prrthd1 Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Over the past 2-3 years I have become friends with "Matt." Until about a year and a half ago we just hung out occasionally and there wasn't much more to it than that. Then, his mom passed away and we started becoming closer. We began talking on the phone or seeing each other almost daily. To make a long story short, we've had a few spats (nothing serious) and went through phases where we didn't talk much, but we always make up. Needless to say, I have fallen in love with him. I never could muster the strength to tell him, but I assumed he felt the same way. We hang out all the time, we call each other, and I thought he was flirting with me. Even more than all that, we have talked about how close we've gotten and how comfortable we are with each other. We had sort of talked about whether we were more than friends before. He told me that he thought of what it would be like to be married to me and I told him that I thought about us being more than friends quite a bit. He even said that one time he wondered what I'd say if he just came over and asked me to run off and get married. Other things were said, but after this converstaion I assumed that we both were feeling something. Well, this past weekend I started feeling like I couldn't hide my feelings any more. We had been together constantly for the past 2 or 3 weeks and it was getting harder for me to leave him every time. As soon as I told him I had feelings for him he flipped out and said we couldn't hang out any more because it would make him uncomfortable. He said even though I understood that we weren't dating, I had let it go too far in my head. He told me it wasn't me, that he just didn't want to date at all. He hasn't dated any one in over 10 years and he said he feels like he is done with that part of his life. I, of course, asked him if he was homosexual or he thought I was too young for him (I'm 22, he's 38). He said it wasn't any of those things, that he just doesn't want to be involved with anyone because it makes you open to getting hurt. He even said he was almost 100% sure that I would never hurt him, but that I am human and it's possible. Now, I have no idea what to do! Not only have I lost my best friend, but the man I've wanted for almost 2 years. What makes the situation so hard is that he lives across the street from me and is friends with my brother. My mom and my friends keep telling me that he is just scared because he is falling too. I want that to be true, but why would he say all those things to me before about having feelings, etc. and now says that stuff is not true? He keeps bringing it up to my brother and asking if I'm still crying. He said he couldn't believe someone would cry over him, but he is just going to forget the whole mess. If he is not worried about it, then why does he keep bringing it up? Is he scared or is he trying to tell me that he finds me disgusting? Please give me some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 So you're in love with a genius huh? Sounds like it. You know the real problem with guarding yourself so you won't be vulnerable to getting hurt by someone is you hurt yourself in a far worse way. I doubt he's disgusted with you- It seriously looks like he has strong feelings for you maybe even love as well but he's so scared of being vulnerable he's letting fear stop him from having something good in his life. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through what you may need to do is just move on- Maybe he loves you but what's that to say he's going to ever let himself show it? or accept it? You're 22 doll and someone is bound to come along in your life who light you on fire again one day and he won't let fear stop him from giving you the love you deserve Link to post Share on other sites
Author prrthd1 Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 I know I will have to move on if he doesn't want to be with me. What bothers me is that it seems as though it means nothing to him that I was there for him when he needed me and that we had such a great friendship. I understand if he doesn't want more, but I thought he would still want to be friends. My brother keeps telling me stuff that he said - like I just had a little crush and I'll get over it in a few days. We've both been in love before, so I think I know the difference between a crush and something more. Sure, I'm not crying as much as I did the first day or two, but I still can't imagine never talking to him again. Even worse, I am forced to see him from a distance all the time. He has pulled crap before saying he wasn't coming around any more, etc. (not necessarily b/c of me), but he always comes around again in a few days. Usually when he does that he brings all my stuff back, though - this time he didn't. I guess if I knew for sure that he was just scared I'd be able to handle it better. Right now it just feels like major rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author prrthd1 Posted March 18, 2006 Author Share Posted March 18, 2006 Bump up - I would really love to hear from you guys. This is the first weekend in months we haven't done anything and it's killing me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author prrthd1 Posted March 19, 2006 Author Share Posted March 19, 2006 Hey guys, I keep thinking about all this stuff and it just leaves my mind wondering even more. Does it say anything that he hasn't brought my movies, cd's, etc. back? Also, any time he has gotten upset before, he has brought back everything i've ever bought or gave him - which he hasn't done this time. We also have a joint gym membership which comes out of my bank account and he hasn't tried to switch that over yet. Maybe he's just waiting to give all that to my brother, but I just get the feeling that he doesn't want all this to end either, he's just scared of feeling something for me or anybody. It's now been a week and he hasn't been over or called, which I thought he would have by now. I saw him out moping around the yard yesterday and couldn't help but think he was just doing that hoping that I would come out too. PLEASE let me know how you guys see it! I could be just telling myself that to keep hope alive. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Life is too precious to be any further occupied with thoughts of this man who CLEARLY wants to be left alone right now, As hard as it is , the best thing you can do for YOU is to give him space. He has stated he is fearing feelings. Its FEAR.. True fear of getting hurt. Its his issue . He OWNS it. He will do whats right for him. He likes you. He is scared far more than you know. He may come around but PLEASE dont waste another minute waiting. Get out and start seeing other people , making friends, dating , whatever. Even if he does come back, how long until he freaks and runs again? Maybe he will see the light someday but until he does get on with your life. Move forward Link to post Share on other sites
Author prrthd1 Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 Yeah, I know most people will say I need to move on, but that is easier said than done. Its hard when somebody leans on you and opens up to you, forcing you to make room in your heart for them - and then decides all that is nothing because it COULD lead to more and there COULD be hurt down the road. Truthfully, he hasn't confirmed or denied that he has feelings for me, but I thought I was feeling something from him. Link to post Share on other sites
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