn't the case for everyone, but for those that it does apply to. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 and exactly why would you want to still be "friends" even if you weren't in love with her? Hey wait a minute alphamale that was my question, oh about ten posts ago..and I still haven't gotten a logical answer, ergo that's why I rephrase my recent question as asked why not be friends now...And NOW you, alphamale) hit the hammer on the nail...why do you want (Caliguy) would you still want to be friends if you don't want to practice that friendship now. Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 think of the "rules" as boundaries...boundaries are there to be STRETCHED. Seriously, I don't understand what's so hard about this. No contact is NO contact. What are all of these rules about? If there is any form of communication between two parties then NC is not in play. I don't understand why people have such a hard time with this. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I agree, but put this scenario into play. You and your S.O. break up for mutual reasons. 4 months go by and you are completely over the ex. they call you out of the blue and they have the intentions of just wanting to be friends. If you were to feel the same way, then there shouldn't be a problem with communicating with the person. I know that this isn't the case for everyone, but for those that it does apply to. Personally, I wouldn't do the friends thing but I believe there are people who can.I don't really think that too many people are truly capable of it if there were ever emotions invested in the relationship. I think that NC is for healing (not for getting your ex back as some people on LS seem to think). If your healing is done then NC isn't even an entity anymore, it's natural and it's over. Once the recovery is done then go ahead and communicate with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
cal gal Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 think of the "rules" as boundaries...boundaries are there to be STRETCHED. That's funny! Yep - like making up your own rukles as you go along... according to the circumstances.... hmmmm wonder why? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Personally, I wouldn't do the friends thing but I believe there are people who can.I don't really think that too many people are truly capable of it if there were ever emotions invested in the relationship. I think that NC is for healing (not for getting your ex back as some people on LS seem to think). If your healing is done then NC isn't even an entity anymore, it's natural and it's over. Once the recovery is done then go ahead and communicate with your ex. I believe that this is the first time that we have agreed in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
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