SmoochieFace Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I'm redefining NC. It actually stands for No Choice. Why else would you cut someone you care about out of your life? Because we have stopped caring. Hey, when a woman leaves me I stop caring. Why would I care for someone who screwed me over? Well... the answer is I wouldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 You didn't answer the question, Alpha. Did you not go back to someone who kicked you in the balls? I believe you did. no, I have never done that. I've never gone back to a woman who broke up with me. I have gone back to women I broke up with... Link to post Share on other sites
TravelLight Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Because we have stopped caring. Hey, when a woman leaves me I stop caring. Why would I care for someone who screwed me over? Well... the answer is I wouldn't. Sounds like hard faced bitterness to me. If you just stopped caring about someone it didn't mean s**t to you anyway. What's the point in that kind of relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Amen, TravelLight! Almost all the people I know who I feel truly and deeply loved a SO in their life, even if they broke up for whatever reason, I have seen reconcile, if only for friendship, even as they moved on in their lives to new loves. And they always seem happy about it. The end of true love should eventually be mutual respectful affection, if from a distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 no, I have never done that. I've never gone back to a woman who broke up with me. I have gone back to women I broke up with... What's the difference? If you broke up with her because she treated you like crap and you go back to her, isn't that basically the same thing? Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Sounds like hard faced bitterness to me. If you just stopped caring about someone it didn't mean s**t to you anyway. I emphatically disagree. I stopped caring AFTER she left - not before. It meant *beep* to me while we were together however when she left it stopped meaning *beep*. I choose to look forward and not look back. Why is that so difficult to comprehend? And this ISN'T about *bitterness*... for the zillionth time! Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 The end of true love should eventually be mutual respectful affection, if from a distance. No. The end is the end. Time for a new beginning... with someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
TravelLight Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I emphatically disagree. I stopped caring AFTER she left - not before. It meant *beep* to me while we were together however when she left it stopped meaning *beep*. I choose to look forward and not look back. Why is that so difficult to comprehend? And this ISN'T about *bitterness*... for the zillionth time! I cannot understand how you were able to turn you feelings off like a switch. You may be proactively trying to move on but I do not beleive your feelings disappeared. You must have suppressed them. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I cannot understand how you were able to turn you feelings off like a switch. You may be proactively trying to move on but I do not beleive your feelings disappeared. You must have suppressed them. It's called moving on for those of you that don't understand the concept.. Living in the past or living for a past relationship isn't worth it.. You have to show self respect for yourself and move on Staying in contact with your ex while your hurting and healing prolongs the pain.. No it doesn't make it better.. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I cannot understand how you were able to turn you feelings off like a switch. Are you a man? Men do have the ability to do that... especially if they got screwed over. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 It's called moving on for those of you that don't understand the concept.. Living in the past or living for a past relationship isn't worth it.. You have to show self respect for yourself and move on Staying in contact with your ex while your hurting and healing prolongs the pain.. No it doesn't make it better.. Absolutely. Link to post Share on other sites
TravelLight Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 It's called moving on for those of you that don't understand the concept.. Living in the past or living for a past relationship isn't worth it.. You have to show self respect for yourself and move on Staying in contact with your ex while your hurting andd healing prolongs the pain.. No it doesn't make it better.. Understand the concept. But suppressing feelings isn't moving on. I don't think so. Resolving the relationship is what is needed. That MAY require some contact with the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Resolving the relationship is what is needed. That MAY require some contact with the ex. No it doesn't... Closure is a concept that your create inside yourself. Another person CANNOT give YOU closure.. Only you can give yourself closure.. Take some responsibility for your own emotional well being and don't place that responsiblity on your ex.. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Understand the concept. But suppressing feelings isn't moving on. I don't think so. Resolving the relationship is what is needed. That MAY require some contact with the ex. The feelings aren't *suppressed*. They are simply gone. Gone. I do not consider *resolving* any relationship that has failed so there is no need for any contact with the X. One failure is enough. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 No it doesn't... Closure is a concept that your create inside yourself. Another person CANNOT give YOU closure.. Only you can give yourself closure.. Take some responsibility for your own emotional well being and don't place that responsiblity on your ex.. Another good post, AC. This point about *closure* was something I learned very early on. It is a VERY difficult lesson to learn but it had to be learned in order for me to be able to move on with zero regrets and doubts. Only YOU have the power to achieve closure and it is a necessity in order to be fully healed. You are ready for another relationship only if you are fully healed from your past one. This is why NC is so important... without it, you'll never completely heal. Never. Link to post Share on other sites
TravelLight Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 No it doesn't... Closure is a concept that your create inside yourself. Another person CANNOT give YOU closure.. Only you can give yourself closure.. Take some responsibility for your own emotional well being and don't place that responsiblity on your ex.. I agree that closure is a state you personally have to reach. The journey though it debatable. People in cases who have lost loved ones through tragedy have no choice. It's different when the other person is walking around. Also, this concept that you should always have total control over your own happiness is cold. You enter into a relationship because you make each other happy. Suddenly taking that away from someone deserves some explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Also, this concept that you should always have total control over your own happiness is cold. You enter into a relationship because you make each other happy. Suddenly taking that away from someone deserves some explanation. Would you mind explaining this in more detail please? Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
TravelLight Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 The feelings aren't *suppressed*. They are simply gone. Gone. I do not consider *resolving* any relationship that has failed so there is no need for any contact with the X. One failure is enough. Well we will have to disagree. You were dumped, immediately accepted it and completely and immediately lost all feelings. Seems far fetched. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Well we will have to disagree. You were dumped, immediately accepted it and completely and immediately lost all feelings. Seems far fetched. I agree - we will just have to agree to disagree here. It's all good though. It may be *far-fetched* to YOU but not necessarily to EVERYONE. THAT is what I and others are saying. Link to post Share on other sites
TravelLight Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Would you mind explaining this in more detail please? Thank you. When a relationship has reached a certain level and lives have become involved to such a degree I beleive you do have some responsibility over the other and their feelings. That is what a loving and caring relationship is all about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 I also think the dumper doesn't get away scott free. If they loved you at all they will still have some feelings for you, even if it's not at the level you want it to be at. Either way, this thread is taking on an interesting twist. Keep it coming. I've got the popcorn popping Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 When a relationship has reached a certain level and lives have become involved to such a degree I beleive you do have some responsibility over the other and their feelings. That is what a loving and caring relationship is all about. NO, NO, NO. You only have responsibility for your OWN feelings - not those of your partner. You cannot assume responsibility for another person's actions and feelings... uh-uh. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I also think the dumper doesn't get away scott free. If they loved you at all they will still have some feelings for you, even if it's not at the level you want it to be at. Either way, this thread is taking on an interesting twist. Keep it coming. I've got the popcorn popping I find it humerous when people get upset on here because others don't share the same opinion as them. Part of being mature is being able to accept other peoples opinions without the name calling or insults. Link to post Share on other sites
TravelLight Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I agree - we will just have to agree to disagree here. It's all good though. It may be *far-fetched* to YOU but not necessarily to EVERYONE. THAT is what I and others are saying. Sure. But how do you just cut off? Was it proactive or did it just happen? Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Keep it coming. I've got the popcorn popping ... Sometimes the dumper IS a cold and callous bytch... I've had a couple of those. You can't assume that they will always have any *warm fuzzies* for you after they have screwed you over. But even MORE importantly, for me at least, I don't CARE whether they have any of those *fuzzies*. You leave me, you screw me over, you're OUT! Case closed. Link to post Share on other sites
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