too unreal Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 *SOB* *SOB *SOB*.... :( I honestly do not know what to do now..... I am about fed up and tired of this nonsense. I have posted this issue before, I have tried talking to him about it, and the exact thing I thought would happen did happen...... He heard my problem, became vigilant about it for a week, and now yet again, here I am with this great yawning gap and tons of excuses. (I am talking about the sex issue, or lack there of) Headache man, remember him? He always has a headache or he is too tired.... I tried backing off, for weeks I didnt even let on when I was upset, needing it, angry at him (as one poster said, its about acceptance) I was and have been very light and casual...Havent been harping on him about anything, just calming my nerves and focusing inward.... The one thing I didnt want to do was turn this issue into another one of those issues that get talked about, changed for a week and then discarded again until I harped on him about it, and he changes and then it becomes a vicious cycle.... BUT it looks like its going to happen anyway... I AM SO FRUSTRATED I FEEL LIKE RIPPING MY HAIR OUT.... Why is this happening to me???!!! I am slowly dying inside, turning into a withered shell. I am actually crying right now, as I write this, because I am so frustrated.... and it looks like I am about to get my monthly soon so there is YET AGAIN another excuse.... Thing is, I am not an overly sexual person AT ALL.. But I do expect to be touched once and a while.....Not nagging someone into having sex with me, cripes, I feel like some weird perverted guy at a bar pushing his date to screw him in a car....its creepy.... I am not used to this and I am scared about our future together.....whats going on? any advice? Oh yes, and he says he loves me, wants me always, wants a future, the same standard crap....a thought occured to me after i read another posters post....is he using me to be the GF and someone else to be the sex buddy??! Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 I dont know who you are or where you are ... but you just got inside my head. My guy is like that too except its not a headache...hes too tired unless of course I'm giving him head. I caught mine cheating several times:mad: .. is your bf cheating:mad: ? What you have wrote is why I chose my name...I cant understand what is so wrong with me that he doesn't want to have sex and why he keeps cheating:( . I really cant give you any good advice cause I dont know what to do myself. But maybe it will help knowing its not you.... its me too!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author too unreal Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Oh thank god someone is out there!! Thank you for responding, I thought I was going to flood the keyboard with snot and tears.... So you said that you caught your BF cheating? How? I have yet to catch mine, just alot of suspicious circumstances, that of course, dont add up to much without solid proof.... Look, its not about the sex.....its about the connection, feeling wanted, and desired and like a sensual human being....when that goes, you start to question yourself as a woman, it makes you feel strange, hurt, unwanted and empty. You think, why bother pretty much all the time. You turn into this weird asexual being that feels like some used up withered hag even though you are only in your 20's........You start to wonder if maybe that self confidence that had built up over the years before you met him was really just false self confidence, you feel like crying when someone, anyone pays you a compliment....... bottom line, you feel uglier than ugly. Its one thing when a guy gets rejected for sex because its common place and at times they even expect it. Its quite another for a woman to get rejected.........it makes you want to not even look in the mirror.... Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 its about the connection, feeling wanted, and desired and like a sensual human being I know and it feels like crap when your not wanted. I dont even have any mirrors in my house except for the bathroom. As for your guy cheating...if you feel it in your gut...you need to check. I went for years just suspecting...he called my kids by the wrong name...after I really started checking (bills, following him) I found out not only was he seeing one other person but many one of which was my sister...Now you got me crying. This was 3 years ago and it still feels like it is right now. I really dont know what to say...if you dont have children try to get away from this guy. Most likely he wont make you feel any better. I'm not the best person to say leave though cause I left mine and came back to be rejected even more. Link to post Share on other sites
sandra Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 You know what, maybe it's not you. There may be something wrong with him. Maybe something is bothering him or it could be alot of other things you'll drive you're self crazy wondering about. I think you should sit him down and ask him seriously (like you mean business) what the f***k his problem is. If he thought you were ugly, he wouldn't be with you in the first place. I know this is a cold thing to say but he could be cheating on you. So, when you talk to him, if he gives you the usual I've been tired or have had headaches.... or whatever, tell him if he doesn't pull his act together you're movin' on and won't take this any longer. I think that if men beileve that love them unconditionally, and that you'll always be there no matter what they tend to take advantage of that. My boyfriend did take me forgranted until I broke up with him and wouldn't take his calls for a week. It kinda freaked him out, so maybe you need to draw the line some where. Nobody deserves to feel the way he's been making you feel. Life is way to short... Good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
onlyhuman Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Before you do anything rule out any physical problems. Have him go to a urologist,get the blood work(testosterone levels checked), does he have prostrate problems? Does he sleep?There is a lot of help for this.If your guy loves you he will do this right away. Is he depressed? Only a trained physician can rule out the physical, then seek a phsycologist. Just so you know I had extreme sleep apnea that was giving me grief.Lack of sleep can manifest several ugly things and one major one is sex drive. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 uhm, sorry for being blunt, but are you overweight? Link to post Share on other sites
Author too unreal Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 NO...Good question, but I am NOT overweight at all. believe me when I say this, IT IS NOT MEDICAL PROBLEMS. Trust me....I will get to the "whys" in a minute..... And I have done the whole "i mean business" talk with him.....Like I said before, I have exhausted every possible option as far as this is concerned. I didnt want it to turn into one of those issues that is changed for a week and back to the same old crap, but apparently IT HAS....And I cant f-ing believe I am made to feel like some predator praying on my BF...... I have tried ignoring, withdrawing, long talks, short talks, reminders, taking initiative, hints, relaxing, massages, quality time, you name it..... The messed up thing about this whole situation is I get propositioned almost DAILY on the streets, at work, at the store, whatever, by guys that seem genuinely (or not so genuinely) interested. I have gotten straight sex proposals, date proposals, marriage (!!!) proposals for gods sake and have turned every single one of these opportunities down...... Back to why I dont think it is a "mnedical" reason..... Of course I got my monthly last nite and what do you think he wanted? SEX. AFTER he saw the pads in the trash, and the bag of them out in the bathroom. I never told him I had monthly, and he never asked, but I know for sure he knew. And he never announced he wanted sex, he was giving me all the signs for it, but of course I withdrew, because its a little too late for that, and it is awfully coincidental that he wants it now that nothing can be done about it. so it looks like its going to be a full other week of no sex. By my calculations, we have sex about 4 times a month now. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 By my calculations, we have sex about 4 times a month now. hey you beat me on this one, if it's any consolation at all The messed up thing about this whole situation is I get propositioned almost DAILY on the streets, at work, at the store, whatever, by guys that seem genuinely (or not so genuinely) interested. I have gotten straight sex proposals, date proposals, marriage (!!!) proposals for gods sake and have turned every single one of these opportunities down...... oooh... <EB sits up straight all of a sudden> ... freakin' smokes... i think yer a hottie!! D'ya mind if I proposition you :lmao: Seriously, wtf is wrong with him. Someone needs to shake him up a little. The sad truth, though, is that some men are like this. It ain't none of yer fault. Some men will find that their woman have lost their appeal after they've slept with them. Personally I think it's a personality flaw. If it's so, then I suggest you don't put all your eggs in one basket. Link to post Share on other sites
Author too unreal Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 oooh... <EB sits up straight all of a sudden> ... freakin' smokes... i think yer a hottie!! D'ya mind if I proposition you ha ha ha! Too cute!! It isnt only guys out in the world, now its guys on LS too!! ha ha ha Seriously, to tell the truth, alot of men hit on me, but I guess that just comes with being a girl......every woman gets hit on I guess....but the point is that I have to be at least a little easy on the eyes, why cant he see this? Cant he feel how starved I am? (no, i guess not, I am not that obvious) and to let you guys in on a little secret....even his cousins have hit on me, one even got in a fight with me and asked if I was in love with him, to give him a chance, we would work out good, his other cousins and friends have tried things on me and because I didnt want to make a big scene and be the drama girlfriend that breaks all the friends up, I shut my mouth, because my man would definately start an altercation, because he has a couple of times in the past when he sees things with his own two eyes..... I just dont get it......I dont know if I can live with 4 times a month? Is there EVER a good reason to lack of sex? Is it ever a positive reason??!! Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 NO, NO ,NO and NO...have you ever noticed women dont complain about lack of sex very often? usually men are always saying "she doesn't want to have sex." Link to post Share on other sites
Author too unreal Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 NO, NO ,NO and NO...have you ever noticed women dont complain about lack of sex very often? usually men are always saying "she doesn't want to have sex." EXACTLY.......It is VERY rare that a woman complains UNLESS she is a nympho or her SO is cheating.....Unless other women are experiencing these problems and have survived the relationship to tell about it.... Thats what makes it even more humiliating......that its more commonly a man problem......*sob*sob*sob* Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I'm sorry for bringin it up ! It just sucks that we cant talk about it w/o someone thinkink we're sluts!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author too unreal Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 Right....When a man brings up the problem of lack of sex, others either nod head in agreeance, or slap him on the back and tell him to get used to it. Its commonplace. When a woman brings it up there is a thunderous silence, followed by lewd comments and dirty looks sprinkled with "whats wrong with her, she must have a disease or maybe she is really loose and bad in bed"...... OR "What a whore, she is probably screwing the whole neighborhood and that is why he doesnt want to have sex with her, poor guy, lets hate her" So, there must be ONE option I havent exhausted.....tell me what you did to make it stop? Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 vibrators...no really I still am not over it, I just try to deal with it and ignore it. Believe it or not after reading your post I got soooo depressed. and of course I didn't get any last night either. Matter of fact he rolled over so he didn't have to touch me! Basically I started reading here it makes me forget about him/it for a while. Some peoples stories are just off the wall. Link to post Share on other sites
Author too unreal Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 How long has it been for you? Was it a gradual change or was it one day all of a sudden? was there little things that led up to it, sexual changes, and then one day nothing?? Tell me about it, I was so depressed from writing about it that I couldnt stop crying the whole way home from work...then this weird numbness set in and I felt a little better. Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I actually "force" him to acknowledge I'm there. I dont want to be graphic but I wake it/him up in the middle of the night and climb up on top. Whats he gonna do? in all reality thats when hes most affectionet...when he doesn't know whats going on. In my situation I belive he wasn't attracted to me, he wass bored w/ me it happened gradulaly until he was screwing around. I quit trying to look "pretty" for him I worked my butt off for him like I thought a wife should. Basically I let myself go in order to make his life better. These days though he probley really is tired cause I work him to death (and follow/check up on him) to make sure hes not cheating. I'll tell you what... if you can feel sorta "numb" it makes your days much better. as a matter of fact that was my 1st question here ...how to become numb!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author too unreal Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 also, I was wondering if once it is gotten to this point, is it pretty much downhill from there, or does it ever get better? Is there ever a weird 2 or 3 month slump and then things get back to normal or is it just doomed?? Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I really couldn't tell you my situation is really screwed up... for me I'm doomed, has anything happened in your relationship that would make it be a slump? I hate to say this cause its a bunch of **** but after we split a lady I know told me a guy really doesn't want a wife/gf that waits on him hand and foot he wants a trophy. I quit being a trophy for him did you? I also got marraige proposals and stuff like that cause I would tend to make myself up when going in public but at home I wore sweats and my hair in a ponytail cause I was cleaning and takin care of kids... can you imagine cooking in highheels? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Right....When a man brings up the problem of lack of sex, others either nod head in agreeance, or slap him on the back and tell him to get used to it. Its commonplace. When a woman brings it up there is a thunderous silence, followed by lewd comments and dirty looks sprinkled with "whats wrong with her, she must have a disease or maybe she is really loose and bad in bed"...... OR "What a whore, she is probably screwing the whole neighborhood and that is why he doesnt want to have sex with her, poor guy, lets hate her" So, there must be ONE option I havent exhausted.....tell me what you did to make it stop? ___________________________________________________________ you are sooo right!! i too am in this position. i dont understand it at all. its not about the sex either(although sometime i just really need it),but its mostly about feeling wanted and feeling connected to each other sharing one of the most special things. im very confused at hwy this is happening to me. its so FRUSTRATING i go to bed crying at times and i have asked him if its because he has lost physical attraction to me and he says "no of course not, but at first when we were together we both didnt work as much but now we are workin all the time. I;m just tired and i have school too"... and blah blah that whole spill. i can understand being tired but all the time? its just doesnt seem right. and its like he will make the moves but he wont do anything!! it makes me wonder if he is getting it elsewhere and its really hurting my confidence and trust as well. he has cheated on me before, but just for your peace of mind, when he was cheating on me was the time when we were having sex almost every day so us women cant really base how much sex we get on whether or not our men are cheating or not. that makes me feel a little better but i mean,when im at work, he has school, when i get off work hes at work. i cant help but think in his free time in the mornings he is with someone else cuz i just really dont understand, theres no way he can go from wanting to do it like 3 or more times a week to hardly doing at all. i just dont beleive that is in a mans nature. but i dont know. us girls are both stuck in a bad position. i get offers all the time to but i dont want those people. i want relations with the man i love or else it just doesnt satisfy me. i have talked to him about it but it doesnt really change. but i feel like i cant continue with this relationship if its gonna be like this! he talks about how he wants a future with me and all that, but i just dont know if i can handle this the rest of my life. maybe i sound horrible and i dont wanna sound like i sex addict or anything, but the way things are goin right now is ridiculous. i dont know what to do!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author too unreal Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 I guess, after some consideration to your question, I did kind of stop being a "trophy"...though I am more than sure that is how it started out.....all of his friends and family couldnt believe he "bagged" me...(their words) and I guess, after the newness wore off, he changed a little..... I would always look my best, but I have gotten so beat up emotionally that now it is hard to wear anything but my comfortable clothes, and a ponytail. I dont have kids with him, so its not like our attention is focused elsewhere. The weird part about this whole thing is that he still tries to cuddle, and kiss and hug but I just shove him away. I am so fed up with the situation and aggravated and I dont need to be placated with a friggen hug or a cuddle. It is almost like in place of sex is cuddling and hugging....whereas before it was just sex with minimal hugging, kissing or cuddling..... He tells me he loves me so much, says he will be with me forever, says I am his world, and tells me these things often. Talks of marrying me, and having a family. What do you think??? Link to post Share on other sites
yawhatever Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I can't say I had this problem, maybe he isn't attracted to you like that? Try smelling / looking good and wearing something sexy ? Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Honestly I dont know....I would wait awhile before getting married see if it changes any. I wish I could go back and change some things but where I'm at I dont feel like I can. I dont know if you should do this because it could back fire but distancing yourself from him some? Guys always seem to want you after you dont want them anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Author too unreal Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 Try smelling / looking good and wearing something sexy ? Been there, done that. says he is still attracted to me. just tired. Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 as for the kissing, cuddling stuff, have you ever seen a kid w/ a security blanket? it looks like crap....and they dont do anything with it...except miss it when its gone! sorry for a long time I felt like a chair...really not cared about but noticed a whole lot when its missing! Link to post Share on other sites
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